


A Class Act

by Slothquisitor



Series: A Class Act [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, complicated family dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:04:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 143,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6834565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slothquisitor/pseuds/Slothquisitor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mara Lavellan is an English teacher that is new to Skyhold High School. Skyhold is an under performing school that is in danger of being privatized and Mara is there to help. Everyone at the school is welcoming, everyone except a certain history teacher named Cullen Rutherford.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Mara Lavellan readjusted her shirt for the umpteenth time as her shoes clacked loudly with each step as she entered Skyhold High School. Her body was a bundle of nerves, hands shaking, she could already feel herself sweating nervously. It wasn’t even 8 a.m. 

It was her first day on the job at the new school. She shouldn’t be so nervous. It was going to be a day full of faculty meetings and prepping for her classes. She’d already met the administration, it was just the teachers she needed to meet. 

_ Relax, they’ll know if you’re all keyed up _ , she chided herself as she pulled the heavy metal door open. 

Skyhold was an older school, thirty years ago it was the newest in the area. But the district had run out of money initially and cut corners to bring down costs. The school had suffered ever since. The brick was a faded yellow brown and several letters in the lit sign didn’t work. It looked like decay and too many years of trying to get by on far too little, but it didn’t much matter to Mara. She’d worked at schools in worse shape; she was here because Skyhold was in trouble. 

“Ah, there you are! Welcome!” Josephine greeted her. Josephine was assistant principal. She was kind and diplomatic, would probably have made a good ambassador in another life. Her clothing was expensive, clearly tailored. Why she’d chosen to be an administrator was lost on Mara. 

“It’s good to see you again,” Mara smiled. 

Josephine started leading her through the school, “We’ve gathered everyone in the cafeteria.” The hallways were mostly brick and white wall, the floor polished to a shine that would no doubt be ruined the second students came in the first day. But right now, despite its age, the school seemed pristine. 

“Lovely,” Mara said, taking a deep breath to steady herself. 

“Don’t be nervous, everyone is so excited to meet you,” Josephine smiled reassuringly as she held the door open to the cafeteria area. 

Mara nodded slightly in response as she walked into the room. She was met with a cacophony of voices and laughter. Chairs had been arranged in a haphazard circle, some people were sitting and some were standing all were engaged in conversation of some sort with each other. She gripped the strap of the bag slung on her shoulder to hide the shaking of her hands. 

The room grew steadily quieter as the occupants became aware of her presence. Josephine seemed to be waiting for just the right moment, when almost everyone’s eyes were on her already. 

“Staff, I’d like to introduce Mara Lavellan, our newest English teacher,” Josephine smiled, “Let’s all gather around so she can introduce herself more properly and meet all of you!”

There was a murmur of greeting from the group as those left standing took their seats. Josephine led Mara to a pair of chairs and she followed her in sitting. She slipped the bag from her shoulder and smoothed her pencil skirt across her legs. 

Leliana, the principal of the school, sat on the other side of the circle, “Why don’t you start Mara?”

Mara nodded, unsure where around the circle to look, “I’m Mara. I taught most recently in Wycome, where I was in charge of English and also their state testing specialist. I’m really excited to be here in Ferelden.” She waved a little lamely at the end. 

Leliana spoke next, “We’re very lucky to have her join us for this school year. Everyone else, to keep this short, name and subject.” She gestured to the dwarf sitting next to her. 

“Oh me? Alright, Varric Tethras, English and creative writing,” Varric laughed, leaning back in his chair, his shirt was unbuttoned at least one button more than was truly appropriate, but he didn’t seem to mind.  

“Solas, drama,” an elf to his left spoke smiling kindly at her.  

A large qunari man was next, “The Iron Bull, P.E.”

“Dorian Pavus, at your service. Science.” He had dark hair and a mustache, and his accent...possibly Tevinter?

“It’s good innit. Sera, art,” a blonde elf laughed, crossing her legs which were sheathed in yellow and black plaid weave leggings. 

“I’m Dagna, math,” a peppy brunette dwarf waved.

“Blackwall, woods,” said a dark man with a full beard. 

“I’m Cole, I’m a counselor,” Cole was small and blonde, couldn’t have been more than twenty-two, and he had huge blue eyes.  

A woman with devastating cheekbones looked a little annoyed at all the introductions, “Cassandra Pentaghast, history and religious studies.”

The man next to her barely looked up from his tablet. His blonde hair was combed back from his face, glasses framed his face. He wore a tailored shirt, a tie was loosely tied around his neck. He sounded bored, “Cullen Rutherford, history.”

“Thank you everyone,” Leliana said, “There’s plenty of time for more introductions later. Let’s get started.”

Skyhold High was in trouble, had been for years. Most of the staff was new within the last year or two, the hail mary pass to try to keep the floundering school afloat. Poor academic performance was to blame, and though they’d made great strides in the last year, the other school across town was still outperforming. The district was giving them one last year to prove their school could match or they were going to let a private company purchase the school and privatize it. That was why Mara was here. She’d worked at several other failing schools and had been able to help them dig out of the holes they were in. Skyhold wouldn’t be much different, and in another year she’d most likely be off to another school. They still had a few days before the official start of school, Mara’s presentation was the next day. Her plan for how they would dig their school out of the mess mismanagement and poor teaching had got them in. Josephine and Leliana had worked hard to weed out the underperforming teachers before she arrived, so this school would likely be a success. 

The meeting was the usual, review of school policies, test scores, goals for the new year. Mara silently watched her colleagues around her, taking mental notes. She was a watcher, liked to assess situations before she jumped in. That’d been why she had requested to do her presentation on the second day rather than the first. 

The meeting adjourned a few hours after it had begun, Leliana excusing them to go to their classrooms and work. Most of the teachers didn’t immediately leave the room.

“Welcome to Skyhold,” Dorian appeared at her side with a flourish, “It’s wonderful to have you.”

He at least seemed sincerely happy she was there. She took his outstretched hand, “It’s lovely to meet you.”

“Of course it is. So I understand you have grand plans to single-handedly save the school?” He asked. 

Mara laughed, “Not single-handedly no. But I’ve helped many schools in similar situations.”

“That’s what Leliana said,” the qunari joined their conversation. 

“I’m confident we’ll be able to keep the school open for many years to come,” she tried to sound reassuring and not nervous. She’d never been really great at smalltalk. 

“Well if you need anything, you let us know,” Iron Bull offered, “Right, Kadan?”

Dorian looked affectionately up at the much bigger and taller man, “Of course.”

The two took their leave from her.

“They’re gross, yeah? All that lovey dovey stuff.”

Mara turned to the source of the voice and found herself face to face with the blonde elf, Sera. She shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s nice.”

Sera stuck out her tongue, “It’s gross. You’re an elf, but you’re not very elfy, yeah?”

“Elfy?” Mara asked. 

“Oh you know, all that preserve tradition blah blah blah. Who cares?” Sera rolled her eyes. 

Mara understood, “Can’t say I consider myself very ‘elfy’ then. Are you?”

Sera laughed like it was the most hilarious thing she’d ever heard. When she stopped guffawing she said simply, “No I’m just people.” Then she walked off. 

She wandered over to Josephine, feeling a little out of place. Josephine was talking with Leliana and Cassandra in serious tones. When she joined the group Josephine glanced at her watch. 

“We’ve got a meeting with Madame De Fer from the district office. I’m sure you’d like to see your classroom though, yes?” Josephine asked, ever concerned. 

“If you could just tell me where that is, I’ll let you get to your meeting,” Mara insisted. 

Josephine’s face lit up, “I’ll have someone take you there!”

“Alright,” Mara agreed. 

“Cullen!” Josephine called as the tall blonde haired man was almost out the door. 

He turned, expectant. 

“Can you show Mara to her classroom? It’s right across the hall from yours,” Josephine beamed. 

Cullen nodded, looking a little annoyed. Mara quickly walked over to him giving Josephine a small wave of thanks. 

“This way,” he said gruffly and she followed him. 

“So….how long have you been teaching?” She glanced over to him as they walked. 

“This is my fifth year,” he replied. He looked older, early thirties, if this was just his fifth year he’d probably taken a while to come to the profession. There was a air in the way he walked, something that seemed familiar but she couldn’t quite place. 

“All here?” She asked. 

“Yes, Cassandra and I started here at the same time,” Cullen said without looking at her. 

They fell into silence as they walked, Mara was unsure what else to say and it seemed that Cullen was content with the silence. He wasn’t terribly friendly and she wondered why that was. 

He stopped before a wooden door, the name Ms. Lavellan was across the plaque above the small window in the door. There was a bit of a thrill at the officialness of the gleaming plaque. 

“Here we are,” he said, as he began walking to his room, directly across the hall. 

Mara winced as she tried the door. Locked. 

“Sorry, they haven’t given me keys yet,” she said quietly. 

He turned back, keys in hand and unlocked the door wordlessly. She was sure she saw the hint of annoyance in his golden eyes. 

“Thank you,” she said as he turned back to his classroom. 

“Anytime,” he said without looking back. 

She flipped on the lights and her heart sank. The room was dismal, blank brown brick walls, brown and yellow cabinets, and a dirty whiteboard. She took a deep breath before walking over to the teacher desk and computer in the corner of the room. She turned the computer on and decided to use the time it took to boot to take stock of her room, and see what she could do to make it a little less like a dungeon. 

***

Mara was only about half way through her never-ending list of copies she needed made before school started when the door to the teacher work room opened. It was Cullen, coffee in hand with a stack of originals to rival hers. He seemed to take a deep breath before walking to the other machine that wasn’t in use. 

She smiled in greeting and turned her attention back to her machine, willing it to copy faster. The silence in the room was punctuated only by the machines spitting out copies at intervals. She leaned against the counter and pulled out her phone, trying to find something within her apps that might be able to keep her mind from fretting about the very attractive man in the room with her that obviously didn’t care for her. 

He seemed to just run into her and she wondered what about their very limited encounters had made him upset. 

Suddenly her machine stopped and made a loud whining noise that had her panicking. Of course, this would happen. She set her phone down and walked over to look at the display, it flashed angry and frantically “Paper Jam”. 

“We usually try to avoid using this machine,” Cullen appeared at her side, voice a bored drawl. 

“Really?” she turned to him. 

He pointed to the sign above the machine, “This machine’s name is Bob Marley because it always be jammin’.” There was a picture of Bob Marley above the text. She hadn’t even noticed it. 

“Oh,” she said. 

Cullen already had the machine open and was turning several complicated gears and opening doors she didn’t even realize existed until he found the problem. He pulled a very bunched up piece of paper out of the lowest door and handed it to her. 

He closed the machine back up, hit the green button and it began whirring along like it was before. She walked over to the recycling bucket and dropped the paper in. 

“Thank you,” she said. 

Cullen nodded and walked back over to his machine. She looked back at her phone, but decided since he’d helped her she might as well try to make conversation. 

“So you teach history?” she asked cheerfully. 

Mara could see Cullen stiffen a little, even with his back towards her, “Yes.”

She bit her lip but continued, “We could collaborate, match up when I teach certain authors with where you’re at in history.”

He turned towards her, hand in his pocket, “I suppose we could.” His golden eyes looked at her carefully, as if he was sizing her up. 

“Alright then, I think that would be great,” Mara smiled, unsure what to say next. They fell into silence again and Mara wracked her brain for something to say. 

When the door to the workroom opened and Varric appeared she wanted to kiss him even though she hardly knew the man. 

“Hey Curly,” he looked to Cullen before tossing a nod her way, “Newbie.” She looked at Cullen trying to figure out why Varric called him ‘Curly’.

She tried to smile in a friendly way, but it may have come out more as a grimace. Varric seemed to pick up on the awkward tension in the room. 

“So, Wycome, huh?” Varric turned towards her. 

“Yes, it’s where I grew up,” she responded. 

Varric nodded, “I’m from Kirkwall myself. But Wycome is lovely in the spring.”

“It really is,” she said, “Kirkwall on the other hand.”

Varric laughed, “Hey, don’t pick on Kirkwall. It’s really not that bad.” He nudged Cullen, “Is it, Curly?”

Cullen shrugged, “While I was there, Qunari occupied and then attacked the city, the viscount’s murder caused political unrest, there was rioting in the streets, Anders blew up the Chantry, and the Knight-Commander went mad. Other than that, it was fine.”

It was so deadpanned that she wasn’t sure if she should laugh or not. Varric doubled over in laughter, wheezing. 

Mara made eye contact with Cullen, there was something about him, in his reserved nature that had her wondering. He seemed to take special interest in her lack of finding humor in his words, and she wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. 

He gathered his copies, “The machine is yours, Varric.” He gave them both a slight nod and left the room. 

Mara let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. Varric chuckled from his place across the room, “So, I see you’ve met Curly.”

She looked down to her hands, “Yeah. I don’t think he likes me much.”

“Nah, that’s just Curly. I promise he loosens up a little when you get to know him,” Varric said reassuringly. 

She sighed, “This is the worst part of the job, is getting to know a whole new set of people.”

“I felt the same way when I moved here from Kirkwall, but I sort of knew Cassandra and Cullen. Met Leliana in passing once too. It does take some adjusting, but everyone is really nice,” Varric promised. 

“Thanks,” she said. 

“Don’t worry about Curly, he’ll come around,” Varric winked. 

She tried to swallow the concern bubbling in her chest. She’d been disliked by colleagues before, but usually there was some rhyme or reason to it. She wasn’t sure what it was about Cullen’s cold demeanor that bothered her so much. She hoped Varric was right. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meetings continue at Skyhold as well as the first day of school.

Cullen sipped at his coffee as he walked down the hallway to the cafeteria. He’d been at the school for a long while before the meeting was actually set to begin. He had worked in his classroom, setting up lesson plans, revising his syllabus, and creating assignments. He liked to be at there in the early morning hours, when the school was quiet. Some thought it creepy, being alone in the dark, empty school, but he found comfort in the familiarity. 

Skyhold had been his second home these last five years. He hadn’t ever pictured himself as a teacher, and found himself a little surprised how much he loved it. Cullen was a planner, liked to anticipate what would happen next. His lessons were planned at least a week in advance, copies already made, he liked the predictability of it all. It was a welcome change from what his life had been before. 

Cullen tried not to think too much on the before. He’d carefully separated each piece of his life against the before and the after in an effort to move beyond it all. He was good with routine, his life had never been better. He came to school at about seven every day and left around four, in the evenings he would work out and then make dinner and then he would read or catch up on the few shows he bothered to follow. Monotony was good, monotony meant that nothing bad would happen. Never again. 

His footsteps echoed in the empty hallway, he checked his watch, he was still early for the meeting. He  opened the cafeteria door to find he was not the first to arrive. Leliana and Josephine were talking with Vivienne, and Mara stood on the outer edge of the group arms crossed. 

“Darling, I’ve done all that I can. The school board is chomping at the bit to shut you down. And with that company making offers. This was the best I could do,” Vivienne said. 

“So what now? Instead of having a year to show them we can match up before they change their minds, we now have to change minds that are already made up?” Leliana said, voice seething. 

“Yes, my dear, that is exactly what we must do,” Vivienne said reassuringly. 

Josephine sighed, “Nothing has changed in what we’re trying to do. It’s just a little more difficult.” 

Mara finally spoke, he noticed she tended to watch and observe before joining in, “What made them want to make an offer now?”

Vivienne turned to her, “I’m not sure. But I convinced the board it was ludicrous to try to sell the school this close to the beginning of the school year. They’ll give you the year, but that’s all I could do.”

“Alright, then,” Mara said, seemingly unfazed by the change of events. 

Vivienne noticed him then, “Ah, Cullen, welcome.”

“Vivienne,” he said as he sat down. 

“I have another meeting to get to, good luck my dears,” Vivienne said before leaving the room. 

Leliana came to sit by him as Mara and Josephine continued to speak in hushed voices. Leliana sighed, “It never seems to end.”

“We will figure it out,” Cullen said, “We’re making progress.”

“It never seems like it’s enough,” Leliana said woefully. Cassandra entered through the cafeteria doors with Dorian and Bull trailing behind, catching just the end of what Leliana had said. 

Cassandra sat down next to them, “Have faith.” 

“Faith is not always enough,” Leliana replied. 

“We made great strides last year and we will continue to,” Cullen tried to sound reassuring. 

While they had been conversing the rest of the staff had come in. He noticed Mara at the front of the room kept playing with the sleeves of her blouse. She was dressed in a light floral blouse and that was tucked into a pair of belted trousers. She kept glancing at the clock every few moments and sipping from her water bottle. 

He wasn’t sure what it was in her that drew his attention. She was pretty enough, but it wasn’t just that. She wasn’t what he’d expected. She was put together sure, but she was also nervous and awkward and he found her impossibly charming for that. 

He thought back to the day before with a little bit of embarrassment. He seemed to keep running into her, and each time he found himself speechless and unsure. He hoped she hadn’t noticed. 

The meeting began and with it Mara’s presentation. At first her voice was a little shaky, nerves leaking into it. However, as she continued she settled in. She was clever and funny, and her ideas were good. She talked about the other school’s she’d helped, but not in a condescending way. It was obvious from the way she spoke about them that she had cared a lot about those schools and their success.  

“We’re going to bring in a specialist on multicultural education, diversity is an asset to our school and we need to do a better job of understanding the cultures our students come from. Leliana says you’ve been making shifts in how you teach English Language Learners, that’s good but it’s not enough. We need to acknowledge their native language and create something called ‘third space’ that will help them within our classrooms. Our specialist will help with that,” Mara explained. 

She continued, “We need to make sure our high expectations for students are clear. Academics come first. That’s why we’re implementing a study hall and hiring more student support staff. You’ll find the amended bell schedule on the blue paper in your packet. It’ll fall right after first hour. The students in your study hall are assigned to you, and you’re responsible for checking their grades and encouraging them to go see the teachers in classes that they’re struggling with to get help. You’ll have study hall passes you can hand out to students throughout the day that need to come see you as well.”

“So we’re changing the school schedule now? A day before school begins?” Blackwall asked, arms crossed.

“All the classes are five minutes shorter than they used to be!” Dagna exclaimed and the whole staff seemed to be up in arms. 

Mara took a deep breath, glancing around the room and he could tell she was trying to read the situation, “The time loss isn’t ideal, but this study hall will actually be really helpful. You’ve got a time set aside during the day to help your kids. One of your students absent and miss a test? They can make it up during study hall. A student not understanding the material? They can come in and get extra help.” 

Josephine chimed in,“Aside from just study hall, we can run for-credit courses during that time for the high achieving students. So if you’ve been wanting to teach something that we don’t offer, this is your chance.”

Mara nodded, “Absolutely.”

Cullen looked up from the notepad he was taking notes on, the room was filled with a quiet murmur, a lot of changes were coming. It made him a little uncomfortable to think of what he might need to change, and he could see a few of his colleagues looked a little exasperated as well. 

Mara sighed, hands resting on her hips, “Last thing, then we’re done here. Vivienne, the district Curriculum Director, is doing all she can, but we shouldn’t rely on the school district for funding. We need to seek private funding that will make it much harder for them to just agree to sell us off. If we can be financially stable in addition to closing the achievement gap they can’t close us down.”

“Wait, is the district refusing us funds?” Dorian asked, leaning forward for a response. 

Josephine took over then, “No, but they got an offer on the building if the school is in fact shut down.”

“Oh, so they’re just going to let us try all year and then shut us down?” Dorian spat. 

Leliana stood, the first comment she’d made all meeting, “No. We’re not going to let that happen. We’re going to do our best as your administrators to track down funding. Schools don’t make money, that’s not how they run but if we can not need as much to run, it makes the offer look less appealing.”

“And how exactly do you propose we get this private funding? Are we going to hold cans on corners begging for money? Bake sales perhaps?” Solas asked. 

“Any ideas you have will be useful to us, but the burden of actually obtaining the funding will be on us as the administration,” Josephine promised. 

“We won’t leave you begging for money on the side of the street as you so eloquently put it,” Leliana said, eyes sharp. 

Mara shifted uncomfortably at the front of the room. Their eyes met and when her gaze didn’t immediately move away his stayed for a moment. She held his gaze until he looked away, she looked like she was trying to read him and he wondered what she saw.

Mara spoke again, “I know that all of this is asking a lot of you all, but we need every single one of you on board if we’re going to make this work. This entire situation isn’t ideal and we know that, but if we don’t succeed the consequences are huge.”

He could feel the tension rolling off of his colleagues in waves. They weren’t used to having someone come into their school and tell them how things were going to be run. Leliana and Josephine kept glancing at each other as they answered questions, and Mara stayed back trying not to make the resistance worse. 

After several questions posed by members of the staff Cassandra spoke, a note of finality to her tone, “Mara has more experience with this that we do, I for one am perfectly happy to follow what she says. The ideas are sound, if we aren’t on the same page the students will suffer.”

A mumble of agreement met Cassandra’s words, if not a somewhat reluctant one. Mara didn’t seem like she particularly liked coming here and telling them what to do, she stood apart from Josephine and Leliana as if trying to make the distinction between herself and the administration clear. 

Despite the discomfort he felt at the changes, they needed to do something as a staff to turn things around. When the meeting came to an end there was an air of hope around the whole room. Perhaps they could do this.

***

Mara’s room was full of students, too many students. Names she didn’t know, names she did. But beyond that she knew many of them were not hers. They needed to leave, and oh how she tried. She tried to get them to leave. She wasn’t one to yell at students, but they wouldn’t listen. They stared at her and continued to ignore her. The dream shifted, and suddenly her room was empty and she stood at the front of the classroom as students filtered in. But she was unprepared, no copies, no lesson plans. 

She awoke in the stillness of the morning light with a gasp. She rubbed her eyes and looked at her alarm clock, willing there to be more time before she needed to wake but there was only about ten more minutes to her alarm. She buried her head in the pillows and groaned. She’d slept terribly, and no matter how excitedly anxious she was for the first day of school she wanted to sleep more. 

She forced herself up and turned off the alarm before it could sound and flicked on the light. Her bedroom was a still a bit of a mess. She’d set up her bed and dresser in the exact same position they had been in her last apartment, it somehow made the new place feel more familiar. And while they looked right, boxes still lined one of the walls. A reminder that she still wasn’t quite moved in. There were things she hadn’t quite managed to get unpacked. Most the necessities were unpacked, but it was little things like a certain blouse or a book that weren’t that kept frustrating her and sent her digging. 

Moving to the outskirts of Denerim had been a bit of a last minute decision. She had bounced around from school to school for the last four years, and she was fine with that she supposed. And here she was, new school, new place, again. She’d be lying if she said it wasn’t a little tiring, but she pressed on despite it. 

She stumbled tiredly into the kitchen and started her coffee brewing, then wandered to the bathroom to shower. Showered, with some coffee in her and eating breakfast, she felt almost human in the early morning light. It came in light blue through the blinds, casting weird shadows around her empty apartment. A few boxes still stood in each room, the reminder that this wasn’t really home yet. The white, blank walls mocked her. She resolved to get a few more boxes unpacked that night, to make this place home for however long she’d be staying. 

She tossed back the last few dregs of coffee as she glanced at the clock and proceeded to get ready. She’d be there well before contractual time, but it was the first day and there was always work to be done.

When she arrived at the school she could see the light on in Cullen’s classroom as she walked inside. She glanced at her phone, she was at the school twenty minutes before contract time, but he had obviously arrived much earlier. 

It annoyed her for some reason she couldn’t quite place. She was finding herself annoyed with him quite often, actually. Yesterday during her presentation, he had sat looking mostly uninterested. She noticed he took notes, which was promising, but the few times she made eye contact with him he held it like it was some sort of challenge. She wanted to punch him in his attractively scarred mouth. 

She unlocked her classroom door, glancing over to his room across the hall, he was working at his computer, back to her. She thought perhaps she should make an effort to be friendlier, to say hi, but he probably wouldn’t notice anyway. She propped her door open and went inside. 

She’d added a few decorations, posters and the like, but it still looked unbearably empty and the lack of windows made it worse. She took time to place syllabi on each one of the desks she’d organized into tables the day before. She wrote her name on the board and went to her computer. She turned on some music and hoped her nerves would calm a little. It didn’t matter how many times she did this, the first day of school was still stressful. 

The bell rang too soon and students came in looking around and chatting with their friends. She greeted them all with a smile and when the second bell rang she began. 

“Hello, I’m Ms. Lavellan.”

***

The whole lunch time debacle was supposed to be over by the time you reached adulthood. There wasn’t supposed to be this much anxiety combined with the simple act of eating lunch. But Mara stood alone in her classroom unsure what to do now that she’d reached lunch. Did the teacher’s eat in the faculty room, or another teacher’s classroom? Did they not eat together at all?

The last two days she hadn’t had to worry about it since the food had been catered the first day and the second the PTA took care of it. They’d eaten all together in the cafeteria and it was easy. Mara stood behind her desk and was a little bit lost. 

_ Relax, you’re an adult, you can figure out lunch _ , she convinced herself. Luckily at that same moment Dorian entered her room. 

“Ah, there you are. I was hoping I would catch you before you ran off somewhere,” Dorian smiled. 

Mara nodded, “What did you need?”

“Well, I wondered if you’d like to join us for lunch. Us bottom-dwellers eat in my classroom,” Dorian said. 

“That’d be wonderful,” she replied, trying and probably failing not to sound too relieved. 

She followed Dorian out of her classroom, lunch and water bottle in hand, “I’m not sure why my classroom became the meeting place, but it has been for the last few years.”

“How long have you been teaching here?” she asked. 

“Too long,” Dorian joked, “This is my fourth year. I took a rather unorthodox route to teaching.”

“Oh?” She appreciated Dorian’s leading comment that would extend the conversation, he must have been able to tell she was nervous and he was trying to make it easier for her. 

“I got a PhD before realizing just how much I hated research. The only part of that I enjoyed had been the lecturing and well, here we are,” he gestured. 

“Wow, that’s a bit different than most,” she laughed. 

Dorian opened the door to his classroom for her, “I suppose. But it all worked out. Everyone, look who I found!”

Dorian’s classroom was filled with long black tables in one half, and had a lab attached to the other half. A demonstration table at the front of the room doubled as a place for experiments and a lecturing stand. A periodic table hung high up on the wall and the far wall was lined with windows. 

A group sat on the table nearest Dorian’s desk made up of Sera, Dagna, Bull, Cassandra, Varric and Cullen. They were sitting in the room with the lights off, the only light coming from the windows, it felt calming. 

“Welcome!” Bull said excitedly and the others murmured much the same. 

Mara took an empty seat next to Cassandra and Dorian sat down opposite of her. 

“Is this a problem for anyone else? I’ve gotten had four kids so far today that aren’t here because they’re on vacation,” Dorian said. 

“Parents are ridiculous,” Cassandra said over her sandwich, “Do they not care at all it’s the first week of school?”

“My parents never would have pulled me from school during the first week,” Varric said, “No matter how much me and Bartrand begged.”

“I can’t imagine my parents would have either,” Cullen added. 

“It’s utterly ridiculous! It’s not as if I can just simply wait for them to start. Then they’re behind when they come back,” Dorian shook his head. 

Bull shrugged, “It’ll be fine Kadan, don’t get so worked up over it.”

“Easy for you to say, all you teach is P.E.,” Dorian shot back. 

Sera covered her mouth, “Oh….fight, fight, fight!”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “So Mara, how’s your first day been?”

Mara swallowed the bite of food she’d taken, “So far it’s been good. I hate first days.”

“They’re not that bad, but they’re a little awkward,” Dagna excitedly said, “like the kids don’t know you...and you don’t know them, but that’s kind of nice isn’t it? The fresh start that everyone gets at the beginning of the year.”

Mara laughed, “It doesn’t help that I keep getting kids coming to my room thinking it’s a math class?”

“Oh that’s because the portable classrooms repeat a few of the class numbers,” Dagna explained, “I think I’ve had a few of your kids wandering in confused.” 

“Good to know,” Mara nodded. 

“So has anyone else noticed there’s some sort of a weird trend going on with the kids’ pants? They’re elastic around the bottom?” Bull asked. 

Mara sat back and enjoyed the conversation, joining in every now and again. She glanced Cullen’s way a few times, but he seemed to be very much ignoring her presence. He never even looked her way when she was talking. She felt a little uneasy about it, but it was probably nothing. 

***

There was something about the beginning of the school year that was her favorite. The back to school sales, that first kiss of fall that hung in the air. She loved it. And after surviving her first week at Skyhold she looked around her classroom with a little bit of satisfaction. It was Friday afternoon and the school had cleared out quickly, the students eager to get to their weekend plans. 

She’d made some discoveries this week about her classroom. The projector only turned on with the remote if you stood in one spot in the classroom and her whiteboard didn’t erase unless you really put work into it. She could have been frustrated, but she’d had worse. She’d already suggested to her study hall students that they create some art to help make the classroom look less like a dungeon and several of the students had already hung up work. 

She was fully prepped for Monday and as she locked her classroom door had every intention of spending the night at home with some take-out and a movie, but Varric caught her in the hallway. 

“Hey Newbie,” he said cheerfully. 

She smiled, “Hey Varric.”

“Survived the first week I see,” he said. 

“Looks like. You too,” she laughed. 

“Oh I usually do. Have any weekend plans?” he asked. 

She glanced down the hallway, feeling like her conversation would definitely be overheard by  _ him _ , “Not a lot. Still need to finish unpacking my apartment.”

“Well, tonight a bunch of us are planning on hitting The Herald’s Rest, it’s a local bar. It’s a bit of a start of school tradition, if you’d like to join us?” Varric explained. 

Mara wanted to say no, but also felt like it would be a good idea to go and make friends with everyone, “Sure. What time?”

“Great! We’re meeting at nine,” Varric said. 

“I guess I’ll see you then,” she said and began walking towards the doors that led to the teacher parking lot. She gave Varric a wave and walked out into the bright sunlight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Let me know below! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teachers are trying to enjoy an evening at the local bar, but the threat of the school closing isn't far from anyone's mind. Mara and Cullen have a few more run ins and it's all so awkward.

Cullen went to The Herald’s Rest exactly two times a year. The first Friday of the school year and the last day of school. He stayed long enough to have a drink, play a game of pool with Dorian and Varric, say hello to everyone, and then he left. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with his coworkers, but he enjoyed being alone too. 

Teaching was a career that required a lot of energy and the ability to be socially “on” all the time. He liked that he could go home and just be alone in the quiet with a good book and maybe a movie. Dorian often chastised him for being too introverted and would drag him out to social gatherings. Cullen didn’t mind it, it just wasn’t something he sought out himself.  

That night as he walked into The Herald’s Rest he wondered if Mara would make an appearance. He’d been meaning to talk to her, to say something, anything after the fiasco in the copy room. He readjusted his carefully rolled sleeves as he wandered over to the group.

Varric was in the middle of telling a story to Leliana, Josephine, and Cassandra when he walked over, he took a quick surveying glance around the room, telling himself he wasn’t looking for anyone in particular. The bar wasn’t anything fancy. Homely was probably a good way to describe it. Most of the interior was a dark wood color, the pieces of it still fighting to show under decades worth of town sports memorabilia. The place was a local favorite. Varric always complained that it filled up to bursting after every football and basketball game, but tonight was just a regular Friday night. 

“Curly! You made it!” Varric called as Cullen approached. 

Cassandra looked over, looking a little relieved he was there, “Ah good. I was worried I might be stuck listening to him all night.” 

“I know you enjoy my stories Cassandra, as much as you pretend not to,” Varric rolled his eyes. 

Cassandra scoffed in response. 

Josephine smiled, “We’re very glad you came, I think just about everyone is here.”

Cullen glanced around the room again. Bull was playing a pool game with Krem, Cole and Blackwall. Solas wasn’t anywhere to be found, but that was really not surprising. Sera and Dagna were talking to Maryden as her and her band set up by the stage.

Cassandra pulled him from his scanning the room, “I think you need a drink.”

Cullen turned to her, “I think you’re right.”

“I needed a good excuse to get away from Varric, I’m too exhausted to be nice,” Cassandra said walking towards the bar. 

“It’s been a bit of a long week,” Cullen admitted as they waited for the bartender. 

“What is it about the first week that is so draining? My voice hasn’t handled it well and my energy is shot,” Cassandra agreed. 

The bartender appeared, “What can I get you?”

“I’ll have a beer,” Cassandra said and turned to Cullen expectantly. 

“Scotch, neat,” he said. 

Cassandra raised an eyebrow, “It has been a rough week.”

Cullen laughed, leaning against the bar, “And that is all the drinking I plan to do this evening.”

Cassandra chuckled as she paid, “You seem a little on edge.”

“Do I?” Cullen asked, sliding his money across the bar and taking his drink. He sipped, grimacing a little at the cheapness of the drink. He turned back to the rest of the bar, eyes lingering a little at the door, but he caught a flash of blonde hair at the table with Varric. She was with Dorian and looking a little out of place. She was dressed more casually than he’d seen her, a loose t-shirt half tucked into her dark jeans. His heart hammered a little. It looked like Leliana and Josephine had wandered over to the pool game. 

Cassandra made a disgusted noise, “Evade all you like. You’ve just seemed off all week.”

“Just stressed,” he said, “Shall we head back?”

Cassandra sighed, “Alright, but if Varric tells that story about that one time in Kirkwall -”

“I’ll hold him so you can deck him,” Cullen promised. 

Cassandra laughed, “I know you won’t, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“And then I told him that if he could take three weeks to turn the assignment in, I could take three weeks to grade it!” Dorian said. 

Mara was laughing, and Cullen decided she had a nice smile. Her eyes brightened with she smiled, crinkles forming in the corners. He laugh was melodic and easy. He looked away from her, lest he be caught staring at her. 

“Cullen, Cassandra it’s good to see you,” Mara greeted them. 

Cullen went to respond, but had just taken a sip from his glass and so he opted for a nod instead. 

“So you made it through the first week,” Cassandra said in an effort to be kind. 

Mara laughed, “It appears that way yes.” She’d probably heard the same sentiment repeated over and over again by her other coworkers, but if she had, she didn’t say a word. 

“She’s our fearless hero! Of course she survived!” Dorian smiled, raising his glass a little for dramatic flair. 

Mara shook her head, “You’re never going to stop calling me that are you?”

“Ask me that again when I’m a few more glasses in,” Dorian said. 

“A few more glasses in, and Bull will be carrying your sleeping ass home,” Varric joked. 

Dorian glowered at him, but turned back to Mara, “Just remember that if you fail we’re all unemployed!”

“Not that we’re making that much money anyways,” Sera cocked her hip as her and Dagna joined them out of the chaos over by the stage. 

“It’s not that bad!” Dagna exclaimed. Dorian had meant his comment in jest, but it was clear that his comment had left a bit of a dark cloud over them all. They might be out here celebrating the end of another successful first week of the school year, but there was always the chance that this was the last first week they would celebrate altogether. No one would voice it, but it was clear that thought was on everyone’s minds.  

“Look at us all here! It’s good yeah?” Sera said a little louder than necessary in an effort to shatter the mood. 

“It’s such a blast to have everyone here together! We really should do this more often,” Dagna said excitedly. 

“Hey Buttercup, keep your ‘widdle’ from getting too excited over here,” Varric teased. 

Sera jokingly punched him in the arm, “She can be as excited as she wants.”

“If we’re getting that excited I’m going to need another drink,” Varric said quietly just so Cullen could hear. He laughed and moved so that Varric could leave the group. Mara looked a little bit like she’d lost an ally. 

“So, you know the band?” Mara asked Sera and Dagna. 

Sera nodded, “She asked me out with a song once. It was a little weird, but she’s nice.”

“Sera was never an agreeable girl,” Dagna sang with her head drifting from side to side. 

“Ew! Now you’re gonna get it stuck in my head!” Sera nudged Dagna playfully. Mara giggled at the whole exchange, she looked up at him and he immediately looked away, trying not to seem like he’d been watching her. 

“Who wants to try and beat me in a game of pool?” Dorian bellowed to the group. 

Sera raised her hand, “You know I’ll kick your ass.”

Cassandra frowned, “I’ll come make sure the pair of you don’t make fools of yourselves.”

Dagna followed the group heading away, leaving him and Mara alone. He leaned against the high table, sending it wobbling and Mara’s drink nearly spilling. She was able to grasp it at the last minute and tried to shoot her an apologetic glance, but the awkward silence dragged on. Cullen wracked his brain for some way to fill it. 

“So is this a regular spot for you guys?” Mara asked, her hand sliding up her other arm. 

“Um...I suppose,” he replied his hand coming up to rub his neck. 

She nodded slowly, “Okay….I’ve been meaning to ask for some good take-out recommendations. I’m not sure what’s good around here.”

“I don’t really eat out much,” and upon seeing her face fall he hastily added, “Dorian is a good person to ask about that.” It was the wrong thing to say and he knew it as it left his mouth. Why was it so damn hard to talk to her? 

“There’s a decent Thai place across from the grocery store on fifth,” he offered suddenly. 

Mara smiled, “I really like Thai food.”

“Me too,” he replied and then the silence fell between them again. 

She slid off the stool she was perched on and backed away slowly, pointing in the direction of the pool tables, “Well thanks for the recommendation, I think I’ll go watch their game or something.”

She was already out of earshot when he mumbled, “Great job, Rutherford.”

Varric appeared by his side, “Scare them all off Curly?”

Cullen sighed, “Good at that.”

“What do you think of the newbie?” Varric asked, situating himself on a nearby stool. 

He shrugged, “She seems perfectly capable.”

“So you hate her?” Varric chuckled. 

Cullen shifted uncomfortably, “That is not what I said.”

“Right, because I describe all of the colleagues I like as ‘perfectly capable’,” Varric rolled his eyes. 

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose, “She’s very nice, and from what I can tell the kids like her.”

“Yeah, they’re already calling her ‘Vell’. Nicknames are usually a good sign,” Varric said. 

Cullen nodded, “Usually. I don’t hate her.” He just seemed to get unusually tongue-tied around her, that’s all. 

“Struck a nerve there, huh?” Varric raised an eyebrow. 

“No,” Cullen responded so fast he knew that the contradiction had done nothing for him. 

Varric shook his head, “Well seeing as you managed to say all of like ten words to her, you could’ve fooled me.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Cullen mumbled, feeling his face flush. 

Varric laughed out loud, “Oh Curly, it was that bad.”

***

Mara was feeling woefully lost within the group and awkward to boot. Everyone was being so nice to her and she talked and was friendly, but the whole thing felt off. She felt off, awkward and bumbling. She wandered over to the pool table after a dead end conversation with Cullen. What was it with that man? Every time they spoke she felt her brain scrambling to come up with something to say, and when he spoke to her it seemed like the conversation always came to a screeching halt. Rather than continue to submit herself to the torture she’d tried to politely excuse herself. It’d been awkward, like every other bit of conversation she’d had with him. She silently kicked herself as she stood next to Dagna. 

Dagna was pretty safe. She was happy, and seemed genuinely enthusiastic about everything. Dagna put her at ease and chattered away happily which made Mara feel a little be less like she was failing at this whole socializing thing. 

She reminded herself that it was always hard at the beginning. It was just that she’d never seen a faculty as close knit as Skyhold’s. They were all friends and got along and went to The Herald’s Rest together. She felt more like she was intruding than she had ever before. 

She avoided looking to the area of the bar where she knew he was. He was probably thinking about what a complete and utter idiot she was. In fact, he and Varric were both probably laughing about it right now. 

She turned her attention back to the pool table. Sera, despite being pretty far gone, was holding her own against Dorian. She was pretty ruthless about it too. Cassandra mostly scowled at the table, she was annoyed that she was the steadiest of the three and still losing. 

“Oh shite….that wasn’t one of mine,” Sera swore loudly as a ball went smoothly into a pocket. 

Dorian laughed, “That’s alright my dear, I didn’t need the help to beat you, but I won’t turn it down.”

“Tevinter scumbag,” Sera mumbled. 

Dorian put two balls into two separate pockets with an expert hit, “Oh I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my winning.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes, “Both of you are incorrigible.” 

“They’re being awfully mean to one another,” Mara commented to Dagna. 

Dagna flicked her wrist, “Oh that’s just them. They talk a big game, in an hour they’ll be singing along with Maryden and tomorrow they’ll probably not remember anything about this. That’s how it usually goes.”

“It’s how they show their love towards one another,” Dagna added with shrug. 

“Odd,” Mara smiled.

“Eh, you get used to it. So besides being all teacher-y what else do you do?” Dagna asked with a smile. 

“You mean when I’m not buried under grading?” Mara chuckled. 

Dagna sighed, “Tell me about it. I’ve already got a pile growing. But I don’t want to grade any until I get names written down in my gradebook, and I can’t set up my gradebook until the kids stop transferring classes.”

Mara nodded, “I feel the same way, when does that stop.”

Dagna laughed, “Usually the day after you set up your gradebook. So it’s all pretty for a full twenty-four hours before you’ve got to scribble someone out or add someone to the bottom.”

“That’s how it always goes doesn’t it?” Mara agreed. 

“But you didn’t answer the question,” Dagna looked at her expectantly. 

Mara thought for a moment, “Oh, right. Reading, I like to rock climb. I need to find a new gym for that. Movies are good, I’m sort of boring.”

“Rock climbing! That sounds awesome!” Dagna said excitedly. 

Mara smiled, “You’ll have to come along sometime.”

Dagna shook her head vigorously, “No way. Me and heights, not on good terms. It sounds cool though.”

“What about you?” Mara asked, leaning back against the table and feeling more and more at ease. 

“Oh! We keep bees!” 

“You do what?” Mara cocked her head. 

“Honey bees. We have beehives and we make honey and occasionally have too much fun with the smoke guns, you know the usual beekeeper stuff,” Dagna explained. 

“I have never met a beekeeper before,” Mara admitted. 

“I’ll bring some of our honey to lunch someday so you can try it. I think it’s pretty good,” Dagna said. 

“Sounds like a deal to me,” Mara said, but her attention was pulled away by Sera nearly jumping on the pool table to celebrate her victory over Dorian and Cassandra. 

Dagna immediately went towards her wife throwing an apologetic glance back to Mara, “I better keep her down, last time she got on the pool table we got kicked out.”

Dorian shoved his cue stick to the ground and shook his head, then he took a long drink. 

“Kadan, be nice to the equipment,” Bull crossed his arms and came to stand next to Mara. 

Dorian threw him an indignant look and Bull chuckled. 

“Hey, we’re starting a new game, want to play?” Bull asked. “Or are you just more of the watching type?”

She couldn’t help but smirk, “I’ll play.”

“That’s what we like to hear, come on over,” Bull said. She followed the hulking qunari over to the other table, noticing how people just generally shifted to make space for him. Not in a terrified way, more of a respectful way. He was probably the local hero, judging by the football memorabilia along the walls everyone would know he was the football coach and therefore he’d be regarded with respect, as long as the team was winning anyways. 

She wanted to immediately walk away when she saw that Cullen and Varric were at the table. Great, more opportunities for her to make a fool of herself. This was going to be fun. Not. If it was any consolation, Cullen looked about as pleased as she did. Which was probably fair, considering the number of awkward conversations they were racking up was already to three and she’d known the man about a week. 

She turned away from the table to select the shortest cue stick she could find so that she’d be able to play properly. She wasn’t really any good at pool, but she’d played a few times and at least knew what she was doing. 

“Mara and I will be stripes,” Bull announced, glancing towards her as she chalked up her stick. She gave a quick nod of agreement. 

“That puts Curly and I as solids, easy enough,” Varric replied. 

Bull came over to her, “I thought I’d let them go first, give them a chance.”

She smiled, “You have an awful lot of confidence in my pool skills for never having seen me play.”

Bull laughed, “Or overconfidence in my own.”

Varric shot the cue ball forward to break the rack of balls, it was good break, sending the balls in several different directions across the table.

“Nice,” Bull said looking at the table, then motioning to her, “You’re up first.”

She appreciated Bull giving her the easy shots, and there were several  on the table as it currently stood, “Ten into right pocket.” She lined up her shot and took it a little harder than necessary, but luckily she didn’t scratch. 

“That’s how we do it!” Bull whooped from the other end of the table. 

She moved back to Bull and gave Cullen a challenging glance before he took a look at the table, “Six into left middle pocket,” he stretched his neck from side to side before taking his shot. It wasn’t a difficult one, but more difficult than a corner shot. 

It went in without a hitch. He smirked at her as she moved back from the table to give Bull space. 

She narrowed her eyes a little bit before looking away. 

“This is easily the quietest game of pool I’ve ever played,” Varric complained as Bull took his turn. 

“I don’t think focus is a bad thing,” Cullen commented, leaning lightly on his cue stick. 

Varric rolled his eyes, “It’s a game.”

“He’s right,” Bull said to Cullen, rolling his shoulders, “It’s just fun.”

Varric smiled, “You can be focused, Curly. We’ll have fun.”

Cullen scowled down at Varric and Mara stifled a laugh. Bull didn’t bother, letting out a bark of a laugh that was louder than most anything else in the room. 

“I should tell the newbie about that one time in Kirkwall with Cassandra,” Varric offered before he took his turn.

Cullen frowned, “If she knows you’re telling that one she will kill you.”

“Let her try. Several years back all of us lived back in Kirkwall, running in different circles mind you…” Varric told his story and it seemed like everything relaxed at the table. Except Cullen. He was still stiff, talking only occasionally. He seemed perfectly content to let her, Varric and Bull keep the conversation going. 

She and Bull ended up winning, narrowly, and mostly due to a trick shot Bull pulled in order to pocket the eight ball. Cullen didn’t seem terribly surprised by losing, and Varric had sworn loudly before shrugging and waving them over to the bar, because losers bought drinks. 

“I’m good, but thanks,” she called and put her cue stick back on the wall hanger. 

Cullen put his up beside hers, “You sure you don’t want anything?”

She shook her head, “I’m not much for drinking, even socially.”

“Why did you come, then?” Cullen asked, his words sounded almost terse. 

She spun to look at him, wanted to snap back, but didn’t, “I just wanted to get to know everyone, it seemed like it might be fun.”

“I didn’t mean to make it sound like you shouldn’t have come,” he said quickly, “I was trying to understand if it’s not something you like to do why you’d bother coming.” How could he be so annoyed by her presence that he felt like he could ask her why she was there? 

She crossed her arms, “You had one scotch you didn’t even finish and you’ve barely talked all evening anytime you were in a group. I could say the same about you.”

His hand flew to his neck and she was beginning to wonder if it was a nervous tick or to rub out some of the tension that always seemed to be hanging on his shoulders. “I come every year,” he muttered. 

She bit her tongue and tried to keep her voice level, “Well, don’t question my reasons when yours aren’t much better.” Despite her best efforts her words were clipped and impatient. Cullen looked a little stunned and said nothing she walked away without looking back. 

She wanted to leave, but she couldn’t yet. Especially not after that conversation. So she found Dorian over at a table with Blackwall and Josephine and joined them. She wanted to look back, see if Cullen was still standing over by the pool table or if he’d found some other place to be. Mara kept her eyes trained at her table. She stayed another hour before leaving and tried her best not to dwell on the awkward pieces of the evening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It feels so strange to be writing about the first week when I'm in the last week and it's made me feel a little in denial that the school year is coming to a close. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let me know what you think below!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Mara have to work together at an assembly. Mara decides to confront Cullen about his behavior.

Assemblies were not one of Cullen’s favorite aspects of being a teacher. He disliked that the schedule was disrupted because it meant that his students were confused all day and therefore more difficult to manage. Most of the assemblies were a bit of a waste of time and were a really good opportunity for the kids to skip class. But as the teacher, he couldn’t say any of that to the kids. So he acted as enthusiastic as he could and led his students into the auditorium to their assigned section, his students followed chatting and greeting other students. 

“Here we are,” Cullen said standing off to the side, “These three rows are ours.”

“Hey Mr. R, what’s this assembly for?” one of his students, Josh, asked as they sank into the old orange upholstered seats. 

Most of his students were playing on their smartphones, but a few looked up in anticipation of his answer, “It’s the beginning of the school year assembly.”

“Yeah, but the first week was last week,” Josh said looking skeptical. 

Cullen smiled, “You’re right, but the first week is always so chaotic so they thought they’d do it today instead.”

The students murmured quietly while the auditorium slowly filled up. Cullen went through his roll, checking to see if any students had tried to sluff the assembly, and when he was finished he glanced around the auditorium to see who else was still needing to get in. 

Mara was a few rows down and a section over leaning against the backs of a chair as she conversed animatedly with her students. She looked completely at ease in front of them, laughing and smiling as the kids spoke. He hadn’t had the chance to speak with here since that night at The Herald’s Rest. He’d inadvertently made a huge ass of himself. He managed to finally actually ask her a question and it had come off just wrong. He’d sounded rude and annoyed. He had attempted to backtrack a bit, but it hadn’t really worked. He wanted to apologize, or at the very least have a conversation with the woman that didn’t end in her walking away upset. 

“Did anyone sluff?” Josh’s friend, Gabe, asked, the question pulled him from his thoughts and he turned to face his students. 

Cullen chuckled, “What do you think?”

“Probably, I mean kids sluff these things all the time right?” Gabe crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, his sneakers up against the chair in front of him. 

“Every now and again,” Cullen replied. 

“I heard that Mr. Tethras doesn’t mark you absent as long as you bring him back a drink,” Josh chimed in. 

Reese nodded, “Yeah that’s what my older sister said. She said every time she sluffed his class she’d just bring him a drink and he wouldn’t mark her.”

“Can we bring you a drink and you won’t mark us?” Gabe asked with a smile on his face. 

Cullen crossed his arms, “No way.”

“What about food?” Josh asked looking hopeful. 

Gabe’s curly hair bounced as he nodded, “You’re going to be one to drive a pretty hard bargain yeah?”

Cullen laughed and readjusted his glasses, “I’m not as easily bought as Mr. Tethras.”

The lights in the auditorium dimmed, the silent signal that the assembly was about to start. The students quieted down and those not in seats sat down. 

Cullen looked over his class, “Hey, let’s be respectful. Phones away.” The kids listened for the most part and Cullen took note of those who didn’t before he sat down in his seat. 

Josephine appeared on the stage, “Welcome back! We’re so excited to have you back for another great school year!”

She introduced the student council who would be in charge of the assembly one by one, each student was met with raucous applause. They showed a video created by the student council introducing the theme for that year and all about school positivity. Josephine and Leliana each took a few minutes to remind the students about school policies like dress code, phone usage, and attendance expectations. They gave the mic back to the student body president, while the rest of the council put together some complicated looking obstacle course behind him. 

“So we want to introduce a new faculty member, and to do that she gets to face off against some students in this obstacle course. Ms. Lavellan why don’t you come on up?” the student body president said. 

Cullen glanced over Mara’s way, she looked momentarily mortified. She hid it well, standing and walking up to the stage calmly. 

“Awesome! So she’s going to need a partner, what teacher should we partner her with?” the president asked. 

Reese, Gabe and Josh screamed loudly, “MR. RUTHERFORD!” Cullen wanted to bury his face in his hands. So they’d definitely not forgotten how embarrassed he was last year when they had him do a dance off at an assembly. 

There were cheers for other teachers and Cullen hoped for a moment that they might pick someone else. It wasn’t to be. “I heard an awful lot of cheering for Mr. R. Why don’t we have him come up?”

Cullen froze in his seat.  _ Shit. _

He didn’t want to get up there, but he couldn’t very well say no when Mara was up on the stage. What would she think of him then? So he stood and took a deep breath. He really didn’t want to be up in front of everyone. 

The students cheered and Cullen moved up to the stage, hoping that whatever they had to do wouldn’t be that bad. He could feel the stage lights hit him as he walked along the stage, the heat of them and the blinding light that made it so difficult to see anything out in the audience. That made it somehow worse, the inability to see the thousands of eyes on you but knowing that they were there. He stood next to Mara and waited for instructions. He fiddled with this watch to try to hide the shaking of his hands.  

The council members were pulling up two student volunteers to face off against them when Mara sighed, “So I guess we get to make fools of ourselves as entertainment for the student body.”

He swallowed hard, “I guess.”

“Okay, so you’re going to be completing the obstacle course with your partner. The first station there are clothing items and you have to get all of them on. The second station you have to feed your partner ice cream. The last station you both have to get all of your chocolate candies from one plate to the other only using straws. Then you’ll race to the finish line. First partnership over the line wins,” the student body president explained. 

The vice president, a girl Cullen had last year took the mic, Laura he thought was her name, “But to make it that much more difficult we’re going to tie one of your legs together and one of your arms.”

_ Maker’s breath were they serious? _ Cullen tried not to tense up. It was bad enough he was partnered up with her, but to be that close of quarters with the woman, in front of the entire school. It felt like something was working against him. If things weren’t awkward before, they sure would be now. 

“Lovely,” he heard Mara remark under her breath. Laura came over holding out a scarf so they could tie their legs together. 

“Good thing I didn’t wear a skirt today or this would be really awkward,” Mara commented as she tied the scarf, she was careful not to touch him he noticed. 

“Yeah…” he stammered. This was the closest he’d been to woman in….best not to finish that thought. He pulled his glasses off and tucked them into the front pocket of his shirt. 

Mara seemed to sense his discomfort, “Look, we’ll just work together and get this over with.”

He nodded, “Sounds good to me.”

They linked their inside arms together, and Maker she was warm. He could feel the heat radiating from her in every place that they touched. He tried not to be too interested in how they were touching, impersonal and forced as it was. He reminded himself that it could have been any other teacher up here with her and she would be doing the same thing with them. None of this made him special, she didn’t want to be connected to him like this. They moved towards the starting point. 

He noticed she stared out into where the audience would be if they could see them, she looked like she was building up her resolve. “Just don’t let me fall okay?” she looked at him nervously. 

“I won’t,” he promised. It earned him a brief smile before a buzzer sounded and they ran out towards the first station. 

They had to get both their free arms into a large oversized jacket. Mara picked up a cowboy hat next, “You’re really tall you know that?” She reached towards his head and he bent as much as he could to assist her in the effort to get it on his head. He attempted to wrap a pink feather boa around her neck, he tried to be fast without accidentally strangling her with it. He could hear the laughter and cheers coming from the students, the whole thing had to look pretty comical. 

“That’s all of it!” Mara said. 

She immediately started off, obviously forgetting how they were connected. He was able to keep both of them from ending up on the ground. Barely. He heard laughter. 

“You good?” he asked. 

She nodded and they moved towards the ice cream station. They both stopped at the two bowls, trying to figure out the best strategy. 

“Both of us feed each other at the same time is going to be fastest,” she mumbled. 

“Yep,” he picked up a spoon and they very messily fed each other. She gave him an apologetic look when the spoon hit his teeth, but he sort of got her back by smearing ice cream on her cheek. He was sure he was a very permanent shade of red by this point, but the ice cream was soon gone and they were racing over to the last station. 

“We have to move together,” she said picking up her straw. 

“Following you,” he said. They both bent over and began moving the candies as quickly as they could from one plate to another. At first they were a little uncoordinated, each moving at different times. After a few pulls in the opposite direction they seemed to find their groove clearing the first plate completely and rushing over to the finish line. 

The student partnership had finished too and they were all rushing towards the finish line at the same time. He had half a mind to just pick Mara up and run them over the finish line, but figured that would be viewed as cheating, and what would she think of that whole thing?

The students crossed the line just before they reached it and with the weight of competition lifted Mara started laughing. Her laughter was bright and melodic, seemed to take over her whole body. He could feel her shaking from it. 

“Well that was dreadful,” she laughed as she unhooked her arm so she could untie their legs. She managed to extricate herself from the sweater quickly, but the feather boa was still around her neck. 

“That was pretty much the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in front of students,” Cullen agreed. 

Mara’s eyes crinkled as she smiled, “Oh, not just me then?”

“Definitely not,” he tried to smile back, his heart pounding. They were interrupted when the student council took the last bit of their odd clothing and handed them wet wipes so they could clean themselves off. 

Mara had already slipped off stage when Cullen walked down the steps, the applause echoing about the room. They’d talked, and he’d mostly not made a fool of himself. Perhaps that hadn’t been as bad as he thought it would be.

***

The only person who seemed less thrilled than Mara about being on stage was Cullen. Because of course she’d get paired up with him. She’d glanced his way when they’d called him up on stage and he was clearly unhappy about being up there. She supposed she could cut him some slack, perhaps he’d been upset to be on stage and not just with her? But it’d been every bit as bad as she thought it would be. It was embarrassing and she’d been clumsy and he’d been as unfriendly as ever. A little bit towards the end, after they lost he seemed like maybe he was trying a little bit but it still felt forced. 

What the hell was his problem? She hadn’t asked him to come on stage, why did they keep getting forced into being near each other anyways? It wasn’t enough that they ran into each other in the copy room and then at the bar and their classrooms were across the hall from each other. Why was he always here before she was? He was  _ always  _ at the school. He was there before she was and often stayed later than her. It was frustrating. 

It was precisely why she sat in Varric’s classroom in the predicament she was in. She’d walked in and asked if he had a minute. Varric was pretty much the one to leave right at contractual time each day, so she’d known she had to hurry over. 

When she shut the door Varric had sighed, “That kind of conversation, huh?”

She perched herself atop one of his desks, “Yeah.”

Varric made a bit of a show of getting comfortable in his chair, “Okay. What’s up?”

“First of all, I’d really prefer if this conversation just stayed between the two of us,” she began. 

Varric chuckled, “Well, you’re just not really my type.”

She glowered back and Varric raised up two hands in surrender, “Right...not a joking matter. Sorry.”

“The way Cullen acts around me, not normal right?” she asked, the words coming out all at once. 

Varric paused for a moment as if considering it, “I mean, he does act a little off.”

“He pretty much hates me,” Mara said, “and I have no idea what I did to get him to hate me.”

Varric frowned, “What gives you that idea?”

“What? I’ve known him two weeks and every conversation he has with me feels like it’s annoying him or dies as soon as it starts. He asked me what I was doing at the bar the other night in such a condescending way, and this week with that stupid assembly he was so unfriendly the whole time,” Mara explained. 

Varric didn’t say a word, picked a pen off his desk and began playing with the lid. 

“Just tell me I’m not completely insane, this isn’t all in my head,” she said, trying not to sound too desperate. 

“Well when you put it all together like that, it sort of does seem like something is up,” Varric said evenly. 

“Okay, so what is the problem? Did I do something? Accidently take his parking spot, kill his cat, what?” 

“Curly’s Ferelden, might take more offense if you killed his mabari than a cat,” Varric joked. 

“Hardly the point,” she rolled her eyes. 

Varric sighed, “Not a joking matter...I remember. I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done.”

“I’ve wracked my brain and I don’t think so either. So I was thinking I’d confront him about it,” Mara explained. 

Varric smiled, “You’re going to what? March in there and ask him what his deal is?”

She nodded, “Yeah, get it out in the open. Figure out what’s up so we can just move on and be colleagues.”

Varric laughed out loud, “Tell me I can buy tickets to that.”

She didn’t respond, but Varric got thoughtful for a moment, “Actually, I think that might not be a half bad idea.”

“Really?” she asked. 

Varric smiled, “I think you should talk to him, get it all out there.”

Mara stood up from the desk feeling revved up and ready to go talk to him, “I’ll wait until the kids have all left and I’m going to talk to him.”

She began to leave the room when Varric called to her, “Mara?”

She turned back, “Yes?”

“Be sure to tell me how it goes,” he winked. She nodded and went back into her classroom. 

About twenty minutes later she found herself outside Cullen’s classroom. She took a deep breath before she walked in.They were adults and they were going to talk about this and solve whatever problem he had with her, and then they were going to work together and it was going to fine. 

She nearly lost her resolve as she paused at her door, but she took a deep breath and walked into his room with as much confidence as she could muster. His classroom was organized and clean, books lining the counter on one end and history posters hung evenly spaced out along the far wall. Even the desks were in perfectly straight rows.

He looked up from his desk and seemed surprised to see her striding into the room. His blue button down shirt was pushed up to the elbows and he’d set his glasses down while he’d been working on the grading on his desk. He put them on and ran a hand through his hair and looked so damn attractive she cursed whatever Gods might be listening. 

“We need to talk,” she said, voice more even that she thought it would be. 

He looked at her quizzically, “Um...okay.”

She gathered all of that courage she’d had that brought her into his classroom, “You want to tell me what your issue with me is? You demand to know why I’m at events, you seem to barely tolerate my presence, can’t seem to say more than a few words to me at a time, and I want to know why.”

As soon as the words left her lips she got all riled up again, courage no longer needed, she was seething. But the man had the gall to lean back in his chair and look surprised. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Uh, yeah. You’ve been a jerk to me since I got here,” she said resolve faltering. She hadn’t made this all up in her head? Right? Even Varric had agreed something was off. 

Cullen’s mouth was a thin line, “I’m sorry, did you expect me to put up a banner and organize a lunch in your honor or something?”

He was mocking her now and that just set her off, “Of course not, but you know...a ‘hi’ in the hallway every now and again wouldn’t kill you.”

“Well I’d probably not do it friendly enough and then you’d come in here and yell at me,” Cullen said. His face was emotionless, but she could have sworn she saw amusement dancing in his eyes. 

She didn’t say anything instead shook her head and stalked towards the door. 

“I...didn’t...that’s not what I meant….?” he called after her. 

She stopped and turned back, “It doesn’t matter, go ahead and hate me. I don’t care.”

Mara wished that her classroom was farther away from his when she got into her room. She felt simultaneously embarrassed and furious. What the hell did she think she was doing when she walked in there to confront him? 

She definitely hadn’t been expecting  _ that _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies that this is a few days late this week. The end of the school year kicked my ass. It was all written and ready to post on Thursday, but it just didn't feel right. Spent a few hours with it today and I feel MUCH better about it. Plus, Varric is pretty much the worst and I think that's my favorite part because he knows EXACTLY what is going on with Cullen. *laughs forever*. Thanks for sticking with me! School is out and I have TONS of writing time. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Mara both talk to Dorian about what to do about their situation.

Cullen stared incredulously out the door of his classroom feeling a little bit in shock and gutted at the same time as to what had just transpired. 

“She thinks I hate her,” he groaned quietly. 

Phenomenal. 

All this time he’d been concerned that his bumbling and his awkwardness around her had been so transparent she she would surely figure out that he was feeling something for her. Her presence always sent his thoughts scattering and he wasn’t sure what it was he was feeling, but he knew that it had been a really long time since he’d felt anything for anyone. It was terrifying and he didn’t want to explore what it might be, what it might mean at all. The more time he spent around her the worse it seemed to get, and when she was angry apparently his common sense abandoned him as well. Since instead of apologizing or trying not be a complete ass he’d done exactly the opposite and somehow made the situation worse. 

_ Great job, Rutherford _ , he thought glumly. 

He buried his head in his hands, that had been a good opportunity to turn things around and instead he’d ruined it, as he usually did. Maker’s breath, things really couldn’t get any worse could they? 

He heard the sound of her door closing across the hall and saw her walk down the hallway. He considered going after her, and apologizing or something. But his track record of late kept him glued to his desk, best to attempt that some other time, when he could plan through what he wanted to say in advance. 

Cullen leaned over to his phone and dialed the extension to Dorian’s room. He’s pretty sure that Dorian was still there, he often stayed to work until Bull was done with football practice anyways.

“Hang on,” Dorian said and Cullen heard the phone being placed down and the sound of the keyboard. 

“Okay,” Dorian sighed, “I had to put the final touches on this email to a parent. Already the emails are beginning, I want to read it to you and make sure that it doesn’t sound too mean.”

“Of course,” Cullen replied. 

Dorian paused, “We’ll get to it in a minute. I’m sure you didn’t call me to hear me read you an email. What’s going on?”

“Mara thinks I hate her,” Cullen sighed. 

Dorian chuckled, “What makes you say that?”

“She just stormed in here and told me so,” Cullen replied.

“Kaffas, she did what?” Dorian sounded shocked. 

“I think I made it worse,” Cullen admitted. 

Dorian made some sort of impatient noise on the other end of the phone, “Well of course you did. You like her.”

“I do not…” Cullen tried to protest. 

“This is going to be a lot easier if you just get that part of this out of the way. I’m coming over, we need to fix this,” Dorian said and he heard the click on the end of the phone. 

Cullen threw the receiver down and stood up from his desk, pacing. He knew that things with her were difficult, he found it hard to speak around her and everything else. She was attractive, but did he  _ like  _ her? Was that what this was all about?

Oh Maker he did. As soon as the realization dawned on him he wanted to disappear somewhere in the industrial carpeting and never come back out. He’d really made a mess of things.

Dorian strode into the room, “You’re going to have to tell me exactly what happened.” 

Cullen nodded and went back to his chair while Dorian sat atop a desk, adjusting his sport coat. He recounted what had happened as best he could. He watched Dorian’s expression go from slightly impressed to completely mortified the more he spoke. 

“You actually said that?” Dorian gave him an exasperated look. 

Cullen nodded, “But at least I said something, all the other times we spoke I hardly managed more than a few words.”

“Yes, insulting the woman is infinitely better than saying nothing,” Dorian responded sarcastically, “In what world is that better you big bumbling buffoon?”

Cullen began to speak, to defend himself but Dorian held up a hand, “Don’t even point out that was an alliteration.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Cullen raised his hands in surrender. 

Dorian rolled his eyes, “Varric is always around when I do something inadvertently literary, as if I don’t know what literary devices are.”

“So what do I do?”

“For starters, figure out how to talk to her without insulting her,” Dorian said pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Every time I talk to her, it just happens. Like today, I knew she was getting angry and that made me sort of angry so I sort of threw it back at her,” Cullen sighed. “It’s a hopeless mess.”

Dorian laughed, “This sort of thing shouldn’t be this hard. Nervousness yes, but this level of complete and utter incompetence -”

“Thank you for that,” Cullen rolled his eyes. 

“Maybe you should just avoid talking to her for a few days. Mara is a nice person, which means she’s going home and dissecting every piece of this and trying to figure out what she did wrong, not you. So give it a few days before you jump back in and try to talk to her. And when you do, be nice,” Dorian gave him a withering look. 

Cullen almost protested, but remembered the situation they were in and simply nodded. 

Dorian moved towards the doorway, “If it makes you feel any better I don’t think things can get much worse from here.”

Cullen’s phone rang and Dorian waved as he left. Cullen leaned back in his chair heavily before answering. 

“Hello?”

“Cullen, it’s Solas. I have a bit a favor to ask of you,” Solas said. 

Cullen wondered what it could be, “Alright.”

“I’m assigned to work the gate on Friday night, but I’m afraid I’ve had a conflict arise. I was wondering if perhaps you would be willing to trade me for another?” Solas was always formally distant, he was nice enough but seemed mostly uninterested in joining any social gathering involving the rest of the staff. Cullen wondered what on earth Solas might have happening on a Friday night that would pull him away from his assignment. 

Cullen picked up the faculty assignment paper he kept pinned to the filing cabinet next to his desk, “That would be fine, it appears I work the one next week. Do you want to take that one?”

“That will do very well. Thank you Cullen. I will inform Leliana of the change,” Solas replied. 

“No problem,” Cullen said writing in the change as Solas said goodbye. 

***

Mara shut the refrigerator still completely unsure what she was going to do about dinner. She picked up her phone again, checking it for messages. She’d been texting Dorian for a while, but then all contact stopped. Her small kitchen boasted only a few cabinets and they were pretty sparse. Her apartment was an eclectic mix of new and old, her cabinets slid rather than opened and were quite old, but the countertops and sink were fairly new. It was the best place she could get on such short notice, but part of her wondered what it might be like to actually find a place she wanted to live rather than taking what she could get last minute. Then she heard a knock on coming from the door. 

She looked through the peephole. Dorian was standing on her front doorstep. 

She opened the door with a little bit of confusion, “Dorian?”

Dorian smiled, “Shitty days call for wine and taco tuesday.” He held up a bottle of wine and take out from the Mexican restuarant up the road. 

She couldn’t help but smile, “Bull doesn’t mind?”

“He and Krem are reviewing tape for the thousandth time. You’re actually doing me a favor,” Dorian insisted setting his offerings down on the coffee table. He hadn’t changed his clothing from earlier in the day, an off white shirt underneath a blue sport coat. She felt a little self-conscious in her worn out sweatpants and t-shirt. 

Mara went into the kitchen to retrieve glasses and plates. “At least I’m good for something,” Mara said as she returned to the living room. 

“We really need to do something about decorating this space, it’s so empty. It’s depressing,” Dorian said as he laid out the take out across the coffee table. Dorian had only been to her apartment once before, Bull had held a special late practice so Dorian had brought food and they’d spent the night chatting. Mara was a little put off by how comfortable Dorian was coming to her home and being her friend, but today of all days she needed it. 

She sunk down on the gray couch, “I told you last time you could just decorate it to your specifications.”

Dorian shot her a look, “Yes, and I if I did it all for you it would teach you nothing.”

She picked up and examined the bottle of wine, side stepping his comment, “What did you bring us tonight?”

“Sauvignon Blanc. I’m not really sure how good of a pairing it will make with greasy pork tacos, but it seemed like a better choice than any of the others I had on hand,” Dorian said as he took the bottle from her hands. 

Mara laughed, “You know all of your fancy wines are completely wasted on me.”

“Oh my dear, I know,” Dorian shrugged, “But it is so depressing to drink alone, and you drink just enough that I never feel guilty finishing off the bottle.”

Mara picked up her food, “Hey, you even got the tomatillo ranch dressing that I like.”

“Yes, well I believe you referred to the stuff as liquid gold, so I knew I better not forget it,” Dorian smiled. 

“Thank you,” she took a bit of her food. 

They ate in silence for a moment until Dorian leaned back on the couch, “So let’s talk about what happened today.”

She hastily swallowed her food and followed it with a quick sip of wine, “Do we have to? I’d rather like to forget the whole thing ever happened.”

“Your text message said that you stormed into his classroom and yelled at him,” Dorian said, eyebrow raised, “we have to talk about it.”

Mara sighed, “Varric said it was a good idea to confront him.”

Dorian nearly choked on his wine, “And you listened?”

“No, I made up the whole thing to get you bring me food,” Mara rolled her eyes. “Yes, I listened to him. He knows Cullen better than I do.”

“Listening to Varric on issues like this is sort of like taking fashion advice from Sera,” Dorian explained. 

“Oh,” Mara said feeling even more mortified about the whole thing if that was possible. 

“Mmmmhmmm,” Dorian took a long drink. 

“I know I barged into his classroom and was very accusatory, but you should have heard him Dorian. It was bad. He hates me,” she said. 

“I don’t think he hates you. What did he say that made you think that?” 

“Well he made me feel incredibly stupid about the whole thing. Asked me what I expected, like I expected some special treatment from everyone when I got here. He was all leaning back in his chair like he found the whole thing amusing. I didn’t expect any special treatment, but a ‘hello’ wouldn’t hurt. He looked so damn smug when he told me if he had, I probably would have gone in and yelled at him for not doing nice enough,” she buried her head in her hand. 

Dorian snorted, “I can’t believe he said that.”

Mara laughed, “The worst part was that he probably had a point.”

“So what are you going to do now?” 

“Avoid him at all costs, and beg someone to trade me classrooms,” she joked. There would be no changing classrooms. But one could hope. 

“Good luck with that,” Dorian smiled. 

“I know he’s your friend, I don’t mean to put you in a weird position,” Mara said as she turned back to her food. 

Dorian nodded, “He is, but so are you. Give it a few days and I’m sure it’ll all blow over. Now turn something on for us to watch before I get any more syrupy.”

***

Mara pulled back into the faculty parking lot, feeling as if she really hadn’t been away from the school at all. She noticed Cullen’s car was still at the school, wondered if he ever actually left. She’d gone home for the few hours between school being out and her assignment to work the gate at the football game. Faculty extra assignments weren’t anything new, but she wasn’t exactly looking forward to this one. Dorian had explained that working the gate entailed taking money for tickets. She’d never been much good at calculating change, and now she was going to have to do it all the way until half time. 

She’d checked the faculty assignment schedule earlier that week when she’d gotten the reminder email about the assignment from Josephine. She was assigned to work with Solas, and while she wished she was working with someone she knew a little better it was a good opportunity to get to know a another co-worker. 

She walked towards the football field, noting how empty the parking lot still was in addition to the the football field ahead of her. The players from the opposing school were exiting their bus, most of them carrying their pads and jerseys. When she turned the corner where the concessions booth was located she nearly stopped dead where she was walking. Cullen was standing and talking with Leliana, but Solas was nowhere in sight. 

Shit. She’d checked the assignment sheet specifically to make sure that his name was not on it anywhere that hers was. He most definitely hadn’t been assigned tonight, so what was he doing here? She held out some wild hope that he was just talking to Leliana about something and not working the game, that Solas might still show up.  

Leliana smiled, “Glad you could make it, I was just giving Cullen a rundown of instructions and the money aprons.”

Fenedhis Iasa. Really? She tried really hard not to look upset at the turn of events. 

She took the apron that Leliana handed her. Each pocket was filled with well organized bills, a hole punch, stamp pad and stamp. 

“So adults are six dollars and children are four, kids under five are free and so are students if they have their student I.D. The booster club has special passes and you just punch those and you may see a few district passes as well, let them and one guest in free. Any questions?” Leliana asked as she led her and Cullen to the gate. 

“I think we’re good,” Cullen smiled at her. Mara looked away from him. 

“Yep,” she said to Leliana. Leliana quickly hung a sign with the ticket prices on it that looked like it had weathered one too many games. 

“Great, I’ll be back at halftime to collect the money. Thank for your help,” Leliana strode off towards the scorebooth red hair gleaming in the sunlight and the heels of her shoes clicking as she walked. 

They stood in awkward silence. There was as much space as the gate allowed between them, and they were alone. No one was coming through. It was still a full hour and a half before the game, so it would likely be slow for a while. It was going to be a very long night if they didn’t talk at all, but she sure as hell didn’t want to be the one to talk first. 

“It’s a nice day…” Cullen said and the interruption of the silence between them nearly made her jump.

“What?” She had to work the football game with the one coworker who hated her, and he was talking about the weather?

Cullen looked at her like she was an idiot, “It’s still pretty warm for Kingsway.”

“Yeah….” she looked back towards the empty sidewalk, willing people to show up so she didn’t have to talk to him. However the walkway leading up to their gate remained empty and the silence between them seemed to get heavier by the moment.  

She clenched her jaw, “Where’s Solas? I was supposed to be working the gate with him.”

Cullen looked momentarily shocked at her sudden question, mouth agape. He recovered quickly, “He asked me to switch with him, he had something going on tonight. Why? Do you object having to work the gate with me?”

She pursed her lips, “No. I’m not the one with the problem.” She looked away from him, luckily a family had appeared and she busied herself helping them. She took a little longer than strictly necessary to count back the change while Cullen stamped their hands. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have this with him right now. 

When they family was a comfortable distance away she heard Cullen suck in a breath like he was going to speak. She thought for a moment he’d thought better of it, but he said quietly, “I don’t have a problem with you.”

She turned back towards him and raised an eyebrow, “Oh, so I’m just imagining all of it?”

He looked at her a little exasperated, “I didn’t say that….I just...I’ve been a bit of an ass haven’t I?”

She noticed he’d looked away and was playing with the rolled up sleeve of his shirt. She decided to cut him some slack, “A little. Not that I’ve been much better.”

“You’ve been nothing but nice,” Cullen said with certainty, adjusting his glasses, “I’m sorry, truly. Is there any chance we might be able to….um...start over?”

She looked up into his golden eyes, earnest and waiting for her reply, “Okay. Let’s start over.”

He smiled in a way that made her heart flutter a bit, “I’m Cullen Rutherford, I teach history.” He extended his hand towards her. 

She smiled back despite herself, “I’m Mara Lavellan, I teach English. You look remarkably similar to this really grumpy teacher across the hall from me.” She took his hand, it was warm and strong. He laughed out loud, but didn’t release her hand right away. 

He was still holding her hand, and seemed to realize it about the same time she did. He dropped it and brought his hand up to rub his neck, “I deserved that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of Dorian in this chapter and I'm not even a little bit sorry. But progress? Apologies and Cullen hasn't been crazy rude. It's a miracle. Anyways, thanks so much for stopping by and reading! Tell me what you think below? :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the evening at the football game.

As evenings went, this was not going as terribly as she had first imagined it would. They’d so far managed a bit of conversation and some teasing, but nothing terribly personal. The small stream of students appearing took the pressure off of maintaining the conversation and gave each of them an easy break or way to change the subject. 

“Are you actually any good with this calculating change thing? Because I know I’m going to be dreadful at it,” she said as they turned back to watch the gate. They’d only had students come in so far, which meant they hadn’t had to charge anyone anything. 

“I’ve done it pretty well the last few years without incident,” he responded with a smile. 

“Great. No making fun of me when I can’t do it right,” she said with a teasing laugh. 

Cullen chuckled, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“So you from Ferelden or elsewhere?” she asked. She was pretty sure Varric had said Cullen was from Ferelden, but it seemed like a safe enough topic anyways.  

“Ferelden. Honnleath originally, my family lives in South Reach now. I spent several years living in Kirkwall. I joined the army when I was eighteen and was stationed there, I served for about five years then finished my schooling and then came to teach here,” he explained. 

“You were a Templar? I thought that was sort of a career choice in and of itself?” It may have been the army, but everyone just called those who served Templars. A name leftover from a bygone age when the military was a branch of the Chantry. They’d been separate entities for hundreds of years, but the name stuck. 

“It wasn’t what I thought it was. I’m much happier with my job now,” Cullen looked away and adjusted his glasses. She wanted to ask more, but the way he rushed out the last bit seemed dismissive and to ask more would mean prying. She changed the subject. 

“Your family lives in South Reach?”

He looked relieved she didn’t press him, “Yes, two sisters and a brother.”

“And where do you fall between them?”  

Cullen said, “I’m the second eldest. Mia is older, Branson and Rosalie are younger. Mia is married and has two kids. Branson isn’t married, but has a son named Henry. Rosie is a bit of a free spirit, she’s a travel photographer, doesn’t stay in one place for long.”

She felt a little proud, finally a subject she could get more than a few words from. She continued, “Are you close with your siblings?”

“I didn’t used to be, we had a bit of a falling out when I was in the army, but now we’re much closer. South Reach is just about two hours away so I try to visit at least once a month, “Cullen explained. 

Their conversation was cut off by a group of people coming to the gate that they needed to help. It didn’t slow down after that, huge groups of people arrived at the gate jackets and blankets in hand ready to cheer on the team. Mara even felt like she’d hit a pretty good rhythm, then someone handed her a hundred dollar bill for three people. 

“Okay, so three adults and one child, that’s twenty-two dollars. Which means I need to give you….” Mara smiled and tried to be nice as she tried to do the calculation in her head, but it wasn’t coming. She panicked. Math, numbers all flashed in front of her as the family stood quietly waiting for her to figure it out and give them their change. Any other time she might have been able to do the math, but here on the spot with an audience, it wasn’t coming, her mind was completely blank.

“Seventy-eight back,” Cullen said helpfully and she threw him a grateful look while secretly dying of embarrassment as she handed them the bills. 

She found it hard to look at him after that, could still feel the faintest bit of heat lingering in her cheeks as she stood at the gate while he helped another family, who handed him exact change. How was that fair?

“Well I think with that last family you officially have collected more money than me tonight,” Cullen said. 

Great. Let’s talk about. “Probably, who doesn’t have anything smaller than that?” she turned to face Cullen. He seemed to be watching her carefully, as if he wasn’t sure if he’d said the right thing or not. The crowd behind them cheered, the first time they’d heard a cheer that loud all evening and they both glanced back behind them. 

The gate they were working was by the concession stand and behind the main bleachers, which meant they didn’t have a view of the football field from where they worked. If they walked up close enough to the field they’d be able to see the scoreboard, and the announcer’s voice got drowned out by the crowd, so they had to guess by what sounds the crowd made. 

“Do you think we scored?” Mara asked him, pulling his attention away from the field. 

His golden eyes met hers, “I hope so.”

More people appeared at the gate and so they settled into helping them and chatting idly as they took money and stamped hands. Mara was even enjoying herself when Leliana approached them, the clicking of her heels signalling her approach. 

“It’s half-time so you two get to be done,” Leliana smiled. 

“How are we doing?” Cullen asked. They’d both been curious about the score.

Leliana sighed, “We’re losing, big time.” 

“That’s no good,” Mara said with a frown. 

Leliana shrugged, “Oh well. I’m going to take these back to the office and go back out to cheer them on anyways.” 

Both Mara and Cullen handed over their aprons. Mara had put her jacket on after the sun had set to keep the chill away, she was grateful she hadn’t brought anything too heavy, her blue soft shell proving to be just the right amount of insulation she needed. She paused while Cullen grabbed his black jacket from where he’d hung it on the fence. He took the chance to put it on, she shouldn’t have admired the shift of his muscles or the fit of his jacket as much as she should have.

“Where are you parked?” she asked, turning towards the parking lot. 

Cullen looked like he was deciding something and spoke in a rush, “Actually I thought I’d stay and witness the slaughter firsthand. Dorian is saving me a seat.” 

“Alright then,” she turned to go. 

“Do you want to stay?” he asked. “To watch the game?”

She paused for a second, she wanted to but worried that it was just an afterthought. She worried that he was just inviting her to be nice after the way things had been between them. Like maybe she’d yell at him again for not being polite enough, part of her was curious to see what might happen if she stayed. She warred internally with herself for a moment, and before she could think better of it replied, “That sounds fun.”

Cullen’s responding expression was all the encouragement she needed to know that she’d made the right decision. “Dorian always has a good seat so he can support Bull,” Cullen explained as they walked. 

“Well of course,” Mara smiled, not a bit surprised. 

There were a lot of students they ran into on their way up to the stands obviously more interested in socializing more than watching the game. A group of them were even throwing their own football on the grassy area to the side of the stands. “Hey Mr. R! Vell!” a few of them called. Cullen smiled and said hello, while she waved. Cullen stood at the end of a row where Dorian and Varric had set up, soft blankets covering the metal bleacher. Dorian had some sort of seat contraption to sit on and was dressed head to toe in gold and crimson, he wouldn’t have looked out of place except that it was Dorian and his clothing was all too perfectly tailored and fancy to belong at the football game. Mara glanced down at her jeans and t-shirt and felt absolutely underdressed compared to Dorian. 

Dorian looked up as they approached, “Cullen! And Mara! What a lovely surprise! Come on and join us.”

Varric winked at her, “Hey Newbie.”

She sat down next to Dorian and Cullen sat down next to her. It was hard to ignore the warmth radiating from his body and the way their thighs almost, but not quite touched. 

“So, how was taking the money? As bad as you feared?” Dorian asked. The teams were in between plays and so he’d turned his full attention to her. 

“It wasn’t terrible, I don’t think I gave away all the money,” she admitted. 

“Just don’t ask her to calculate change when you hand her a hundred dollar bill for three tickets,” Cullen laughed. 

She shoved him, “Hey! That happened one time!”

Dorian and Varric snickered along with him and she threw them both a glare. The crowd cheered loudly as their team sacked the quarterback on the opposing team. A cool breeze blew and Mara shivered involuntarily. 

Cullen must have noticed because he leaned over towards her, “The marching band is selling hot cocoa, would you like me to get you some?” 

Mara shook her head, “I’m really fine!”

Cullen smiled a little, “I was getting myself some anyways.”

She bit back her pride and went to reach in her pocket for the little bit of cash she had on her. 

Cullen noticed what she was doing and shook his head, “It’s on me.”

She was about to protest, but he was already up and moving down the bleachers. She rolled her eyes, he seemed determined to be as charming as possible this evening.  

A whistle blew, signifying a timeout and Dorian smirked at her, “So I see you and Cullen appear to be getting along swimmingly.”

Mara forced back a smile that she knew Dorian would tease her for, “I’m not sure what changed. At first he’s all cold and distant, and now he’s being so damn charming and nice. I don’t get it.” Not that she was complaining. 

“You sure something changed?” Dorian asked raising an eyebrow. 

“What are you getting at?” she asked. 

Dorian laughed, “Oh come on!” 

“Maybe your little chat with him just had the precise effect you had hoped for,” Varric offered. 

“Don’t you get started, you’ve quite done enough,” Dorian glared at Varric.

Varric waved a hand, a clear brush off of the comment and turned his attention back to the field. Mara didn’t get the chance to pester Dorian more about what he’d said because Cullen returned with hot cocoa in hand, “I didn’t know if you liked marshmallows or not so I got one with and one without.”

“Marshmallows please!” she said. 

Cullen grinned and handed her the cup, “Good, I detest them.”

“What were you going to do if I picked the cup without?” she asked as he settled down next to her eyes narrowing. 

He shrugged, “Try very hard not to eat them.”

Cullen Rutherford was a very difficult man to figure out. She shook her head, “Well thank you, for both the hot cocoa and the potential sacrifice.”

He looked back at her and sipped his hot cocoa before responding, “You’re welcome.” She glanced away as their eyes met, feigning interest in the team setting up for a play. 

The team was trying very hard, but their opponents were just clearly better. Bull stood on the sidelines looking very grim. He kept shaking his head and talking aside to Krem. 

“Bull doesn’t look thrilled,” she said to Dorian. 

Dorian smiled, “No he really doesn’t. It will be fine though, I’ll have a lot of fun cheering him up after the game.” He finished with a wink, and she laughed out loud. 

“Be careful, you might have students around,” she glanced behind them at the sea of gold and crimson. 

“They can handle it,” Dorian laughed. 

She felt Cullen shift next to her, his thigh coming to touch hers. She tried not to freeze up at the contact. Cullen’s hand ran up his leg, brushing hers. She kept herself from looking at him, but then he spoke. 

“I didn’t think you were really a football fan,” he said quietly. 

She laughed, “I’m not, but I know what’s happening at least. Why?”

“You cheered at the right times and seemed to know what was going on. I was curious,” he shrugged. 

“And you assumed I knew nothing?” she raised an eyebrow. 

Cullen flushed, “That’s not...I mean...yes. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, if my dad hadn’t been such a big fan growing up I’d probably know nothing,” she admitted. 

“Do you have siblings?” he asked. 

“Nope, it was just me,” she said. 

“Really?” Cullen asked, looking surprised.

She shrugged, “Yeah. I always wondered what it would be like to have siblings. We didn’t have a lot of family nearby either.”

“I love my siblings, but they were very loud. I wished for a little more time to myself,” Cullen said. 

“The grass is always greener I suppose,” she said looking back to the field. Only a few minutes remained on the scoreboard. The score was 42 - 6. Their team played hard until the last seconds ticked down, managing to get one more touchdown in before the end. The stands emptied around them, students waving and the team trickling off the field towards the locker room, clearly in no hurry to hear Bulls post-game comments. 

“Well they fought hard, that’s all that matters,” Varric as he stood and stretched as if he’d been sitting too long. 

Dorian responded, “They played better than I’ve ever seen, the other team was just so much better.”

“Bull’s done a good job with them,” Cullen added. 

Dorian sighed, “The Chargers have helped. Krem is the best offensive coordinator they’ve ever had. Hopefully they’ll get them next time.”

“We going to see Krem around more this year?” Cullen asked. 

Dorian nodded, “He’s interning in the counseling office, he just has a few classes left before he graduates then he can be hired on more officially. Good thing too, Bull was thrilled Krem agreed to coach.”

“Does Skyhold usually have a good season?” Mara asked. 

Varric laughed, “Never. This was a moral victory at the very least.”

Cullen leaned back to just speak to her, “Shall we?”

“Yes,” she replied. 

“I’ll see you both on Monday,” Cullen said to Dorian and Varric. 

Dorian flashed a brilliant smile at them both, “Well the two of you just run along and have fun then.” 

“See ya Monday, Newbie,” Varric waved. 

Mara waved and followed Cullen down the bleacher stairs. “Where are you parked?” he asked. 

She smiled a little at the echo of the question she had asked earlier, “Faculty parking. You?”

“Same, we can go together,” he suggested. 

She walked next to him in silence towards the parking lot, the hands that hung at their sides brushed a few times. Mara folded her arms and chided herself for being such a teenager about this. She’d spent the last few weeks believing that this man hated her, and now they’d spent the entire evening together and she was behaving like the last few weeks hadn’t happened at all. She’d enjoyed spending time with him far more than she wanted to admit. 

“Any fun weekend plans?” Cullen asked, pulling her from her thoughts. 

She shook her head, “Probably cleaning and movie binging. You?”

“Does grading count?” Cullen smiled. 

She laughed, “Nope. But I’ve got some of that too.” Their eyes met in the darkness again, the way he looked at her sent her gaze skittering away. 

“I had a really good time with you tonight,” he said quietly. 

Her heart skipped a few beats. Silly. “I had fun too, you know besides the teasing about my cashier skills,” she chanced a look back at him, he adjusted his glasses and ran a hand through his hair. 

“We should do something like this again sometime,” he suggested. Oh, she tried not to read too much into that. He was being nice, they were coworkers. He was definitely not flirting. Right?

She pulled out her keys as they neared the parking lot, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

His hands were in his pockets and his golden eyes looked bright under the streetlight. He rocked forward on his feet, “Well alright then. See you Monday?”

“See you Monday,” she waved a bit like a salute and turned back to her car and winced. What on earth was she doing? She got in and left quickly, not trusting herself not to make a fool of herself in front of him. 

As she drove away she tried to shove down the giddy feeling that that had settled in her chest. It was just relief. She was relieved he didn’t hate her, that was all. She’d simply had a good night among friends and coworkers. That was all. 

She urged her car faster along the dark road and tried to push the events of the night out of her head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting in professional development the last two days thinking about this chapter while making and planning all of this curriculum for next year and I keep having to remind myself it's June. Anyways, sorry about the absence last week. I went on vacation with my husband and decided to take the week off of posting, it was much needed. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and these two dorks being dorks. :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has a rough morning and decides to show up to work a little later in order to run into Mara.

The clock on the stove blinked an electric blue 4:30 a.m. and Cullen stood alone in his kitchen that was flooded with light, banishing all shadow. The only noise was the whir of his coffee maker and the dripping of coffee into the pot. He gripped the side of the sink until his knuckles were white. He could still hear the gunshots echoing through his brain. 

But they weren’t real. Just the warped sound of memory haunting his dreams. He’d been startled awake by nightmares before, but this morning they seemed to have more of a hold on him than they had in long time. 

The beeping of the coffee maker startled him enough that he jumped. He ran a hand through his sleep disheveled hair, and took a few deep breaths to bring his heart rate back under control. He looked out the window over his sink, outside was inky blackness. He could see the reflection of his bright kitchen, every light from his bedroom into the kitchen had been flipped on as he stumbled here. He took another breath and opened the cupboard next to the sink, he pulled down his favorite mug, a simple nondescript cup, but it had been a gift from a student who had scrawled in permanent marker what they’d learned from him. The mug had been well used, most of the words flaked away over time, but Cullen remembered what it had said. 

The warmth of the coffee in the mug was comforting and he picked up his tablet and sat down at the kitchen table to skim the news while he sipped at his coffee. The routine helped further distance him from the dreams. 

Most of the time nightmares and terrors weren’t a problem, but every now and again he’d have mornings like this. The anxiety and paranoia that dogged him through the years were exhausting. It had been five years since Kirkwall and ten since Kinloch, and it seemed that he may never be rid of it all. 

He’d served in the army for seven years, joining when he was just eighteen. His mother had been dead less than a year, and it had seemed like the right decision at the time. He could get away, and it’d help pay for school. It had just been far more than he’d bargained for. Now he was a PTSD suffering, lyrium withdrawal addled teacher. 

Lyrium use was a normalized practice in the army, the higher your rank, the more expected it was. It made sense, it made you faster, better in combat. The highly addictive nature of it was kept mostly quiet, it was used to control as much to make men and women better soldiers. Cullen always was good at following orders, right up to the end. 

His commanding officer had gone mad, with power as much as lyrium. Decided that the political unrest in Kirkwall had reached a breaking point with the attack on the Chantry, and tried to put Kirkwall under military rule. The decision caused a division among the people serving under her, Cullen being the most vocal against it. 

She’d tried to take the city by force, and it had ended catastrophically. Once the city was out of immediate danger Cullen came to Ferelden with Cassandra, did an alternative route to licensure so that he could use his history degree to teach and quit lyrium at the same time. Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine were aware of his addiction, but he didn’t say much about it. What parent wants their child taught by an ex-lyrium addict?

He shoved the thoughts away. That had been before. Before he left, before he came here, before he had a different life. He just wished the past could stay in the past. 

He was calmer, after a cup of coffee and reading the news at his kitchen table. Monday morning, Maker, what a way to start a week. At least he could look forward to seeing Mara. Friday night hadn’t been a complete disaster, which was good, considering his track record. 

She’d seemed annoyed to find him there instead of Solas. Questioning him outright so directly he thought for sure that the night was going to go terribly, especially when he’d asked her if she objected to working the gate with him. And then things had turned around, she seemed just as embarrassed what had happened the other day as he was. He offered to start over and she’d accepted just like that. He thought perhaps by the end they could at least consider each other friends. She was funny and had a nice smile, and by the end of the night he was seeing quite a lot of it which had to be a good sign. Dorian had even texted him to let him know he was no longer a big bumbling buffoon, he was just simply a buffoon. Cullen supposed that was a major improvement. 

He noticed in the last few weeks that Mara kept to a schedule. She arrived at the school right about 7:10 every single day, and left sometime between 3:45 and 4:00. He felt the slightest bit stalkerish for knowing that information, but her classroom was right across the hall from his, he noticed these sort of things. 

So, he’d made a plan to arrive at the same time this morning for a chance to talk to her minus everyone else. They would most likely be one of the few teachers there that early, and while he saw her every day at lunch, it wouldn’t be quite the same with everyone else around. Typically he’d just get ready and go to work since he was already up, and there was always work to be done, but instead he would wait. 

He still had well over an hour before he would even need to think about leaving. Cullen pulled up his lesson plans and settled in on the couch, deciding to refamiliarize himself with what he planned on teaching that day. His fingers drummed along the back of the brown leather couch as he tried to focus on what he was reading. 

Now that he wasn’t completely in the throes of a panic attack, his mind drifted. He read over the same few lines multiple times without retaining a single thing before flicking his tablet off and leaning back on the couch. He was antsy for an entirely different reason than he had been an hour ago. He wanted to get to the school so that he could see her. And it was ridiculous. 

He was a grown man and not some high school kid that changed their route to classes just for a chance of seeing their crush. And yet there he was, putting off going to work for a chance of seeing her. He had to admit it’d been a while, according to Dorian it had been an unacceptably long while. He’d dated casually back in Kirkwall and found it was not for him. When he’d moved to Ferelden he’d been set up on a few dates, but was mostly uninterested and found it hard to find the time. He didn’t really believe that much was missing from his life. He wondered if he’d been wrong all along ass he watched the clock and waited to leave just for the chance to speak with Mara a few minutes before the school day started.

He also wondered if the damage he’d done was irreparable, if the way things had started meant that any progress beyond friendship was impossible. Mara was a kind person. And when he’d commented that they should do something like that again sometime she’d agreed. He wanted it to be a good sign, but worried that she was just being nice. Maybe it was better if she was just being nice. There were a lot of reasons why this was a bad idea. She was his co-worker for one thing, right across the hall. If things went south, well they’d have to see each other every day. They’d run into each other in the copy room, they’d have to be at meetings together, and it would undoubtedly be awkward. Cullen hated the thought of that. For now, he’d settle for this. For conversations and friendship that would be just fine. 

He got up and began the rest of his morning routine, taking his time. He stood in the shower for ages, turning the water up as hot as he could stand it and letting it relax his tense muscles. Despite the lack of sleep he didn’t feel terrible this morning. He turned the lights off as he moved through the house, the morning slowly becoming bright enough that the light from the windows was enough. He almost felt like a different person from just a few hours earlier as he poured coffee into his thermos and picked up his teaching bag on the way out of the house. He pulled out of his driveway, glancing at his house as the garage door closed. It wasn’t large or anything impressive, but it was his. He’d purchased it with his army stipend, it was older, and a bit run down when he bought it. It’d been therapeutic fixing it up, going room by room and updating the whole thing. It’d taken almost a year, longer than he would have liked since he lived in it through the whole process. For two whole months he’d been unable to walk barefoot anywhere in the house while he put in new floors and baseboards. When it was finished there was a sense of pride in the accomplishment, he’d created a haven. It was close to Skyhold High too, just a few minutes drive. Which was nice and convenient, and would continue to be if they managed to keep the school going after this year. 

He turned right at the stoplight just a few blocks from Skyhold and realized that the gray compact car he was following was Mara’s. He smiled a little as he followed her car into the faculty parking and pulled into his assigned spot. Her assigned spot was on the line opposite of his, facing the road instead of the school, the parking lot was still pretty empty, very few teachers arrived this early, especially on a Monday. 

He got out of his car, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder. Mara was collecting her bag from the back seat of her car. She was dressed in a navy blue pencil skirt and colorful flats and seemed unaware he was there. “Good morning,” he called. 

She turned as she shut the door and smiled when she saw him standing there, “You’re late today.”

Maker’s breath, had she noticed his comings and goings too? He tried not to read too much into that. He adjusted his glasses as she approached, “Um...rough morning.” It was the truth.

“Well it is Monday,” she quipped with a crooked smile. 

He fell into pace next to her, “Did you have a good weekend?”

“I did, but I’m not sure why I insist on taking grading home with me since I somehow never end up getting to it,” she laughed. The sound was bright, filling all of the cracks that this morning had left him with. The sun was creeping up above the mountains in the distance, and a canyon breeze blew just enough to make the leaves on the trees shake. 

“I hope that means you actually did something fun instead,” he chuckled. 

“I know I was busy all weekend, but I’m not sure exactly what I got accomplished. How about yours?” she asked. 

They’d reached the double doors and he sped up to open one for her, “I...uh...mine was fine.”

She smiled at him in thanks as she walked through, pulling the second door open as she passed through it and looking back at him. “Just fine?” she teased. 

He moved toward her and she didn’t immediately move away, still holding the door and looking at him. He felt like she was a magnet, pulling him closer. He found it hard to glance away from her green eyes, but he did, looking over her head to the hallway beyond before smiling back at her, “Well, I did do my grading…”

Her eyes narrowed and she left the doorway, “You’re one of those teachers who can’t stand to let an assignment sit ungraded for a day, aren’t you?”

He laughed at the accusation in her tone as they walked together towards their classrooms, “Well, usually I like to keep my turn around to three days.”

She glared at him, “Disgusting.”

“What? I suppose you’re content letting assignments decay all weekend before you get around to them?” he joked. 

“You know, you try getting eighty-five essays all at once and you tell me how quickly you get through them,” she shot back, but she smiled as she did. 

“English is just one of those fluffy subjects with no right or wrong answers, you really can’t complain that the grading is hard.”

She rolled her eyes as she pulled her keys out to unlock her door, “Yeah and I suppose history is just black and white with no ambiguity whatsoever.” 

“None. Not ever,” Cullen affirmed. 

“Mmmmhmmm,” her feigned annoyance broke and she smiled as she put her door stop in place. 

“Have a good day,” he said as he opened his own classroom. 

“You too,” she smiled before she disappeared into her classroom. 

Those few minutes were worth the morning he’d had. 

***

That week he met her twice more in the parking lot as she arrived to school. The reasons were different each time, he’d run out of coffee and had to go to the shop that morning, or his alarm hadn’t gone off, but Mara wondered if that was true. He was clearly making an effort to be her friend, so she tried to reciprocate. 

She made these scones he’d mentioned once he liked and brought them to the lunch group, and she stopped into his classroom sometimes after school just to chat. There was usually some reason, ‘do you have this student’ or ‘ever had this problem’ then typically dissolved into a completely unrelated conversation. He even stopped in her classroom every now and again to chat too. 

He was sitting atop the desk nearest to hers, red button down shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and he adjusted his glasses every so often as he spoke. He was telling her some ridiculous story about Jim, their janitor. She tried to not get too distracted by the way his golden eyes lit up as he spoke.

“He got banned from using the riding hallway scrubber upstairs because he rode it down the stairs once,” Cullen explained. 

She laughed as he continued, “Dagna told me once she was having the kids do a physics experiment during fourth hour while he was cleaning the hallway and the kids had to dive out of the way to avoid getting hit. The man doesn’t stop for anything. Including basketballs.”

“Basketballs?” she questioned skeptically resting one foot against the handle of her bottom desk drawer and leaning back in her chair. 

“I was with Bull the other day in the large gym and Jim was cleaning it. He didn’t know we were there, so we decided to watch what happened because there was a basketball left on the court. When he got to it he didn’t even pause, just rode right over it and high centered the scrubber.”

She was laughing too hard to ask if this was really a true story, but Cullen kept going, “He kept trying to go for a few minutes and then he pulled out a pocket knife and stabbed the basketball. Once it was deflated he pulled it out and it rode with him until he was close enough to the garbage can to throw it away. I had to hold Bull back because he was so pissed he’d popped a basketball.” 

“This is not true, it’s too ridiculous,” she protested. 

“I’m serious. You can ask Leliana, we went to her right after. Told her about the whole thing. She called Jim in and told him that they’d had some basketballs going missing and if he could keep an eye out for them that would be great,” Cullen said. 

“She didn’t! What did Jim say?” she asked. 

“That he’d keep an eye out, very vigilantly,” Cullen’s face broke into a wide smile. 

“You’re pulling my leg, there is just no way that this is true,” Mara shook her head. 

“Ask Leliana or Bull. They’ll tell you.”

She glanced at the clock, “Well I needed to stop by my box anyways. So if I run into either of them I’ll be sure to ask.”

Cullen frowned, “I haven’t been to mine yet today either.”

She stood up from her desk, “Well let’s both go. Then I can find out in front of your face if you were lying to me.”

Cullen followed her, “I’m not sure why you think I’m lying.”

“Because that is the most far fetched thing I’ve ever heard. He couldn’t have ridden that thing down the stairs, he’d be dead! Those things weigh a ton.”

Cullen rubbed his neck, “I’m just telling you what I know.”

“Yeah yeah,” she smiled, her disbelief had hit some sort of button and she was having a little too much fun messing with him. 

Once they reached the main office they took a shortcut through the counseling office, it was empty, it was nearing four o’clock and most folks had left a long time ago. The faculty room was right by Leliana’s office and a small conference room. When they turned the corner to go into the faculty room Mara froze. 

She recognized the man exiting Leliana’s office, tall and thin as a rail, sneer a permanent fixture on his face. He wore a dark black suit and when his eyes fell on her she felt a cold dread creep up her spine. 

“Ah, Miss Lavellan, we meet again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every word of that hall way scrubber story is the truth. I've seen the punctured basketball. Only our janitor was named Matt instead of Jim, and well it was just too funny not to work in. I hope you enjoyed the update! Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and as always, thanks for reading! :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone from Cullen's past emerges.   
> Quick note: So in this story, we're pretending that Thedas and our world exist in tandem with one another. So the kids are learning about Thedosian history while also being taught about the American Transcendentalist movement. I don't know if anyone cares, but I thought I'll just slide that one in there.

When Cullen realized Mara had come to a skidding stop next to him, he stopped as well. Her shoulders had stiffened, and she seemed to be working very hard to keep her expression neutral as the man by Leliana’s office addressed her. 

“Corypheus,” she said calmly, “didn’t think you normally ventured this far south.” 

The man gave Cullen a bad feeling. He was tall, dressed meticulously in a black suit, but there was something in the tone of his voice that felt off. His face was scarred on one side, as if he’d been in some sort of accident and it had healed badly. It gave his face a disdainful look even when he attempted to smile. The name sounded faintly familiar, but Cullen wasn’t sure where he had heard it. 

Leliana had emerged from the office after him, Josephine and Vivienne following her. Leliana around at the group, face showing the smallest bit of strain, “You know each other?”

“Miss Lavellan worked at our most recent takeover, how interesting that she would end up here. What a coincidence,” Corypheus said, eyes never leaving Mara. 

“Coincidence indeed,” Leliana crossed her arms. 

“Miss Lavellan should be quite an asset to your school. It seems that the only thing she isn’t any good at is sticking around,” Corypheus tilted his head, a ghost of a smile oh his face. 

Mara didn’t take the bait, “We’ve probably taken up enough of your time. We’ll let you get on your way.”

He offered a hand to Leliana who shook it and then he glided away from them, and then it was Cullen’s turn to stop. Raleigh Samson exited Leliana’s office with a tall blonde woman, they were speaking so quietly it was impossible to catch anything they were saying. Cullen thought for a moment that Samson might be too involved in the conversation to see him, but Samson looked up as he passed. 

“Cullen Rutherford, I didn’t realize you’d ended up here in the most backward part of Thedas,” he smiled. 

Cullen had known Samson in Kirkwall, had served with him until he was kicked out of the order. He’d been breaking into the lyrium stores, he’d built up quite the business before he was caught, selling the lyrium on the streets and taking plenty for himself. When he was caught he was discharged dishonorably and Cullen had lost track of him. He looked a little worse for wear, his cheeks were sunken, face wan, and there were slight bags under his eyes. However, he didn’t look like someone languishing in the throes of lyrium addiction. 

“Samson,” Cullen said, voice sounding tighter than he’d intended. 

“I’m surprised they let someone with your….. _ history _ hold a teaching license. Ferelden must be so very desperate for teachers that they’ll literally take anyone,” Samson smiled genially, as if he was talking about the weather. Cullen was intensely aware of Mara’s presence as Samson spoke, his past was not something he wanted Samson flouting in front of everyone. The blonde next to him laughed. 

Cullen put his hand in his pocket so that no one would see the way his hands were shaking, “What exactly are you doing here?”

“Calpernia and I,” Samson replied, gesturing to the woman next to him, “help with some of the administrative tasks that are involved with a school takeover. We’re quite excited about Skyhold, though when we take it over there will be a lot of changes in staff.”

Cullen didn’t respond, didn’t trust himself to. He stood there mute, not breaking eye contact until Samson did with a smirk. 

Corypheus stood next to the door to the main office looking bored and scrolling through his smartphone, “Samson, Calpernia, come along.” His voice was commanding, jarring even. This was a man who was used to getting exactly what he wanted. His frame was large enough that he blocked out the light coming from the glass door into the office, making everything darker just by standing there. 

Samson smiled before giving Cullen a smack on the arm that bordered on painful, but Cullen didn’t flinch. “Good to see you Cullen.”

Calpernia narrowed her eyes at both of them before her and Samson joined Corypheus at the door and leave the office. Everyone else in the office was silent as they watched the group exit the school. Once they were gone Leliana’s carefully held composure slipped away. 

“All of you in my office now,” Leliana ordered. She stood at the door as they filed in, Cullen following behind Mara, Vivienne, and Josephine. 

Vivienne moved elegantly to the conference table on the far side of the room, crossing her hands and watching the rest of them enter. Mara sank down into a chair, as if the last few minutes had been physically taxing. As Cullen sat next to her he realized he felt the same way. 

He put his hands in his lap, aware they were still shaking. Raleigh Samson at Skyhold High School. It was something he would have never expected. He was still trying to process the whole thing. And then he began wondering how did Mara know Corypheus?

Leliana shut the door loudly behind her and walked to the head of the table. She didn’t bother sitting, instead braced her hands against the edge of the desk as she leaned heavily over it, “What was all of that?”

Her question was met with silence and no one meeting anyone’s eyes. Vivienne spoke first, “I think, darling, that you’re going to need to be a bit more specific.”

Leliana’s gaze leveled on Mara, “You know Corypheus?”

Mara ran a hand through her hair, something he’d noticed she did when stressed, “You didn’t tell me that his was the company that was putting in the bids.” 

“That information isn’t exactly public,” Vivienne said cooly. 

“And it continues not to be,” Leliana said with finality and then turned back to Mara, awaiting an explanation. 

Mara didn’t look at anyone, instead traced indiscernible patterns into the wood table with her finger, “The last school I worked at was purchased by his company.”

“We were aware the last school you worked at did not end successfully,” Josephine replied. 

Mara nodded, “For a myriad of reasons. But mostly, him.”

“Does it truly make a difference who is trying to purchase the school?” Josephine asked. 

Mara looked up, “It does when it’s him. His company has so much money if he decides this it what he wants the cost is of no real concern. He’s ruthless and plays dirty. We couldn’t prove it, but we were sure that he had something on a few of the school board members. They seemed to bend to his every whim.”

“And his being here? Coincidence?” Leliana asked. 

Mara shook her head, “I don’t know, I didn’t know I was coming here until you called me a few weeks into summer.”

Vivienne checked her phone, “His original offer came before that. Not connected.”

“He seemed extremely well versed on how we do things around here and the general goings on,” Leliana said grimly. 

Vivienne raised an eyebrow, “Someone on the inside?”

“It seems that way,” Leliana frowned. 

“We don’t know that,” Josephine protested.

“No, but the prospect of having a job secured next year is plenty of motivation to offer up information,” Leliana pushed off of the desk and began pacing in front of it. 

“Minor detail,” Vivienne prompted, “Not the real issue at play.”

Leliana nodded in agreement, and turned to him then, “You knew Samson.”

Cullen nodded, “Yes. I served with him in Kirkwall.” 

Leliana looked as though she was thinking about something, “How much does he know?”

“Enough to make things difficult,” Cullen responded shortly. Samson could very easily share the information about Cullen being a lyrium addict, ex-addict. He’d been clean for years, he’d been honest when he applied for his license and the district and school was aware. But parents probably wouldn’t care about that. It could make things difficult for both the school and for Cullen. 

Vivienne knew exactly what they were discussing, “As I understand it, anything he shared about you would also paint him in a poor light.” 

“It would,” Cullen agreed. 

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem,” Vivienne smiled. 

Cullen nodded, and then Leliana moved on. Mara threw him a questioning look, he could tell she was trying to figure out what they were all talking about that she wasn’t privy to. 

“Listen up, especially Cullen and Mara. What you saw today and who you talked to is not to be discussed with anyone. You understand?”

They nodded. 

“You ought to know why they were here,” Vivienne said, “You’ve gathered that they’re the group who wants to purchase the school, but they’re being quite aggressive about it. They met with Leliana trying to gain access to the school. They want to do observations etc.”

“And I refused,” Leliana explained. 

“But the school board may very well decide to override that decision,” Vivienne said, “perhaps Mara might be able to provide some insight to the board about the way Corypheus works, change their mind?”

“We are going to the district office in just a few minutes,” Leliana said, turning to Mara. 

“Alright,” Mara agreed. 

“Cullen, Josephine, have good night,” Leliana said. It was a dismissal and Josephine recognized it too, she nodded and gathered her binders and clipboards before heading out of the office. 

Cullen turned towards Mara, wanting to say something encouraging. “If we are to have a chance, make sure they hear you.”

Mara gave him a slight smile and then he left, following Josephine out and wishing he’d known better what to say. 

***

Mara had lived alone for long enough that she knew her vices well and how to mitigate them. For example, a few times a year during college she’d wake up the sun shining through her window and she would realize that she was late. Beyond late. She’d check her alarm, concerned that she’d forgot to set it only to find that it had been set, and her roommates told her how she’d gotten up turned off the alarm that was all the way across the room and then gotten back into bed. She had no memory of it. So once she lived alone she’d begun setting two alarms, ten minutes apart. She hadn’t had an oversleeping incident in years. 

Mara was laying in bed staring at the ceiling in that time between alarms. It was ten minutes, but it never felt like that. Either it felt too short as she fell asleep between the alarms, or like an eternity. She hadn’t slept well despite the exhausted state she’d come home in. She’d been at the school board meeting for nearly two hours, and then Leliana and Vivienne wanted to talk about it afterwards. She’d come home about eight tired, hungry, and ready for the day to be over. She’d changed into sweats and crawled into bed with a microwave meal and streamed her favorite show until she fell asleep. 

She was debating getting a sub for the day. It was tempting to take the day off, to stay home and sleep and not deal with real life for the day. She considered the state of her classroom, it was definitely not in any shape for a sub to come in, but did that really matter? She wasn’t sure it did. She thought through what she had planned for each of her classes, and if they were things a sub could teach easily. That was always the dilemma with getting a sub for the day, especially on such short notice, you’d just get whoever hadn’t already taken jobs in advance and it was always a mixed bag. Sometimes the sub would do a wonderful job, the kids would behave and things will have gone smoothly….other times though you were lucky if all you lost was two days trying to fix the mess. Often, calling in sick to work was more work than just showing up. It was for that reason that when the second alarm went off Mara got up with it and went to work.

Cullen didn’t meet her in the parking lot, his car already in its spot. She found that she was a little disappointed, had looked forward to seeing him more than she wanted to admit. His classroom lights were on when walked in, and she went to poke her head in and say hi, but his classroom was empty. She sighed and went to her room. 

Yesterday’s writing prompts and root words were still on the board, having never been replaced before she left. There just hadn’t been time. As she erased the board, she reflected on the day before, something Corypheus said had struck a nerve. 

That sticking around was the only thing she wasn’t good at. She wondered if he was right. She’d been at four different schools in the last four years. It wasn’t really a conscious decision for her career to have gone as it had. She’d started out at a struggling school and when things had improved she’d gotten an opportunity to help another, and then another, and then another. She liked the moving around, the new people and places, it wasn’t the easiest, but it was familiar. 

He was wrong, she wasn’t just someone who took off. She did the work that needed to be done, it was good. It worked for her, and Corypheus be damned, it was her life afterall. She didn’t care what he thought of her. The man just had a way of saying things that got under her skin. 

She didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on it, the school bell rang and her day began. It was full of talking about Transcendentalism and different text structures and wondering why third hour found the same jokes she told first hour so much funnier than first hour had. 

In the break between fourth and fifth hour Cullen walked into her room, face pale. She noticed he swayed a little when he stopped near her desk. 

“You wouldn’t happen to have any ibuprofen or something would you?” he asked, his voice was strained. 

“Of course, are you alright?” she asked as she pulled her bag out of the cupboard and began digging for the plastic bag she kept full of minor pain meds for headaches, periods the like. 

He bent over her desk, knuckles white as he gripped the edge, “Migraine.”

She stood from her desk and ushered him into her chair. He didn’t fight her at all as he sunk down heavily, that’s when she knew it was really bad. 

“You’re not teaching,” she said, pulling her phone out of her drawer, “I’m going to call Leliana or Josephine to take you home. I’ll handle your fifth hour.”

Cullen’s hand reached clumsily out to grab at her phone, “No.”

“What?” she asked. 

“I don’t want them to know,” he whispered. 

“Okay, but you can’t drive yourself home. So…” she thought for a moment looking at the clock, “so you’re going to stay here until after school and then I’ll take you home.”

“Once I take something I’ll feel much better,” he said weakly. 

She sighed, “What’s being taught in fifth hour?”

It took Cullen a moment, she could tell to try and think through the fog his brain was in to tell her what the lesson plan was. “Nevarran independance….there’s a slide show on my computer….for a sub to use if needed...it has all the notes,” he managed. His breath came in pants and his hands were shaking. 

“You forget I have a minor in history,” she smiled reassuringly, “this is cake.”

Cullen chuckled, wincing as he did, “Thank you.”

“Just think non-vomit-y thoughts while I’m gone okay?” she said gently as she walked to the door. She flicked the lights off.

“Yeah, I’ll work on that,” he said quietly in the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, were you predictions right? :) Thanks so much for following along and all the love you give this story. Makes my heart so happy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara takes Cullen home.

After dodging questions from curious students with simple, “Mr. R just isn’t feeling well.” She was able to get Cullen’s class started and the kids settled in. They were pretty well behaved, it helped that she knew most of them. She was grateful for Cullen’s powerpoint, since it’d been awhile since she’d read up on Nevarran independance, it helped her keep her facts straight and the events in the right order, she always seemed to forget Hector, the Lord of Nevarra and forget to mention him before talking about Verald, son of Maferath. 

They ended about two minutes early so Mara dismissed the class, thanking them for being good and telling them that this was just going to be a secret between them. She’d never seen Cullen dismiss his class even a few minutes early, but they’d been good and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Besides, she hoped he was passed out in her classroom anyways. She stayed in his room until the mass exodus of students leaving the school had mostly passed. There wasn’t really any sense going back to her classroom and waking him if they’d have to wait to leave. 

She grabbed his jacket that hung off the back of his chair and his keys that she knew he kept in the top drawer of his desk. She turned off his computer and closed up his classroom before quietly unlocking hers and going in. 

“Cullen?” she called quietly, still near the light switch. 

“Hmmm?” he replied. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked. 

“If you’d just remove my head from my body, that’d be great,” he replied dryly. 

She chuckled, “Let’s get you home. I’m turning a light on.”

She waited a moment, so he could prepare himself before flicking one of the switches. Only half of the lights in the classroom turned on, but Cullen still winced at the little bit of light. 

“Sorry,” she apologized as she approached the desk. He was pale, and he looked more exhausted than she’d ever seen him. 

“It’s fine,” he said as she stood up slowly. He was clearly weak, swaying a bit as he stood. 

She moved closer to him, in case he needed help balancing, “Can I do anything?”

“Give me my keys so I can drive home?” he asked. 

“You can barely stand, you’re not driving. I’ll drive you home,” she said firmly. 

“I can drive myself home, it’s just a few blocks,” he insisted. 

She rolled her eyes, “Come on you stubborn man. I’m taking you home.”

He glared at her through bleary eyes, but didn’t seem to have the energy to fight her, so he began walking towards the door. He seemed a little unsteady on his feet, so Mara moved to his side, putting one arm around his waist. She thought at first she felt him stiffen under the contact, but then he leaned a bit on her, one of his fisted hands resting on her shoulder. 

She was grateful the day was overcast, it meant that it wasn’t much brighter outside than it was in and she led him to her car, helping him into the passenger seat. She put their bags and his jacket in the back seat while she walked around to the other side of the car and got in. 

When she turned the car on the radio began blaring loudly. She flipped the radio dial down as quickly as she could, but not before several notes of The Gurgut’s hit ‘Embrium Fields Forever’ filled the car. 

“Sorry!” she said quickly noticing how Cullen winced at the loud noise. 

“You really like to jam on the way to school don’t you?” he asked weakly. 

“Yes…” she replied, blush warming her cheeks, “You’re going to have to give me directions.”

“Okay,” Cullen said. They rode in silence for the rest of the short drive, the only interruption was Cullen’s occasional directions to his house. 

His house was on the corner of a sleepy street that was lined with trees, some of them turning yellow and orange in the early autumn weather. The house stood back from the street a ways, covered in the shade that two large hazelnut trees in the front yard provided. She could see more trees poking up over the house from the back yard. The house was older, the lightest of blues with white accents. It had a covered porch to the right of the garage, leading up to the front door. The whole place had a certain charm to it. It didn’t look like the place Mara pictured Cullen living at all. 

“You can pull into the driveway,” Cullen said as she pulled up to his house. She pulled in, and turned the car off. 

“I really can take it from here,” Cullen insisted. 

“I’m just going to help you get inside and make sure you’re fine. Can’t have you undoing all my good work by falling before you even made it your front door,” she smiled. 

Cullen glared, but when she helped him out of the car he leaned against her and she decided she’d made the right call. The walkways were lined with plants and flowers all the way up to the door, it was pretty she decided. 

“Silver key on the key ring,” he said quietly as they reached the front door. 

She opened the door and was immediately impressed with the cleanliness of the place. She helped him to the brown leather couch in the living room, “Where is your migraine medication?”

“Upstairs bathroom behind the mirror, it’s in these silver packets,” Cullen responded as he stretched out on the couch, setting his glasses down on the nearby coffee table. 

The downstairs of Cullen’s house was larger than the upstairs. The living room, dining room and kitchen also had few walls between them, making the space seem bigger. There was some sort of an office behind the kitchen, a bathroom and another room but the door was mostly closed. She went up the narrow stairs to second floor of the house. The second floor was two rooms, a bedroom with vaulted ceilings that she only glanced through the open door quickly and a large bathroom. The house was older, but everything in the house appeared mostly new or reclaimed at the very least. It was beautiful. 

She opened up the mirror, revealing the cabinet behind and very aware that she was looking through Cullen’s private things. Each shelf was meticulously organized and on the middle shelf she found a collection of silver packets, a pill inside each. She wasn’t sure how many he needed so she brought them all down with her. She did her best not to look at anything else within the cabinet, trying not to invade his privacy further than she had to. 

“Do you take them with water? Food?” she asked as she re-entered the living room. 

Cullen hoarsely responded, “Just water.”

She walked into his kitchen, it was bright and clean, much like the rest of the house. On a chance she tried the cupboard closest to the sink and felt an irrational sense of victory as she found glasses on the bottom shelf. She filled one with water and then hurried back into the living room. 

Cullen didn’t make a sound acknowledging her presence, but when she knelt down next to him she noticed a few tears had escaped from his eyes. She wondered just how much pain he was in, and why he felt like he couldn’t just cry in front of her. 

“Meds,” she whispered, announcing her presence. 

He saw the packets and the water, he sat up a bit, “Just one pill.” 

She opened up on of the packets, freeing the tiny pink triangle pill from the plastic. He took the pill from her hand and took a long drink of the water with the pill. He gave the water back to her before sinking back into the cushions of the couch, eyes closed. 

“Thank you,” he managed. 

“Of course,” she whispered, going back into the kitchen. Now that she’d done everything she could for him, she really looked around his house. 

Cullen’s living room walls were lined with bookcases, full of books. She noticed he had everything from bestsellers to obscure history books. The whole place had a calming feel to it, and she felt rather like she was intruding into someplace very personal. 

She set Cullen’s glass to the side of the sink unsure what else to do. There weren’t even dishes in the sink, did he wash or put them in the dishwasher as soon as he used them?

Mara picked up her bag that she’d set by the door, pulling out some grading to work on and settled into a large and comfortable chair in the living room. 

“You really don’t have to stay,” Cullen murmured from the couch. 

“I know,” she said quietly, “I can go if you want though…”

There was silence for a moment and then he whispered so quietly she almost didn’t catch it, “I don’t want you to go.”

Her heart fluttered at the admission, and she told herself not to read too much into it. He was in pain, and she was here helping or trying to anyways. She turned her attention back to her grading trying to go through her papers as quietly as possible so that he could rest. Until she lost track of time. 

***

When Cullen woke his body ached everywhere, but his medication had mostly dulled it. He felt a little cloudy though, a side effect of the meds. He knew it had been a couple hours by the color of the light outside the windows. He glanced to the chair near the door. 

She was still there. 

She was reading papers, curled up catlike on the couch, legs tucked under her body. Her blonde hair fell like a curtain on the side of her face as she read. He smiled, he liked seeing her there. 

“You stayed,” he couldn’t help the smile that came to his face. 

She glanced up, a smile stretching across her lips, “You slept.”

“I did,” Cullen replied. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked, setting her grading down and replacing the lid on the colorful pen she favored when grading essays. 

“Better,” he responded.

“Are they always that bad?” she asked, concern coloring her voice. 

Before he fell asleep he had decided he had to tell her, tell her what Samson knew. He needed her to hear it from him before it came from anywhere else. His migraines were often triggered by stress, and he’d been stressed out ever since running into Samson in the office.

He sighed, “Not always, without lyrium they’re worse.”

Mara frowned, “Lyrium?”

“I’m in long-term recovery from lyrium addiction,” he explained and waited, studying her face and hoping her opinion of him wouldn’t change with the revelation. 

“Really? How long?” she asked. 

“I quit when I left the army and before I started teaching, so about five years,” he replied. Mara was quiet for a moment, and Cullen tried not to read into her silence. 

“That’s what Samson was talking about, and Leliana and Josephine,” Mara said, remembering the conversation from the day before. 

“Yes,” Cullen said. 

Mara’s eyes locked on his, “That must have been really difficult. I’m sorry.” There was no judgement in her eyes, just kindness. 

Cullen let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, “Some days are better than others.”

“Bad day today?” she asked. 

“Yes, and I thought I had some of my medication in my desk, but I didn’t. I don’t think I’ll be making that mistake again,” he said. 

She laughed, “No I imagine not. You hungry?”

“Yes,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m afraid I don’t have much of anything here.”

“Stretching things out as long as possible to put off grocery shopping?” Mara asked with a smile. 

“Something like that,” he replied. The truth was he very rarely had much food at the house. He wasn’t a terrible cook, but not a great one. He picked up frozen meals and ate out more often than he should. Dorian had him over for dinner fairly often too, Bull was a great cook and always sent Cullen home with leftovers. 

“Well, what sounds good to you?” Mara asked.

He thought for a moment, a lot of his usual favorites made his stomach turn. Then he smiled, “Mac and cheese.”

“How very Fereldan of you,” Mara laughed. 

“Sorry?” he offered with a chuckle. 

“Okay, so where’s the best place to get you some mac and cheese around here?” Mara asked.

Cullen shook his head, “You are not going to get me food after everything else.”

“Am too. And if you don’t tell me where the good place is, I’ll just look something up and you might end up with subpar mac and cheese,” she said with her arms crossed. 

It was a losing battle and he knew it. So he told her, and then she refused to take cash or his card before rushing out of his house. Cullen promised to get her back for this. He sank back into the couch, hardly believing what was happening. 

She’d taken care of his class, got him home, and then she’d stayed to make sure he was okay. Then she insisted on getting him dinner. His heart was full of a weird sort of fluttering at the thought. Even with the dull aching still present, he felt hopeful. 

Mara was pretty quick, he could see the headlights of her car pouring in through the windows. The sun had set while she was gone, and Cullen realized that he was laying in his house in the dark. He got up, turning lights on as he met her at the door. 

“Hey,” she smiled as he took the food bag from her. 

“You were fast,” he said, closing the door behind her. 

Mara replied, “They weren’t busy. So that was nice.”

She shrugged out of her coat, looking a little unsure of what to do next. He remembered he was the one holding the food in his house, and walked into the kitchen. He set the bag on the counter and began pulling the food out. 

“Maker’s breath,” he said as he pulled a platter of mac and cheese out of the bag, “Did you clean them out of the stuff?”

Mara laughed as she pulled her food out of the bag, “I didn’t know how much you wanted, and I figured I’d err on the side of too much. You’ll have lunch tomorrow if you don’t eat it all.”

He was a little stunned by her thoughtfulness, “Thank you.”

“I didn’t know what you liked to drink so I didn’t grab any,” Mara said apologetically. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he turned to his fridge, hoping something to drink had materialized. He was disappointed, the fridge was as bare as he remembered it being. 

“I’ve got water, and also water,” he frowned. 

Mara stood at the end of the counter, toying with the edge of the paper that wrapped what looked like a sandwich, “Oh, I think I’ll have water!” She said in with an amused smile. 

“Alright then,” he laughed and filled two glasses. He handed her a glass and and led her to the table. He pulled the plastic cover off of his platter of mac and cheese, the smell was heavenly. 

“So you’re feeling a bit better I take it?” she laughed as he dug into his food. He’d already gotten several bites in while she was still unwrapping her sandwich. 

“Much better,” he murmured, swallowing down his food. “Do you want some?”

“And risk you not having enough?” she said with mock horror. 

“Come on try some,” he got a bit on his fork and offered it to her. “It’s the best in Denerim.”

She looked at him a little stunned at first, and he realized that offering his fork to her might not have been the best move. Too forward perhaps. Maker, she made him just feel so comfortable. Her eyes didn’t leave his as she leaned forward, and took a bite from his offering. 

“Mmm,” she nodded breaking eye contact, cheeks pink, “That is good.”

“My mom used to make homemade mac and cheese. It’s not the same, but it’s way better than from a box.”

“Comfort food.”

“Yeah,” Cullen agreed, “You have any of those?”

“Onion rings,” she laughed, “funny considering how I don’t really like onions, but there you go. I guess as long as it’s deep fried I’ll take it.”

“That’s a little odd,” he said. 

“This is coming from the man who is eating a platter of mac and cheese, so…” 

He threw a napkin at her in response. When they’d both finished eating Mara immediately helped clean up, she looked so right there in his house. He kept pushing those thoughts away, he didn’t want to get his hopes up for anything more, not yet. She was here, that was enough for now. 

Clean-up didn’t take long and he was suddenly very aware of how much space was between them. Too much. He wanted to reach out, do something. Having her here was almost worth the blinding pain he’d been in from the migraine. He still felt shaky and weak, couldn’t decided if it was leftover from the pain or just being in her presence.  

“Your house is wonderful,” Mara said, her words pulling him from his thoughts. 

“It’s older, so it has its quirks, but I quite like it,” he replied, leaning against the counter hands grasping the edge to anchor him there to keep him from doing something he’d regret later. 

“I should get home,” Mara said glancing up at him through dark lashes. 

“Alright,” he moved closer to her, “thank you, for everything.” He hoped she knew just how grateful he was. He thought about hugging her goodbye, but wasn’t sure how to breach the distance. 

“It’s no problem, really,” Mara smiled. She moved too, closer to him or living room he wasn’t sure. 

“You have to let me pay you back for dinner,” he offered again aware of the rapidly closing space between them. 

She smiled, “We’ll find something. Make you take my class on your prep or something.”

She wasn’t far away now, those emerald eyes of hers hadn’t left his, and just a few inches and he could have the answer to every question he was afraid to ask. The moment stretched and his heart raced, he wanted to will himself forward but fear kept him rooted to the spot.

They were friends, good ones. Coworkers too, and if she didn’t return his feelings, he wasn’t sure how it might affect their current relationship. It was always the same arguments that kept holding him back.   

“I really should get home,” Mara said quietly, eyes breaking away from his.  

The moment had passed. 

He moved aside then, “Okay.”

She walked into the living room, picking up her jacket and bag, “I can pick you up tomorrow morning.”

Cullen adjusted his glasses, “I can walk, it’s not that far.”

“I’ll be here at seven?” she offered, ignoring his offer to walk. 

He thought about arguing, but what was the use? He wanted to see her again, soon. 

“Sounds good.”

She beamed, “See you then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here have some cuteness to make up for some of the drama of the last couple chapters! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara wrangles with her feelings about Cullen and he makes a decision.

Mara turned her car down his street in the pale blue light of the morning. It was slowly beginning to get darker in the mornings as the days raced towards autumn. The days were still blessedly warm, but the mornings had a bite of chill to them that promised winter wasn’t far off. It was her favorite time of year, but she wasn’t thinking about that as she drove down his quiet road. 

Her heart was hammering and she couldn’t seem to calm herself. It had done the same thing as she hurried from his house last night. There was a moment, standing in his bright kitchen that she wondered if something might happen, and the thought terrified her. So she left. What exactly did she want? She wasn’t sure, but she knew she wasn’t quite ready to figure it out right then. It was complicated, they were colleagues and his admission had surprised her. 

She’d heard of lyrium addiction, how it destroyed and took one’s mind but had no experience with it at all. She had images from documentaries and books filling her mind that were hard to reconcile with him, someone who was so whole and good. She knew her own prejudices and biases were swirling in her head, and she fought them. Wanted to accept the person she knew in front of her, not who he had been. He’d been so earnestly honest with her, and that was a gift she didn’t want to sully with stupid questions or judgement. 

She’d spent some time with it over night, realizing as she laid awake last night that she wasn’t so much bothered by the admission itself. But that no matter how well she thought she knew him, there were pieces of his life she didn’t know, and might never be able to understand. Wouldn’t he want to be with someone who understood, or at least had more experience than what they read in a book? Didn’t he deserve someone who immediately didn’t care, not someone who had to sit with it for a while before they realized it didn’t matter? 

She shook the thoughts from her head and sent him a quick text to let him know she was there as she pulled into the driveway. His house glowed, the light from the windows stretching out to meet the still dark morning. It looked just as cheery as it had the night before when she left. The more she looked at it, the house looked just like him, his touch was everywhere. From the simple but carefully kept yard, to the rows of books in the living room. 

The lights blinked off and the front door opened. Cullen appeared, balancing two cups and trying to lock the door. He looked as put together as usual, a sweater and slacks. He smiled at her as he approached her car, and her stomach flipped involuntarily. 

The car door opened, “Good morning.”

“Morning, for you,” he handed her one of the cups he was carrying as he removed his messenger back and got in the car. 

She was pleasantly surprised to be met with the smell of coffee, “Really? That’s nice of you.”

“Least I could do considering you’re my chauffeur and food deliverer,” he sipped at his own cup. “I didn’t know how you took it though, so I just made it how I like mine.”

She took a quick sip, praying he wasn’t one to like too much sugar, “You make a pretty good cup of coffee.”

She placed the cup in the cupholder before backing out of the driveway, “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Much better,” Cullen said quietly. 

She glanced over at him, he was toying with the lid of his cup and not looking at her, “I’m glad.”

“It shouldn’t happen again,” he promised, a hint of bitterness in his tone. She wondered where it was coming from, and hoped that none of it had to do with her presence. She wasn’t sure what to say, so she kept her attention focused on the road. 

“At any rate, I’ve got all of the mac and cheese in all of Ferelden in my backpack, so if that doesn’t make things better I don’t know what will,” Cullen joked. 

She shook her head, “It was not that much.” She turned into the school parking lot, Cullen’s car was sitting there one of only four cars. 

“Emptier than usual for a Thursday,” Cullen commented. 

“Leliana is going to be concerned that you slept here,” Mara smiled as she parked. 

“Well if I get called into the principal's office I know who to blame,” Cullen replied. 

She locked her car as they began walking towards the building, “Hey, it’s not my fault that your reputation for being here at all hours proceeds you.”

“I am not here at all hours,” Cullen protested.

She shot him a look of disbelief and took another drink of the coffee. He pulled the door open for her while shaking his head, “Yesterday I left at a reasonable time.”

She chuckled, “Hardly counts.”

“Why?” Cullen feigned offense. 

“Because I forcibly made you leave. I put you in my car and drove you home,” she said. Their conversation felt loud in the empty hallway, the click of her shoes the only sound besides their talking. 

“Fair point,” Cullen sighed dramatically. 

They’d reached their classrooms and they stood between them, she felt a reluctance to go to her room, despite knowing there was plenty that needed to be done before the school day began. She wondered if the reluctance was only on her end. 

“Thanks for the coffee,” she said as she moved towards her door, “I’ll get your cup back to you.”

Cullen shrugged, “Whenever, it’s not a big deal.”

“See you,” she smiled and walked into her room. 

Her heart fluttered at the way he’d looked at her before she’d entered her room. She pushed it away, getting tangled up with feelings was really the last thing to be worried about. 

***

Later that day, Mara entered the copy room to find it pleasantly empty after school.  She liked it this way, meant she could make her copies exactly how she liked and use as many machines as she needed at once. She tried to leave at least one open, in case someone came but it was already past contractual time, most teachers would be gone. 

She was waiting on the few pages of a Hemingway short story to print and then she’d be finished when Dorian entered the room. 

“Mara,” he greeted her with a smile, “fancy meeting you here.”

“Indeed, what are you doing here? Don’t you have an aide to make all your copies?” she asked. 

“Usually, but I just got the Homecoming Parade itinerary finalized and need to put a copy in everyone’s boxes so that they can yell at me about changes to be made. But I can’t send it out over email because no one will read it. Next week is going to be a mess,” Dorian said as he selected some bright green paper and placed it in the copy machine. 

“Why is it a mess?” she asked. 

“Because the student council kids are next to worthless and my other committee members aren’t much better. I was actually hoping you might be able to help,” Dorian admitted. 

“Of course!” she replied, “What do you need?”

“I need someone to help me coordinate the parade the day of, someone I can rely on. And also another person who can help supervise poster hanging,” Dorian explained. 

She nodded, “I can do both, the poster hanging is tomorrow right?”

Dorian looked relieved, “And the parade is Wednesday. You’re Maker sent you know that?”

“How exactly did you get saddled with being in charge of Homecoming?” Mara asked crossing her arms. 

Dorian sighed, “Oh you know, the only one capable...willing...etc. etc. I don’t usually mind it, but then again my committee has never been this deadbeat about it.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. 

“It’s alright. How have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in days. We need to do another dinner night,” Dorian said. 

“Oh I’m fine, just trying to catch up on things. I didn’t really get much done yesterday after school,” she replied. 

“Varric said he saw you taking Cullen to your car.”

She nodded, “Yeah, he had a migraine and could barely walk. I wasn’t going to let him drive home.”

Dorian watched her carefully, “He told you then I presume?”

She caught his meaning, “Yes. Then I went and got him dinner and we hung out for while, I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“Hold up,” Dorian looked at her incredulously, “You were at his house?”

“Yes?” Mara asked confused. 

“You were in his house?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?” Dorian shook his head. 

“Why is this a big deal?” she asked. 

“I’ve been friends with Cullen since I started here. He’s been inside our house, I’ve gone to his, but I’ve never been inside it,” Dorian looked a little upset. 

“Oh…” Mara began to understand. 

“Cullen’s a very private person,” Dorian said quietly. 

“I’d gathered that.”

“Kaffas…..” he paused, “That’s well that’s wonderful.” Dorian smiled at her, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“I guess,” Mara said, her heart in her throat while she tried to process the new information. 

Dorian looked at her calculatingly, “Do you care for him?”

She was taken aback at the bluntness of the question, “I...um...I care about him. He’s my friend. I’m not sure of anything beyond that.”

“I’m not the best at offering this sort of advice, but you’re both my friends and I’m going to try. My current relationship began with a series of one night stands that just never stopped.”

“Well, at least you knew what you wanted,” Mara laughed. 

Dorian shook his head, “It was more complicated than that. There was all the physical stuff and none of the communication beyond that. So when feelings got involved, it was….messy for lack of a better word.”

“And now you love him,” Mara smiled. 

Dorian laughed, “Yes, but don’t tell him that. His big head already barely fits through the door.” 

She leaned up against the counter, “My lips are sealed.”

“So just do me a favor,” Dorian began, “Don’t take too long figuring things out. As much of a sap as it makes me sound, I just want everyone to be happy.”

“Well, I am happy,” she assured him. 

Dorian nodded, but didn’t seem convinced, “Whatever you say.”

Ever the bookworm Dorian glanced through her stacks of copies, eyes brightening with recognition and mouth quirked in a smile, “So Hemingway?”

***

It was finally Friday, and Cullen was relieved that the eternal week had come to a close. His fifth hour was almost as antsy as he was, waiting for the bell to ring. He’d had the students working on a group project for the last half of the class and the students were already watching the clock closely and beginning to pack up. 

The classroom was full of the sounds of students talking and backpacks being packed up. Normally, he’d be annoyed to no end that the kids were packing up before the bell had rung. He’d reprimanded them a few times this year already for it, but the same sort of anticipation was gripping him too. 

“Alright,” he got the class’s attention, “Let’s straighten all of the desks and put the supply boxes away and I’ll let you go a minute early.”

The kids looked at him incredulously, but jumped to work immediately. He hardly ever let his classes leave early, but today he didn’t see the point in keeping them a minute longer. Several students lined up at the door, watching him for the signal that they could leave. 

Once the room looked clean and pristine he gave the students a quick nod, “Have a great weekend.”

The kids waved as they left several of them calling, “You too Mr. R!” as they left. Cullen smiled a little as the kids filtered out. Then he began his end of day ritual. 

He picked up his absent binder, updating it with the day’s lessons and handouts and carefully copying down each student’s name who was absent. He erased his board and put the daily notebook prompt up for Monday. He double checked his copies for the upcoming week and then entered attendance for the day into the school’s computer system. 

It had all become second nature to him, a habit that left him anxious if he didn’t complete it before leaving for the day. That day he rushed a bit faster through it than usual though. He had a plan. After school he was going to wander over to her classroom like he’d done so many times before and he was going to ask her out. Something super casual, grabbing dinner that night. Then from there he’d try to work up the courage to do something. He hoped. 

The whole thing made his palms sweat and his heart race. It was somewhat ridiculous considering that they’d had dinner the other night at his house, but that was different, she was there to take care of him. It wasn’t a date. 

Maker’s breath, this was going to be difficult. 

He stood up from his desk, it was just a few minutes after school and he hoped she didn’t have any students in her room. There always seemed to be kids hanging out in her classroom, which wasn’t a problem, it just made it hard to really talk to her. He’d barely seen her all day, early meetings before school had been by department and lunch had flown by. He supposed he shouldn’t be so greedy with her time, he’d spent an entire evening with her this week, and she’d brought him to school yesterday. He played with the sleeves of his sweater, and ran a hand through his hair, hoping that he didn’t look too disheveled after the full day. 

He took a deep breath, adjusted his glasses and crossed the hallway into her classroom. She was dressed casually as she was almost every Friday. Jeans and a school t-shirt, she’d thrown a sweater over it since she complained her classroom was always cold. When he entered her room she was bent over her computer, back to him, trying to do something while balancing posters of red and gold in one arm. 

“Hey,” he said as he entered her room, announcing his presence. 

She turned with a smile, posters mostly obscuring her face, “Oh hey. What’s up?”

_ Good a time as any Rutherford _ , he tried to build up the courage. He took a deep breath and tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to grab some dinner tonight?” The words sounded odd as they came out of his mouth, foreign, far away. He held his breath as he waited for her reply. 

She looked genuinely sorry when she spoke, “Oh. I promised Dorian I’d help him get all the posters up for Homecoming next week. And he promised the student council kids that if they finished by five we’d take them out for pizza.”

“Oh,” Cullen tried to hide the disappointment coursing through him. Suddenly the posters in her arms and duct tape stacked on her desk made sense. It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t even really a no, she had other plans. “Dorian would kill you if you bailed on him.”

Mara laughed, “Oh for sure. And probably you too.”

Cullen smiled, searching for humor, “Definitely.”

Mara bit her lip, “Maybe another time? Sorry.”

He paused at that, wanted to say ‘what about tomorrow night?’ but held back. He didn’t want to be too forward. So instead he said, “I’d like that.”

She smiled, “Me too.” He wasn’t sure, but it seemed as though her cheeks were just the slightest bit darker. 

“Can I help you carry anything?” Cullen offered as she worked to pick up the duct tape from her desk and stuck a pair of scissors in her back pocket. 

“I think I’m good. But I have something for you,” she handed him the cup he’d given her the previous day. “Cleaned and everything.”

He took it with some reluctance, a part of him had sort of hoped she’d keep it. The thought of her having something of his was a ridiculous one, but he’d thought it anyways. “Thanks,” he said picking it up. 

She smiled up at him before heading towards the door, “Actually could you get the lights and shut the door for me?”

“Of course,” Cullen nodded following her out of the room. She looked a little comical, posters almost as big as she was and her arm through the duct tape like it was a bracelet up her arm. 

“Thanks,” she turned back to him, emerald eyes bright, “Have a good weekend, Cullen.”

“You too,” he said quietly as she bounced down the hallway. 

He walked back into his room and tried to reconcile the disappointment he felt with her offer of some other time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming week up next! Let's see what shenanigans these two get themselves into! I hope you liked this update! Thanks so much for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Mara both have Homecoming Week responsibilities, and Dorian has made sure they overlap.

“What on earth are you wearing?” Cullen laughed as Mara approached him in the parking lot. He’d been ahead of her that day, pausing at his car so he could walk into the school with her.They were almost always there at the same time, and he suspected it wasn’t only his doing. Mara was usually dressed up, trousers, skirts, nice blouses she always looked nice, but that morning she was in sweats. 

“It’s pajama day, the best of days,” Mara looked at him incredulously. Then Cullen remembered the days for Homecoming Week were always themed something strange. He only participated in Spirit Day, which was just dressing in school colors and was therefore easy. What were you supposed to dress up with for things like Throwback Thursday, or Little League Day? 

“Pajama day is your favorite?” he asked. He had to admit she looked comfortable in her loose t-shirt and Wycome University sweats, she’d put a soft jacket on too, the sleeves almost too long on her, coming almost all the way to her knuckles. 

“Any excuse to wear sweats to school is my favorite day ever, and it should be yours too. Hello lame-o,” she shook her head at his very normal attire. 

“You know the dress up days are for the kids right?” Cullen asked. 

Mara sighed, “Dorian said you’d say that. He also said that you were the world’s biggest downer about dress up days.” 

They’d reached the doors to the school and Cullen opened the door for her, “I am not the world’s biggest downer!”

She gave him a disbelieving look and then suddenly became very excited, “Wait till you see the hallways! They look so cool!”

Mara practically bounced inside the school holding the second door open for him and ushering him in as quickly as she could. He moved dramatically slowly just to tease her and she impatiently began pushing at his back as she held the door for him. 

“Come on!” 

He drug his feet, “Oh I’m just a slow and boring history teacher, I can’t move any faster!”

“Rutherford you are the worst!” she called from behind him, but once he was through the doors he stopped. 

The hallway ahead of him was covered floor to ceiling in red and gold posters. He didn’t need to go upstairs to know that every single hallway up there was just as covered. It was a tradition at Skyhold High, the posters were always put up Friday after school and then when the student body arrived on Monday morning they’d find their school decked out for Homecoming Week. It was a tradition Cullen loved. 

Mara poked her head around him, blonde head bobbing next to his shoulder, “Doesn’t it look great?”

He glanced down at her, her emerald eyes looked proudly over the red and gold encased hallway. He smiled, “Incredible.”

She beamed up at him, “Yeah, well the kids did a good job.”

“Did you get out of here by five?” Cullen asked as they resumed walking to their classrooms. 

“We did indeed, then we took the kids out to that new pizza place on 4th. I think they had a good time,” Mara replied. 

“I’m glad,” Cullen said trying not to hate the whole situation that took over her Friday night. He silently hoped that with the mention of the night she might bring up his asking her to dinner again, that she might mention a time they could do dinner. She hadn’t said now, just said another time. Did that mean he needed to ask again? He wasn’t sure of the protocol. 

She didn’t mention it, “Have a good day, downer!” She smiled before disappearing into her classroom. 

He’d barely gotten the lights in his room flicked on before the phone began ringing. He rushed over and picked up the receiver, “Hello?”

“Did you just get here? This is the third time I’ve called you,” Dorian’s exasperated voice came through the receiver. 

“I just walked in,” Cullen admitted. 

Dorian sighed, “Please do not tell me that you came later because of M-...You know what nevermind I don’t want to know. Are you still planning on coordinating the parade on Wednesday?”

“Yes,” Cullen nodded, checking his calendar. 

“I need you in the parking lot at the baseball fields at 4:45,” Dorian said, the sound of shuffling papers filtered through as well. 

“Alright, is there anything else or did you just call to confirm something with me that’s not till Wednesday?” Cullen chuckled. 

“You would not believe the number of people bailing on me last minute. Solas, for example, suddenly was too busy to help with poster put up on Friday. So yes, I was calling for that reason. I’ve got to go make sure everything is ready for the assembly.”

“Good luck,” Cullen said, but he was pretty sure Dorian had long hung up. 

It turned out that Mara and Dorian had both been right about the number of teachers dressed up. Since it was Monday, they held the Homecoming Week kickoff assembly during study hall and Cullen realized he was one of the few teachers not in pajamas. Leliana even stood in front of the school in pajamas covered in flying nugs. Bull even participated, bunny slippers and all. He sighed, he’d have to make an effort to participate in the other days. The days changed up every year and they seemed to get more and more complicated and vague. He had no idea what some of them even meant, like Wildlife Wednesday, so he just hadn’t bothered. By the end of the day Cullen felt like he’d been asked by no less than thirty students why he hadn’t dressed up, and decided that for once it was actually just going to be a good idea to participate.  

He dug out an old sports t-shirt from college for Little League Day on Tuesday and then wore a shirt with a lion on it on Wednesday. He was sort of half-assing it and he knew it, but the questions stopped and that was what really mattered. 

On Wednesday afternoon, Cullen arrived at the baseball fields early, knowing that Dorian would be a stressed mess until everyone on hand to help arrived. It was a beautiful day, but it was hot, even the short walk from where he’d parked his car had him sweating by the time he reached the parking lot. It was mostly empty, except for Dorian who stood in a circle of students giving them instructions. Dorian was holding a stack of bright yellow papers and handed tape to students who ran off and began placing tape on the asphalt to try and keep the parade floats organized once they arrived. 

“You’re early!” Dorian called, he was trying to sound pleasant, but Cullen could hear the strain in his voice. 

Cullen shrugged, “What do you need me to do?”

Dorian adjusted his sunglasses, “Well the kids are doing most of the real work. They’re blocking off all the other entrances to the lot except for this one here. I’ll be having you and Mara here at the entrance to direct the floats, the yellow papers are the order and the kids will help each float get in the right order. They’re placing the tape down to have rows of ten entries each, so we can keep things pretty organized.”

Cullen paused, “Mara is coming too?”

Even without being able to see Dorian’s eyes through the dark tint of his sunglasses he knew he was rolling them, “Of course. That way you can spend time with her that’s not walking into work and at your house while you have a migraine.”

Cullen’s face flushed, he was unsure what to say, “It….I…”

“It’s pathetic. Ask her to get dinner with you afterwards like a real adult or something,” Dorian led him under a nearby tree, where clipboards and a megaphone were set. 

“Thanks, I think,” Cullen shook his head and bent to pick up the megaphone. 

Dorian stopped him, “Not for you. You can’t be trusted with that thing.”

Cullen smiled, last time he’d had the megaphone he’d used the siren setting a little too liberally to scare Dorian. It’d been a few years, he clearly wasn’t over it. 

“Hey!” Mara called still a few yards away. Her hair was pulled up and she was in her staff t-shirt. Cullen had to keep himself from smiling like an idiot as she approached. He could already feel Dorian’s stare on him and didn’t want to do something stupid that he’d hear about later. 

“Mara!” Dorian called. 

“Hey,” Cullen waved. 

“This is for you,” Dorian handed her the megaphone. 

Mara covered her mouth in mock surprise, “For me?” 

“Cullen isn’t allowed to touch it. Hang on, the kids aren’t putting the tape down far enough apart, do they really think a float can fit in between those rows? Kaffas, do I have to do this all myself? Cullen, fill her in on the responsibilities,” Dorian ran off in the direction of the students after handing the stack of yellow papers to Cullen. 

“I know he’s in charge of it every year, but it just stresses him out so much,” Cullen commented as Dorian helped the students get the tape put down where he wanted it. 

“I hadn’t noticed,” Mara said seriously before laughing. 

Cullen joined her, “So...responsibilities. We tell the parade participants where to go and give them one of these lovely papers which is the parade order. And then, oh mighty megaphone holder, you get to begin the parade and give all the kids instructions.”

“I would prefer you to refer to me as mighty megaphone holder from now on,” Mara smiled. 

“Noted. We should probably head to the parking lot entrance before Dorian yells at us though,” Cullen said, leading her towards the entrance. 

“Okay so Homecoming Parade, totally new to me. Explain this,” Mara said as they walked. 

Cullen smiled, “It’s a Ferelden thing. Tradition and all that. Here all the clubs participate and have a little float. Nothing fancy, usually they’re on trailers or in somebody’s truck. The volleyball team rode in a boat last year. Tons of people come out for it and the kids throw so much candy. Mia brought her kids last year and Clara and Liam went home with pillowcases full of candy.”

“Really? Are they coming this year?” Mara asked cocking her head to the side. 

Cullen shook his head, “Not this year. Clara is playing soccer, so they’ve been too busy.”

“Well that’s still fun. And then there’s like some foam party or something over at the school?” Mara asked. 

“Hence us being here. Dorian is at the front of the parade with the student council and then they’re headed straight there to get everything set up for the students who head over there after,” Cullen explained handing her half of the yellow stack of papers. 

“Oh thanks,” Mara took them gratefully, “I think we’ve got our first group!”

Cars and trailers, trucks and students began pouring into the parking lot. They kept track of the groups coming in on a masterlist all the while watching the time closely to make sure they started the parade right at six. 

Cullen would never say so to Dorian, but the whole thing was a bit of a mess. The floats came in and seemed to have no idea where to go, despite the directions he and Mara gave and the tape on the ground. The student council kids seems to give up on trying to get everyone in the order on the sheet and just tried to get them organized into groups of ten. 

About fifteen minutes to the start of the parade Dorian grabbed Mara to help get things underway. That left Cullen at the entrance directing the few stragglers that hurried into the parking lot. The sidewalk along the route was full of people and one glance down the road told Cullen that the entire route was packed with people. The parade was a local tradition in the area, one that people held onto. People who had attended Skyhold High brought their kids to the parade, donning their red and gold to support the current students.  

In his mind, there was a dark cloud over the entire week, the threat of the school closing never far from his mind. Cullen wondered if any of the people hurrying down the sidewalk looking for a good place to watch the parade knew just how fragile the whole thing was, if this was something that would even continue if the school were to close and be reopened as a privatized institution. He felt a certain responsibility to keep the school going to keep traditions like these alive, the guarantee that people could still count on this, that the community could still come together around the school. 

“Okay folks listen up!” Mara’s voice came over the megaphone, “We’re going to have a great time, but a few reminders. Drivers, make sure you watch the vehicles in front of you but especially any children that might enter the road. Students, when you throw candy make sure you’re throwing it out of the road so kids aren’t running into the parade route to pick it up and getting hurt. Conserve your candy, there are just as many kids at the end of the route as there are at the beginning so make sure they don’t get shorted anything!”

Mara’s words were met with cheering from the students, and Cullen walked over. It was six o’clock and the parade was starting. “Let’s get started!” Mara said and gave the thumbs up to the local police riding horses and carrying the flag. 

Then the parade began. The parking lot became a slow serpentine as Cullen and Mara directing people to slowly follow the floats in front of them. Kids yelled and called to them, throwing candy their way as they went, and before long the parking lot was empty. 

Leliana and Josephine were the final entry, both riding motorcycles right at the end of the parade. Once they were out of the parking lot Mara cheered, “We did it!”

She offered up a high five and he couldn’t help but smile, “We did!”

“Anything else we need to do?” Mara asked. 

Cullen shook his head, “Dorian took the megaphone, and the kids will come clean up the tape on the ground so we’re free.”

“Good, I’m starving!” Mara said. 

Cullen remembered Dorian’s suggestion, “Me too. Let’s go get something.”

Mara smiled, “Alright, what are you in the mood for?” 

“I don’t know, how about you?” 

“Well you’re the resident expert. Let’s go somewhere I would never find on my own,” Mara’s eyes met his. He held her gaze, the happiness in her eyes made his heart stumble for a few beats. They were going to get dinner. 

He knew exactly where to go, “I’ll drive.” He began walking towards his car and she followed, or bounced along beside him. 

“So where are we going?” she asked. 

Cullen chuckled, “You’ll see.” 

“Oh fine,” she shook her head and he walked around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her. She seemed a little taken aback at the gesture, smiling and thanking him and it seemed like her cheeks had darkened just a bit. 

He walked to the driver’s side and took a deep breath. Was this really happening?

***

Mara had been pleasantly surprised to find Cullen working the parade as well, and now they were cruising down the road in his car to get dinner and she was still a little unsure about the whole development. His car, like everything else about him was practical. It was a small SUV, four-wheel drive for the winter months. It was white, probably so it wouldn’t ever look very dirty and the inside was just as immaculate as she expected it to be. It reminded her that she hadn’t vacuumed the inside of her car in months. 

Cullen had been pretty quiet since he’d gotten in the car, and she didn’t mind the quiet but was worried he might be taking it the wrong way. So while she watched the rolling green hills and yellowing trees on the foothills pass by and tried to think of some way to break the silence. 

“So what do you listen to in the car?” she asked. 

He turned the radio on and several voices filled the car while he kept his eyes trained on the road. She began laughing, “NPR? Really?”

Cullen turned it down, “Do you have problem with that?”

“It’s just so boring. I mean you are a history teacher I guess,” she teased. 

“Says the English teacher,” he laughed. When he smiled she could see the crinkling in the corner of his eyes, it was usually obscured by his glasses but from her angle in the passenger seat she could see it clearly. 

“There are some very interesting shows I listen to,” Cullen defended himself. 

She smiled, “Yeah, yeah...sure.”

He turned down a small road off the main street and pulled into a gravel parking lot, “You come in my car, you insult my radio listening habits...”

“I’m a terrible human being,” she agreed as the car stopped. 

“We should probably hurry,” Cullen said, “they close this place up at seven.”

“What kind of place closes at seven?” she asked as they got out of the car. 

“The kind of place that serves the best sandwiches in Denerim,” Cullen replied. 

“Is this even an entrance?” she asked, following him through a metal door on the back of the building. Once open, it definitely didn’t look like an entrance. 

“Trust me,” Cullen said as he held the door open for her. She walked tentatively in, noticing that the flooring was a rather bright yellow shag carpet. The walls were covered in wood paneling and once she reached the counter she noticed an antique cash register, she felt like she’d just walked back in time forty years. 

There was a large man behind the counter that hadn’t heard them come in and a menu over his head. She glanced back to Cullen who looked completely at ease as he came up to the counter, “Dom!”

The man turned, dark eyebrows rising up high on his forehead, “Cullen! So good to see you! You know I’m closing soon!”

Cullen nodded, “I know, we hurried right over from the Homecoming Parade. This is Mara, she teaches at Skyhold with me.”

The man had a thick accent she couldn’t quite place, but he seemed happy to see them, “Welcome! You been here before?”

“I haven’t, I’m new to the area,” she admitted. 

“Well we take good care of you. The spicy italian is my specialty, I make that for you?” Dom asked with a smile. 

She glanced to Cullen who shrugged, “He rarely lets me get anything else.”

“Alright then, the spicy italian it is!” she smiled. 

“With everything, and the same for you Cullen?”

“No onions for me,” she said quickly and Cullen nodded. 

She pulled out her wallet, but noticed with a sinking feeling that there was a sign on the counter that said cash or check only. What sort of a place didn’t take cards in this day and age? 

Cullen must have read her expression, “This is how I guaranteed it would be my treat tonight.”

She glared up at him, “You’re the worst.”

“I really am,” he agreed as he handed the cash over to Dom. Dom handed them each a bag of chips and a drink and then shooed them out to a booth. 

The rest of the restaurant was empty, the whole place wasn’t that big, only about five booths in all. There was an ancient looking gumball machine near the door and the windows looked out onto the main street. On the wall above the booth Dom had shooed them towards there was a clearly out of date map of Denerim. She supposed the place had a certain charm, as she sat the leather of the booth cracked and popped. 

“You’re a regular here,” she laughed. 

Cullen shook his head, “I wouldn’t say regular.”

“You know the owner,” Mara teased. 

“Everyone who comes in here knows him. He never forgets. I came here the day I moved here. Kind of on a chance, and it’s so good I keep coming back,” Cullen explained. He’d opened his small bag of chips and she did the same, hungry enough not to want to wait much longer for food. 

“Okay,” she replied glancing around the place. 

“So it occurs to me that I don’t really know that much about you,” Cullen began, “I mean we talk about school and stuff, but I don’t know that much about  _ you _ .”

The comment made her stop, she hadn’t intentionally been vague with him. It was just something that always happened, “Well outside teaching is there really anything to know?”

“A few things,” Cullen smiled. “Parents?”

“Dead. Car accident when I was sixteen,” Mara said quickly before taking a sip of her water. She hoped that might throw him off of asking any more questions. 

“I’m sorry,” Cullen said, he sounded like he genuinely meant it. She remembered that he’d lost his parents within about five years of each other. He’d told her that. Because that’s what friends did, she traced the patterns in the cream coloring of the booth table. 

“It’s alright. My aunt took me in. Deshanna. We’re not super close, but she’s all the family I’ve got so we stay in touch,” Mara explained. 

Cullen looked like he was about to say something when Dom appeared with their food, and then proceeded to hover until he was sure Mara enjoyed her sandwich. She had to admit, it was a damn good sandwich. She wasn’t sure about Cullen’s claim of it being the best in Denerim, but it was most likely the best in their little suburb/farm town offshoot of Denerim.

“So what about hobbies?” Cullen asked before he took a bite out of his sandwich. 

“Hobbies?” she raised an eyebrow. 

He smiled, “Yeah, you know the things you do when you’re not working.”

“I’m never not working,” Mara joked. 

“You’re evading.”

She sighed, “Most weekends I go rock climbing.”

“Really?” he looked surprised. 

She nodded as she took a bite. 

“I’ve never been,” Cullen admitted. 

“Well, I’ll have to take you sometime,” she said. 

“That sounds fun,” Cullen replied, looking a little surprised.  

They ate pretty quickly after that, mindful of Dom’s closing time, and cleared their table. “Thanks Dom,” Cullen said as they passed the counter to head to the back door. 

“You too Cullen, and you come back soon Mara!” Dom smiled and waved as they left. 

“Will do!” she called as Cullen opened the back door for her. 

Once it was shut Cullen smiled down at her, “So now we’re out of his earshot, honest opinion?”

“It was fantastic. He really closes up shop at seven? Even on weekends?” Mara asked incredulously. 

“Always,” Cullen said. They’d reached the car and she noticed with a little relief that Cullen didn’t bother to get her door this time. She’d felt a little awkward the first time, and maybe he’d noticed. 

“How does he do any business?” Mara asked. 

“He’s not really in it for the money,” Cullen explained. 

Mara shook her head, “Well the interior is older than both of us combined so I’m not surprised.”

Cullen laughed, “I think that’s what people like about it, that everything else around it has changed and yet it hasn’t. Same interior, same food, same old cash register, same Dom.” 

“You are a very sentimental man, Cullen Rutherford,” she smiled, feeling like she was understanding him much better. 

There was so little traffic on the road they reached the parking lot by the baseball fields much sooner than she wanted. Cullen pulled up alongside her car and stopped. 

“Thanks for coming with me tonight,” he said quietly, glancing over at her. 

“Thank you for buying me dinner,” she responded, not quite ready to leave his presence just yet. 

Cullen smiled, amber eyes locking on hers, “Well, I did owe you.”

“You did,” she smiled. Was it just her or was he getting closer? Or was she? She wanted to stay and find out what would happen if she did. 

“We should do this again sometime,” Cullen’s voice was soft, hopeful. She wondered what it would be like to touch him, kiss him, run her fingers through his blonde hair. She shouldn’t be thinking like that. 

“Okay,” she said, and then looked away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Mara wondered if she saw the slightest hint of disappointment in his eyes, or if she was imagining the whole thing, “Of course.”

She extricated herself from his car while her mind spun through what ifs. What if she leaned over and kissed him, what if she touched him, what if, what if. 

She waved as he drove away and she realized she was falling hard for Cullen Rutherford. 

Shit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay on this chapter. My brother broke his femur and was in the hospital last weekend, and since my parents both work I've been spending time with him since he's still on pain killers and having a hard time moving around. All of that has sort of cut into my writing time this week, thus the delay. Anyways, I hope the update was worth the wait! Thanks for sticking with me!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara confides in Dorian and gets an unexpected visitor at parent-teacher conferences.

“You’re avoiding him,” Dorian with a shake of his head as he shut the door to her classroom. 

Mara looked up from her desk and the papers she had hoped to make a dent in sometime that day. Her prep hour had been less than productive and she had a self-imposed deadline of two days to get all of them graded. It was no small feat considering she still had sixty-three to go and each one took approximately eight minutes, if her math was right she had at least eight and a half hours of grading left to do. She sighed and put the lid on her pen, Dorian’s presence meant nothing would get done now, “Who am I avoiding?”

Dorian gray eyes fixed on her with a withering glare, “You know who.”

She did, and she wasn’t avoiding him, not exactly. It’d been a week since their impromptu date, it was a date right? She wasn’t exactly sure. Something had shifted for her that night, and it made being around him absolutely impossible. She got all tongue-tied, her heart sped up every time she saw him, and she couldn’t focus on anything when he was there. It was ridiculous. 

And not a little terrifying. 

“I’m not avoiding,” she protested. 

Dorian pointed in the direction of Cullen’s classroom, “He’s sulking, and you’ve barely made it to lunch all week.”

“Parent-teacher conferences are in two days, we’re all sulking,” she countered, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair. 

Dorian pulled a desk out of the group of them closest to her desk and perched himself atop it, “What happened last week?”

She buried her head in her hands, “I realized I like him. A lot.”

“This is a problem because…” Dorian sounded confused. 

She pressed her palms into her eyelids and then looked up at Dorian, “He doesn’t know me. Not really.”

“And whose fault is that?” Dorian asked. 

“I hadn’t even told him my parents were dead, isn’t that something that normally comes up when you’re friends with someone? Hell, I didn’t even tell you,” she shook her head. 

“I already knew that,” Dorian said, offhand. 

Mara looked at him in disbelief, “How could you have possibly known that?”

“I googled you during that first meeting at the beginning of the school year,” he said cooly. 

She rolled her eyes, “Of course you did.”

“So the problem is that you think he doesn’t know you because you’re closed off and you don’t share things from your personal life?” Dorian asked. 

“Yes and no….Dorian I don’t have time to discuss this right now. We have parent-teacher conferences in two days!” she ran a hand through her hair in agitation. 

“Twenty minutes is not going to make any amount of difference. Explain,” Dorian said, the patience in his voice quickly waning. 

She looked everywhere but at him as she spoke, eyes following the the familiar line of posters along the far wall, meant to make the cinderblock walls less depressing. It was difficult to put into words exactly what she was feeling, to explain the fear that had gripped her since last week. 

“It’s not going to be a casual thing with him. And that’s not what I want, it’s just that I can feel the largeness of what I’m brushing up against here…” Dorian smirked and she rolled her eyes, “Don’t make a dirty joke out of that.”

Dorian’s eyes sparkled silver and he covered his mouth, urging her to go on. 

“It would be it. He would be the standard to which everyone would be held up to forever. He’s it, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I am terrified. Of it, of screwing it up, everything,” she said, words coming in short bursts. 

“Why are you so sure there would be an after?” Dorian asked. 

“That’s how it works,” she explained, “Only one relationship in your whole life works out. He has potential to be that one, but let’s face it the odds are against it.”

“You do remember that you’re terrible at math right?” Dorian said, mouth a thin line. 

She ignored the jab, “Did you feel this way with Bull?”

Dorian thought for a moment, “Yes, for a lot of reasons similar and yet different from yours. I think that no matter who you are loving someone is always this great leap into uncharted territory. It’s scary, but you can’t stand on the edge forever. You have to jump at some point.”

“Love?” she asked, eyebrow raised. 

Dorian smiled, “Maybe.” 

She shook her head, “I’ll try not to avoid him, but currently I’m avoiding everyone to get these essays done.”

Dorian jumped off the desk and put it back in place, “Fair enough. I’ll see you when you emerge from your essay grading exile.”

“Thank you,” she shooed him out with a wave of her hand and he shut the door gently behind him. 

She didn’t pick up the essays immediately after he left, turning over their conversation in her head. It was her fault Cullen didn’t know her. He’d given her so much, told her his secrets, she probably needed to give him some in return. Then, if he still seemed interested she’d make that jump. Maybe. First, she had essays to grade and parent-teacher conferences. 

***

Parent-teacher conferences were a specific kind of torture. Mara didn’t know any teacher who looked forward to them. Their arrival meant they were halfway through the semester, but they also meant a long night at the school that teachers weren’t paid for, but expected to be at. It meant grades needed to be updated, said grades printed for the parents, and then most of the night was spent talking to the parents whose kids already had good grades. 

Mara always sent an email out to the parents of the students she wanted to meet with, the ones who were failing or weren’t doing well. They rarely ever showed and instead she spent the night with a smile plastered to her face telling each parent just how great their kid was when she should have been working with the parents whose students were struggling. The parents who came usually took up inordinate amounts of time fixated on meaningless things that would have no bearing on their student’s academic performance. The whole thing often felt like a colossal waste of time. She spent the downtime organizing her file folders and counting down the seconds to when she got to leave. 

After holding her tongue during a particularly berating conversation where a parent demanded to know why their student was getting a B+ instead of an A, she’d contemplated laying her head down on her desk. Then it looked like another parent was walking in so she kept herself upright, trying not to look bored to tears. Only forty-five more minutes. 

She froze at her desk as he walked into her room, glancing around at the posters on her walls, the bulletin board over the student turn-in boxes, and then finally at her. He let out a low whistle as he approached, voice smooth and friendly, “My goodness you’ve been busy tonight.”

He was still tall even when he sat down opposite of her, and suddenly the scant space of the wooden desk between them was not enough. She needed it to be more, needed to leave the room, felt the the constricting of her throat as she sucked in a breath. 

“Corypheus,” she said, keeping her voice steady, “What are you doing here?”

“Well the school is open to the public, so I thought it might be a good time to pay you a visit,” he said, voice soft and gentle. It was deceptive and she knew that, he’d come to bring her some news, personally. 

His suit was a deep black, his tie red like blood against the white shirt underneath. He adjusted his sleeves as he spoke, fidgeting with the cufflinks. Corypheus didn’t fidget. He was trying to lure her into feeling comfortable. 

“The school is open to parents and guardians of students here. You are neither, so you should leave,” Mara said flatly. 

He smiled, “I promise not to take up too much of your time.”

“What do you want?” she asked, not bothering to hide the malice in her voice. 

“I’ve made a very recent acquisition I wanted to tell you about in person,” he said cheerily. 

She didn’t speak, waiting for him to tell her. 

“You know, you work so hard and then in the end it’s well...moot. Then you come here and give all these good people false hope. You tell them you’ve saved schools in their position and they think ‘she might be able to save us’, but it’s not true. You can’t save them,” Corypheus smiled, “You’re a pretender, toying with forces beyond your ken.”

“I am well aware of my failings, as are they,” Mara said, cold dread creeping up her spine. He was going to draw this out, make her ask. 

“Are you now?” Corypheus’s gaze met hers. 

She held it, “I’ve never pretended I was anything more than I am.”

Corypheus’s eyes bore into hers, “We mean to bring certainty where there is none, and yet you fight us.”

“Why are you here?” she asked eyes breaking away, she was done with his games. 

“I purchased Green Hills High School today. I thought you might want to know,” he sneered. 

Two years ago she’d worked there. Her most successful school to date. It was a similar situation to Skyhold, failing school in threat of being purchased and privatized. As a staff they’d increased test scores and graduation rates so high that the government had upped the school’s rating on the school accountability report from a D to a B. They’d done so well, how had this happened? 

“You know, I don’t know if they would have had a chance even if you had stayed. You never stick around do you? Always off to the next school to save. In the end it doesn’t matter. Did you really think you made a difference?” 

She didn’t speak, but it didn’t matter Corypheus stood, towering over her, “So good to see you.”

He slid out of her room and then she let his words hit her. Allowed them to wash over her, to mourn. Her mind soon turned to her current situation, pretender her called her. Maybe he was right. 

There was still too much time left of parent-teacher conferences for her to leave, but she packed up anyways. She waited until she was sure Corypheus had gone, until she heard Cullen talking with some parents and rushed out of the building. 

*** 

Like clockwork a family showed up to speak with him at 8 p.m. on the dot, and so Cullen ended up staying longer than he wanted to talk to them. He tried not to be too annoyed, but it was hard. The student had an A and the parents mostly wanted to talk about his curriculum plans for the rest of the semester. Once they’d left the room he decided to take off immediately to avoid any more late coming parents. 

When he locked his door he noticed that Mara’s classroom was already dark, door closed. He couldn’t really blame her. Parent-teacher conferences always made for a long day, she’d probably left right at 8. She’d been acting odd since last week, which confused him because it felt like things had gone so well. He sort of felt like she was avoiding him, but he pushed it away. He’d see her in the morning and everything would be fine. 

Varric met him in the hallway shaking his head, “You have parents walk in right at eight too?”

Cullen nodded, “Yep. We the last ones here?”

Varric looked frustrated, “Probably. I saw Blackwall sneak out like five minutes to.”

“Seriously?” Cullen didn’t bother disguising his disapproval. 

They walked out of the doors and into the dark night, Varric had been right, they were some of the last ones there. The parking lot was mostly empty and Cullen silently cursed late coming parents. 

“Hey, you have Mara’s number right?” Varric asked as he adjusted his bag. 

Cullen nodded, “I do, why?”

“She rushed out at like 7:20 poked her head in my room and said she wasn’t feeling well. She looked it too. Asked me to tell any parents who came looking for her to send her an email. She lives alone doesn’t she? Someone should just check in,” Varric explained, toying with his keys. 

Cullen took in what Varric had said, trying not to wonder too loudly why she hadn’t spoke with him. Maybe he’d been with parents when she left? “I’ll shoot her a text.”

“Hey thanks, Curly,” Varric put up a hand in benediction and turned to his car. 

Cullen sent the text off just before he pulled out of the school parking lot. He didn’t want to be nervously checking his phone every few minutes so the drive time would make sure he couldn’t. Once he was at his house he finally let himself look at his phone. Nothing. 

He fell into bed when he was finally sick of seeing the same blank home screen every few minutes. He had fitful dreams all night long and when he woke to the buzzing of his alarm much too early. He stumbled, bleary eyed, to the bathroom, forgetting the response he was waiting for until he was in the shower. He checked his phone quickly afterwards, still nothing. 

He purposefully left his phone in his bedroom during his morning routine so that he wouldn’t obsessively check it. He threw the thing in his jacket pocket on his way out the door with only a cursory glance. He pulled into the parking lot at the usual time, but her little silver car was nowhere to be found. 

While he worked at his desk before the bell rang a substitute walked into his room, “Do you have keys to open room 102?” 

Mara’s room. 

“Of course,” Cullen replied and walked across the hallway to her classroom. 

“Thank you,” the substitute responded, “Quick question, the lesson plans say that lab 223 is booked for the classes today. Can you tell me where that is?”

Cullen supplied the directions while simultaneously thinking that she’d had time to get a sub and write up lesson plans, so why hadn’t she texted him back? He decided if he hadn’t heard from her by the time school was done he’d give her a call. 

The school day crawled by and Cullen found himself checking his phone between classes and all through his prep. What had Dorian called him last week? Pathetic. Yeah this whole thing was pathetic. 

He took a deep breath and called her. The phone rang twice before she picked up, “Cullen!”

She seemed to get in good enough spirits, “Hey, you feeling okay?”

“‘M….great. So great! How’re you?” her words had a slurred quality to them. 

Cullen rubbed his eyes before he spoke, “You’re drunk.”

“It’s three o’clock on Friday afternoon. Course I’m drunk,” she snorted and laughed. 

Something was wrong. This didn’t seem like her. The woman hardly skipped school when she had a cold, she wouldn’t blow off the whole day to be home and drunk without good reason. 

“I’m coming over,” he said quickly. 

“Yes! We can watch terrible movies and you can be here,” she giggled. 

He grabbed his jacket and hurried out of the school, he had a few stops to make along the way. 

***

He knocked on her apartment door and heard stumbling on the other side before it opened. She smiled when she saw him, green eyes hazy but bright. 

“Cullen!” she said, “Did you bring me things?”

“Yes,” he replied while she clumsily moved aside and gestured him inside. 

Her apartment wasn’t large, the white walls were empty and her few pieces of furniture only served to make the place look sparse. It was clean except for the nest of blankets on the couch and empty bottles on the table in her kitchen. 

“What did you bring me?” she asked toying with the end of her hair, she’d pulled it back into a haphazard braid and she was dressed in the same clothes she’d worn for pajama day, but she looked less put together. 

“Pancakes,” he said. 

She wrinkled her nose, “Pancakes?”

“And aspirin. You’ll thank me in a few hours,” he promised. 

She shrugged, “Okay.” Then she took his hand and pulled him over to the couch. Her fingers were cold, but soft. He liked the contact more than he should have, his heart pounding as she led him to her living room. He reminded himself it didn’t mean anything. 

She released his hand and curled up in the blanket nest she’d made for herself, offering him a soft gray blanket, “You want to watch terrible movies with me? I’ve been scrolling through all the movies I can stream and picking the worst looking ones.”

Cullen sank down next to her and sighed, “I think we should talk about what happened first.”

She glowered at him, “Nothing happened.”

He gave her a disbelieving look, “Oh? Then why are you drunk?”

“I’m celebrating,” she smiled looking more sober than earlier, “being a terrible teacher and an even worse human being.”

She might have been smiling, but there was a bitter quality to her voice. “Why do you think that?” he asked. 

She laughed, a hollow unhappy sound, and the haze retreated further in her eyes, “Corypheus visited me last night and reminded me that everything is futile. That nothing I do makes a difference anyway. I’m a pretender, we can’t save the school. He’s going to get it. So I came home and slept and when I woke up I drank all of the alcohol in my house.”

Cullen leaned forward, burying his head in his hands and suppressing a groan, “Don’t listen to him, this is exactly what he was trying to make you feel.” He felt angry, at her, at Corypheus, at the whole damn situation. After one conversation she was so ready to throw in the towel? There were people looking to her for direction and hope. If she showed up Monday morning talking like this the fragile morale of the teachers would be shattered.  

“I play right into his hands anyways. Why attempt to do anything differently?” Mara said bitterly. 

Cullen shook his head, and tried to get a hold of his flaring temper, “Things are working, all of the plans you had, the school is doing so well. Don’t let one conversation with him change that.”

“It was never going to work. It doesn’t matter how well we do, how much change we make, he’ll buy the school anyways,” Mara argued. 

“That’s not going to happen,” Cullen said firmly, hands in fists. 

“You don’t get it, Green Hills did everything right, and then two years go by and he buys them anyways, despite their progress,” Mara spat.

“Green Hills isn’t Skyhold,” Cullen pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. 

Mara glowered, “The school board is already decided against us. It’s hopeless.”

Cullen shook his head, “Maker, how can you be so selfish? You realize how many people at that school are looking to you, you came in here and you said you could help us fix it, you can’t just give up on that now.” 

“Me? Selfish? I never asked for you lot to look at me like I was some Andraste sent savior to help you fix your school. I was brought in because I’d dealt with this before, to provide insight, but not to single-handedly save the school!” Mara countered looking wounded at his words.  

Cullen couldn’t take it any more, rising up from the couch and staring in disbelief at the woman on the couch. This wasn’t her, the giving up, the negativity. He didn’t know what what to say to bring her out of it except that he knew she was better than this, “This isn’t you Mara!”

Mara glared up at him, “How the hell would you know? You don’t know me, not really.”

Her words were sharp, they dug into his skin and stung. A part of him wanted to argue with her, that he did know her. That he knew the way her face lit up when she talked about her favorite pieces of literature, he knew how fiercely she was willing to fight for her students, that he knew by the way she smiled at him in the morning how she’d slept the night before. He knew what made her laugh, what didn’t, and that she kept a lot of things to herself. He wasn’t sure he could tell her any of that. 

He swallowed back his words, worried that he would just further wound them both. 

“I’m going,” he said quietly and strode out of her apartment, he let the door slam behind him, but he didn’t care. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to our regular Thursday update schedule over here. And for you folks reading along, parent-teacher conferences are the WORST, amiright? Sorry for the mild bit of angst at the end. Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara works to make amends.

Mara awoke, head pounding and generally feeling like shit. She’d shoved off the majority of her blankets at some point in the night, and her back hurt from sleeping on the couch. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, the world spun around her and guilt swirled in the pit of her stomach. 

She’d been the shittiest person yesterday. Cullen had come, concern etched in every beautiful line of his face. He’d brought her food, had worried over her and what had she done in response? She’d picked a fight. She had told him he didn’t know her, did it precisely because she knew it would hurt him, and didn’t even try to stop him from leaving. Because why stop him? She didn’t deserve his kindness yesterday, and if she’d been in her right mind she’d have just asked for space. He would have given it to her without question, and she wouldn’t have woken up to the ruins of it all. 

She stared up at the ceiling, trying to find shapes in the texturing while she tried to think of how to salvage something from the mess she’d made. An apology wasn’t going to be enough. Cullen had shared his secrets with her, had given her parts of himself that he wasn’t proud of. It would have been a hell of a lot easier if she hadn’t spent last night alienating him completely. The thought of telling him now was terrifying. 

She gingerly got herself into the kitchen and began brewing coffee while she opened up the bag of food Cullen had brought. She didn’t even bother heating the pancakes up or putting butter or syrup on them, she just pulled one out and ate it plain. Eating the stupid things just piled more guilt on her, because the pancakes did help her feel much better. She’d really screwed up this time, and perhaps managed to lose the best friend she’d ever had. 

Once she’d taken some painkillers and finished the coffee and pancakes she took a shower. While she did she rehearsed what she might say to Cullen when she saw him. She needed him to know just how sorry she was, and she wanted so much to fix this, but worried it might be too broken. That she might be too broken.

She wasn’t accustomed to having people in her life that wanted to stay. She move around because it was easier than getting attached to things and places and people. Because if you weren’t so attached, when you lost them they didn’t hurt quite so much. She didn’t know how to let people in, but Cullen made her want to try.  

The morning and sobriety had shaken the power she’d given Corypheus’s words off of her. They still sat in the back of her mind, but she no longer wanted to believe them. She still wasn’t sure they could save Skyhold, but she wasn’t going to give up even with Green Hills riding on her conscience. If nothing else, she wanted to make taking Skyhold as difficult for Corypheus as possible so she’d still fight the good fight at Skyhold because that’s what she did, even in the face of insurmountable odds. Cullen had been right, she owed everyone at least that much. 

Mara hurried through the rest of her morning routine, anxious to get to Cullen’s house and to try to fix everything. She drove too fast down the roads to his house, gripping the steering wheel tightly, running through scenarios in her head. When she finally pulled up to his driveway she found herself stalling going to his door. 

He likely had no interest in seeing her. He hadn’t texted since the incident, and he’d looked so hurt as he’d rushed out of her house. He’d looked utterly deflated, like she’d just slapped him across the face. And she supposed she sort of had. She’d hurried so fast to get to his house, only to then be sitting in her car trying to get the courage to knock. The distance between her car and the front door felt eternal and also too short. 

Her heart pounded as she knocked on the light blue door, stepping back from the doorstep she crossed her arms in front of her, trying not to pull nervously at her clothes. She could hear movement inside the house, footfalls approaching on the dark wood floors. Then the door opened and Cullen stood in the doorway in a gray t-shirt and jeans and looking far from happy to see her. 

“Hi,” she said lamely. 

He didn’t smile as he greeted her, amber eyes hard, “Hi.”

She rubbed her palms against each other, “I came to apologize for last night.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and seemed to look right through her, “Okay.” 

“I’m sorry I was so awful to you. You came over and brought me food, and you were so kind, and I repaid you by being a terrible friend. I’m so sorry,” she said, she willed him to met her gaze, but he denied her. 

“Apology accepted,” he said flatly. “We done?” He moved to close the door, and she knew she’d been right in sensing that an apology wasn’t going to be enough.  

Mara shook her head and Cullen leaned against the door frame looking at her quizzically. She took a deep breath and let the words spill from her mouth, “Ever since my parents car accident I have this weird anxiety in cars, but I’m fine if I’m driving. My aunt and I don’t get along because she doesn’t think that I honor my parents’ deaths the right way. I ran away with my boyfriend for a week when I was a senior in high school. It was terrible and by the time Aunt Deshanna showed up my bags were already packed and I was ready for her to get me. She berated me the entire car ride home and I didn’t argue with her once. I haven’t lived in an apartment longer than a year since I lived with Deshanna. I change jobs and places so much because I dislike becoming attached to things, because it hurts when you lose them.” The words all left her in a rush, nothing like the practiced speech she’d had planned. Everything she’d gone over in her head all morning had been more elegant and coherent, she wasn’t even sure if she’d made any sense. She felt lighter for the telling, and even if he didn’t forgive her, it was nice to have told someone. 

Cullen’s face shifted from curiosity to surprise as she spoke and when she had finished his eyes had softened finally meeting hers, “Anything else?”

“I really hate peas,” she said in an attempt at humor. 

He chuckled, some of the tension between them dissipating, “Why tell me all of this?”

She sighed, “Because I want you to know that I trust you, and I want you to….know who I am.”

He looked at her for a moment, as if he was weighing her words. She hoped he knew the extent of what she’d done, of what she offered him. When he looked at her there was understanding in his gaze, and then he smiled, “I appreciate that.”

She felt so much better knowing that, but still the guilt ate at her, “I really want to make it up to you. What can I do?”

“Mara you don’t-” he shook his head, but she cut him off. 

“No, I’m serious. Tell me.”

Cullen suddenly became very invested in the paint on the door frame, running a hand over it before bringing it to the back of his neck, “You can let me take you out to dinner.”

The response surprised a laugh out of her and when Cullen’s eyes glanced away from hers she knew he wasn’t kidding. “You’re serious?” 

He looked back up at her, steady and sure, “Yes.”

“I feel very much like I owe you dinner at this point, you’ve already taken me out and brought me food last night,” Mara said. 

“After the parade didn’t count,” Cullen explained, “That was just two friends grabbing food after a school thing.”

Realization dawned on her. “So this would be a date?” she asked slowly, trying not to hope too loudly. 

Cullen sucked in a breath, “Yes...only if you want.”

She bit back a beaming smile, “I’d like that.”

She was sure Cullen’s cheeks darkened, “Are you free tonight?”

Mara nodded, “I am.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven?” he asked. 

“I’ll be ready,” she replied with a racing heart. 

***

Cullen wasn’t sure how a day that had begun as terribly as this one had ended up with Mara Lavellan in the passenger seat of his car going on a date with him. He’d picked her up, found himself breathless when she opened the door in a navy dress and heels that closed the height difference between them a bit. She didn’t wear heels to school, complained that they weren’t comfortable enough to teach in all day, but he couldn’t help but be totally distracted by how much taller they made her as he’d opened the car door for her. 

She’d seemed somehow more nervous than she had been on his doorstep that morning. He’d been surprised when he opened the door, and not a little upset after her generic apology. And yet, she was clearly trying to make things right. She’d rattled off a list of things about herself and said that she wanted him to know who she was. And Maker, he found it hard to be mad at her after that. 

There were things brought up the night before and that morning that had to be discussed. Even if they never moved past being friends, they had to talk about them. He decided to start simply, “So car anxiety, am I driving okay?”

“Um...I’m not having a bad car day today,” she ran fingers through her hair, “It usually happens in traffic or really bad weather. What I’ve seen of your driving is just fine.”

Cullen glanced over to her, “I just don’t want to add to it.”

“If anyone adds to it, it’s Dorian,” Mara smiled. 

“He drives like a maniac,” Cullen agreed. 

“If you can’t get their quickly what is the point of driving?” Mara said in such a perfect mimic of Dorian’s voice it made him laugh. She joined him, and Maker he loved it when she laughed. 

“I do my best to avoid getting pulled over, I’m afraid I’m not as good at talking my way out of it as Dorian is,” Cullen said. 

Mara chuckled, “The man isn’t as good at talking himself out of it as he thinks he is, he’s gotten like three tickets in the last two years.”

“We attended a teacher conference a few towns over, usually about a forty-five minute drive. He got us there in twenty-five minutes. I seriously feared for my life in the canyon,” Cullen told her. 

“I believe it,” Mara nodded, “One car ride with him cured me of my desire to let him drive me anywhere ever again.”

Cullen held back any more questions and serious discussion topics for the time being. They fell into an easy rhythm when they were together telling silly stories of their coworkers and students. He remembered she’d mentioned she liked Thai food once and even though it wasn’t something he was overly fond of he took her to a place he’d been to before. It wasn’t a fancy restaurant, but he hoped she wouldn’t hate it. She was her lovely animated self through the evening, and he worried about ruining that by bringing up the night before, but they needed to talk about what had happened. So when their plates were mostly empty and before he lost the courage he asked. 

“What happened last night?” he asked, trying not to sound too serious. 

She took a sip from her water glass before answering, “What specifically about last night?”

She shifted a little uncomfortably in the booth they sat in, pulling at the sleeve of her dress. He picked his words carefully, “Specifically the saying you’re a pretender, and the giving up.”

She nodded, stared hard at the table for a moment, “Have you ever just suddenly felt like everything rested on you? Like everyone was counting on you to be the reason things worked out?”

He swallowed hard, “Yes.” Oh did he know, felt that way in Kirkwall once everything had fallen apart, he also felt like he’d failed everyone around him. 

“When Corypheus came into my classroom it was like he knew every doubt I’d ever had about myself and then he voiced them. I just felt so…” she paused looking for words, “small. And everything just felt so out of control.”

“You left, and you told Varric…”  _ but not me,  _ he wanted to say but the words got lost in the distance between where they sat across from each other. 

“You would have known I wasn’t sick, and I just had to get out of there,” Mara explained, clearly guessing what he was thinking. “At any rate, you were right about everything. I wallowed and now I’m done and ready to go back to work on Monday and keep fighting.”

“You’re not alone you know,” Cullen said reaching his hand across the table to grasp hers, but he thought better of it, awkwardly shifting to pick up his glass instead, taking a drink he didn’t need. 

He shouldn’t have been as nervous as he was, things were going well. She was making an effort to open up and he could tell it was hard for her, but did that mean she wanted anything more from this than friendship? Cullen wasn’t sure. 

Mara smiled, “I know. I’m sorry I made it out to it being all on me, it’s not. One person can’t change a school, it has to be a whole staff effort.”

“It does,” Cullen agreed as the waiter brought the check back to the table. “Are you ready to go?”

She nodded, looking a little relieved the conversation had shifted from being on her, “Thank you for dinner.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, following her out. The night was dark, clouds obscuring the stars and a cold bite of winter blew in the breeze. It never seemed like autumn lasted long enough before turning frigid. Mara’s arms were crossed as they walked to the car, she kept glancing up at the sky. 

“What are you looking for?” he asked following her gaze. 

Mara shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s just pretty tonight.”

“It is,” he agreed, but he wasn’t looking at the sky. 

He hadn’t planned beyond dinner, had been so enthusiastic about the whole thing he hadn’t thought about what to do after. He wracked his brain for what to do and came up completely blank, worried what she might think if he offered to go back to his home and watch a movie or something. It was safest to take her home. So he did, helping her into his car and driving the dark roads to her apartment. 

The evening had picked up a sort of tension on the way back to her place that it hadn’t had before. They conversed just as easily as they always had, but it seemed that the closer they got to her apartment the more the tension grew. As he walked her to her door, he felt strung out, pulled so tight he might snap. 

He wanted so badly to kiss her, to have every question he’d been afraid to ask since he met her answered. He was sure this was the moment he’d been waiting for, and he willed himself to take it. 

“Tonight was really fun,” Mara looked at him through dark lashes. 

He bit back a nervous laugh, “It was, I had a great time.”

She beamed at him while fiddling for her keys, and he felt like he was in some sort of rom com. He’d brought the girl home and was now quietly agonizing over how to make the first move. They were standing close enough, he wouldn’t have to do much more than bend towards her. He was quietly worried, however, that the only reason she’d come on this date in the first place was that he’d guilted her into it. Why would she want to be with him? He had so little to offer to someone like her. There were still things he’d need to tell her too, more pieces of his past. What if she rejected him? What if what he wanted was not what she wanted? 

Those thoughts wouldn’t leave him as they stood on her doorstep, as she smiled at him. He was a coward, “I’ll see you on Monday.”

He wondered if he imagined the way her face fell before she gave him a small smile, “Yeah, I’ll see you on Monday.”

She disappeared behind the door and Cullen began walking to his car. He was an idiot. That had been the moment if there ever was one. Then he’d at the very least know if she wanted this or not, be able to move on if she didn’t. He felt trapped in the limbo of not knowing and just hoping. 

He was almost to his car when he turned around and walked back to her door. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but he knew he didn’t want to leave without doing something, or saying something. 

He rapped his knuckles on her door, hoping they didn’t sound as desperate to her ears as they did his. Mara opened the door, looking a little confused. 

“Did you forget something?”

In a rush of bravery he surged forward, grasping her face in his hands and crashing his lips against hers. She let out a surprised gasp as their lips met. She must have taken her shoes off because he was practically bent over her. He was worried he’d made a terrible mistake, but she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer to her. 

There was nothing quite like kissing her. Her lips were soft and she tasted of blue skies and something so distinctly her. He was sure he’d never get enough of her. He sucked her bottom lip and she opened her mouth in response, running her tongue over his lips. His tongue tangled with hers, threatening to draw a groan from him. 

He pulled back apologetically, “I’m sorry that was….um...really nice…”

It took a moment for her eyes to flutter open, for her to meet his gaze, but when she did she smiled in a way that had his heart pounding against his chest. Maker, he loved her smile. 

“I believe that was a kiss, but I can’t be sure. It’s all a blur,” she teased. 

“Yes, well,” he laughed as he ran his thumb along her cheek, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her up onto her tiptoes so he could kiss her again. 

This time when he kissed her, he did it sweetly, tenderly, without the urgency and desperation from before. More than anything he wanted her to know just how much she meant to him, poured every word and endearment he’d held back for so long into this kiss. She buried her fingers in his hair, her nails rasping against his scalp and sending shivers down his spine. 

When he pulled away, he was breathless as he rested his forehead against hers, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

He felt her smile against his lips as she pressed a peck against them, “How long?”

He felt a blush creep across his cheeks, “Longer than I should admit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEK! I'm just so excited that they have finally kissed and are communicating. *dances* Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you think!  
> P.S. Hey Derpy-Giraffe, now that the canon first kiss for this AU has happened I'm totally working on the one you requested.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara and Cullen continue get on the same page, and Leliana has a response to Mara's visitor.

Mara wasn’t sure at what point her luck had changed over the course of the last twenty-four hours, but it definitely had changed. Cullen kissed her with everything he had, held onto her like she was the only thing keeping him anchored. He sent her heart racing, left her lightheaded, and made her question if this was actually real. 

She’d imagined kissing him. Wondered what it would be like, what he would be like, but nothing she imagined came close to the reality that was kissing him in her foyer. After a few minutes of kissing him she became very aware that she was freezing, and that was because the door was still standing wide open behind them and they hadn’t bothered moving from where he’d originally begun kissing her. 

“Cullen?” she broke away from his lips, struggling to conceal a gasp as he kissed across her jaw and up towards her ear. 

“Mmmm?” he rumbled. 

“Uh, the door is standing wide open,” she laughed. 

Cullen stopped and she was sure she noticed him wince as he let her go, “Sorry.”

She smiled, “It was very romantic, the whole rushing in her and kissing me thing, it’s just cold.”

Cullen shut the door, but his hand didn’t leave the doorknob, “I should go.”

She didn’t want that, she very much wanted him to stay. She was sure she saw the same reluctance in his eyes. This wasn’t some fling though, and she wanted to be careful with them both. 

“Only if I get to see you tomorrow,” she said, wanting him to know just how little she wanted him to leave. She was rewarded for her boldness for a smile and crinkled the corners of his eyes, he was positively beaming. 

“Of course,” he said. 

She thought for a moment, “Why don’t you come over tomorrow, we’ll have a movie party. I’ll make popcorn and we can pretend like Monday isn’t a thing.”

“That sounds great.”

She closed the bit of distance he’d put between them, running a hand along his cheek and then reaching up to press a chaste kiss to his lips. It was simple, but the way he looked at her when she pulled away sent her heart to her throat. 

“Goodnight Mara,” he said, pressing a quick peck to her temple for ducking out the door. She locked it behind him and sunk to the floor, giddy laughter wracking her body.

She slept restlessly, anxious to see Cullen again. When she picked up her phone off of her dresser she was happy to see he’d sent her a good morning text. She texted back immediately, unable to contain a smile as she walked to her kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. 

She wanted to invite him over right then, to spend as much time with him as possible, but if she was admitting anything to herself, it was that she really needed a shower and to change, and possibly run a load of laundry. They texted back and forth, seemingly avoiding any actual mention of their plans for the day. She seemed to be hurrying through everything anyways though, getting ready and cleaning her house at light speed.  

Once she was sure an appropriate amount of time had passed since she had woken up she brought up their plans. It was hard to know for sure over text, but Cullen might have been waiting for her to say something, as he agreed to come over right then. She waited for him, completing a nervous circuit of her apartment several times and somehow always finding something that needed to be fixed or cleaned or put away elsewhere. His knock made her jump, as keyed up as she was. 

He was dressed comfortably, a t-shirt and jeans and suddenly she felt very underdressed in her Wycome University sweats. He greeted her with a smile and kicked his shoes off as he stood in the small foyer connected to the living room. 

“It’s good to see you,” she managed around a wide smile. 

Cullen seemed just as happy as she was, “It’s good to see you too.” He took her face in his hands, gently ran his thumbs along her cheeks before brushing his lips against hers. It was mostly chaste, and but it sent her heart was hammering away in her chest regardless. 

“So, what do you want to watch?” she asked when he pulled away. 

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I’m just happy to be here with you.” The honesty in his admission threw her off balance. To just want to be with someone, to not care what you did together, just that you were together, that was everything she’d ever wanted. She took his hand and led him over to the bookcase filled with her DVD collection, she’d amassed quite a few over the years and was quite proud of it. 

“I’m going to make some popcorn. You pick three that interest you,” she said. 

His fingers tightened on hers, keeping her from moving to the kitchen, “And then what?”

“I pick the order we watch them in,” she smiled.

He chuckled, “What if you don’t want to watch any of them?”

“They’re all my movies, Rutherford, you can’t pick one I don’t like.”

There really wasn’t an argument for that, and so he released her fingers, turning his attention back to the bookcase. She walked into the kitchen, unable to shake the giddy feeling that had settled into her chest. He was in her house, there to be with her and she found herself smiling as she cooked a bag of microwave popcorn and dug through her cupboards to find if she had any other movie candy. 

She was pleased to find that she had some milkduds left, probably purchased at Dorian’s behest for the last movie night. The man was notorious for requesting food and then not eating it. She poured the entire box onto the newly cooked popcorn and returned to the living room. Cullen was still in front of the bookcase, looking a little unsure. 

“What did you pick?” she asked.

He picked three up that he’d set on top of the bookshelf, and showed them to her, “What do you think?”

“All good choices,” she smiled, “Trade me.” She handed him the bowl of popcorn and took the three movies from him, while she picked one to put in the DVD player. 

“What did you put in the popcorn?” he asked with concern as he sat down on the couch. 

“Milkduds,” she responded, picking up the remotes and joining him. 

Cullen raised an eyebrow, “In the popcorn?”

“You’ve never done that?” she asked, surprised. 

“I usually eat my candy and my popcorn separate,” Cullen said. 

Mara shook her head, “Then you are missing out.”

“Am I, really?” Cullen didn’t look convinced, but she suspected he was just trying to goad her. 

She pulled a leg under her body, “See when you mix the milkduds in you get the salty and the sweet together, it’s life changing.”

“Life changing, huh?” he chuckled. 

“Yes, and if you keep being so suspicious of my popcorn choices I’m not going to share,” she took the bowl from his hands. 

“Hey!” he reached towards the bowl trying to get it back, “I never said I wouldn’t eat it!”

She held it just out of reach, “Oh sure, now you want it.”

Cullen smirked and grabbed hold of her, pulling her towards him so she was leaning against him, “There. Now I’m holding the person holding the popcorn, close enough.”

She couldn’t help herself from giggling at how he’d basically ensured they were cuddling, “Smooth, Rutherford.”

He shrugged with one shoulder and didn’t look the least bit apologetic, “Had to do something.”

She had no plans to move away from him, and the way he grinned down at her made her never want to move. She started the movie and they shared popcorn and passing remarks throughout. Mara hadn’t spent an afternoon that wonderful in a long time. 

***

Cullen wasn’t sure his life was real at that moment. He’d spent almost all day with Mara, watching movies and talking and hanging out. They’d spent most of the day in that position, never far from each other, he’d jokingly pulled her into it earlier not really expecting her to stay, and then she had. She’d left the couch, to refill their drinks, and when she came back she cuddled right back up to him. They fit together perfectly. 

The last time he’d been at her apartment he hadn’t really gotten to look around. Her apartment felt sort of empty, like she’d kept the amount of stuff she had minimal because she moved so much. There wasn’t much in the way of decorations, and he didn’t know how Dorian could be one of her best friends and let that stand. She had a small vase on top of the bookcase, filled with these small wooden branches, but that was really it. He was curious to see the rest of her place, but didn’t want to seem weird or forward. Her couch was comfortable though, a nice neutral gray, and she had plenty of blankets and pillows to make the whole thing cozy. 

“Confession, I brought home a ton of grading and I haven’t touched any of it,” Mara laughed. 

Cullen found himself laughing, he’d put off grading this weekend too, “I haven’t even pulled it out of my bag.”

Mara angled herself so she was looking up at him eyebrows raised in surprise, “Wait Mr. Three-Day-Turnaround hasn’t touched the grading he took home? I am shocked.”

“I’ve been rather preoccupied with other things this weekend,” he smirked. Maker, he was going to have to be a lot more productive during his prep hours with her around, he wouldn’t be able to just spend the whole weekend working, wouldn’t want to. 

Mara’s cheeks colored, “Oh, preoccupied, huh?”

“Very,” he whispered against her lips. He could feel her smile as he kissed her, and he couldn’t remember when the last time he’d felt so light am happy. 

“Um, I don’t want to push anything, but I’m just curious if we’re saying anything to anyone, or what we’re saying…” she trailed off after he had pulled away. 

We. She used the word so casually, they hadn’t talked much about their feelings, about what this was. He’d been meaning to, but he found himself a more than a little nervous. He didn’t want to make things awkward between them, but then she had used that word. We. They were a we. 

“I’d prefer if my-” he corrected himself, “our private affairs remain that way. The other teachers can know, but perhaps we ought to keep it from the students?” 

“Definitely,” Mara agreed, “the kids knowing would be the worst.”

“Yes, but I’d like for us to be…” he wanted to say dating, but it sounded so odd in his head “I care for you and I am not interested in seeing anyone else,” Cullen said, words coming out more stilted and unsure than he planned. 

“Is this where you offer me your letterman jacket and ask me to go steady?” she teased, green eyes full of laughter. 

He found himself blushing, “Maker’s breath, not quite like that.”

She smiled, “I like you a lot Cullen Rutherford, and I am not interested in seeing anyone else either.”

He assumed she felt the same way, but it was nice to have it said aloud, to have the words out there. He smiled and bent to kiss her. He was sure he’d never tire of this, of how easy each piece of affection was to give. Her lips were soft, a little salty from the popcorn they had eaten, and he pulled her in closer. Kissing her while they sat cuddled together on the couch was much easier than kissing her while standing. Her hands were pressed up against his chest and he’d buried his hand in her hair holding her to him with his other. 

She made him greedy, foolish and greedy. He wanted more, so much more with her than he should. He wanted to take things slow, make sure they preserved their friendship every step of the way and not jump too quickly into intimacies they weren’t ready for. But it was so hard to pull away, to let go of her. She was all he’d ever wanted, right there. He had to remind himself she wasn’t going anywhere. 

He pulled away reluctantly, not releasing her hold on her. She laid her head on his chest and groaned, “Does it have to be Monday tomorrow?”

“I think unless you’ve got some time machine hidden away it does,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. 

She laughed, “I’ll get right on making one.”

“While you do that, I should go,” Cullen said. 

She looked like she wanted to pout, but thought better of it, “You sure you have to go?”

He sighed, he wasn’t sure. Well he was, knew it was better, right. And yet he couldn’t seem to get enough of her. He wanted to spend every bit of time with her he had. It was silly how slow each minute had crawled by when he wasn’t with her. He hadn’t even been away from her for twenty-four hours! That was how teenagers acted, not a grown man in his thirties. 

“I’m sure,” he said finally, wondering if she had watched the struggle in his face. 

“Alright,” she extricated herself from him, and he had half a mind to pull her back and resume kissing her, but he didn’t. She stood and offered him a hand up, he took it and once up wrapped his arms around her. 

“Thanks for the movie day,” he whispered in her ear. 

She kissed his cheek, “Thanks for a really great day.”

He kissed her quickly, fighting the urge to linger before telling her goodnight and leaving. As he drove home he laughed at the time displayed on the clock, unable to remember when he’d been out past nine on a school night. It was a habit he was going to be only too happy to break. 

***

She was never going to have a sub again, she decided. At least not one she didn’t already know was going to actually do their job. 

She had been in a good mood this morning too. 

Cullen had met her in the parking lot, they both exchanged knowing smiles while they walked into the school. The hallway had be completely empty, so Cullen had made a rather dramatic show of checking the hallway before pressing a quick kiss to her lips. She’d been unable to stifle the totally girlish giggle that had escaped her, and had opened her classroom door with a smile on her face. 

Then she’d walked into her room. 

The place was a mess. 

The desks weren’t even in some semblance of order, the whiteboard was covered in sweet, but annoying messages from her students, and it only got worse when she read the note from the sub. She’d left a pretty detailed lesson plan and didn’t think it was that hard, but it sounded like from the note the sub said they couldn’t figure it out so they’d just let the kids do whatever for an hour. 

It meant that all of her classes were a whole day behind where they should have been, and that now she had to spend that day doing what should have been done on Friday. She booted up her computer and began to grumpily erase the whiteboard. 

She supposed it served her right for being in such a state on Friday and getting a sub. It certainly wasn’t the most responsible thing to have done, and with the developments with Cullen over the weekend, she’d very nearly forgotten what had led her to take off on Thursday night. Well, perhaps not forgotten, but it had been nice to live in that little bubble of happiness Cullen seemed to create whenever he was with her. 

She began straightening the desks, her morning far busier than she’d anticipated. That was how Monday’s always went though wasn’t it? She had been a fool to think that because things were so great with Cullen that it would magically fix everything else too. She’d just gotten her room back in order when the first bell rang, and then the school day began. 

When her prep hour finally rolled around she found herself spending too much time listening to Cullen lecture and not actually grading anything, that she jumped when her phone rang. He had a good voice, it made even the most boring subject seem more interesting she thought, it was no wonder he rarely had any classroom management issues. 

She answered her phone, “Hello?”   
“It’s Leliana. Any chance you can come up to my office?” she asked. 

“Of course,” Mara replied. 

“See you soon,” Leliana replied, and the phone clicked. 

Mara stood up front her desk, curious what this was all about. She paused for a moment in her doorway, out of the view of students but where Cullen could see her if he just looked over. After a moment he did and smiled, she couldn’t help but be incredibly proud of the way he faltered for a moment in what he was talking about as he glanced back to his students. 

She hurried to Leliana’s office, not at all surprised to find Josephine there as well. Vivienne was there too and they all looked grave. 

“Why don’t you shut the door,” Leliana suggested as Mara entered. Leliana’s office was large, doubling as a conference room when needed. There was a large conference table on one end, and the entire east wall was floor to ceiling windows. The place was had a calming feel, one Mara chalked up to the light blue paint job and the water colors of birds that hung on the walls. 

Mara closed it, “What’s this about?” The office was silent. 

Josephine spoke first, “We understand you had a visitor on Thursday night.”

Mara was confused, “How?”

“Bull saw Corypheus leave, and Varric mentioned to me that you’d left early. It wasn’t difficult to put the two together,” Leliana rested her chin on her hands. 

Mara sighed, “Yeah, he came and saw me.”

“Well darling, it seems that this whole thing with him wanting to buy the school now has a bit of a personal edge to it. As if he’s targeting you directly,” Vivienne seemed to be picking her words carefully. 

Her heart sank. They wanted her to step down, was her immediate conclusion. It must have been betrayed on her face because Leliana immediately jumped in.

“No, you’re doing a great job here. You’re a wonderful teacher,” Leliana assured her. 

Vivienne nodded, “We were just thinking that we needed to attack this a little more head on, and with you at the forefront.”

“What do you mean?” Mara asked. 

Josephine smiled, “Funds, mostly. We think if we can get some big donors, we might be able to prove to the district that we’re bringing in enough money that they can’t afford to get rid of us.”

Mara raised an eyebrow, “And how would we do that exactly?”

“I happen to have secured an invitation to a very lovely winter ball, Orlesian of course, and flush with money,” Vivienne smiled. 

“So what do you need me for?” Mara asked. 

Leliana smiled, “We thought that you should attend, and we’ll make a real show of the school rallying behind you.”

“Corypheus, or his people at least, will be there. And so will you, brushing shoulders with the elite and securing donations for the school. It’s a direct attack. What do you think?” Vivienne asked. 

Mara felt apprehensive but smiled, “I think that I don’t have anything to wear.”

Vivienne laughed, “Oh darling,  _ that _ at least won’t be a problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed all of your responses to the previous chapter! It just made my day that you guys were just as excited about them finally kissing as I was to share it. I hope you enjoyed this update too! Thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Planning begins for the upcoming ball.

“Absolutely not,” Cullen said flatly, crossing his arms. 

“It’s not really up for discussion,” Leliana said calmly. 

Josie sighed, “It’s going to be a good opportunity for us to get funds, the more teachers we can have there the better. Plus, you have some ties to Kirkwall and the army, it would make it much easier for you to secure funds from certain groups.”

“No,” Cullen replied. He was not going to do this. He was not going to get dressed up for some high society party and go begging for donations. What made it all the worse was that it was an Orlesian affair. There wouldn’t only be Orlesians there of course, it was happening in Denerim after all, but the whole idea sounded terrible. 

Leliana studied him, “Give me one good reason why you won’t do this.”

Cullen could think of several. “It’s ridiculous and demeaning, and there are better ways for us to do this. We can reach out to the community, people who actually care and want the school to succeed versus those who just want it for show and the tax write-off.”

“We’ve been trying that, and so far have not been very successful,” Josie explained. “We’re doing this with or without you.”

“Mara is going to be playing quite a large role,” Leliana said. And he knew she’d been holding that piece of information close, waiting to use it at the right time. If Mara was going she knew he’d want to be there, want to go and at least support her. He hadn’t mentioned anything to Leliana about he and Mara being together, but he knew she’d have it figured out. 

He sighed, “Fine.”

Leliana smiled knowingly, “I thought that might change your mind.” 

Cullen bit back a remark he knew he’d regret later, “You said there would be some meetings?”

Josie nodded, “We’re going to meet Thursday right after school, get a game plan going. We’ll meet here.”

“We done?” he asked, standing from the chair. 

“One more thing,” Leliana smiled, and he sunk back down. 

“Yes?” he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear her question.

“Do you have a tux?” Leliana asked, nonchalantly. 

Cullen shook his head at the whole thing, “In what scenario would I, a high school history teacher, need a tux?”

Josie made a note on her clipboard, “That’s what we thought.” 

Leliana nodded, “Now you can go.”

Cullen walked out without another word. He was frustrated and there was no point in hiding that from Leliana. School had been over just about ten minutes when she’d called him up to her office and told him their plan. He wasn’t sure that playing at whatever game Corypheus was playing was really the best course of action. But he’d been overruled. No one wanted a to strike a blow to the man more than he did after how he’d treated Mara, but he just mostly had thought of ways to carry that out a little less abstractly. They involved more punches and less Orlesian parties. 

The school was mostly empty, the mass exodus of students pretty much over. A few still lingered in the hallways, in small packs or on the ground at their lockers, waiting for the last wave of buses. 

He didn’t go into his classroom, walked right into hers. Going to her classroom felt almost as normal as walking into his at this point. It had been just a little over a week since their kiss, and he supposed it shouldn’t feel as comfortable as it did, but he didn’t question it. 

She spun around from her computer when she heard him enter, “Hey.”

“You knew Leliana was going to call me,” he said, striding over to the nearest cluster of desks. 

Mara nodded, “I did. I told her you were going to probably say no.”

“I did,” he admitted. 

“And then?” Mara smiled. He wouldn’t have walked into her classroom in a huff without cause, she knew that. 

“She said you were playing a big role,” Cullen admitted. 

“I knew she knew!” Mara exclaimed. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cullen asked, shaking his head. 

Mara laughed, “Because I knew you’d say yes.”

Cullen narrowed his eyes, “You did not.”

She shrugged, “Positions reversed I would have said yes if you asked.”

“You’re a much nicer person than me,” he replied. It was the truth, Mara was always doing things for other people, just because. Cullen felt like he let opportunities to help pass him by too often. He would overthink the action, about how it would be received, or if his help would be appreciated.  Never for her though, she jumped right in, and he always felt like he was a step behind. 

“Yeah, right,” she shook her head sarcastically. Then she sighed, “No matter what Leliana said, don’t come if you don’t to.”

“They asked me if I owned a tux,” he whined. 

She leaned forward onto her desk, chin in her hands, “Not a tux! The horror!”

He rolled his eyes, and ignored her tone, “I really hate tuxes.”

She smirked, “Pity, you’d look damn fine in one.”

He found himself blushing and then feeling ridiculous for doing so as he raised an eyebrow, “Yeah?”

“I guess I’ll never find out since you’re not going though,” she said nonchalantly, returning to the grading she was working on. 

“Leliana will kill me if I don’t.”

She glanced up, fidgeting with the watch on her wrist, “Probably, Josie too if she’s already got tux plans for you.”

“How long are you staying here today?” he asked. 

Mara bit her lip as she studied the clock, “Maybe four, but I’ve still got a whole other class worth of tests to get through.”

He considered for a moment his grading load as well. He had essay questions to get through as well, which would take most of the night as well. Not to mention the other work his classes had turned in. 

“Here’s a plan, come over to my place. We’ll put in a movie we’ve both seen a million times and get our grading done. Whoever finishes first picks dinner,” he grinned. 

She smiled back, “Careful Rutherford, that’s twice in one week you want to see me on a school night. I might start getting crazy ideas about how much you like me.”

He jumped down from the desk he’d sat atop of and bent so his face was level with hers, “If you think it’s a lot, you’ve got the exact right idea.” He kissed her quickly around smiles and laughter before leaving her, unable to remember when his life had been this perfect. 

***

It had been a hell of a day and it was barely three o’clock. She hadn’t had a spare moment all day, but to be fair, she wasn’t the only one. Dagna and Dorian had been out for the day attending some science conference downtown, but due to a sub shortage that day neither of their classes were fully covered. A sub had shown up for the last half of Dagna’s classes, but it mean that other teachers had to fill in the gaps on their prep hours.

There was a reason that Mara had fifth hour prep, she sometimes forgot, having gone so long without having students the last hour of the day. But dealing with Dorian’s fifth hour had reminded her very quickly. At the end of the day kids were restless, and they begged you to let them go early, and after a full day of teaching her own classes she felt so tired. And she had a meeting in Leliana’s office. 

She stopped in at the faculty room before she went in, pouring some lukewarm coffee into a cup. It wasn’t great, but it would get the job done. Walking in, Cassandra and Cullen looked as tired as she did, having covered classes on their prep hours as well. She sat down next to Cullen at the conference table, Leliana and Josephine nowhere in sight. 

“Hey,” she said quietly. 

Cassandra and Cullen both responded with some sort of disgruntled noise that almost had her laughing out loud. She’d covered it up my coughing into her coffee cup, prompting Cullen to take her hand and with a swipe of his fingers across her knuckles, ask if she was okay. She’d pulled her hand away quickly, out of professionalism, Cullen didn’t seem to mind. 

“Really, there’s not students here, no need to attempt subterfuge,” Cassandra said, Mara didn’t see her face but was sure she could hear her rolling her eyes. 

Mara shook her head glancing Cassandra’s way, “We’re not, just trying to keep it professional when we’re at work.”

Cassandra smiled slightly, “I suppose the doe-eyed looks you’ve been giving each other since the beginning of the school year are of little concern then?”

Cullen set his hands on the conference table, “We did not give each other doe-eyed looks.”

Cassandra raised one of her perfectly curved eyebrows, “Fair point, it was mostly just you.”

Mara nearly spit out the sip of coffee she’d just taken at that comment. Cullen had looked to her for support, but she simply took another sip of her coffee and shrugged. 

They didn’t have time to continue on that train of thought as Dorian, Leliana, Josephine and Vivienne entered the room. Dorian sat down next to Mara while Vivienne took a seat by Cassandra. 

Leliana’s radio buzzed and crackled. Bull’s voice echoed off the walls of the small room over it, “Hey Nightingale, got a couple kids who want to use the back field for ultimate frisbee or something, has anyone booked that field?”

Leliana bent over a large desk calendar spread over part of her L-shaped, wood desk. “I’ve got the junior high football team practicing there at five. So tell them they just need to be cleared out by then.”

“Great, thanks,” Bull’s voice crackled and then there was silence. 

Leliana straightened her blazer, “Sorry I’m late, we had some bus issues today and then things keep popping like that.” She gestured to her radio. 

“This is why I didn’t go into administration,” Dorian quipped with a smile. 

“My job would be much easier if certain people’s subs actually showed up,” Leliana level a look at him that was mostly in jest. 

Dorian raised both arms, “Complete and utter incompetence! Dagna has already listened to my rant today after Mara texted to let me know what happened. I’ve had a sub booked for a whole week.”

He looked to Cassandra, Cullen and her, “Were the kids good? Did my instructions make sense? If the kids gave you issues they will have so much homework…”

Cassandra shook her head, “They were fine for me.”

“Because they know you can take them,” Mara joked. 

Cassandra rolled her eyes, “I would never attack a student.”

“We should get started,” Josephine interrupted. 

Leliana nodded, “We should. Vivienne?”

Vivienne had sat regally the whole time, a small smile on her face, as she worked on her tablet and listened to their conversation. “The first thing you should know is that our party is hosted by Celene Valmont. She inherited her company from uncle, there was a lot of controversy since she was so young, but also because everyone thought that her cousin, Gaspard de Chalons, would be the one to inherit.”   
“So this is going to be a very Orlesian party then?” Dorian asked. 

“Oh darling, the best ones are,” Vivienne said with a wave of her hand. “Other players you need to know about: Briala. She was the R&D director and very close to Celene, but earnings took a hit when their prototype didn’t do well a few years back and Briala and her entire department were sacked. It’s largely agreed that Celene used Briala as a scapegoat, and they’ve been feuding ever since. Also Florianne, Gaspard’s sister is Celene’s PR director, she’s ruthless and has Celene’s ear, so we need to be on her good side.”

“Will that be difficult?” Mara asked. 

“Seeing as our invitation was obtained through my connections with Gaspard, probably,” Vivienne sighed. 

“What’s the point of us knowing who these people are?” Cullen asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose. 

Leliana answered, “Because they’re all against each other, and Gaspard is trying very hard to get the company’s board to get rid of Celene. The company hasn’t done well in the last few years, and it wouldn’t be out of the question.” 

“Celene is well connected,” Vivienne explained, “Some very prominent people will be there, both from Ferelden and Orlais and they’ll be looking for ways to make themselves look good. Generous donations to educational causes are an easy way to do that.”

“So you want us to go and kiss ass all evening and hope someone hands us money,” Cullen said. 

If Vivienne was annoyed by Cullen’s reluctance, she didn’t show it, “Yes, and your connections to Kirkwall will be helpful in getting Marcher help. Cassandra’s Nevarran heritage will give her credibility, and Mara will be there to show Corypheus we are not backing down.”

“Not to mention Tevinter businesses tend to be flush with money and I know of quite a few of them,” Dorian smiled. 

“Exactly,” Vivienne looked pleased. “Our job is to go, make everyone aware of who we are and do our best to charm them into donating.”

“But what about the logistics of the whole thing, we arrive there and just go socialize?” Mara asked. 

“Essentially yes,” Josie replied, “I think you’ll find that once you arrive the socializing will happen without much effort on your part.”

“And Mara you’ll be coming around with me, we want to make sure Corypheus feels your presence more than anything,” Vivienne said. 

“Is he really going to care that I showed up at some party?” Mara asked. 

“Oh my dear, you’re not just showing up, you’re going to steal the show,” Vivienne said with an air of confidence that was hard to ignore. 

Cullen’s hand found hers under the table, swiping his thumb gently across her knuckles as if he could tell she was nervous. 

Dorian had pulled out his smartphone, “What date is this again? I need to program it.”

“Next Saturday,” Leliana said. “So coming up quite quickly.” 

Mara’s stomach already churned at the thought of attending. 

After the meeting, Dorian hung back with her. Cullen and Cassandra had left, both clearly frustrated about the entire thing, but Cassandra was at least willing to help. 

“When were you going to tell me?” Dorian raise an eyebrow as they exited Leliana’s office. 

“About?” Mara asked, knowing exactly what he was referring to. She and Cullen had both agreed that they would tell their coworkers, but keep it quiet from the students. Except neither of them had gotten around to telling anyone anything. If anyone was paying attention it was probably obvious, they visited each other’s rooms enough anyways. She didn’t have much of an excuse except that she just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Did she and Cullen just walk into Dorian’s room at lunch and announce, ‘Hey, guess what? We’re dating!’. Even in her head it seemed stupid. She’d thought about texting Dorian, and had held back for some reason. She’d sort of been hoping Cullen might tell everyone, but he hadn’t. 

Dorian sighed, “Oh, you know, how a certain blonde history teacher and you are dating?”

Mara nodded, “Yeah, that.”

Dorian mimicked her, “Yeah, that.”

“I’m sorry. It’s still new and I wasn’t exactly sure how to tell you or what to say?” Mara shrugged. 

Dorian rolled his eyes, “How about ‘yay’ that’s what I told everyone when Bull and I got things figured out.”

Mara covered her mouth as she laughed, “Okay. What do you want to know?”

Dorian chuckled, “Believe it or not I do not want every sordid detail. You’re happy though?”

She couldn’t suppress a smile, “Yeah, we’re happy.”

“And keeping it from the students?” Dorian asked, adjusting the cuff of his shirt. 

“Oh very much so,” Mara said, “I don’t even want to know what sort of hayday they’d have with that.”

“It wouldn’t be the end of the world, but better not to give them the chance,” Dorian agreed. 

“You’re both aware that you’re going to have to share each other with me, I absolutely refuse to play third wheel to the two of you.”

Mara shook her head, “No worries on that Dorian.”

“Good, Bull is having a late practice on Tuesday. I’ll grab some food and be at your house at seven,” Dorian said, mostly without asking. 

Mara laughed, “I’ll let Cullen know I’m busy that night.”

“You’re not spending every night with the man are you? Oh Maker, you’re not staying over at each other’s houses?” Dorian asked, looking more scandalized than he should have. 

She blushed despite herself, “No. There’s been none of that.”

Dorian gave her a severe look and she shoved him, “I thought you weren’t interested in the ‘sordid details’.”

Dorian smirked at her, no doubt noticing how red she knew her face was, “Oh I’m not, it’s just something I find rather adorable about you. The bright red shade of your face is rather fetching.”

Mara shook her head and stalked away while Dorian laughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't follow me over on Tumblr you didn't see my explanation of why I didn't update last week. The first week of school and Back to School Night just totally kicked my butt. So I'm sorry that I missed last week, but I seem to be getting into the rhythm of things at my new school and updates should continue as usual. Plus having an upcoming three day weekend will help too. I so appreciate the support and encouragement from every single one of you, thank you so so much. I hope you enjoyed this update!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is annoyed that the upcoming ball is already beginning to take up his time.

Cullen had never really looked forward to the weekend much. He enjoyed his job, saw the weekend as a necessary time to rest and get through the rest of the grading he hadn’t done during the week. But lately? It meant uninterrupted time with Mara and he very much looked forward to that. 

They’d been spending time together during the week, going to each other’s places and working on grading, watching movies and just spending time together. He enjoyed it more than he should, had begun looking forward to that time with Mara more than anything else. But she seemed to look forward to that time too, and there was something so incredibly exciting about that. He was falling in love with her. 

They’d gone their separate ways after school, promising to meet up again in an hour or so at his house. He didn’t have grand plans for the weekend, mostly just spending as much time with her as possible. They were going to order food and stay in watching movies. He’d heard about this t.v. series that was on the streaming service he thought they could check out perhaps. 

He was spending the time before her arrival picking up his house a bit from the chaos of the week. He typically kept his house very clean, found he stressed out if he didn’t. It was a coping mechanism, the control he needed to have over his space. There had been plenty out of control in his life, but things seemed to finally be going his way. Fortunately that meant he was spending his time in more interesting ways than cleaning his house. He couldn’t find it in himself to care too much. 

He heard a quiet knock at the door and rushed to get it, already excited to see her again. It’d just been a little over an hour since they said goodbye in the parking lot at the school. He didn’t think he’d ever get over how much he enjoyed her company. It was silly really. 

“Hey,” she smiled, deep green eyes crinkling. 

“Hi,” he reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her inside and closing the door behind her. He brushed his lips across hers lightly in greeting, but she moved to her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck to hold him closer. He didn’t protest, lips moving in now familiar patterns against hers. She nipped his bottom lip, and then their tongues slid together, languidly at first but then building in tempo with their kiss. 

He had one hand around her waist and the other buried in her hair. He pushed her closer to the door, his hand travelling lower to her ass. She tugged lightly at the hair at the nape of his neck, causing him to groan involuntarily. His other hand wandered down her back, grasping handfuls of the simple gray t-shirt she wore before joining his other hand on her ass and pulling her up against him. Her legs wrapped around his torso, and he moved a hand behind her head so she didn’t hit it on the door as he pushed her back into it. 

He kissed down her neck, now it was within better reach. She let out a breathless chuckle, “Not even letting me get through the foyer now, Rutherford?”

He suckled lightly on her pulse point, “Do you mind?” She made a noise that sent fire coursing through his veins, his mind spinning bright images of fewer layers of clothing between them. 

“Not at all,” she rolled her hips against him. 

He reclaimed her lips, rocking his hips against hers while the hand not buried in her hair ran along the length of her thigh. Her hands roamed his chest, clever fingers having undone a few of the buttons on his shirt. Her hands dipped under the fabric, cool fingers moving across his skin. Maker, she was perfection. 

They’d been careful with each other since their first kiss. Moving slowly, and cautiously. They hadn’t talked about it, but he wondered if she was just as nervous to hurt their friendship as he was. He wanted the intimacy and the relationship to move as naturally as possible, and he wanted to do everything to ensure that their friendship wasn’t smothered in the meantime. But this kiss was all heat and pent up desire. He continued to rock against her, their hips meeting in a rushed rhythm. He cursed the fabric between them, wishing her fingers would find more of his skin, continue to touch him. 

BANG. BANG. BANG.

He very nearly dropped her in his surprise. They broke away from each other at the sound. It took him a moment to realize it was someone knocking at the door. Who in Andraste’s name would be knocking at four in the afternoon?

He and Mara exchanged a curious look while he gently set her down and she moved further into the house, righting her clothing. Her lips were swollen from their kissing, her neck flushed and she ran a hand through her hair. He hoped he didn’t look quite as obviously out of sorts as he tried to adjust his jeans to conceal his slowly shrinking erection. 

He opened the door to find Dorian standing on the front porch. He wasn’t facing the door, instead he was watching the street. He turned at the slight creak the door made when it opened. 

“Ah, you were a whole minute and a half faster than I thought you’d be,” Dorian said as he side-stepped around him and walked into the house. 

“By all means, come in,” Cullen muttered finding himself more than a little annoyed at his friend’s arrival. 

“Mara,” Dorian greeted her while Cullen shut the door. 

Mara smiled, recovering faster than Cullen, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pick the two of you up,” Dorian replied glancing around what he could see of Cullen’s house. 

“For what exactly?” Cullen asked. 

Dorian glanced at his nails, “Clothing fitting.”

“No,” Cullen replied, glancing to Mara for support. 

He didn’t get it. She shuffled her feet, “Well I did promise to wear whatever they wanted to put me in. I just didn’t realize it was going to be tonight.”

“Won’t take but an hour of your time, then you can get back to your….activities,” Dorian smiled. 

Cullen sighed, recognizing when he was beat, “Fine.”

“Great! I’ll drive!” Dorian looked positively ecstatic. 

Cullen opened the front door back up, and Mara walked out. Dorian followed, but stopped before Cullen and whispered quietly, “You might want to button your shirt back up.”

Dorian winked as he walked through the doorway and Cullen glanced down at his almost gaping shirt, in embarrassment. His cheeks were red as he quickly righted himself and stepped out on the porch, locking the door behind him. 

Maker, he was going to kill Dorian if it took more than an hour. 

***

It took more than an hour.

Despite Dorian getting them to Vivienne’s house in about ten minutes flat, a small feat considering that for any normal person it probably would have taken at least fifteen, things slowed way down from there. 

Mara was ushered upstairs with Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine and Vivienne while he and Dorian were left in a downstairs guest room. Dorian’s main job was clearly to make sure they picked something for Cullen to wear that was appropriate. An entire rack options hung in the center of the simple but expensive room. 

“How did she manage to get all of this?” Cullen asked Dorian. 

Dorian took a seat in the overstuffed chair beside the window, “Vivienne has connections. These tuxes are all on loan to her. So we’re going to pick the one that looks best on you, have it adjusted to fit just right, then you’re going to happily wear it and not get it dirty or harm it in any way, then you’ll return it.”

“And it’s up to your sole discretion what looks good on me?” Cullen asked, already bored. 

Dorian laughed, “Well Vivienne did approve the selections beforehand, but yes. Is this going to be a problem?”

Cullen sighed, “Which one should I try first?”

“Splendid!’” Dorian looked totally thrilled, “try the leftmost one first. The bathroom is right behind you.”

Cullen lost count of how many tuxes he’d tried on, they all looked the same. Well except for the a striped one and one in a deep blue one that Dorian had seemed to really like, and Cullen had simply said no to as soon as he walked out of the bathroom. Dorian had laughed and Cullen had grabbed a different one to change into right away. 

He wasn’t sure at what point he’d reached the never ending line of suits, but Dorian picked one up he’d already tried on and handed it to him with instructions to put it back on. He did, and then stood in silence while Dorian scrutinized him in the middle of the room for several minutes. 

“This is the one,” Dorian said finally, “What do you think?”

Cullen adjusted his glasses, “That it looks like every other one I’ve put on.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “You’re just saying that because you’re annoyed.”

Cullen laughed, “Really, what makes this one different from the last one?”

Dorian pinched the bridge of his nose, “This one is a two button, slimmer lapels, and a slim fit.”

“That’s supposed to mean something to me isn’t it?” Cullen teased. 

“So help me Rutherford I will put you in a vest,” Dorian warned, “I’m going to see if we can borrow the seamstress from upstairs, this will need to be taken in and the pants are just slightly too long. See which of the shoes over there fit.”

Cullen felt the slightest bit bad at giving Dorian so much grief, but mostly he was annoyed that this had become a huge production. He had agreed to attend, and he thought that was sort of the end of it. He hadn’t realized all he was agreeing to. That had likely been Leliana’s plan all along. 

Dorian returned with the seamstress a few minutes later and Cullen stood very still to avoid being poked with any needles, and then Dorian had approved of the shoes that were most comfortable. That much was a relief. Dorian seemed unwilling to fight him on much else that evening, and he was allowed to change back into his clothes. It felt a little strange to change back into such casual clothes after all of the more constricting clothing he’d been trying on, but he didn’t mention that to Dorian as they made their way to the front living room where they waited. 

Mara emerged about twenty minutes later, looking a little tired, “You’re done?” 

“We are,” Dorian replied, “And were you successful?”

Mara nodded, “Yes, and very hungry. Can we go?”

Cullen turned to Dorian, “Yes, let’s go.”

“Oh alright,” Dorian stood up, “I’ll even buy you food since I barged in on your Friday night.”

It was already nearing eight o’clock and Cullen was trying not to hate Dorian too much, “If you’re buying your picking.”

“If you pick someplace slow so help me, I will cause you some sort of physical harm,” Mara said as they walked to the car. 

“That was one time! That Tevinter place is never that slow!” Dorian argued. 

He took them to the Tevinter place just to prove a point, Cullen was sure that it wasn’t that slow, but he was hungry enough that every minute they had to wait felt much longer than it was. They got the food to-go, which was good in the grand scheme of things so that he and Mara could spend time just the two of them sooner, but it meant they all had to deal with the added torture of the car smelling like food the entire way to his house. 

It was hardly eight-thirty and he was already exhausted from the day. Mara didn’t seem like she’d fared much better. She sat in the backseat, eyes closed most of the way home. Dorian dropped them off with a wave and they went inside and ate in mostly silence, too hungry for conversation. 

Once Mara had eaten she perked up a bit, “I’m sorry our evening was largely ruined.”

Cullen shrugged, “Nothing we can do about it now, we agreed to go. You found a dress though?”

She nodded, “With very little protest from me. I just tried it on and we all sort of knew it was the right one.”

“I’m sure you look great in it,” he offered. 

She smiled, “You’re sweet. I just feel terrible that I haven’t seen you all day.”

He did too, felt like he’d been looking forward to seeing her all day and he’d hardly spent any time with her, “Then stay here tonight.” He could hardly believe the words had come out of his mouth, surely he’d thought about it. But it was too soon. It was too soon wasn’t it?

Mara froze, “What?”

*** 

She’d heard him wrong. She’d definitely heard him wrong. They’d had a longer and more trying evening than either of them was expecting. She found herself wishing things had gone differently, but had resolved that they’d get more time together tomorrow. 

She had frozen up and simply asked, “What?”

Cullen’s face immediately darkened and his hand flew up to his neck, “Uh….I….if you want.”

She felt her own face burning, and her thoughts began racing. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it. The man was gorgeous, of course she’d thought about it. She’d done a little more than thought about it, but it was too soon. Far too soon. 

Their relationship had been slowly progressing, but they’d both been wary of moving too quickly. She had a very real fear that their growing intimacy might suffocate their friendship, she wanted that whole and intact no matter what. So far things had been a natural extension of that friendship, but this was a step beyond anything else they’d done. Hell they’d barely had more than a handful of steamy make out sessions. 

She picked her words carefully, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea…”

She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, instead staring very intently at the floor as he spoke, “Oh no! Not like that! I just thought, we’d planned to spend time together tomorrow anyways, perhaps we could make up for lost time if you slept here. Just slept. If you want.”

She glanced back up to him. He’d taken off his glasses and was toying with them, clearly trying not to look too nervous, but completely failing. 

She tried not to look too relieved when she spoke, “Does seem like a bit of a waste to drive home and then come right back in the morning.”

He smiled cautiously, “Definitely a waste of gas and time.”

The edges of her lips lifted as she met his gaze, “So I guess I’m staying here.”

He looked happy, and relieved, “Alright then.”

“Are you going to make fun of me if I admit that I’m dead on my feet and could totally sleep right now?” she asked, hoping it didn’t seem forward. 

Cullen laughed, “Thank the Maker, I am exhausted. Come on.”

They cleaned up the remnants of dinner, joking about “doing dishes” as they put their food in the trash. Then Cullen took her hand and led her upstairs. 

“I always forget you’ve been up here, since I wasn’t with you,” Cullen said as they ascended the stairs. 

“Well, to be honest I tried not to look around too much, felt like an invasion of your privacy,” she replied. 

He laughed, “I had you going through my medicine cabinets to find my migraine medication, I clearly wasn’t concerned with keeping things private.”

Mara shrugged, “Still.”

“It was unneeded, but I appreciate it,” Cullen said, giving her hand a soft squeeze. They had reached his bedroom. His room was immaculately clean like the rest of his house. The room was simple, a bed, a nightstand, a dresser. There was a door that connected it to the hallway, and another that connected it to the bathroom, but otherwise it was without much decoration of any kind. The ceilings were vaulted, making the room seem even emptier. The bedding was a plain dark blue, but looked comfortable enough. 

She was a strange mixture of nervous and excited. This was hardly the first night she’d spent with someone, but it somehow felt like a bigger deal with Cullen. Perhaps it was because he was such a private person that the offer to be that vulnerable with her, to want her there, perhaps that was what made this different. 

Cullen let go of her hand and walked over to the dresser against the far wall, “I’ve got some clean pajama pants you can borrow if you want.”

She hadn’t really thought this through, she didn’t have anything here. She was suddenly grateful she’d worn a very comfortable shirt, “That would be great.”

He handed her a pair of very soft gray and blue plaid pants, “You can have the bathroom first.”

She took the quick exit thankfully, it would give her a moment to collect herself, so she ducked quickly into the bathroom. 

“There’s extra washcloths under the sink if you need them,” he called quietly through the shut door. She hadn’t even thought to ask about anything like that around the hammering of her heart in her ears. She took several deep breaths, and decided the first order of business was to change. She ditched her jeans and pulled on the loaned pajamas. They were hilariously too long on her, but if she pulled the drawstring tight enough they would stay on. She debated for a moment about divesting herself of her bra, and eventually decided that she’d sleep better without it. She took it off and hid it within her folded up jeans feeling like a prude. While a small part of her wanted to see Cullen’s face when she walked out of the bathroom with it on top of her jeans, she thought the embarrassment might kill them both. She washed her face quickly and hung the washcloth on the towel rack, then took a deep breath before returning to his room. 

Cullen had already changed, was in a simple white shirt that hugged the broad planes of his chest. His pants looked an awful lot like the ones she was wearing, but his were red. He had been on his phone, but had looked up as soon as she walked out, a wide smile on his face. 

“They’re a little big,” he said as he watched her try not to stumble on the too long hem. 

She smiled back, “They’re comfy though.” 

“I’m glad,” he replied.

He stood and skirted around her towards the bathroom, “I’ll be right back, make yourself comfortable.”

The bathroom door shut quietly behind him and she stood in the middle of his room totally unsure of what to do. He’d said get comfortable, but did that mean climb into his bed? She was unsure. So she set her discarded clothing on the nightstand on the side of the bed he hadn’t been sitting on and then decided it was safe to just sit on the bed. 

He came back a few minutes later, “You could have gotten in.”

She knew she was blushing when she replied, “I just...wasn’t totally sure.”

He looked at her apologetically, “I’m sorry, if you feel like we’ve rushed this you can go home, no hard feelings.”

She toyed with the long ends of the drawstring, “I don’t want to go, I’m just a little….nervous. Is that stupid?”

He shook his head, “Not at all.”

He stood by the light switch questioningly and she gave him a  quick nod as she pulled back the edge of the covers. The room plunged into darkness and she felt the bed shift as he joined her. Things felt a little less awkward under the cover of darkness and she was no sooner under the covers then she felt his hands reach cautiously for her. One arm rested gently along her waist while the other was against her shoulder.

“Come here,” he said gently, “I haven’t had you in my arms nearly enough today for my liking.”

She snuggled into him as his arms wrapped around her, “Agreed.” He was very warm and she felt herself relaxing against him. It all felt more natural than she’d anticipated. He held her carefully, as if he was afraid to cage her and it only made her want to get closer.

“I...um...I need to tell you something,” he whispered into her hair. 

“If it’s that you’ve changed your mind, I think it’s too late. You’re stuck with me for tonight,” she quipped. 

He let out a shaky laugh, “That’s not it.”

Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she ran a hand softly along his cheek, “You can tell me anything.”

He shifted a bit so she couldn’t see his face, adjusting her head so that it rested on his chest. She could hear the erratic beating of his heart and wondered what had him so nervous. 

“I get nightmares,” he said, finally. “Not every night, but often. I just wanted you to know in case…”

She found his hand under the covers, taking it and bringing the knuckles up to her lips. She pressed a kiss to each one, “If we’re confessing things, I’ve been told I’m a bit of a blanket hog. I think I’ve reformed though.”

He chuckled then, “Well that’s a deal breaker right there.”

She turned up, so she could look at him in the darkness, “Really, though. Thanks for telling me.”

“I’m sort of a coward for waiting until you agreed to stay to tell you,” Cullen admitted. 

She bent forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, “I disagree.”

He tucked her hair behind her ear, “How on earth did I get lucky enough to have you in my life?”

She kissed him again, “Don’t get too excited, you don’t know if I snore yet or not.”

She settled back down on his chest, her eyes were begging to be shut and her limbs were tired. It had been a long week, and she wanted to enjoy being tucked against him before she dropped off to sleep. 

She felt his lips brush over her forehead, “I’m glad you stayed.”

She smiled against his chest, “Me too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter was so so so much fun to write. Cullen totally annoyed is my favorite and then these two are just too cute for words. Thanks for reading, I'm convinced I've got the best readers on the planet!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Mara awake to each other, and find that hiding their relationship from students is easier said than done.

He did not wake in the night to the nightmares he had so feared. Ever since Kirkwall things hadn’t been the same. He was still haunted by the explosions that had wracked the city, sometimes if he stood up too quickly it felt like the aftermath of an explosion, the world swaying around him. Too many men and women he knew were lost in the span of a few days, and somehow he’d come out mostly unscathed, the scar on his lip one of the few physical reminders he still carried. 

There were other reminders though, things he wasn’t so good with forgetting. He never cleared his phone’s contact list out. He carried their names and their telephone numbers in his phone like ghosts. He could never seem to delete them, as if doing so was a more permanent death than what he’d witnessed. He didn’t look at them, but they were there always in his pocket, a quiet reminder that he’d lived when they hadn’t.

When he moved to Denerim, Cassandra had dragged him to a therapist every other week. For all of his complaining, it had helped. Now when he woke from nightmares or had a flashback he knew what to do. How to school his breathing and ground himself. Lately he’d been starting his mornings with the grounding exercises. 

He opened his eyes,  _ I’m in my bed _ . He fanned his fingers over the sheet below him, feeling the texture and committing the way the fabric felt below his fingers to memory.  _ It’s Saturday morning. My ceiling is white. There’s a dresser in the corner, it’s brown and my white alarm clock sits on top of it, my phone next to it. The carpet in this room is beige. Mara is here. _

Mara. 

He smiled and rolled over the exercise forgotten for the moment. They’d fallen asleep entwined together, but at some point in the night they’d moved apart, and the vast majority of the blankets had gone with her. She was cocooned in them, blonde hair wavy from sleep, fanning out from the heaviest of the blankets. The curve of one ear poked out and she was angled on her stomach and somehow spread out while wrapped in the blankets. Maker, she was beautiful. 

A quick glance at his alarm clock on the dresser told him that it was just before eight a.m. He thought about going down to make them both some breakfast, but he didn’t know how deep of a sleeper Mara was and he didn’t dare risk waking her by getting up. 

So he laid there, enjoying the quiet sounds of her breathing and the knowledge he was dozing beside her. It wasn’t long before she woke, cuddling into his side. 

“Morning,” he said softly. 

She looked up at him, green eyes still a little hazy from sleep, “Good morning.”

He angled closer to her, secretly hoping he didn’t have morning breath, “How did you sleep?”

“Very good,” she smiled, “I think I stole all the blankets though.”

“Only the softest ones,” he replied as she threw blankets back his way.  

“Sorry. How did you sleep?” she asked. 

“Just fine,” he smiled. 

“Even without blankets to sleep under?” she asked with a chuckle. 

“Yes,” he replied, and then he kissed her, unable to hold back from doing so any longer. Her lips were soft against his, pliant as he languidly kissed her. Gone was the frenzy of the night before, it didn’t stop him from wanting her, but her reaction to his suggestion she stay over the night before kept playing in the back of his mind. 

So he took his time, moving his tongue with hers slowly, dragging a hand carefully down her side. She arched into his touch, her hands pulling him closer to her. He followed her lead, moving over her at her insistence. He braced himself with one hand as he hovered above her, her legs twining with his. He’d found a strip of skin between her shirt and the pajama pants she’d borrowed from him, he kept running his fingers over it. 

He’d been unprepared for how seeing her wearing something of his had affected him. The pants were comically too big for her, she’d had to hold them up as she walked to avoid tripping on them. He found himself completely aroused by the fact she was wearing something of his, he worked to keep from making that fact absolutely obvious to her. 

Her hands found the hem of his shirt, shifting it up. He managed to stifle what was sure to have been a very unmasculine sound when her cold fingers ran across his torso, but the more she touched him the more her hands warmed and he found himself wishing she was touching more of him. Her hips rocked up into his, he tore his lips from hers to catch his breath and kissed down her neck. He was pleased to find she was just as breathless as he was, her fingers moved to his neck, burying themselves in his hair. He slipped his hand up higher, skimming the smooth skin of her stomach, he heard her breath hitch, and he worried that he’d pushed too far. He leaned back, the silent question hanging between them, and unsure his mouth formed the words. 

“Is this -” she cut him off by pulling his face to hers, kissing him hard. It was all the answer he needed. He allowed his hand to stray higher, brushing the underside of her breast. He nearly groaned when he realized she wasn’t wearing anything under her thin gray shirt. She sighed into his touch as he boldly cupped her breast. 

And then her stomach rumbled audibly. 

They both broke apart, laughing. Her body shook below him from laughing so hard, and he found himself unable to keep from following. 

He recovered first, kissing her nose, “On that note, should we get some breakfast?”

She wiped a stray tear from her eye, shoulders still shaking in laughter, “Probably best.”

***

It was 7:15 in the morning and Mara was trying very hard to be pleasant. She sat in the conference room offshoot of the counseling office with coffee in hand. She’d had a lovely weekend, staying over at Cullen’s and relaxing...once again not touching her grading. But now she was at school early for an Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting with a parent, and it didn’t appear as though the parent was going to show. Krem was just as frustrated, but handling it better. 

“It’s not often that a teacher beats me here in the morning,” Krem commented. Krem had been working as an intern in the counseling office the last few years, gradually taking on more responsibility. 

“I’m always here by 7:10 or so, but I tried to be early in case this took the whole time before school,” Mara explained. 

“I appreciate it,” Krem said, “I guess we’ll give them a couple more minutes to see if they show…”

“Of course,” Mara responded. 

“They’re the ones who requested the time specifically. Said mornings were best for them,” Krem shook his head. 

“Really?” Mara asked. 

“Yes, it’s frustrating,” Krem sighed, “The district is really breathing down my neck to get all the IEP annual renewals done before the new year.”

“Oh I bet,” she replied. Krem looked a little tired, brown hair a little more disheveled than usual. He had football to worry about in addition to all of the counseling.  

He shrugged, “I think I’m going to call it, do you mind signing off on the paperwork just in case the next time they come in you can’t be here?”

Mara signed the appropriate line on the IEP forms, “They have special accommodations in writing and I really wanted to talk about those, so let me know when they do come in. I can probably find another teacher or one of the student advocates to cover my class while we meet.”

Krem smiled, “That seems like a good plan to me. It’s a lot easier to conduct these meetings when the regular education teachers are here to talk about what they see too.”

Mara collected her things, “I wanted to talk to you about a student in my third hour, Ben Knight, I think we may need to get him tested.”

Krem was already typing the name into the school grading system, “The name rings a bell.” 

“He is really really slow with reading, almost always refuses to read aloud. I’m wondering if there might be something going on, and if we might be able to get him some accommodations to help,” Mara explained. 

“Dyslexia maybe?” Krem raised an eyebrow. 

“I wondered if that might be it,” Mara said, “But it could be a lot of things.”

“Have you talked to the parents?” Krem asked. 

Mara nodded, “They came into parent-teacher conferences, but when I mentioned it they just said they’d try to get him reading more at home. I’m sure they’ve been pushing for that, but I haven’t seen an improvement.”

“We need parent permission to test, but your referral will go a long way. Do you want to conference call them on your prep?” Krem asked. 

“That sounds like a good plan,” Mara agreed. 

“Sorry to take up your morning,” Krem apologized, “I’ll let you get back to your classroom.”

“You can’t control it, thanks Krem,” Mara said as she walked out of the conference room and made her way downstairs. 

It was still pretty early for students to be at the school, but there were already several students wandering the hallways in groups or congregated at lockers.

She walked into Cullen’s classroom before even going into hers, “You know what my favorite thing is? Coming to work thirty minutes earlier than I have to be to attend an IEP that the parent didn’t even show up for.”

Cullen had turned around from his desk, “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” she sighed, “It’s only Monday and I already know it’s going to be a long week.”

“And not just because of what’s happening this weekend?” Cullen asked. He’d pushed the sleeves of his gray sweater up to his forearms and he put his glasses back on, he rarely used them when he was working on the computer.  

Mara chuckled, “Saturday night might not be that bad.”

Cullen rolled his eyes, “It’s going to be that bad.”

She shook her head, “If you go into it with a bad attitude then it will definitely be bad.”

He ignored her remark, “Hey, so I’ve officially run out milk so I need to do some grocery shopping tonight.”

Mara sighed, “Me too. I’m out of coffee, most things I can live without, coffee before leaving the house is not one of those things. I just hate grocery shopping so much.”

“Me too,” Cullen agreed, “Maybe it won’t be so terrible if we do it together?”

She smiled, “I like the way you think Rutherford.”

“Pick you up around 5?” 

***

“I’ve never seen students at this store,” Cullen assured her as they walked into the grocery store. He’d driven them completely across town in an effort to ensure that they didn’t run into any students on their grocery shopping trip. They had so far managed to successfully keep their relationship a secret, but Mara wondered just how long that would hold. 

Cullen grabbed their cart, and she had her list in hand. He glanced her way, “Lead on.”

She laughed and began leading them through the aisles of the store, crossing off the items on her list as Cullen picked up items of his own. She was silently debating between two types of cereal when an employee stopped near them. 

“Mr. R! Ms. Lavellan!” the student said.

Mara whipped around to find a student that they both shared standing near the end of the aisle. His apron was green like all of the employees and his name badge gleamed white, almost mocking them. 

Cullen recovered first, “Jeremy, good to see you!”

Mara exchanged a panicked look with Cullen before turning back to Jeremy, “I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Oh yeah, there’s loads of us from school here, I should get back to work though,” Jeremy smiled and waved as he walked away. 

Cullen stood silent, but Mara stalked to the end of the aisle and glanced towards the check-out lanes. Almost every single one was manned by a student she recognized. She hurried back where Cullen was, near the cart. 

“Damn it Rutherford, you’ve never seen a student here? What did you do, come here on your prep hour?” Mara tried to keep her voice calm, “The whole void-taken place is teeming with students and Jeremy already saw us!”

“Jeremy is about as smart as a sack of rocks. The other day he told me about The Martian was based on a true story. I’m sure he didn’t even think that it was weird we’re here together,” Cullen argued.

“We are here separately!” Mara’s voice jumped in pitch. 

“We are sharing the same cart,” Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Mara shook her head, “No we’re not, you’re getting your own damn cart, Rutherford. Then we’re going to do our shopping and casually bump into each other at the checkout stand.”

“This is insane,” Cullen said calmly. 

“We’re not having them find out about us because we went grocery shopping!”

“Because arguing about it in the cereal aisle isn’t going to tip them off at all,” Cullen said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. 

“I hate you, and your grocery store choices, Rutherford,” Mara replied. 

Cullen picked up the few items of his in the cart and began walking away, “I’m getting a cart, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Mara threw a box of cereal in her cart and began collecting the other items on her list. It didn’t take her long to finish up and so she began slowly making her way to the checkout stands. 

To her left she saw Cullen who smiled, “Mara, fancy seeing you here.”

“Oh hey, how funny. Ran out of coffee, that means grocery shopping,” she shrugged. 

“Good to see you,” Cullen said and turned back to his checker. 

Mara entered her lane and began putting her groceries up on the counter. She smiled and said hello to the student who was working behind it, and secretly wished for more places to have self-checkout stands. 

This was one of the things that teacher education programs never prepared people for. The constant issue of running into students and often their parents away from school. Mara wondered if students had changed since she was in high school, because she would have avoided any teacher she saw like the plague, even if she liked them. In her experience though, kids sought her out if they saw her places. She used to never be able to go to a movie in Wycome without running into at least one student. She thought Denerim would be different since it wasn’t such a small town, it appeared she would have no such luck. 

Cullen had long since checked out by the time Mara was finished. She walked out of the grocery store half expecting him to have left her there just as a joke, but he was leaning against his car, waiting for her. The sun was setting off in the distance, painting the sky in oranges and yellows. The lights in the parking lot were flickering on, casting everything in a warm glow. 

“Am I allowed to take you home?” he asked as she approached, opening the trunk so she could put her groceries inside. 

Mara rolled her eyes, “Very funny. And yes.”

“You sure? A student might see us in the car together,” Cullen teased. 

“I’m sorry,” Mara admitted as Cullen took the cart to the nearby return. 

“It’s okay, let’s take you home.”

They sat mostly in silence on the way home. Mara had learned Cullen didn’t like to talk much when he drove. She usually didn’t mind, but that night she found she wanted to escape her own thoughts. She was feeling pretty foolish about the whole incident in the store. She wished, not for the first time, that she knew what Cullen was thinking.

They unloaded groceries together, and she unpacked hers while Cullen’s still sat in their bags on the counter, his refrigerated items having been placed in the fridge. Her back was to him as she put the plastic bags under the sink and stood up. He moved behind her, arms coming to rest on her waist. 

His mouth was next to her ear, and she felt him move down and kiss her neck. She gripped his hands, and tried to keep her breathing steady. 

“I....have never felt anything like this,” Cullen said quietly against her neck. He moved back up to her ear and kissed her temple, “I don’t want to pretend we’re not together.”

Mara turned in his arms, resting her hands against his chest, “I thought we agreed that was best for now.”

“That was best at the beginning of this, but now, Mara, do you really feel like this is a temporary thing?” Cullen asked, and she saw the shadows of doubt move in his eyes. That he had to ask made her stomach sink.  

“Of course not,” she said firmly, holding his gaze. 

“I’m not saying that we should make out in the hallways between classes, but I don’t want to hide.”

“Cullen, we’re not hiding, just keeping things private,” she said. 

His eyes narrowed, “You made me get my own ‘damn cart’. We’re hiding.”

She knew he was right. “I don’t want to hide.”

His fingers came to rest softly on her cheek, “Then let’s not.” He kissed her then, in a way that made her knees weak, and she replayed his earlier admission, that he’d never felt anything like this. She wasn’t sure she had either. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You really do run into students everywhere. Especially if you have your arms full of tampons and pads because you didn't think you needed to grab a cart. True story. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this update. We're moving into NSFW territory!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang attends Celene's ball.

It was clear to Mara that Leliana and Josephine were trying to make getting ready for the party some sort of a fun experience for her and Cassandra. They’d all met over at Josephine’s house and Mara had been expecting some hanging out, a bit of drinking perhaps ahead of the party. Instead it was an “impromptu” get Cassandra and Mara ready for the party. 

Mara suspected that it might be a little bit because they were worried she and Cass might bail at the last minute. She didn’t have any plans to no-show, as tempting as it was. She bore the whole thing better than Cassandra who mostly made disgusted noises about the whole thing.

Leliana was trying to talk Cassandra into some additional eyeliner when Josie took Mara upstairs where Mara’s dress lay ominously draped across Josie’s perfectly made bed. Everything about Josie’s house felt rich, welcoming, and absolutely spotless. It was so clean Mara felt strange touching anything, on the off chance she managed to ruin something. 

Josie insisted on touching up Mara’s makeup, which Mara let her. She’d never been one for wearing much anyways. Josie prattled on about who would be in attendance and who they might want to focus on talking to, and what to tell them about. 

Meanwhile, Mara kept glancing towards the dress she was supposed to wear. She liked the dress, she really did. She’d had no qualms when they’d picked it the week before. It was a beautiful mauve, and the beadwork was exquisite. She just felt absolutely exposed in it, which was odd considering the dress had a high neck and long sleeves, it was the bare back that had her feeling completely exposed. 

It was silly considering what Vivienne was wearing that evening and even Josephine’s dress was bold as well. Josie’s dress was a deep purple, fitted all the way through and cut just low enough in the front to turn heads. 

Leliana’s was more simple, a pretty blue color that matched her eyes, but what it lacked in complex fit, it made up for in the beading design. They were both already ready by the time she and Cassandra arrived. Josie twisted and curled her hair, sliding in a clip in one side that somehow perfectly matched her dress. She suspected Josie of some seriously quick online shopping, that or she’d anticipated which dress Mara was going to pick. 

“We are done!” Mara heard Cassandra’s voice echoing up the stairs. 

“Really Cassandra, you don’t have to be so difficult, it’s just a bit of lipstick!” Leliana argued. 

Mara immediately began giggling at the thought of Leliana trying to wrangle some lipstick onto Cassandra. She had no idea who would win that fight, but she suspected it might be Cassandra. 

“And that was why I told Leliana she got to deal with Cassandra,” Josie laughed. 

“Does that mean I’m the easy one to deal with in all of this?” Mara asked, still laughing. 

Josie smiled, “Always. You’re quite easy-going you know.”

“Well that’s good, I feel rather like I’m back in high school getting ready for prom,” Mara shook her head. 

“My younger sister and I always helped each other get ready,” Josie explained, finally setting her brushes down. 

“That sounds fun,” Mara replied, wondering what that might have been like. 

Josie nodded, “It was, do you have siblings?”

Mara shook her head, “Nope, it was always just me.”

“Oh,” Josie frowned, “I don’t know what I would have done without my siblings. You can put your dress on now.”

Josie left her so that she could get dressed. She glanced in the mirror to ensure her dress looked alright and was surprised at who she saw staring back at her. She didn’t look like an overworked teacher, she looked like she would belong among all of the fancy people sure to be at the party. 

She slipped on her shoes and went downstairs, stomach churning in a mix of nervousness and excitement.

She saw Cassandra first, standing taller than usual. She’d shocked them all with her choice of footwear, tall simple black pumps to go with the black suit she wore. She looked absolutely like the picture of sophistication, and Mara noticed she was sans lipstick. 

“You look nice,” Cassandra said kindly. 

Mara smiled, “As do you, you know what might put the whole thing over the top though? Some lipstick.”

Cassandra made a disgusted noise, “Not you too.”

The lipstick jokes and puns continued their entire trip to the Drakon Building in downtown Denerim. They were meeting Dorian and Cullen in the lobby of the Drakon, and Cullen hadn’t responded to any of the texts she’d sent. She suspected Dorian was fussing over him the same way Josie and Leliana had her, and she hoped he wasn’t driving Dorian too crazy. He probably was. 

The Drakon was beautiful, the bare trees outside were wrapped from top to bottom in Satinalia lights. The building was beautiful on its own, a huge mass of glass and silver, the office space ran along the sides, leaving the center of the building open. There was the large atrium, flanked by windows and one wall held a large screen that projected different designs of green and blue at alternating intervals. 

Cullen and Dorian were there, just outside the double doors leading into the atrium. Dorian wore a suit of deep, nearly black maroon. It suited him, looking both modern and bold. Cullen was in simple black, not facing her. 

He turned as they approached, looking a little out of his element. His hands were buried deep in his pockets, but he hadn’t loosened the his bowtie, so she saw that as a good sign. The suit he wore looked like it was made for him, emphasizing each line of his body. He smirked at her, and she realized she’d been gawking. Damn could the man where a suit though. 

Vivienne entered the lobby from the atrium. She moved gracefully in her dress. It was a dramatically low cut in the front, golden accents lined the collar that ran up high on her neck. The dress hugged her curves tightly, when she walked it was clear she owned the room. Mara noticed the heads of several people turning as Vivienne approached them. 

“You’re all here and looking great,” Vivienne smiled, “Wonderful. Come, I’ll take you to the coat check.”

Vivienne led them to an offshoot room, it was clearly not typically a coat check, just a small closet of a room some poor attendant was forced to stand at and take coats. Mara unbelted the black wool coat she’d put on to ward off the chill, and took a deep breath. 

Ready or not, it was time. 

***

She looked incredible, not that she didn’t typically look incredible, he’d just never seen her quite like this. Maker, she looked like she belonged there in that swanky building with all of those society people they were trying to impress instead of in a basement classroom without windows. 

He could tell she was a little uncomfortable, it was in the way she held herself, she just looked unsure. Cullen wanted to take her away for a moment and tell her just how lovely she looked. Vivienne had appeared though and led them off to the coat check. He found he couldn’t quite keep his eyes off of Mara, she had something pinned in her hair. It caught the light and shone, but then she pulled her coat off. 

Oh Maker. 

Her back was completely bare. He could see every freckle, muscle, and notch of her spine. He swallowed hard. The rest of her dress seemed quite sensible. Long sleeves, beading that covered the sleeves and torso and then disappeared into a long flowing skirt. She was in heels that she was probably already cursing, judging by how much taller she was than usual. It took everything Cullen had in him not to pull her away from the group for just a moment so he could kiss her, and run his hands over the expanse of skin she was baring. 

He couldn’t do that, so he settled for bending and whispering in her ear, “You look beautiful.”

She glanced up to him and grinned, she looked for a moment like she might say something but Vivienne spoke first, “We’re all ready?” 

Their group nodded in agreement, and so Vivienne locked arms with Mara, “Let’s go make an impression and piss off Corypheus.”

Mara looked determined, “Let’s.” Vivienne and Mara disappeared through the glass doors and into the sea of people.

“I think I’d rather like to go see what sort of liquor they’re serving,” Dorian said.

Cullen replied, “I would as well.”

Cassandra nodded, “Take me with you.”

Leliana sighed, “Come on, we’ll all go get drinks, and then we’ll get to work.”

Their group wove their way through the maze of people towards the bar on the far side of the room. Cullen found himself distracted by all of the people around him, and barely heard Dorian’s praise of the open bar and asking Cullen what he wanted. 

“Uh - scotch,” Cullen said quickly as he scanned the crowd for any sign of Mara. He didn’t see her and Dorian handed Cullen his drink while slipping a tip into the jar. 

Drinks in hand, their group moved away from the bar to an uninhabited area of the room. The place was mostly filled with groups of people standing around at high tables, drinking and talking. The center of the room was slowly being cleared to make way for a dance area and Cullen decided right then he’d definitely be ignoring that particular activity that night. 

He noticed the others for the first time, Cassandra looked better than he did in her suit, while Josie and Leliana looked...well they didn’t look like school administrators, that was damn sure. He supposed he and Dorian didn’t look like teachers either, something of a small miracle, that. 

Leliana stood at his side, red hair pulled back in some sort of complicated knot, “Look, Vivienne and Mara are speaking with Celene.”

He followed where she was looking, seeing Mara conversing with a blonde woman who must be Celene. She looked glamorous, smiling and chatting with Vivienne and another woman at her side. He glanced away, trying to avoid staring at her. 

“Probably wise,” Leliana commented on him purposefully surveying the rest of the room, “Don’t want anyone to think you’re gawking.”

“I was not gawking,” Cullen glanced to her, taking a sip of his scotch. It was surprisingly smooth, perhaps if he kept one of those in hand most of the night, this might not be so bad afterall. 

“Perhaps smitten is a better word?” Leliana asked, laughter dancing in her blue eyes. 

She clearly expected him to blush, instead he held her gaze and lifted his glass to his lips right after murmuring, “Perhaps.”

Leliana laughed, a lilting joyful sound that seemed out of place in the oppressive room. Then Cullen heard his name from somewhere behind him. He turned, looking for the source, and heard it again, the Starkhaven accent unmistakable this time. Leliana gave him a smile and walked away while a man he never thought he’d see again approached him. 

“What in Maker’s name are you doing here?” Sebastian Vael extended his hand. The man’s blue eyes had always made Cullen the slightest bit uneasy. Cullen had never thought of Sebastian as anything but kind though. It had been almost six years since he’d seen him. He wasn’t always the head of his company, when Cullen knew him he was running around with Hawke and her friends, making poor decisions that somehow almost always made Kirkwall better, and made Cullen’s job of keeping peace in the already unstable city just a little bit harder. 

Cullen grasped his hand, “Sort of a long story.”

“I bet it is, considering I last saw you in Kirkwall,” Sebastian replied. 

Cullen nodded, “What are you doing here?”

Sebastian laughed, “My company is in talks to acquire some of Celene’s company. I was in town for the talks and she insisted I come to the party. I couldn’t quite pass it up. Do you work for her?”

“Oh, Maker no. I’m a teacher at Skyhold High School, we’re here on invitation from Gaspard, to help us get funds to keep the school afloat,” Cullen explained. 

Sebastian nearly snorted into his drink, “You, a teacher? How things have changed. Well, I’d love to help. Let me give you my card and we can talk more specifics on Monday?”

Cullen was speechless, “Um, yes that sounds great.”

Sebastian smiled, “Always happy to help out a good cause.”

“You look good, Cullen,” Sebastian said as he held out a simple white card. 

Cullen took it, gratefully, “Thank you.”

“I’ll let you get back to the party, no doubt there are more people here you’d rather talk to than me, but It was good to see you,” Sebastian smiled and then wound his way back into the crowd. 

Dorian was back at the bar, if he ever left, and Cullen wandered over to him. Dorian glanced up as he approached, “I talked to exactly one person from Tevinter and I already need another drink.”

Cullen smiled, “I think I actually managed to get us someone interested in donating.”

Dorian’s eyebrows raised, “Really?” 

Cullen nodded, enjoying Dorian’s astonishment. 

Dorian was facing the rest of the ballroom while he waited for his drink, and Cullen kept himself from searching out Mara in the room. 

Dorian sighed, “You better get another one of those.” He tapped Cullen’s empty glass.

“Why?” Cullen asked. 

Dorian pointed to the dancefloor and so Cullen turned. Mara was on the dance floor, dress moving fluidly with the slow tune that played. She looked a little stiff though, as if she wasn’t allowing herself to relax. And Cullen could see why. Cullen wasn’t one to get jealous, but then he saw who she was dancing with. 

Raleigh Samson. 

Samson smiled his way while they turned, his hand resting on the bare small of her back and Cullen felt his hands clench into fists and his stomach clench. 

Yeah, he was definitely going to need another drink. 

***

Vivienne paused once they’d found their way into the crowd, “Are you quite alright, my dear?”

Mara took a deep breath, “I’m fine, just nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?” Vivienne asked, seeming honestly surprised. 

“I just feel a little out of place here, next to you. I mean look at you!” Mara said quickly. 

Vivienne laughed, “Oh darling, you are adorable. You look lovely, and you should feel out of place. You’re far prettier than most women in the room. It definitely helped that Cullen couldn’t keep his eyes off you as we walked in.”

“Really?” Mara smoothed out inexistent wrinkles in her dress. 

“I need to introduce you to Gaspard, you going to hold it together?” Vivienne asked. 

Mara nodded, and Vivienne smiled, “That’s a good dear.” She continued gracefully on and Mara did her best to imitate the way she walked in the room, as if she didn’t give a single thought to what anyone was thinking. She probably didn’t. 

“Gaspard,” Vivienne smiled, “May I introduce you to Mara, the English teacher I was telling you about?”

Gaspard smiled in a way that made Mara’s skin crawl as he took her hand, “Miss Lavellan, it is an honor to meet you.” He kissed the back of her hand and it was a struggle not to rip her hand away. 

“And you, Gaspard,” Mara forced a smile, “I understand we owe you thanks for our invitation to this.”

“Anything for the beautiful Madame Vivienne,” Gaspard replied. 

Vivienne smiled, but Mara noticed it looked just a bit more cool than the one usually gracing her face, “You really are too kind.”

Another man appeared at Gaspard’s side and whispered something in his ear. Gaspard nodded and then turned his attention back to them, “I apologize, something has come up that needs my immediate attention. Enjoy the party, I will catch-up with you later.”

Vivienne frowned as he walked away, “That’s something to keep an eye on.”

“You think?” Mara asked. 

“Oh, I know,” Vivienne said, “Come on, let’s go see Celene.”

Mara followed, but not before they were stopped by a waiter with a tray of champagne flutes. Vivienne declined, but Mara took one, to give herself something to do with her hands if nothing else. She was working to not feel quite so awkward, but she was afraid she was failing miserably. 

Vivienne approached a pale blonde woman, flanked by another blonde. She was dressed in a deep blue dress with gold accents, the other woman with her had opted for a cream and gold suit. The woman in blue looked up from her smartphone as they approached, and handed it to the other woman, “Ah, Vivienne. What an honor it is to have your presence grace our little party.”

She spoke airily, voice heavy with Orlesian an accent and Mara had the distinct impression that she choose her words very carefully. 

Vivienne smiled, more warmly than she had at Gaspard, “Celene, this is Mara Lavellan. She’s a teacher at one of the schools here in Denerim.”

Celene smiled at her, “We welcome you to our party, allow me to introduce my cousin, Florianne. Without whom this gathering would have never been possible.” Mara nodded respectfully towards Florianne. 

Florianne smiled, something in it made her skin crawl much the same way as her brother’s smile had, “What an unexpected pleasure, I was not aware we would have teachers as part of the festivities.”

Mara went to speak, to thank them for the invitation, something. But then the phone in Florianne’s hand buzzed, “We will certainly speak later.” Then she drifted off into the crowd. 

Celene hardly spared a glance at Florianne’s exit, “Having teachers here in the midst of all these business people is like a cool wind on a summer’s day.”

Mara smiled at the cliche, “We’re delighted to be here.”

“How do you find the Drakon building? It is beautiful is it not?” Celene asked. 

“I’ve never seen anything to equal it,” Mara replied. She hoped desperately her answers were satisfactory, and not coming off as fake. 

“We hope you will find some time to take in some of its beauties,” Celene said. 

Mara nodded, “I hope so as well.”

“I have some other guests to attend to, but I hope we can meet again later,” Celene smiled as she walked away gracefully. 

Mara sucked in a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and Vivienne smiled, “Well done, my dear.”

Mara took a long drink from her champagne flute, “I didn’t come off as too kiss ass?”

“A good balance I think,” Vivienne turned slightly, “Glance over there, the woman in the emerald dress. That’s Briala, we can speak with her in a moment.”

“Making the rounds aren’t we?” Mara asked. 

“We need to know all the players, but something about Gaspard and Florianne’s exits are concerning to me. I have a few contacts I might ask. Why don’t you go introduce yourself to Briala and I’ll meet up with you in a moment?” Vivienne said, glancing around the room. 

Mara took another drink from her flute, emptying it and passing it off to a nearby waiter, “Alright.”   
Vivienne smiled and disappeared, leaving Mara in a sea of people. She began to make her way towards Briala, but a man appeared in her path. He was much taller than her, and she tried to move around him before she realized he was in her path on purpose. 

She glanced up to find herself facing Raleigh Samson. His smile was more of sneer, “Hello, Miss Lavellan.” He was dressed completely in black, save the blood red tie he wore around his neck. His dark hair was slicked back, and he would have looked completely put together if it weren’t for his bloodshot eyes. 

She stepped around him, “Samson.”

He moved with her, “I thought perhaps we could speak, privately.”

Mara glanced around, “Seems private enough here.”

“The dance floor will be better,” Samson smiled, offering out a hand. 

She stared at his outstretched hand, but they were beginning to draw attention and the last thing she wanted was to cause a scene so she reluctantly took it and let him lead her to the dance floor. 

“Surprised to see you at an event like this. You seem like you fit in better at gym dances and football games. That said, you look quite ravishing,” Samson said. 

She glared up at him, “Say whatever you have to say so I can get away from you.”

“I see why he likes you so much, you’re quite feisty,” he smiled. 

“Don’t you dare mention him,” Mara spat. 

Samson looked pleased with himself, “He’s a lyrium addict you know, plus he’s halfway responsible for the mess Kirkwall is in.”   
“If this is all you wanted to talk privately about, I’m walking away,” Mara threatened. 

His hold on her tightened, just a bit menacingly, “Oh, no small talk? Well then, you should know whatever you and those other teachers are trying to do here, they’ll fail. Celene might have the bleeding heart to donate to your failing school, but she won’t have the power to do so by the end of the night.”

“And why is that?” Mara asked as the song stopped playing and the other couples around them parted. 

Samson released his hold on her, “Corypheus always gets what he wants. Don’t forget that.”

He winked at her before leaving her on the dancefloor. She strode off in the opposite direction, towards where she saw Dorian and Cullen at the bar. 

“Quite the dance partner you had there,” Dorian said over a glass of deep crimson colored wine. Cullen stared at the bottom of his drink, not meeting her gaze.

She lowered her voice, “I think Corypheus is in on Celene getting sacked.”

Vivienne appeared with Leliana, Josie and Cassandra in tow, “It gets worse.”

“How could this evening possibly get worse?” Cullen asked, voice flat. 

Vivienne looked very serious, “He’s planning on doing it tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always felt that Vivienne was severely under utilized in the game as far as Hilamshiral went. Having been in court and with her connections, she would have clearly known far more people than anyone in the Inquisition. Anyways, she's rocking it in this chapter. Also Cassandra in a suit, of course she looks better than Cullen. I hope you enjoyed this update! Thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party continues.

Cullen stared into the bottom of his empty scotch glass. It was his second of the night and he was contemplating how wise a third might be. The chatter of the room rose and fell in crescendos along with the music, and people bustled around him in colors so bright that his head hurt. He was avoiding looking at Mara, worried that he would make an ass of himself over her dancing with Samson. He kept reminding himself that how he was feeling was ridiculous. 

There was something about the way Samson had looked at him that made him inexplicably angry. He knew better than to suspect Mara of wanting any attention from the man, when she’d come over she looked just as disgusted as he felt, only she wasn’t hiding it at all. He didn’t have any reason to be upset, not really. Mara wasn’t going home with Samson, everything was fine. It just didn’t feel like it. 

“How could this evening possibly get worse?” he asked, trying to understand why Vivienne would be so grave. 

Her eyes flashed at his comment, and she spoke barely above a whisper, “He’s planning on doing it tonight.”

Mara’s eyes widened, “What? But Celene is our best chance at securing funds. Gaspard is rich, but he’s not one for donating.” Gaspard was only out for himself. Even if he ended up head of the company, there was no way that he’d help them. Getting on Celene’s good side was still their best bet. 

“Exactly,” Vivienne said, mouth a thin line. 

Leliana looked worried, “So what do we do?” 

Josie crossed her arms, “If it were me I’d plant something in Celene’s office to compromise her.”

Vivienne glanced to Josie, “My dear, the fact that you came up with that so quickly is concerning to me.”

Josie shrugged. But Cullen spoke next, “We’re teachers, what exactly are we supposed to do about this? We can’t stop something like this.”

His comment went ignored by Dorian who glanced around, “You notice that every door except the ones we came in are opened with an ID badge. Celene’s office won’t be any different.”

“I’ll be right back,” Leliana smiled and slipped away in a rustle of blue. 

Josie, Cassandra, Vivienne and Dorian spoke amongst themselves in whispers and Mara moved to his side, pulling him a little bit away from the group. 

“Everything okay?” she asked. Her brow was furrowed, clearly concerned. 

He didn’t want to meet her gaze, afraid that she might be able to see the way he was feeling. He forced himself to anyways, “Yes, everything’s fine.”

She glared up at him, hand resting against his arm, “It is not.”

He sighed, “Really.”

“It’s Samson isn’t it? I’m sorry about all that, it wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time, he said he had something to discuss in private. Not really worth it since Vivienne got the same information,” she explained, clearly upset. He wanted nothing more than to pull her to him, tell her it was alright. None of which he felt he could do in the room full of people. He settled for covering her hand with his own, a gesture that somehow still felt too intimate with the crowd that pushed in around them. 

Cullen immediately felt the compulsion to apologize, “I’m sorry. I should not have let it bother me.”

“It’s exactly what he’s trying to do,” she turned her hand over to interlock her fingers with his.

“I know.” He thought about the way Samson had looked his way, had clearly wanted to make sure Cullen saw him dancing with Mara. He was playing right into his hands. He didn’t even want to dance at all that evening. In fact, he had no plans of even going out onto the dancefloor. 

“Maybe later you can save a dance for me,” Mara said quietly, cheeks reddening slightly. 

“Um, no thank you,” he replied without thinking. 

She looked taken aback, “Oh.” She moved to slide her hand away, but he grasped at it, worrying his stupidity would drive her away.  

“No! I didn’t mean to - Maker’s breath, I’ve been thinking about how much I want to avoid the dance floor that I’m rejecting it automatically. I’m not one for dancing, don’t have a lot of occasion to attend parties like this,” he said quickly, trying to explain, to erase the look of hurt he’d seen for just a moment in her green eyes. 

Mara looked like she might say something, but Leliana reappeared and slid something into Mara’s hand, pulling her back to the group. That time he let her hand drop, immediately missing the feel of her hand against his. Leliana’s voice was low when she answered Mara’s questioning look, “Don’t ask.”

“Brilliant. Now let’s go do something definitely illegal and likely to get us all arrested,” Dorian sighed dramatically, “I do enjoy it when parties get  _ really _ exciting.”

“Alright, where to?” Cullen asked. He was ready to leave the party. 

Josie laughed, “Oh you don’t get to go. You’re the only one who has brought in any sort of a real donation.”

“What?” Cullen asked, incredulously. 

“Cassandra, you and I will take the stairs to the second floor so as not to attract too much attention. Mara, Dorian, meet us at the stairway doors. Leliana, let us know if anything down here changes,” Vivienne said, beginning to walk away.

Cullen stayed with Leliana and Josie, but Mara began to walk away, dress flowing out behind her. He wrestled with himself for a moment before following her, saying her name quietly. 

She and Dorian turned expectantly. Cullen wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. How he could convey everything he wanted and ensure she was okay in so few words? He knew she needed to go. 

“Be careful.”

Dorian laughed, “Be prepared to bail us out of jail.”

Mara offered a small smile, “Be right back.”

He sure hoped they weren’t getting into more trouble than this was worth. 

***

“How good are you acting skills?” Dorian asked once they were deep within the crowd.

“I dated a theater teacher once,” Mara replied. That didn’t really answer Dorian’s question, but that was pretty much the extent of her acting ability. 

Dorian sighed, “Look, there are security guards by the elevator. The two of us going up, sober and normal is going to attract attention. But if we go up acting like a drunk employee looking for a bit of alone time? No questions asked.”

“You’ve done something like this before haven’t you?” Mara asked. 

“Growing up in Tevinter and trying not to publically disappoint your parents in every way, you learn a few tricks.”   
“Alright, so basically act giggly and stumble a lot?”

Dorian gave her a concerned look, “Best if you don’t talk, just hang on me a bit.”

“This is easily the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done,” she draped an arm around his torso. 

“We need to get you out more. Come on,” Dorian pulled her along.

They rounded the corner, just out of sight of the rest of the partygoers and headed for the elevator. She stumbled a bit in her heels, arms around Dorian. She giggled each time she stumbled, and Dorian laughed a bit too. He pressed the button near the elevator door, not even glancing at the guards. 

Mara thought for a moment they might just let them pass without incident, but as the elevator dinged its descent one of the guards glanced their way. The security guards by a desk near the elevators glanced towards them. 

“Sir, you can’t go up there,” one of the guards said. The guard stood up from behind the desk and took a few steps their direction. 

Dorian smiled pleasantly, “Oh it’s quite alright. I work here, you guys really are pulling a long day, I came by this morning and you were here too.” 

The guards didn’t speak at first and Dorian feigned offense, “Do you not remember me? I always say hello as I walk every morning.”

“Do they know your office is on the floor just below Celene’s?” she giggled, hoping to add some credibility to what he was saying, assuming that the higher the floor, the higher up in the company it meant. It was a gamble, one she hoped would pay off.

One of the guards mouths gaped, “Oh, of course...we...uh…”

“A lot of folks pass in every morning, sometimes it’s hard to keep track,” the other guard finished. 

“Quite alright, but I’ve got my badge and everything,” Dorian , “Do you need to check it?”

She swayed a bit on her feet, “Why is this taking so long? You promised me your office had a great view.”

“No, of course not,” one guard gave Mara a good appraisal, “You have fun.”

Dorian pulled Mara into the opening elevator and offered a wink to the guard, “Oh we will.”

The doors shut and she immediately let go of him and straightened, “How on earth did you know they’d been here all day.”

“It was obvious, they each had at least three coffee cups in front of them,” Dorian shrugged, “I took a guess.” 

Mara nodded, “Paid off.”

Dorian laughed, “Yes, a good thing too. You’re not a terribly convincing drunk.”

“Hey!” she shoved him as the second floor doors opened. 

Dorian was smirking as he exited the elevator to open the door to the stairwell with the badge, letting Vivienne and Cassandra out into the floor lobby. 

“Thank you dear,” Vivienne said, striding to the elevator, “Now we’ll see just how well I remember getting to Celene’s office.”

“How long has it been?” Cassandra asked. 

The doors slid shut and Vivienne frowned, “Over a year I think. I at least know it’s on the top floor.”

Dorian crossed his arms, “That at least is predictable.”

“Quite,” Vivienne nodded. 

As the elevator rose, Mara’s stomach knotted tighter and tighter. They were really doing this. This whole break into someone’s office and figure out what Gaspard was planting there. If that was really what he was doing to bring Celene down. Mara worked to keep her breathing even. 

The elevator came to a stop, and the door opened into a darkened lobby. They stepped out, gleaming tiled floors ran all the way to a reception desk and to the glass doors beyond. Their footsteps echoed off the floor, loudly. Too loudly. It made Mara pause, and the others did as well. 

“Shoes,” Cassandra hissed. 

“If you think I’m going to walk around barefoot -” Vivienne began in a high whisper, but stopped after meeting Cassandra’s gaze. She huffed before pulling off her pumps. 

Mara had hers in her left hand, and began to creep forward towards the glass doors. She was grateful to be out of her shoes for a bit, they were pretty, but the longer she walked and stood in them the more uncomfortable they became. She peered into the hallway that lay beyond, it was dark, only a few small lights glowed at either end. The walls were a soft gray, made darker by the lack of light. 

“Let’s hope whoever Leliana swiped this off has access to the executive offices,” Dorian said as he placed the badge against the black pad. 

The door clicked audibly, and Mara was sure she wasn’t the only one who jumped at the sound. She pulled the door open and stepped inside. Vivienne took the lead and the rest of them followed her. 

The executive offices were sleek and modern, abstract art along the walls and minimalist furniture. The tile floor was cold under her feet, it kept her moving, a balm against her sore feet. 

Vivienne paused in front of an office that looked an awful lot like the rest of them. Her voice was barely audible as she spoke, “I’m quite sure this is it.”

Mara noticed that the door was open just a fraction, having not been shut by whomever had left it last. “Wait,” she whispered, moving forward and pushing the door open silently. The door was heavy, and it swung open only slightly. 

The office was empty, a thick rug had caught, making it so the door hadn’t shut all the way. Mara glanced to Vivienne for confirmation this was indeed the right office, and when she nodded Mara pushed the door open more. 

She was surprised to find the office empty. She’d half expected they’d find their culprit in the office right in the middle of planting whatever they had on Celene. It would never be that easy. 

The office was large, a large L-shaped desk sat up against the glass windows looking out onto downtown Denerim. Frosted glass cupboards lined the wall next to the windows. On the other side of the room was a sitting area with comfortable looking couches and chairs. Art of what looked like Val Royeux hung on the walls. The whole space was tidy and inviting, something she had not expected. 

She rushed over to the desk and began rifling through the papers on the desk. Vivienne was opening drawers and glancing through them while Dorian and Cassandra checked the cupboards behind them. They worked quietly, communicating with glances and whispers only when necessary. 

Mara wished she knew what they were actually looking for. It would make this whole thing a hell of a lot easier. In the second stack of papers she found a manila folder filled with what looked to be invoices. She looked closer, there were copies of checks made out to Celene’s charity foundation. The checks were all endorsed in the same loopy script: Celene Valmont, clearly signed over to herself instead of the foundation. Oh shit.

“I think I found something,” Mara hissed. 

Vivienne looked over her shoulder and Mara continued, “Look, all these checks are made out to the foundation, but Celene signed them over to herself.”

“Or someone signed them over for her,” Vivienne said, “this is it, I think.”

“So what do we do?” Mara asked. 

Dorian held his chin, “Josie might have an idea.”

“How do we know this isn’t Celene’s doing?” Cassandra asked, arms crossed. 

Mara sighed, “We don’t. We just have to trust that this is Corypheus.”

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that,” Cassandra replied, “We could be doing exactly what he wants.” 

Vivienne held up a silver locket, “I found this in the drawer, it doesn’t look like Celene’s style, but you know who it does look like -”

She stopped speaking the second she heard someone outside the office door. 

“Kaffas. I can see the headlines now. Denerim teachers get caught breaking and entering,” Dorian whispered. 

Cassandra shoved him and gave him a silencing look. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. The door eased open and everyone held their breaths.

Shit. 

***

Every minute that Mara, Vivienne, Dorian and Cassandra were gone, Cullen was worried. What they were doing was very likely to get them into all sorts of trouble if they got caught. He silently prayed everything would work out. Meanwhile, he’d been tasked with being friendly and and trying to get donations. 

The second Leliana and Josie had left him alone a group of women had pounced on him. Their dresses were all cut so scandalously low that Cullen was unsure where to look at them when he talked to them. Their dresses were all bright vibrant colors, and Cullen felt as if he was being crowded by large, colorful birds. One in a gaudy pink dress held her champagne class so carelessly that she risked flinging liquid everywhere as she spoke. At first they’d been incredibly interested in conversing with him. They’d asked invasive question after invasive question, was he taken? Why wasn’t he dancing? That sort of thing. But after he gave one too many lackluster answers they seemed content with just having him a part of their group. 

He looked pleadingly at Leliana who was chatting up some man in an ostentatious blue suit. She simply smirked and mouthed, “Be more friendly.”

He tried not to hate her. He groaned inwardly. 

One of the women suddenly turned to him and with a flirtatious smile asked , “What do you do for a living?”

It was a good an opening as any, “I’m a teacher.”

The women’s conversation died out pretty quickly and their attention turned back to him, “Really? What do you teach?”

 

“High school history and government,” he replied. He suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable as they each appraised him, apparently not put off by his lack of income. 

One of the women moved in a little closer, “Well, I’m certainly hot for teacher.”

He wanted the floor to swallow him whole. Maker that was such a terrible line. Somehow he pushed forward, ignoring her comment. “Actually, I’m here because our school is in trouble.”

One of the women leaned forward looking intrigued, “What kind of trouble?”

He took an unconscious step backwards, “Uh...we need donations.”

The brunette woman, Cindy or Lindy? He couldn’t remember. She smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles on his lapel, “And they sent you to charm people into donating?”

He swallowed.  _ Be friendly. Be friendly,  _ was the mantra he kept repeating. 

“I guess so. I haven’t been terribly successful,” he lied. 

The women all smiled and Cindy or Lindy spoke, “What school is it? I’d be happy to help out.”

“Skyhold High School,” Cullen said quickly. They nodded, most had their phones out, fingernails clicking against the screens. 

“Thank you,” Cullen replied, it wasn’t his preferred method of getting donations, but he supposed they couldn’t be picky. 

Leliana appeared at his side, sliding her arm through his, “I apologize ladies, I have to borrow him for a moment.”

The women pouted and Cullen gave them a small smile as Leliana led him away. “It looked like you could use a break.”

“Yes,” he said, “At least they agreed to help.”

“Look at you, I knew it was wise for you to come,” Leliana smiled. 

“Have you heard anything from the others?” he asked. 

The worry must have shown in his voice because Leliana patted his arm kindly, “No, but they’re just fine. I know it.”

He nodded, but noticed Leliana frowning and glancing around the room. 

“What is it?” Cullen asked. 

She glanced behind them once and looked frustrated, “Briala is gone. I’ve been keeping an eye on everyone all evening, and she’s just disappeared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the IEP from hell this afternoon this chapter comes in a little later than I'd like, but at least it's here! Thanks for reading, I'm curious to know what you think!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang makes some additional discoveries and catches the culprit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Was all Mara could come up with as the door to the office opened. She hadn’t even considered hiding, not that there was anywhere for her to hide, but the further the door opened the more she thought about diving under the desk in some vain attempt to not get caught. 

The woman who entered the office looked just as shocked to find them there as they were shocked to see her. “Briala?” Mara asked in surprise. She noticed that Vivienne hid the locket she’d been examining.

Briala looked at her for a moment, “Yes. Who are you?”

Briala’s eyes moved to Vivienne and she held up her hand to keep them from speaking, “Vivienne. You must be the teachers. Why are you here, snooping in Celene’s office?”

Vivienne responded cooly, “I could ask you the very same.”

Briala shut the door behind her, “Fair enough. How did you get in? Not just anyone’s badge would give you access to Celene’s office.”

“The door was open when we arrived,” Mara said quietly, heart still hammering. 

Briala’s brow creased, “So Gaspard has already been here.”

Dorian crossed his arms, “Why would you think that Gaspard would be up here?”

They were playing things awfully close to the chest, neither side offering up very much information. Briala seemed to recognize that, and began to explain. 

“Gaspard is trying to get Celene ousted from the company. There are still many here loyal to me. I understood he was going to try something tonight, so I thought I would see if I could head him off,” Briala said.

“Why do you care? Didn’t Celene make a scapegoat out of you? You lost your job,” Mara said, confusion rising. 

Briala sighed, “She betrayed me, yes. It wasn’t personal, it’s business. That’s how they all justify it to themselves.”

“That didn’t really answer the question,” Cassandra raised an eyebrow, scrutinizing Briala. 

“The betrayal stung yes. But it doesn’t change that I believe Celene to be the best head of the company,” Briala admitted. 

Vivienne seemed satisfied with the response, “We may have found something. We’re not sure. Your opinion would be most invaluable.”

Mara took the manila folder to Briala, “See, she’s signed the checks over to the personal account, money meant for the foundation.”

Briala frowned at the copies, “Celene would never do something like that. She always had more than enough money. When we were together she filtered money from her personal accounts to the foundation. Why would she steal from it?”

“Perhaps she thought she was due for a pay out?” Cassandra asked coldly. 

“No, there is some other explanation. This must be Gaspard’s doing,” Briala replied. 

“You’re so sure it’s Gaspard?” Cassandra asked. 

“I know his character, he’s the one who stands to benefit the most from Celene’s fall,” Briala spat.

Dorian sighed, “It doesn’t matter who is behind it unless we can prove it. All we’ve got is proof something is amiss and our suspicions.”

“A board meeting was called this evening. I think it was Gaspard who called it, but no one seemed to know for sure. I think he’s going to accuse her, and then he’ll say her office should be searched. Celene has no reason to think anyone was able to get into her office and if she refuses she looks guilty. We’ll give her the heads up. Perhaps she has something on Gaspard that might stop all of this,” Briala said confidently. 

“For someone who was fired you’re awfully well informed about the goings on,” Vivienne said skeptically. 

Vivienne’s comment obviously struck a nerve. Briala’s eyes flashed and she ran clenched hands down her green dress, “Oh Vivienne, you’re just as connected as I am and you’ve never once worked here.”

“You do flatter me,” Vivienne said dismissively, “I think our best course of action is to show all of this to Celene, and hopefully she’s been anticipating something like this. It is her signature right Briala?”

Briala glanced at the papers once more, “It looks right to me. Gaspard has a good forger.”

Nothing about this sat right with Mara. “Gaspard would have had to have a lot of access to Celene’s personal files, bank accounts, etc. in order to do this. I just can’t see her giving it to him.”

Briala shrugged, “He’s been angry for a long time. I wouldn’t put it past him.”   
Mara still felt like something was off about the whole thing, but she wasn’t sure she could argue, especially since she didn’t have any other ideas about who could be behind it. Mara clutched the manila folder to her, their chance to help Celene and hopefully win favor. 

“I suppose my work is already done for me, we should all return to the party before we’re missed,” Briala said, turning back to the door. 

“Oh my dear, is this yours?” Vivienne asked, eyes calculating. She held up the silver locket, letting it dangle. 

Briala’s eyes widened before she could school her expression, “Where did you find that?”

Vivienne smiled, “In the top drawer.”

Briala swore under her breath as she grasped it from Vivienne, “She kept this? What was she thinking?” She held the locket like it might shatter under her touch, running a finger over the front of it. Mara remembered Leliana saying that there were rumors Celene and Briala had been involved.

“You were lovers,” Mara guessed. 

Briala sighed, “I didn’t think teachers were gossipmongers. Yes, we were. We parted ways a long time ago.”

“Perhaps her feelings are not quite what you think,” Vivienne said. 

Briala stood there, unmoving as Vivienne led them out of the office. 

They began to move down the hallway when Briala’s voice called out behind them, “The service elevator is a more discreet way. I’ll show you.”

Briala led them with expert ease through the winding hallways of offices to the service elevator. It groaned as it lowered them back down to the main floor, and they all seemed too keyed up to talk. Mara knew she was. The complete and utter fear once the door opened had been replaced with a sense of urgency, to get to Celene as soon as possible. 

The elevator seemed to be moving at a glacial pace. 

When the doors finally opened on the main floor, they found themselves in a large hallway. Briala turned left out of the elevator, “This way.”

Mara hurried behind her, clutching the manila folder tightly. Vivienne, Cassandra, and Dorian trailed behind content to let Briala and Mara enter the party first. Briala opened a side door and suddenly she was hit with the full force of the crowd. People talking and drinking and over all of that music strained to be just loud enough.

Men and women stood on the edges of the dance floor, many of them watching the couples that languidly turned in each other’s arms with envy. Others paid no mind to the dancers, lost in their own booze-fueled, strident conversations. Briala wove through the crowd. Mara fought to keep up, keeping an eye on the back of the woman’s head as she strode through the crowd, the loose wisps of hair that had escaped from her neat bun bobbed as she walked. 

Vivienne, Dorian, Cassandra had been lost in the sea of people. It was just her and Briala to deliver the news. Mara reasoned it was probably best, so as to not create a scene. Briala stopped just a few feet from where Celene stood with Florianne and a couple, casually speaking. 

“Celene,” Briala interposed, “We require a moment of your attention.”

Celene turned at the voice, looking surprised to see Briala addressing her. Then her eyes fell on Mara and confusion crossed over her features. 

“Excuse me,” Celene said genially to the couple she had been conversing with. 

Florianne cast a suspicious glance their way but smiled and continued speaking with them. Celene walked a few paces away, looking around for any eavesdroppers before she spoke in a low voice, “What is this about?”

Briala didn’t hide her worry, “You need to see something.”

Mara handed the folder over to Celene who promptly opened it, her eyes roved over it quickly before shutting it right away, “Where did you get this? Are you blackmailing me?”

Mara shook her head, “No, but we think someone might be. We found that in your office.”

Celene rounded on her, “What were you doing in my office?”

Briala answered, “Helping me.”

Celene’s expression softened and confusion reigned, “Why would you want to help me?”

“I knew you would never do something like this. Gaspard is trying to oust you like he always has,” Briala said with venom. 

Celene frowned, “There’s an emergency board meeting tonight, did he call it?”

“He’s going to try to pin this on you,” Briala said. 

Celene opened up the folder again quickly, scrutinizing the checks within, “The signature is close, but I know it’s not mine. There are a few things not quite right, but I might be the only one to see that.”

“What can be done to stop him?” Mara asked. 

Celene sighed, “I’ll have to just head him off, in the meeting. Say this was brought to my attention. Might even give him credit for finding it. That might appease him for a while.”

Briala and Celene exchanged a loaded look that spoke to how well they truly knew each other. Between them this seemed like just another thing that they had to deal with, and they seemed tired, as if this was not the first time they’d dealt with something on this scale. 

Celene looked to Mara, smoothing her hair needlessly, “I don’t understand. You’re a teacher, why would you help with this?”

Mara shrugged realizing she might just be throwing away any chance of a donation from Celene, “Seemed like the right thing to do.”

Celene stared at her for a long moment, clearly trying to guess what her plan was. She’d helped and now she wasn’t asking for anything in return. Mara glanced out across the sea of dancers, eyes falling on her friends, she felt a bit like she was letting them down. But she held Celene’s stare, her pale green eyes looked even paler against her dark blue dress. Finally Celene spoke, “Your school, it needs help doesn’t it?” 

Mara twisted her hands together, “Yes, it does, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

“A favor for a favor. I’ll see what I can do to get some money your way,” Celene said. Her voice was authoritative, dismissive. Mara thanked her quickly and began walking away. She thought she heard Briala speaking lowly about the locket as she drifted back into the crowd. 

She found Cullen first, golden head standing tall in the crowd. He stood with the rest of the group, hands in his pockets. When he saw her a look of relief passed over his face, she wondered if he had been worried the whole time. 

She felt relieved too, Celene had promised help, and Cullen had gotten some donations earlier, everything was going to be fine. And yet, in the back of her mind there was a nagging feeling that this whole thing wasn’t Gaspard’s doing. She couldn’t quite place why though. 

The group waited expectantly for her and Dorian finally rolled his eyes, “Well?”

She smiled, “Celene promised to help.”

There was a quiet round of cheering that followed her announcement. Dorian collected champagne for everyone from the tray of a passing waiter to celebrate and Cullen beamed at her. She wanted to be just as excited, but something just didn’t feel right. 

The group dissolved into their own conversations and Cullen turned toward her, “I know it’s foolish of me, but I was worried for you tonight.”   
“I was worried too, we very nearly got caught,” Mara replied, just thinking about it had her heart rate speeding up.

He chuckled, “Dorian said that. I….um...well I may never get another chance like this, so I must ask.”

Cullen moved into a bit of a bow, extending his hand to her. He was about to ask her to dance. But out of the corner of her eye she saw Florianne on her phone, manicured nails moving quickly against the screen. 

Florianne. 

She was behind this. She was the only person that made sense, as the only person with that much access to Celene it was painstakingly obvious. Celene had handed off her smartphone to her when Mara had talked with her at the beginning of the evening. Celene’s phone would hold the information necessary to pull this whole thing off. Plus she’d have access to Celene’s signature, it would be all too easy to practice long enough to pull off a passable forge. 

She pressed her champagne glass into Cullen’s hand, “Hold that thought.”

Cullen looked both hurt and confused as she turned away from him, but she didn’t have time to spare, “Dorian, you have your smartphone?”

“Of course,” Dorian replied cheerily. 

She grabbed his arm and pulled him along with her, “I have a plan that probably won’t work, but I’m going to need you to record it anyway.”

Dorian looked at her incredulously, “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Florianne,” she hissed, “It’s not Gaspard, it’s Florianne.”

Dorian’s eyes widened, “The phone!” And she realized her deduction couldn’t be too far off if Dorian came to the same conclusion. 

“What exactly is your plan?” Dorian asked as they hurried through the crowd. 

“No time to explain, just be mostly out of sight and record it okay?” Mara said letting go of him. 

He had his phone in hand, and simply nodded. He moved discreetly behind a column and readjusted his suit. 

Celene, Briala, and Gaspard exited the atrium down a darkened hallway. Florianne trailed behind, texting on a phone as she walked. Mara skidded to a stop in her heels against the smooth tile floor, “Florianne!”

The woman turned, short cropped blonde hair bouncing as she turned. She saw it was Mara trying to get her attention and smiled, “Mara, the hero of the evening.” She may have been smiling, but there was no hint of it in her voice. One hand fell to her hip as she watched her expectantly. 

“I know you’re behind this, not Gaspard,” she said bluntly. 

Florianne’s face twitched but beyond that she didn’t react. She crossed her arms, long red nails gleaming in the light, “What did you say?”

Mara swallowed, voice not nearly as strong as it had been, “It was you who endorsed the checks and put the evidence in Celene’s office. All of it was you.” She really hoped she wasn’t making a colossal mistake. 

Florianne didn’t move, crossing her arms and a slight smile on her face, “And how do you figure that?”

“You’re the only one who could have done it, the only one with the access,” Mara said, voice faltering with every word. 

Florianne began to clap slowly, “Oh well done. You figured it out. A little late considering that you played right into my hands, framing Gaspard for me.”

Florianne took a menacing step forward, “The board is meeting now, and they’re fed up to here-” she gestured to somewhere above her head, “with Celene and Gaspard’s fighting. They’ll sack them both, put someone else in charge.”

“Like you?” Mara’s eyes narrowed.

“Of course me. I know this company backwards and forwards, I’m the natural choice,” Florianne looked positively giddy. 

Florianne turned as if she was going to begin walking away, but then turned back, “He said you’d get involved, too tied up in right and good not to. I guess he was right.”

Mara’s heart sunk, “Who?”

Florianne sneered, “Corypheus of course. He and I have a business deal that’s going to blow everyone’s minds. You just wait.”

Her sky high heels clicked with every step as she walked confidently down the hallway, head up, shoulders thrown back. Mara smiled, she was going to enjoy this next part.

“Hey Dorian, you get all that?” she called a little louder than necessary. 

Dorian grinned as he walked out from behind a column, “Every word.”

Florianne froze and spun back around. Her eyes widened as Dorian waved his phone in the air as he stroked his mustache. 

Florianne shrieked, “You stupid bitch! You have no idea what you’ve done!” For a moment it seemed like she might lunge at her. Every line of her body was strung taut with rage, and then suddenly, she turned and ran towards the exit at the very end of the hall. A truly impressive feat considering the height of her heels. 

Dorian walked slowly up behind her, one hand in his pocket, the other offering her his phone, “I think we better show this to everyone, don’t you?”

***

It was another half hour before Mara and Dorian returned. Cullen found his way to the bottom of another glass, worried he’d done something incredibly stupid. Mara had realized something, something that had to be taken care of apparently immediately as she had all but run from them with Dorian in tow. 

He stood with the group, while men and women, moved around him like shadows with faces. Around him conversation rose and fell, he caught snippets of it, mostly vapid self-centered chatter that was never quite fully connected. The crowd, and the music, and the movement around him made him so tired. He toyed with the notion of just simply leaving for a time, but decided against it.

Mara and Dorian arrived back, arm in arm and looking triumphant. Dorian retold their story a little too loudly and a little more elaborately than was necessary, but those around them were too drunk to notice or care. 

“You should have seen Mara, never once backed down. You should see the video she is absolutely spectacular,” Dorian praised. 

Mara threw an apologetic look his way as she was immediately bombarded with questions from the group. Finally, when everyone seemed satisfied, she stepped to where he stood, a little back from the rest. 

“Sorry to run off on you,” Mara said, looking up at him. Her voice was full of apologies he didn’t want or need, she had gone and saved the evening, again. He was proud of her, impressed by her, so much so he was tempted to go around announcing her victory to everyone. Which he couldn’t do, and he was getting very sick of playing by the rules required in their present company.

“It was more important,” Cullen replied truthfully. 

Mara shook her head, “Not really, just more time sensitive. I think you were asking me a question?”

He bit of nervous laughter escaped his lips as he looked into her emerald eyes. She looked at him a little expectantly, giving him time finish what he was trying to ask her earlier. At the risk of being inciting another emergency that she would have to run off to he quietly asked, “May I have this dance?”

“I thought you didn’t dance,” she teased. She’d clearly had the comment ready, a friendly jab at his refusal earlier.

“For you, I’ll try,” he smiled, taking her hand and leading her out onto the dance floor. 

He paused in an empty space and brought her around to face him. Her dressed flowed out as she stopped in a whisper of fabric. He pulled her to him, hand ghosting along the bare expanse of her back. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch her as he wanted to, to pull her to him and lose himself in her touch. She moved gracefully into the circle of his arms, close enough that the hem of her dress brushed his shoes. They moved slowly and at little awkwardly with the music, but she was there, in his arms. 

“You look exquisite this evening,” he murmured. 

She beamed at him, “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“I missed you,” he admitted, “being here I thought I’d actually get to see you more.” The foolishness of the notion struck him then, but she didn’t look at him with anything but understanding. 

Mara nodded, “I know, this evening took a rather unexpected turn. I missed you too.”

The hand not resting within his had been upon his shoulder, but as she spoke she’d she run her fingers along his neck, intertwining them with his hair. Unable to hold back any longer he pressed his hand more fully against her lower back, feeling the    smooth skin, the notch of her spine. She leaned into his touch as he spoke, “Well I think it’s finally over.”

“I’d very much like to leave soon,” she said wistfully before quickly adding, “After we’re done dancing of course. This has been the most enjoyable part of my evening.”   
“Agreed, on both counts.” He resisted the urge to press a kiss to the spot where her mouth quirked up on one side. With the eyes of who knew how many upon them, he didn’t dare share that close of an intimacy. He would take consolation in the fact the night was almost over, and they would be able to be alone soon enough.  

She sighed, “Knowing Leliana though, she’ll want us to stay till the very end and I didn’t drive anyways.”

“I did,” he said. He had brought his car knowing he would not wish to remain as long as anyone wanted him to, he didn’t want to rely on someone else or a cab to get home. He hadn’t seen it as an excuse to whisk Mara away, but he wasn’t going to complain. 

She looked up at him mischievously, “You did?”

He nodded, pulling her ever closer, the length of their bodies just touching, “Yes.” The sides of their faces were close, he could feel the rise and fall of her chest. 

“Take me back to your place,” she whispered in his ear. 

The forwardness caught him off guard, his mind immediately racing through all of the connotations of her request. 

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little earlier of a posting than last week! But hey, still on time and that's what really matters. You folks are all so wonderful and I just love you all a lot, and I hope you know how much the fact that you read this story means to me. Thank you!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Mara leave the party. Chapter is so NSFW.  
> [Now with art!](http://slothquisitor.tumblr.com/post/156581522766/dothethingdothething-commission-for)

Music rose up into the high ceiling of the atrium, falling back down around them in glowing starlight. Cullen held Mara close as they spun in slow circles, he’d long since stopped worrying about steps and had instead just begun swaying from side to side, content that she was there. His heart was hammering and he hoped she didn’t notice, close as they were. They’d determined to finish their dance, and while he was enjoying it, part of him was ready to leave the unpleasantness of the evening behind. 

The song came to a slow melodic end and he stepped away, still keeping hold of her hand, not wanting to sever connection to her completely, “Shall we?”

She looked hesitant, “Leliana and Josie will kill us if we just take off.”

Over the crowd he caught Dorian’s eye. Dorian was leaning up against the bar, looking around with bored eyes and likely missing Bull. Cullen signalled to the doors and Dorian winked and raised his glass. 

“Taken care of,” Cullen smiled. He trusted that Dorian would handle Leliana and Josie, and if they were mad he would gladly accept whatever punishment they wanted to subject him to. It was worth it.  

“Hurry! Before they notice,” she laughed, pulling him towards the doors. 

They wound their way hurriedly through the crowd, past the bright groups of people. It was getting late, he could tell by the way many couples leaned against each other while talking, and the slow filter of people moving towards the door, but never quite making it, stopped by some acquaintance or group to talk just a little longer. He wanted to sigh in relief when they finally reached the glass doors leading out of the atrium. 

He began pulling her in the direction of the parking garage across the large garden area when she paused, “My coat!”

They turned back to the coat check, where she retrieved her coat and he went to help her into it when she shook her head, “No time! Let’s go!”

“Go, go!” he teased, feeling rather caught up in the rush to get as far from the Drakon Building as possible. He had her coat in one hand and held her hand in the other while she grabbed a handful of her dress and they began running towards the doors. 

He pushed the door open and they both stole away into the frigid night air. Her heels clacked along the sidewalk as they ran through the garden separating the building and the parking garage. Brightly lit trees flanked them, while fountains bubbled lit with small floating lights, and he could have sworn he saw an errant snowflake or two swirling in the air. 

“It is so cold!” she said breathlessly, her breath a puff of air. 

He laughed, “I think it’s snowing.”

“What?” she stopped, looking at him like he had caused it. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, almost matching the shade of her dress in the moonlight.

“I keep seeing flakes here and there, just flurries,” he replied. 

She let her head fall back, “I hate Ferelden.”

“Soon to be warm car this way,” he pulled lightly on her arm. 

She followed with a laugh and he found himself laughing too as they ran through the night. Her dress flowed out behind her as she ran and Maker, it was a lovely sight. He hadn’t felt this light in years. He was happy, blissfully and giddily happy. 

He led her to the passenger side of his car and draped her coat over her shoulders. She stood a little huddled, teeth chattering from the cold, but still beautiful. He kissed her then, still holding the edges of her coat. Kissed her for every moment the entire night that he’d wanted to, that he’d wished he could tell her she was beautiful and radiant and lovely. His thumbs traced patterns against her cheeks while her fingers were buried in the folds of his suit jacket. She tasted like the champagne when he kissed her, tongue tangling greedily with hers. 

He pulled back, thumb skimming along her jaw, “Maker, I’ve wanted to that all night.”

“I’ll let you do a lot more than that if you get me somewhere warm,” she said lowly. 

He kissed her cold nose and opened the door for her, “As my lady commands.”

She rolled her eyes, but got gracefully into the car and he hurried to the other side still unable to believe this was his life. 

The drive out of downtown Denerim and into the distant suburbs passed quickly. Snow began to fall more earnestly as their car wound down the highway, he could see the white flakes in the headlights of the car and it made him feel like he was driving much faster than he was as they flew through the falling snow. It had been too warm that day to count on much accumulation, and the roads were just wet and not slick. He thanked the Maker for that, unsure if he’d have the patience to drive all the way home and go another minute without having Mara in his arms. 

With a little prompting Mara retold some of the highlights of the night, how she’d managed to get the better of Florianne, and Celene, Briala, and Gaspard’s faces as they watched the incriminating video. He’d grudgingly told her about his admirers and the promise of funds and also about his encounter with Sebastian Vael. 

His house came into view down the quiet, dark street. He pulled into the driveway, watching as the garage door lifted before he pulled in. The familiar sound of it shutting echoed in the small space as he got out of the car and opened Mara’s door. 

“Thank you,” she smiled, taking his hand. 

He wanted to kiss her there, but worried they wouldn’t make it out of his cold and dirty garage if he did, so they went inside. The familiar space was a relief after an evening full of so many unknowns, he felt the familiar calmness he’d always felt coming home. 

Mara tossed her coat over the back of the chair in the living room, and drifted towards him, pulling him closer. “One moment,” he smiled, tugging at his bowtie and shrugging out of his jacket. 

She smiled at him and kicked off her shoes, which lowered her several inches in height. As soon as he’d tossed his jacket on the back of the chair with her coat she was back in his arms. She kissed him, lips soft, but every now and again she’d pull his bottom lip between her teeth in a slow drag, and he shivered at the contrast. 

His hands roamed freely and greedily over the exposed skin of her back until he couldn’t stop himself from breaking away from her lips and turning her so that he could kiss the expanse of it. He began slowly, moving from the tender skin at the back of her neck before diving lower. His hands fanned out on either side of the lines he traced with his lips. He kissed each notch of her spine, and he could hear the way her breath grew more ragged the lower he dropped. His erection began straining against his pants the more time he spent pressing his lips to her bare skin.

Maker, but she was beautiful. He drug his tongue up the length of her spine, and Mara gasped and swayed a bit on her feet. His arms wrapped around her to keep her upright, the bite of the beads that covered her bodice dug into his fingers. Cullen moved his hand higher, finding the swell of her breast beneath the elaborate beadwork. She leaned back against his body before spinning back around to capture his lips in a feverish kiss. 

There was something in the brush of her lips against his that made him want to hold her more roughly, to push her back against the wall and take her right there. When she nipped her way down his throat his resolve was tested even more. 

He could feel the buttons of his shirt sliding open under her fingertips, her lips kissed each newly revealed patch of skin. His hands drifted to her ass, pulling her closer, desperate for some friction between their bodies. 

“We might be getting ahead of ourselves,” Mara laughed, looking up at him through a dark smudge of eyelashes. Her emerald eyes were dark, as she stared up at him, “I didn’t bring anything.”

It took him a moment to grasp her meaning, but when he did he smiled and leaned down to whisper in her ear, “I’ve got some condoms upstairs.”

“Thank the creators for that - “ her words were cut off by him sweeping an arm beneath her legs. She laughed breathlessly, arms winding around his neck. “Eager are we?” she teased. 

His voice was low when he replied, “I’ve been looking at you all night long without being able to touch.”

She didn’t have time to respond before he slanted his lips over hers, swallowing down the moan that escaped her lips. Cullen made it up the first two steps before he became nervous that kissing her and navigating the stairs were not going to mix well. 

He broke away from her lips, “I’d rather like to avoid dropping you.”

She smiled before kissing her way along his jaw as he ascended the steps, pausing at his earlobe and sucking lightly. It made him pause, readjust his hold on her, “Not helping.”

“Wasn’t meant to,” Mara whispered against his pulse. 

Once he crossed the threshold in the room he lowered her, a little faster than necessary, barely making sure her feet were firmly planted on the ground before he attempted retaliation. Crashing his lips against hers, his hands began searching for how to get her dress off of her. His dress shirt hung open, and each movement of their bodies brought the beads scraping over sensitive skin. He wanted to feel her. 

But where was the void-taken zipper or clasp on this thing? His pawing must have been becoming obvious because she took a step back and asked in the gentlest of voices, “Need some help?”

He glared at her for the patronization, but sighed, “Apparently.”

She laughed, “The zipper is sort of hidden.”

“Well otherwise I would have found it,” he chuckled, appreciating that the silliness lightened the tension around them. He wanted to protest when she put more space between them, pulling at a hidden zipper under the left arm of her dress. He took the opportunity to get rid of his dress shirt, letting it fall somewhere behind him on the floor. 

As her zipper slid open, her dress began to pull away from her body, and she slumped her shoulders as she eased out of the sleeves, letting the dress drop in a shimmering puddle on the floor. 

He kept his eyes on hers at first, as if waiting for some sign of permission, but found that he couldn’t stop himself from taking her in. She stood almost bare before him, a lacey thong the same color of her dress the only scrap of clothing she wore. It left little to the imagination, and he found himself growing even harder. 

She looked at him with confusion in her eyes, “Cullen?”

***

Mara had been naked with other men before, but there was something about this time that felt different. Made her more vulnerable, like when she dropped the front of her dress he would see her, really see her. He knew all of her vulnerabilities, all of the truths she hid from the world, and he didn’t seem bothered by them in the least. 

Letting the dress fall was an act of trust, one she knew from the softness of his amber eyes he was not taking for granted. She let it fall.

Cullen stood in front of her transfixed and unmoving, she was worried that she’d misread him or something, but his name seemed to have broken whatever spell he’d been under. He surged forward, pushing her back towards the bed as he kissed her. 

“Maker, you’re beautiful,” he said as he kissed down her neck. So was he, and she would have told him if she could find the words. He was all lean muscle and strength, she found herself unable to stop touching him. 

They were still backing slowly towards the bed, but she wasn’t in any rush. The feel of his bare chest against hers was exquisite. It left her wanting more and wanting to savor the evening all at once. He seemed to be warring with himself too, the consummate care he always took with her fraying at its edges. It made her want to push him, see just what might push him over the edge. 

The backs of her legs hit the bed and Cullen lowered her down gently before sitting beside her. She could see his erection straining against his dress pants, but he seemed unconcerned, eyes roving over her body. The way he looked at her caused her breath to catch, her heart seemed caught in her throat. 

His hands never seemed to stop moving, skimming from her upper thigh to her side and higher to cup her breast. Her eyes fell shut as he rolled her nipple between his fingers, and then she felt him pressing hot, open mouthed kisses to her breast. His scruff brushed along the sensitive skin as he nuzzled his cheek against her. She buried her fingers in his hair, pulling against the satin locks he worked so hard to tame. 

His breath blew warm against her skin as he chuckled at the tugging against his hair, kissing between the valley of her breasts before looking up at her, “Now who’s in a hurry?”

“You have too many clothes still on,” she said, her hands drifting down his abdomen and towards the line of his dress pants. 

He caught her hands, bringing her fingers to his lips, “Still working up to that.”

“Oh?” she raised an eyebrow. 

“Mmmhmmm,” he hummed against her breast before descending lower. He nipped her navel, and suddenly she was sure what he had in mind. A part of her rose up in anticipation, but another tried to keep herself in check, just in case she was wrong. 

He pressed his lips to her hipbone before hooking his fingers in her thong, “May I?”

She didn’t trust her voice to words, and so she nodded. He pulled them away reverently, tossing them somewhere in the vicinity of the other clothes they had abandoned on the way to his bed. He knelt between her legs, running his hands along the underside of her thighs. 

Her heart was hammering so loudly she was sure he could hear it the way it thundered in her ears. He kissed the inside of her knee and glanced up to her, eyes molten, “Is this okay?”

She nodded vigorously, earning a chuckle from him as he kissed his way higher up her thigh. He paused just shy of where she needed him, as if he was taking in the moment, she very nearly urged him, but then he slid his tongue along the seam of her sex and she lost all her fight. 

The sound that escaped her lips was somewhere between a moan and a scream and she was sure that if he wasn’t doing absolutely wonderful things with his mouth she might have cared, or at least been the smallest bit embarrassed. As things stood she couldn’t quite think beyond the building pleasure. 

Cullen worked her slowly and expertly, teasing his tongue along her folds before dipping in deeper. She sighed as his tongue darted inside her, and she wondered why she’d waited this long before letting him do this. He kissed right on the sensitive bundle of nerves and her hands flew to his head unbidden as she searched for the friction to pull her over the edge, his fingers eased inside her as he circled her clit with his tongue. 

Pleasure bloomed bright and her legs clenched around him as she came, waves of pleasure rolling over her. It shimmered away slowly, leaving her limp under his ministrations. When she finally opened her eyes he looked up at her with a bit of a smirk that she was too satisfied to wipe off his face. He pressed one last kiss to her before rubbing his cheek along her inner thigh, the rasp of stubble the perfect contrast to the gentle glide of his fingers along her other leg.

Cullen’s hands lead the way up her body, his lips lavished kisses up her torso, paying special attention to her breasts before his lips brushed over hers before becoming insistent. She could taste her arousal on his tongue and it spurned her forward, hands reaching towards his belt. 

Cullen leaned back and stood from the bed, she made a sound of protest and he seemed to be hurrying. She didn’t hide her admiration for him as he undressed, erection hitting his stomach as he removed his boxer briefs. 

He opened the top drawer of the nightstand, producing a familiar foil packet and opening it before returning to the bed. Crawling up her body Cullen took his time, and she felt herself buzzing with every touch of his warm skin against hers. He kissed her tenderly, the soft brush of lips unhurried, but the earlier desperation still clung to the edges. 

She reached between them, pausing at his hipbone to give him the chance to stop her, and when he didn’t she grasped him. It earned her a low noise that rumbled through his chest as his teeth worried at her lower lip. Mara wanted more, hitched her leg around his to pull him closer and urge him on. 

He didn’t need to be told twice, his amber eyes rested on hers as he took himself in hand and teased along her entrance. She didn’t look away from him, the anticipation coiled tight in her chest, waiting for a breathless moment before he slid into her, slow enough to be maddening. 

“Fuck,” she said unbidden as he hilted himself completely. 

“We’re getting there,” he smirked at her and she might have hit him, if he hadn’t been looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. She shifted beneath him and his eyes screwed shut. She wasn’t sure if he was relishing the sensation or praying for supplication, but then he began to move in a steady rhythm. 

Their height difference made it difficult to kiss for long periods of time, she stretched while he bent and when pulling air into her lungs became too difficult she broke away. He tucked her head into the joint of his shoulder and neck while his speed increased. His fingers continued to run along her curves, leaving trails of fire in their wake. Her mind felt foggy as she drifted on the waves of building pleasure, anchored only by his touch. 

Her orgasm crashed over her, and she was aware of dragging her nails down the expanse of Cullen’s back as her moan was buried in the scant space between their bodies. Cullen pulled back, all of his weight on his hands so he could look down at her, the new angle sending shockwaves all the way up her spine. He ran a thumb over her cheek and his eyes were soft when he spoke, “Maker’s breath.”

She laughed, “Come here, you.” She grasped his neck and pulled him back down for a kiss, burying her fingers in his hair. When she tugged at his hair, his hips stuttered before speeding up, driving into her faster and with more eagerness. 

Cullen snaked an arm under her waist, holding her to him as he relentlessly drove them both higher. He broke away from their kiss first this time, breath ragged above her ear. She shattered first, vaguely aware of her name falling from his lips in broken syllables. 

They both fought for air, riding out the last waves of bliss with each rise and fall. He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, then down her neck, pausing only for a moment to press a kiss against each breast before pulling out and rolling to his side, he pulled her with him. She kissed his chest, right over the thundering of his heart. 

“Stay the night,” he whispered breathlessly. 

She met his gaze and laughed, “I hate to break it to you, but if you thought I was going home tonight after that, you were sorely mistaken.”

He smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple, “Good.”

They laid there for a while, his fingers tracing shapes along her side. She had closed her eyes, exhaustion from the night finally catching up with her. She wanted little more than to fall asleep right there in his arms. 

He shifted against her and ran a hand through her hair, “Get comfortable, I’ll be right back.”

She nodded and crawled under the covers. She slid the fancy clip Josie had gotten her out of her hair and set it on the nightstand before sinking down into a pillow. Cullen appeared from the bathroom a few minutes later, wearing a pair of loose sleep pants and flicking off the light before joining her in the bed. 

He curled in around her, and she found herself quickly drifting off in the warmth and safety of his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides behind hands* This is by far the smuttiest thing I've ever posted. Ever. So I hope you enjoyed it. Someday when I have all the money I am so commissioning art of Cullen and Mara running out of the Drakon Building laughing and being silly in the snow. Quick note, there won't be any update next week because of Fall Break, but I hope this chapter helps tide you over :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara finds that there's more to face Monday at school than the change in her and Cullen's relationship. NSFW

Cullen was freezing. When he opened his eyes he figured out why. He’d gone to bed shirtless, wearing only a pair of well-worn sleep pants, but every single blanket on his bed was mounded on the other side of his bed. The events of the night before slid into place, and he smiled. 

Mara was cocooned in all the blankets, blonde hair and pointed ear just visible from underneath the blankets. She’d stolen each and every one of the layers of bedding, leaving him with nothing and freezing. A glance at the clock told him it was past nine in the morning. Maker, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept in this long. 

He got up from the bed carefully, working very hard to avoid waking Mara. She was not a morning person, and the only thing that was going to make it better was if he had hot coffee waiting for her. He dug out a shirt from his dresser and sidestepped their discarded clothing from the night before creeping down the stairs through his cold and silent house. The sun must not have been out he realized, the light coming in through the blinds wasn’t nearly as bright as it should have been that early in the morning. As he got the coffee brewing he hazarded a look at the window and was surprised to find a dusting a of snow across the lawn. It hadn’t stuck to the sidewalk or roads, but the grass and trees boasted a smattering of snow. No wonder his house was so cold. 

He kicked the thermostat up a few degrees, waiting to hear the groan of the old furnace turning on before he silently climbed the stairs. Back to her. She was still asleep when he lowered himself back onto the bed, curling up around the mound of blankets. She was so beautiful, her hair a tangled mess and mouth slightly open as she slept. Then he allowed himself to think that every Sunday morning could be as peaceful and happy as that one. He saw it very slowly and then rapidly, that every morning could be like this one. Waking up to her, making coffee, spending the day together and unwinding from their week. The future stretched out before him with calming clarity, and it had everything to do with her. He’d spent so long, so solitary, building this quiet life of fulfillment far from the things that had hurt him so much. Mara fit so seamlessly into it. 

He couldn’t help himself, he nuzzled his face into what part of hers was exposed, running his nose along the pointed shell of her ear. She began stirring then, screwing her eyes shut as if she might be able to shut out the morning. 

“Ugh, I always forget you’re a morning person,” she said, voice hoarse from sleep. 

He smiled, “It’s past nine.”

She made some sort of disgusted noise that Cassandra would have been proud of and tried to reach for him. He saw her frown as she realized that she was encased in blankets. Her cheeks went a lovely shade of red as she murmured an apology and began throwing blankets over him. 

He laughed as he curled around her, pressing a kiss to her exposed shoulder. She was still gloriously naked and he rested his hand against her bare stomach, pulling her flush with him. 

“Did you sleep well?” he whispered against her back. He’d memorized each freckle and line of it last night as he worshipped it. Meanwhile, his fingers traced idle patterns on her abdomen, inching lower, but never quite as low as he wanted them.

She chuckled, “I did, and you?”

“I’d have slept better if you hadn’t been the blanket thief,” he teased. She half-heartedly swatted at him. 

“I wouldn’t have stolen them if your house wasn’t so damn cold,” she replied. 

He rested his chin on her arm so he could see her, “Sorry. I turned the heat on, and coffee is brewing.”

Her green eyes were still a little sleep dazed, but she smiled, “Oh I like you.”

He smiled, “Yes, I believe you told me that a few times last night.”

She looked momentarily shocked at his brazenness and if he was being honest, he was a little shocked too. But then Mara laughed, a beautiful sound and curved her arm up to pull him down for a kiss.

Cullen could feel the edges of his mouth tugging wide as he kissed her, slow and deep. His fingers kept lazily inching lower, and when her breath caught he paused, but she only took his hand in hers and silently urged him lower. 

She was as ready for him as he was for her, he realized as he dipped his fingers into her folds. She pushed her ass back against his already hard length. He met each rocking of her hips with his own, wishing he had far fewer clothes on. 

“I want you,” she whispered against his lips.

Those words sent his blood roaring. Maker, he wanted her too. He broke away from the warmth of her body and the softness of her lips only long enough to pull his clothing off and grab a condom from the nightstand drawer. Skin against skin again, he kissed her neck while his other hand grasped her breast. 

Mara rubbed her ass against him impatiently, and it only took a quick shifting of hips before he slid into the slick heat of her. It wasn’t the hot, feverish love-making of the night before. It was languid and slow, savoring each other. 

With each roll of hips, they both climbed higher. Cullen slid his fingers back to the apex of her thighs, finding that bundle of nerves and circling it in time with his thrusts. The heat of pleasure built up in him, but it was Mara who broke away from his lips first, shuddering as her orgasm took her. Her hand had snapped to his, as if it was too much and held him away from touching her as her body quaked. 

She drifted back to him slowly, murmuring his name, “Cullen.”

That pushed him closer to the edge, he buried his forehead against her shoulder, grasping her to him, he followed her not long after, her name an unintelligible groan against her skin. He pulled out, trying to give her space she clearly didn’t want since she followed him, twisting in his arms so that she faced him. 

She captured his lips with hers, holding him there with a hand curled around his back. He knew she didn’t realize that she needn’t keep him there, that he had no plans to move away from her, not ever. 

They laid there intertwined, the only sound was their shared breaths and the quiet roar of heat through the vents. He ran his fingers through her hair. There was a sort of sublime calm that had fallen over him, and Cullen found himself wishing it could always be this way. His heart clenched as he realized that it could.

“Cullen?” she asked against his skin. 

“Yes?”   
Her voice was still laced with sleep, “Didn’t you say that there was coffee?”

He kissed her forehead, “Yes, and breakfast too if you want.”

She smiled at him, “Please.”

He left the bed, pulling some clothes out of his dresser for her to wear before he ducked into the bathroom to clean up. She hadn’t moved from the bed yet when he returned and put his own clothes back on. 

“I’ll meet you downstairs,” he said quietly, wanting to give Mara a few moments to herself. 

Cullen had been better about keeping food in the house since being with Mara. He still remembered with embarrassment how she’d taken care of him that day with the migraine and he’d had almost nothing in his fridge. It had been that way as long as he’d lived there, just the bare essentials and the leftover takeout boxes. Since they’d taken to going grocery shopping together his fridge now boasted enough ingredients to make some decent omelettes. 

Cullen would never consider himself a skilled cook, but his mother had made sure that all of her children knew their way around a kitchen. He’d probably never a master chef, but he could follow a recipe and make a few basic things from memory. 

Mara appeared, wearing the same pajama pants she’d borrowed from him all those weeks ago as well as a gray v-neck shirt that was woefully too big for her. It might have been too large, but it dipped low enough to give him a rather alluring view of her breasts and he was reminded that she wasn’t wearing anything beneath it. 

He swallowed hard, “Eggs okay?”   
She tucked her now combed hair behind her ear, “What can I do to help?”

He pressed a steaming mug of coffee into her hand, “Drink and relax.”

“You’re going to cook for me?” she asked with an affectionate smile. 

He chuckled, “Don’t get too excited until you’ve actually tasted my food.”

She took up a seat at the barstool on the other side of the island. His tablet was resting on the island, “Maybe you should see if there’s any news about Florianne.”

He was honestly curious. Florianne had escaped from the Drakon Building last night after Mara had exposed her. According to Dorian and Mara, Celene and Briala hadn’t been terribly concerned about her running, sure she would be apprehended soon enough. 

Mara looked at him as if just remembering the events of the night before before opening his tablet as she drank deeply from her mug. Once he was satisfied that she was occupied with her coffee and looking for news he got to work. 

Cullen had chopped up some onions and peppers and was moving onto shredding some cheese before Mara spoke. Her voice was tinged with surprise, “They got her.”

“They did?” He had been hopeful, that all the work Mara had done the night before hadn’t been for naught. 

“Yes, in the article they interviewed Celene and Briala about what happened,” Mara said. He turned toward her. 

“Anything about Vivienne, or you?”

She shook her head, “Not even a line.” She didn’t seem surprised, or upset. 

“Really?” an inexplicable anger rising in him. 

She hopped from the simple wooden stool and passed him the tablet, while she began shredding the cheese he’d abandoned, “Read for yourself.”

She was right. Not a line about all the help Mara had given them. Celene and Briala made it out like they’d uncovered the whole scheme themselves. It was wrong. Mara had deserved something, had deserved much more than this. 

He put the tablet down and placed a hand on Mara’s shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

She looked at him, confused, “Sorry? For what?”

“They didn’t give you any credit,” he said softly. Could she really be so unbothered by it?

She shrugged, “Celene and Briala know what we did, and they’ll help the school. That’s all that matters.”

“You’re not upset at all?”

She beamed at him, the happiness sparkling in her eyes, “I’m having the most perfect morning. What reason do I have to be upset?” She pressed up onto her toes to kiss him. 

He caught her face in his hands, unable to help himself. He pulled her closer and she opened up to him immediately, but his neck ached from the angle. He picked her up without another thought, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he perched her on the island. They kissed deeply, hungrily, and the omelettes went forgotten for quite some time. 

***

“Well, well,” Dorian said as he leaned against the doorway to Mara’s classroom, “if you tell me he didn’t take you to bed after seeing you in that dress he and I will be having words.” He was wearing a complicated looking dark blue sweater, that had enough zippers and clasps that would have overwhelmed a lesser man than Dorian, but he looked as put together as always.

Mara blushed despite herself, and then she glared at him, “None of your business.”

Dorian threw his head back and laughed, “So he did! And?”

Mara capped her grading pen and her chair squeaked as she leaned back, arms crossed, “I distinctly remember you saying something about not wanting any sordid details.”

“Did I?” Dorian smiled, “Doesn’t sound like me at all.”

“And being so contrary, that’s not you either, right?” she teased. 

“Never.”

“Did Bull get very lucky once you got home? You looked like you were pining for him at the bar,” she said, if he was going to needle her she was going to throw it right back. 

Dorian did his best to look annoyed and failed, “There was a time when all I would have wanted was to be at that party, flirting and drinking, but I found myself missing that athletically clothed oaf.”

“Awww!” Mara played up fawning over the cuteness of the whole thing. 

Dorian looked absolutely disgusted, “You breathe a word of this to him and you’ll regret it.”

“Oh I won’t say anything, but you should,” she countered. 

Dorian laughed, “Oh I did. Only with not so many words.”

She winced, “I so did not need to know that.”

“Well I didn’t just come here to watch your face glow a very lovely shade of red, we have a meeting in Leliana’s office,” Dorian said, examining his nails. 

“About?” she stood from her desk. They’d gotten the promises of money, was there anything left but to just make sure that they now worked in the best interest of the students? She was so tired. Tired of all of it after Saturday night. Sunday with Cullen had been it’s own kind of balm, but even a blissful day with him hadn’t quite erased how much wanted to just focus on doing her job and spending as much time with Cullen as possible. She didn’t want to have to care about Corypheus anymore. But she did. So she followed Dorian. 

They talked idly about students and classes and parent emails on their way to the office. The hallways were already decked out in posters of red and green. There was even a large Satinalia tree in the main hallway, it was decorated in maroon and gold. Mara could have sworn she’d heard Satinalia music playing the last few days over the intercoms during class breaks. 

She could hardly believe it was already that time of year, and yet it felt like this had been the longest few months of her teaching career. Mara was reminded about just how much teaching drained from her, how ragged she’d been running herself the past few months in an effort to do everything. Satinalia break was just two short weeks away, and then she would have two whole weeks off. She was looking forward to it more than she wanted to say. 

Cullen, Cassandra, Josie and Vivienne were already in Leliana’s office. Vivienne looked grave, despite their victory Saturday night. Mara wasn’t sure she wanted to hear anything that she had to say, in case there was more work to be done.

She sat in the empty chair next to Cullen, he offered her a knowing smile. He’d slept at her house the night before, he’d taken a few things to her house and it had been the most pleasant school morning she could remember. Every one else was quiet, too quiet.

Leliana hurried into her office, closing the door behind her, “I’ve only got five minutes before I have to be in a 504 meeting.”

Vivienne frowned, “I’ll keep this brief then. Corypheus has been meeting with the administration at Adamant Junior High.”

“They’re one of our feeder schools,” Josie said quietly. 

“Apparently Clarel, the principal, thinks it’s better to embrace Corypheus’s ideas rather than fight them,” Vivienne said with venom. 

Mara glared at the table, the weight of it settling over her. It was a rather indirect attack on them, but an attack nonetheless. If he was able to pull Adamant from the school district that would mean they’d likely lose students that would have gone to Skyhold. That meant that even if Skyhold managed to survive the year, enrollment would go down. That meant fewer full time equivalents would be granted to their school, and that meant teachers getting laid off. The bastard was attacking them from every side. She wanted to be done with this, she just wanted to do her job and not worry about all of this, the bigger picture. 

“How long?” Mara asked. 

Vivienne met her gaze, “Too long. I should have heard of it sooner.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Cullen asked, sounding far calmer than Mara felt. 

“That’s why we’re meeting. I’m a loss. We need a plan, I thought perhaps if we all took time to think we could meet again after the break,” Vivienne replied. She wasn’t saying it, but giving them that much needed time would likely not help the situation.

Leliana gave them all a nod before silently slipping out. 

Dorian and Cassandra were both swearing before the door shut, and she could tell that Josie was looking for some positive light, something to grasp on to. 

“Well, at least this means his attention isn’t solely focused on us,” Josie said hopefully. 

Vivienne sighed, “That my dear, is the only good thing to come out of this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with an update! I hope you enjoyed it! As always, thank you for reading. I've missed you wonderful folks!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satinalia celebrations are in full swing at Skyhold High.

The week before Satinalia break left Mara and the rest of the teachers at Skyhold wondering if they taught high school or kindergarten, some days there just didn’t seem to be a difference. The students were restless, too chatty, and barely seemed to remember homework or deadlines, which wasn’t really altogether that different than any other time of the year, but it grated on nerves differently right before the break. 

There was an air of apathy about everything toward school, and Mara would be lying if she said she didn’t feel it too. She found herself dreaming about the winter mornings of break where she would not have to wake and be at the school before dawn. Thought about all that time with Cullen, uninterrupted by other responsibilities. She tried not to let her thoughts drift too much to him during the school day, but as she meandered through the desks of her classroom, checking student work, she found her thoughts sliding there regardless. 

It was only a four day week, but by the time Wednesday arrived Mara was ready to pull her hair out. At the end of the day she wasn’t doing anything productive and was simply scrolling through social media and counting down the minutes until contractual time was up so she could go home. 

“I’m going to kill every last one of them,” Varric said as he strode into her room. 

“I’ll help,” she said, putting her phone down, “Who are we killing?”

“My students,” Varric sighed, “are tap dancing on my last nerve.” He ran a hand through his hair, and Mara had to admit that he did look a little frayed. She supposed she did too. 

Mara nodded sagely, “Mine too. I don’t know what to do.”

“I have an idea, let’s just lock all of the doors to the school tomorrow and hide, only half of them are going to show up anyways,” Varric suggested. 

“But it’s the half that would call the local news station because something is clearly wrong,” Mara replied. 

Varric winced, “What’s a little bad publicity going to do? We’re not already trying to keep the school board off our backs or anything.”

“Indeed,” Mara chuckled.

“I mostly came in to finalize everything for the fundraising assembly tomorrow. You’re still good to have pies thrown at you by paying students?” Varric asked. 

Mara tucked her hair behind her ear, “But only because you asked.”

Varric laughed, “They get to throw a pie at their teacher’s face, that’s pretty good motivation to donate so we can buy Satinalia gifts for a few families. They hit the lunchtime fundraising goal so Cullen gets to kiss a pig if that makes you feel better.”

“A pig, huh?” Mara asked. 

Varric shrugged, “The things these kids come up with. You jealous?”

She rolled her eyes, “Definitely.”

“I understand the pig is quite cute, so you should be,” Varric said, she ignored the teasing lilt of his voice. 

“Alright then, anything else?” Mara asked. 

“Nope, we’ve got a plastic poncho for you, but I’d still probably wear a shirt you don’t care about,” Varric smiled. 

“Remember how much I love you while you’re running this thing tomorrow,” Mara stuck out her tongue. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll buy you a drink at Dorian’s party tomorrow night,” Varric said with a wave as he walked out. 

Dorian hosted an annual Satinalia Party each year at the Herald’s Rest on the night of the break. He said it was always the best time to do it because it didn’t take out time from the break, and that way they could party and enjoy the fact they still had an entire break to look forward to. Mara couldn’t argue with that logic. She glanced at the clock, there was still ten minutes left of contractual time. And she groaned. 

She and Cullen had agreed that they wouldn’t see each other until after contractual time each day, in order to preserve some amount of productivity, but Mara wasn’t sure she cared anymore. She stood up and began walking to his room, trying to figure out a good argument to win over the stubborn history teacher. 

Just as she turned out of her classroom she found him in the doorway of his, he stopped, looking a little shocked and a little guilty. So she spoke first. 

“Hey, I know we said we weren’t supposed to see each other yet, but nothing productive is happening in there and I’m bored to tears,” she said as she crossed the threshold of his classroom. 

“Oh thank the Maker,” Cullen smiled, “I was thinking the same thing.” He shut the door behind her, backing her up against it before capturing her lips with his own. She should have protested. She should have voiced how unprofessional it was, and yet she found she didn’t want to. So she kissed him, her fingers caught in his sweater while his hands rested firmly on her hips. 

He pulled back with a smile, “One more day, then it’s break.”

“Yes, and then we have two weeks of no kids and spending as much time together as possible,” Mara smiled. 

Cullen pulled back, adjusting his glasses, “Yeah about that. Mia called last night to remind me that I am expected at Satinalia at her house.”

She looked everywhere but at him. Looked at the gray light filtering in through his windows, and the snow that lay beyond it. His room was mostly devoid of Satinalia decorations, but there were paper snowflakes that had been put up on the windows, the thin paper looked almost translucent against them. 

They hadn’t talked about concrete plans for the break beyond Dorian’s party. She figured that they would just play it by ear, they weren’t ones for making big plans. She always seemed to forget the necessity of family during the holidays. It had been so long since she’d been expected anywhere, she always forgot others were. Of course he needed to go be with his family for the break. That was expected. That was normal, and it was fine. In her mind she’d already begun trying to list out the books she wanted to read, and the t.v. shows she wanted to binge to suppress the disappointment she felt pooling inside her.  

“Oh,” was all she could manage. 

***

_ Too soon, too soon _ , that voice in the back of his head whispered. Cullen had been trying to figure out how to talk to Mara about this for weeks. He knew that Mia expected him at Satinalia, and he really wanted to invite Mara to go with him. But that was a lot to ask of someone, and he had no idea how that would be received. He knew that Mara wasn’t rushing up to Wycome to see her aunt and had planned to remain in Denerim so she wouldn’t have any conflicts if he were to ask. Still they hadn’t been together long enough to ask this of her. Had they? It was too soon to bring families into this wasn’t it? 

She seemed so disappointed when he told her that he needed to be at Mia’s. His heart was racing, but he wasn’t sure he had the words to ask her. He’d been trying and failing to find the right words, all the while that voice in his head kept chiming that it was too soon, too much to ask. 

He fought against the voice, “Wouldyouliketocomewithme?” The words were strung together so tight he wasn’t even sure what he’d said. 

Mara looked at him, and it seemed like there was a gleam of hope in her eyes, “What?” She was staring at him, and he found it too difficult to look at her. He grasped her hand, staring at it instead, at the way their fingers intertwined. 

He swallowed hard. Once. Twice. “Would you like to come with me?” He chanced a glance back at her, worried at what he might find.

Mara’s eyes widened and his heart thundered, “To Mia’s?”

“Yes, I mean I understand that it’s probably not how you want to spend part of your break. Mia’s got kids and Branson and his kid will be there and it will be loud. My family is loud. So if not that’s fine too, but I just thought that maybe if you didn’t have other plans you might want to come with me. I’d really like it if you came, but it’s not a big deal,” he was rambling. He cut himself off. 

Mara offered a faint smile, “I don’t want to impose on your family’s celebrations.”

“You wouldn’t be,” he promised, “Mia has been hounding me to bring someone with me for years. I brought Dorian a few years back, thinking he would scandalize them all. Turns out they loved him.”

“Of course they did,” Mara grinned. 

Their hands were still intertwined, “I want you to come. I want to spend as much of this break with you as possible.”

That hopeful brightness had returned to her eyes where there had just been uncertainty, “I want to spend as much time with you as possible too.”

“So you’ll come?” he asked. 

She nodded. 

“Mia is going to be over the moon,” Cullen couldn’t help but smile, “I thought we’d leave on Friday, spend the three days of the holiday and then come back. I’m not giving my sister any more of my time off than that.”

“You’re sure they won’t mind?” 

He kissed her forehead, “Positive.” 

“You ready for tomorrow?” she teased. “Kissing the pig?”

“I’m more ready to pay money to throw a pie at Dorian’s face.”

“He’s going to kill you,” she laughed. 

“It’ll be worth it.”

***

To Mara’s disbelief the gym was packed, filled to bursting with students despite it being the final day before Satinalia Break. She expected only about half of the students to show, but here they were, many dressed in red and green. Varric seemed pleased with the turnout before muttering that most of them would take off after the assembly if they had any sense. Satinalia music blasted through the speakers and Mara was sitting next to Dorian on a large black plastic table cloth the student council had taped to the ground. 

Both Mara and Dorian had been given clear plastic ponchos, but Dorian had gone a step further and added a shower cap to protect his hair. It was bright pink and one glare from him told her not to even attempt at making a joke about it. He kept adjusting his poncho to ensure it covered as much of him as possible, and the plastic crinkled loudly with his every movement. 

“Just accept it, Dorian. You’re going to get your clothes dirty,” Mara teased. 

Dorian scowled, “Well, I didn’t show up in an awful hoodie.”

She glanced down at her Wycome University hoodie she’d donned, then stuck her tongue out at him. She’d pulled her hair back into a bun and hoped that her plastic hood would take the full brunt of the pies. A large table had been set up with pie tins and whipped cream so that the student council could make more as necessary. They weren’t exactly pies, but she supposed it was the best they could do with their budget. She tried not to stare at them, but the swirls of white cream did look a little ominous. 

“Did Mr. Pavus give you a bad grade in Chemistry? Ms. Lavellan give you a bad score on a paper? Pay two dollars for a chance at some payback in the form of pie throwing!” Noah, the senior class president, announced. 

The band played in the background as students rushed down from the audience to form a line. Mara did her best not to egg any of the kids on as they approached, but Dorian on the other hand let out an exasperated sigh and several mentions of ‘really?’ as students approached. It seemed to work, Dorian took the first pie to the face. 

“Kaffas,” he swore, “this stuff tastes terrible.”

Mara wanted to laugh, but one of her juniors approached with a glint in his eye and threw a pie. It splattered everywhere. His aim had been a little off, so she only had one half of her face to wipe off, but Dorian was right, it tasted terrible. 

“Ugh, you’re right,” she winced. 

“Of course I’m right,” Dorian quipped before another student threw a pie at him. 

“That went up my nose,” Dorian complained while Mara cleared her eyes of the last pie that she’d fallen victim to.

It continued like that for a while, the kids threw the pies and they both did their best to wipe their faces off in between. Dorian swore practically every time, and she managed a glance at him to see his face covered in white and it sent her roaring with laughter. He’d flicked some cream at her, but he was laughing too. 

She became aware that the entire gym was cheering, and she wasn’t sure why until she saw Cullen approaching, money in hand and a grin on his face. She grinned too, excited for Dorian’s reaction. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Dorian murmured. 

She laughed, “Oh, he knows.”

Cullen dropped two dollars on the table and picked up a pie tin. He seemed to weigh it in his hand before he walked up to the edge of the black plastic on the ground. He smiled at Dorian before he threw it. At first, Mara thought Cullen had missed, he had thrown the pie just a little high, but then she realized he’d been aiming for the edge of Dorian’s pink shower cap. He’d managed to knock it back just far enough that the front of Dorian’s hair was covered in cream. 

Dorian noticed as he wiped his face, and swore loudly, but Mara was too busy laughing to care. She expected to Cullen to walk away, but he stood there, hands in his pockets, just looking at her. 

Then he set down two more dollars. 

“I will kill you if you do that,” she yelled over the cheers of the students. 

He smiled, “I’ll take my chances.”

Then his pie hit her full in the face. The whipped cream went up her nose, and she swore as she wiped it away, while the students laughed and cheered. She glared at Cullen once she could see him through the whipped cream on her face, but he only laughed.

It seemed that they’d finally run out of pie tins, and the student council members who had been spraying the whipped cream, turned the few students left away. An obstacle course event on the other side of the basketball court was starting up, and a student council member handed her and Dorian damp towels to clean up with. She was grateful to have a chance to get cleaned off. Her plastic poncho had been heavy with whipped cream and a student council member helped her out of it, but the only gauge she had for how covered her face might be was to look at Dorian. She was shocked as she wiped her face off to find the towel continually coming away white. 

It was a bit of trick to avoid the whipped cream on the ground, she sidestepped white mounds of cream and somehow managed to get off the plastic and onto the wood floor unscathed. She ducked quickly into the girl’s bathroom that was attached to the gym to clean herself up. 

Her hair was smeared with cream and her make-up might as well have been non-existent. She washed her face off as best she could, but she still felt sticky, as if there was a fine film of the whipped cream still clinging to her skin. She hurried back out to the gym regardless, not wanting to miss Cullen’s pig kiss. 

She found Dorian leaning against the wall under the basketball hoop, looking more than a little annoyed and his hair was flatter than she’d ever seen. She giggled as she approached. 

Dorian narrowed his eyes, “You’re going to laugh at me? Have you seen yourself?”

She shoved him, “You’re just mad they got your hair.”

“You mean your boyfriend got my hair,” Dorian scoffed, “I might have to shave it and my mustache to get the damn things clean.”

She mocked horror, “Not the mustache.”

“I hate you,” he crossed his arms. 

“Now, what you’ve all been waiting for,” Noah smiled as a student council member carried out a box to the center of the gym. Cullen followed a little behind. He was wearing safety glasses and an apron someone had given him. Mara laughed at the ridiculousness of the costume. The students cheered, the sound echoing off of the walls in thunderous waves. 

The student council member carrying the box put gloves on before removing the lid and reaching inside to pull out a small pink piglet. The little piglet squealed and squealed while the student council member tried to sooth it. 

“Mr. Rutherford, you were dared by the student body to kiss a pig. We tried to bring you a big hundred pound pig, but Mrs. Montilyet wouldn’t let us. So you get the next best thing, a piglet,” Noah said into the mic and the students cheered. 

“Are you ready?” Noah asked Cullen. 

Cullen adjusted his safety glasses and gave Noah a nod. Mara knew that Cullen was probably uncomfortable out there in front of all the students, and yet he was still there participating. There were teacher masks they all wore, and this was Cullen’s, his usually serious demeanor shifted into something a little more fun, all for the benefit of the kids. She loved that about him. 

The girl holding the pig held it up towards Cullen, he leaned down. The closer he got to the piglet, the louder the poor thing squealed, until finally he pecked it on the nose. The student body cheered, and Cullen gave the pig a pat on the head before the girl returned the pig to the box.

Cullen met her gaze across the gym and returned her smile, before heading off towards the other side. The band began to play the school song, while all of the students stood. 

“That’s our cue,” Dorian nudged her. 

She followed Dorian, hurrying out the doors and down the soon to be crowded hallways. As soon as the song was over the students would be dismissed and sent back to class, and Mara always found it easier to get a bit of a head start on the trek back to her classroom to avoid getting stuck in the crowd.  

“You’re coming tonight aren’t you?” Dorian asked as the walked. 

She nodded, “Assuming I can get all the whipped cream out of my hair.”

“Oh, me too,” he patted his hair with a frown. 

“Actually I’d been meaning to ask you some questions too,” Mara said. 

Dorian smiled wickedly, “Coming to me for bedroom advice, already?”

She glared at him, “No. I’m meeting Cullen’s family, but you met them right?”

Dorian smiled, “He’s taking you to Mia’s?”

She nodded, “And I’m nervous. I’ve never met anyone’s family before.”

Dorian didn’t make a joke about that, though she knew he could have, “Mia will make it very easy, I promise. However, I’d be happy to answer any and all questions tonight. But you might have to buy me a drink first.”

They’d reached the corner of the hallway Dorian’s room was on. “You’ve got a deal,” she said gratefully, “I don’t want to screw this up.”

“You won’t,” he said kindly as he walked towards his classroom.

She got back to her classroom, struggling a little to get the doorstop in and waiting for the flow of students to reach that part of the school. She was pulling up attendance on her computer when she heard Cullen’s voice. 

“Still mad at me?” he asked with a smirk as he walked into her room. 

She glared at him, “Very.”

He approached her anyways, grinning as he put his hands on her hips, “Oh really? Anything I might be able to do about that?” 

She scowled, but he kissed her. 

She pulled back, “Ew, pig cooties!” She was mostly kidding, but the look of mock indignation on Cullen’s face was worth it. 

He laughed, “I washed my mouth. You, on the other hand, taste like cheap whipped cream.”

She crossed her arms, “And whose fault is that?”

His eyes were bright as he responded, “Mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any teacher will tell you that the last week before Christmas break is the hardest week of the entire year, but there are some very silly things that end up happening. Like pie throwing and kissing pigs, all things that I've seen happen at the Christmas assembly. Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear from you!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang meets up to celebrate the break and Mara and Cullen travel to South Reach.

The Herald’s Rest had been transformed by Satinalia decorations into something cheery and festive. Boughs of pine hung from the rafters, red and green lights twinkled from where they lined the windows, and even Maryden’s band played Satinalia hits. She was singing a particularly slow rendition of “I’ll be Home for Satinalia” as Cullen walked into the bar. 

He would have come with Mara, but Dorian had insisted on some time with her before Cullen stole her for the entirety of the break. Mara hadn’t argued that would be the case, and so Cullen hadn’t either. He’d driven and planned to stay mostly sober through the night in order to drive them home. He was breathing much easier than he had in weeks, the responsibilities of his job had fallen away with the break that stretched out before him. The promise of that time off was freeing in the same way summer vacation was. And Maker, was he ready to spend it all with Mara. 

It took him by surprise, how much he wanted to be with her. All of his relationships in the past still sent him searching for time in isolation, left him socially exhausted. Mara was different, and perhaps it was because they had been friends first, or maybe it was just her. He didn’t care what it was, he was happy to be with her. He’d gotten her a Satinalia gift. It was packed in the bottom of his suitcase. He’d managed to track it down at an old bookstore in downtown Denerim. He had other gifts for too, for his siblings, niece, and nephews, but the gift to Mara was something he planned on giving to her alone. 

Most of their group was already gathered at a large table against the far wall. Dorian wore a sweater of deep green, while Bull wore a bright red halla sweater that Cullen knew Dorian detested. Sera and Dagna wore matching sweaters that both lit up and played music. Blackwall sat by Josephine seemingly engrossed in whatever they were talking about. 

Varric was telling a story while everyone at his end of the table listened intently, except Cassandra who was unsuccessfully pretending not to listen while she nursed her glass. Vivienne wasn’t there, but that wasn’t really surprising. Solas wasn’t either, Cullen realized with a frown. He’d been avoiding most every faculty event unless it was a meeting. 

Cullen took an empty seat next to Cole as Maryden began a jazzy rendition of “Rockin Around the Satinalia Tree”, the lighting on the band oscillating between red and green. 

Mara sat down next to him, two drinks in hand. She handed one to Bull, “Hey Rutherford, nice of you to finally join us.”

She’d showered since he’d last seen her, her blonde hair fell in soft waves that were no longer covered in whipped cream. She wore a simple navy sweater, but when she moved he realized it had rhinestones along one side of it. He was glad to see that he wasn’t the only one not wearing traditional Satinalia colors. 

“Not all of us come as perpetually early as Dorian,” Cullen replied. 

She grinned, “We were here at least fifteen minutes before everyone else.”

“I’m right here,” Dorian scowled in their direction, “And that is an exaggeration.”

“Is it now?” Bull said before drinking deeply from his drink. 

Dorian glared at Bull. 

Mara laughed, “You haven’t had nearly enough alcohol if you’re this grumpy.”

“Or too much,” Cullen smiled. 

“That was one time,” Dorian tried to silence Cullen with a look. 

“You got into a fight with an ATM,” Cullen quipped. 

“That backwards town of South Reach you dragged me to wouldn’t take my card at the bar,” Dorian explained. 

Mara looked to Cullen, “This sounds like a good story, I expect you to tell me the entirety of it when Dorian can’t explode in front of us.”

“Of course.” Dorian kept scowling.   
“And you know what this kid did?” Varric said loud enough from his side of the table that the rest of them directed their attention his way. 

“What?” Cole asked.

“He turned in his Antivan notebook because he hadn’t done his writer’s notebook for my class. When I confronted him about it he said he didn’t think I’d notice. I wouldn’t notice it’s in a different language?” Varric shook his head in disbelief. 

“Well you know, English teachers never read notebooks or essays,” Mara deadpanned as she sipped from her drink. 

Bull roared with laughter, “That’s not something you see in P.E.”

Mara rolled her eyes, “Yeah not a whole lot of essay grading, huh?”

Bull held up his hands in placation, “Are you guys going to go on the whole teacher-coach rant thing? Because I’m not denying it’s true, and that’s why I teach P.E.”

“Remember that guy who was football coach before Bull?” Varric asked.

Dorian nodded, “What was his name? He was awful. Taught English and basically had the kids doing book work every day. They’d come in and the assigned pages were on the board so that he would sit and watch football film. He had first hour prep too, and I used to see him walk in around 8:30 most days.”

“Seriously?” Mara asked. 

Leliana nodded as she sat down across the table from them, “Oh yes. And one year he took off on a three week trip to the Marches without getting a sub or writing any sub plans. And the kids all knew that he didn’t read their essays, they’d all get full credit as long as they met length. I had a student show me one where after the intro paragraph she described the plot of her favorite t.v. series, she got full marks.”

Cassandra nodded, “I remember having to help take his classes when he left us in the lurch, it was awful.”

“What happened to him?” Mara asked. 

Cullen smiled, “Leliana sacked him.”

Leliana flashed her teeth dangerously, “First teacher I ever sacked, but wasn’t the last.”

“And that’s why I keep buying Red drinks,” Bull chuckled, his laugh shaking the table.

Leliana smiled, “Oh you know I can’t do without any of you.”

***

Once Cullen had left the table with Blackwall and Sera to play a game of pool Bull moved closer to Mara.

“So I understand you’re doing the meet the family thing,” Bull said. 

She took a deep breath, she hadn’t had nearly enough alcohol to wipe out the nerves of what would come the next day, “Yep.”

Bull smiled knowingly, “How long’s it been?”   
She thought for a moment, “Since high school? When your boyfriend lives with his parents you sort of don’t have a choice.”

“Well, I always did manage a way around that,” Bull chuckled. 

She shook her head, “You would.”

“You’re nervous, and that’s good. Means that making a good impression means a lot to you. But don’t let the nerves rule you,” Bull said, “You know I haven’t met Dorian’s folks. I’d probably slug his dad in the face if I ever did, but I’ve done the meet the family bit a few times. It’s always awkward at first, and then it’s fine. Always.”

“You sure?” she asked. 

Bull nodded, “Yes. I’ve known Cullen for a while now, and I think you could have three heads and his family would love you for the sheer fact that you make him happy.”

She blushed a little at that, but she felt better. “Any last advice before you get completely wasted?” she teased. 

“Leave the kinkier of the sex toys at home,” Bull grinned. 

Then she was really blushing, “Exactly how kinky do you think I am?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Bull asked, eyebrow raised. He always saw far more than anyone had any right to, even if he only had one eye. 

“Nope,” she decided, taking a long drink. 

Dorian mostly fell into Bull’s lap, “Oh Mara’s blushing, what’d you say?”

Bull looked at Dorian in amusement, “Well we were having a very scandalous conversation about the things you keep in your bottom drawer like -”

Dorian’s hands flew up to cover Bull’s mouth, “No.”

Bull’s mouth twitched mischievously as he looked down at Dorian, but he’d stopped talking and wasn’t fighting at all. When Dorian pulled his hands away he kissed his hair, “Oh Kadan, you’re so easy to goad.”

***

It had been a snowy morning and all of the news stations were celebrating the fact that they would definitely have a white Satinalia. If the reports were correct, they could expect a few feet of snow over the next week. But that was nothing compared to what South Reach was expected to get, and Mara wasn’t sure she was prepared for that, or meeting Cullen’s family. 

She did her best to prepare for the former, packing her suitcase full of comfy sweaters, scarves and boots. The latter, well, she’d just have to deal with that as it came. Cullen had spent the night at her apartment the night before, waking her up before he left to get his things and get ready at his house, but not before making sure there was a hot cup of coffee waiting for her. She could love that man. 

She heard Cullen’s quiet knock at the door, and considered for a moment that she might just want to give him a key as she answered it, coat slung over her arm and suitcase behind her. 

“All ready?” he asked. He was dressed in a casual sweater, looking more relaxed and at ease than she’d ever seen him. 

“I think so,” she replied as he took her suitcase while she locked her front door. She took a deep breath as she followed him, this was going to be good. Fine, actually. Despite not having celebrated Satinalia with a family in years, this was not big deal. They’re just people. 

Had it really been that long since she’d celebrated with family? At least since she’d moved out of Deshanna’s. Deshanna hadn’t ever been much for the holiday, so even when she lived within twenty minutes of her aunt she didn’t make a big deal out of the whole thing. She usually called her the day of at least, just to check in. The last few years she’d been able to find other folks like her, ones who didn’t have family to celebrate with, either by choice or not, and they’d made their own bit of fun. 

This was going to be different though. Cullen had a family, a real family. She wasn’t sure how on earth she was going to fit into it. 

“I have a surprise for you,” Cullen said as he put her suitcase in the trunk of his car. 

“You do?” she asked. 

“Get in the car, I’ll show you.”

So she did. His car was warm, and she let out a relieved sigh as she sunk into the seat. 

Cullen handed her a pair of cords, “I figured since you had disparaged my taste in car entertainment, I’d put you in charge.”

He’d bought a car charger for her phone and an auxiliary cord, and he was looking at her so hopefully. 

“Oh man, if I’d known I got to play DJ I’d have made us a road trip playlist!” she smiled. 

Cullen looked relieved, “Well, I suppose you’ll have to make do on the fly.”

“I guess so,” she replied. She couldn’t help but smile though. It was such a small thing, but the fact that he’d thought about that made her heart flutter in all sorts of ridiculous ways.  

He offered her a smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling behind his glasses. He moved to put his seatbelt on, but she grabbed his hand and he paused,  looking at her expectantly. 

“Thank you,” she murmured before kissing him. 

He pulled away a little reluctantly, but his eyes were soft as he did. There was a light feeling in her chest as they pulled away from her apartment and began driving towards South Reach. The drive was a quiet one, sometimes they talked, sometimes they didn’t, mostly they enjoyed the uninterrupted time in each other’s presence. Once they were on the highway Cullen reached over and took her hand, only letting go when they entered the winding canyon. 

Mara had never been to this part of Ferelden, and she marveled out of the window as the mountains grew taller and the snow became deeper. Despite the snow, the roads remained mostly dry, a gray fog hanging low on the mountains, so that the tops of them were obscured from sight. 

As they drove further into the canyon, towards the summit, it was like driving out of a cloud. Suddenly there were blue skies and the tops of the mountains were clearly visible, the snow sparkling in the sunlight. 

“That’s odd,” she commented, “I thought that it was just a gray day today.”

Cullen laughed, “It’s called an inversion. If we got out of the car now it would probably be warmer up here at the summit than it was at the bottom of the canyon.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she replied. 

“I know. We had it in Honnleath too, because of the mountains. The crappy air gets stuck in the valleys, we’ve had a little snow lately, but not a big storm to push it all out. Hopefully that changes tonight,” Cullen explained. 

She nodded, and turned her attention back out the window. It wasn’t long before they dropped back under the inversion, the gray sky once again above them. Then the canyon opened up into a valley that spanned out on either side of the road. Mountains rose up all around, and the white untouched expanse of snow covered fields spread out in front of them. 

It was beautiful. It was rural, and it was just a little bit wild. Cullen seemed to notice her rapt attention, “We’re almost there.”

“This is South Reach?” she asked. 

“Sort of, this is another town. We’re almost there,” he said. 

Mara leaned back in her chair and tried desperately to take in the beauty of the valley they were dropping into.

***

The drive had become familiar in the last few years. He made it almost once a month, usually on the weekends. South Reach felt like Honnleath, only without all of the baggage. It was probably why his siblings had moved there in the first place. 

After his father died, they’d sold the farm. Mia and Matthew had packed up and moved to South Reach and Branson had followed soon after. Rosalie had already moved away to college, but even since graduating she didn’t have another place besides Mia’s that was permanent. She travelled as a photographer, and was hardly ever in a place more than a month or so, but unlike him, she had always been good about communicating her movements to her older sister. 

At least once Cullen had moved to Denerim he’d been better about calling and visiting, helping to heal the wounds leftover from his youth. He’d made a lot of hard decisions very quickly, and sometimes they’d been the wrong ones. 

He felt like this was a right one though, bringing Mara with him. Nothing had felt this right in a long time. She stared out the window, a look of awe on her face as they approached South Reach. The mountains seemed to catch her attention the most, that and the farmland that yawned out below them. 

Mia didn’t live on a farm anymore, but her house stood on a large bit of property. She still kept chickens, had said she’d never been able to get used to store bought eggs. His mother had been the same way, but Cullen had never pointed out the similarity, worrying that it would be too much. 

While Rosie still called Mia’s house homebase, Branson lived in a neighboring town. He owned a successful carpentry business and raised his son, Henry alone, though Mia had been hinting in the last few months that she was positive he was seeing someone. He and Branson’s relationship had been the most strained of them all, and yet in the last few years they’d managed to come together and put aside the past. 

Still, Cullen knew he didn’t call them all as often as he should.

But, as he turned off the highway, to the winding, and still somewhat snow covered streets of South Reach, it felt a little bit like coming home. He navigated them along the roads that led to Mia’s house, and then finally up the dead-end street her house was situated on. 

Several willow trees stood in the large sloping front yard, but the back yard was where Mia’s pride was. Her garden and her chicken coop, and the patio that overlooked it all. They’d spent many summer nights the last few years on that patio. The brick house was cheery, he could see the Satinalia tree in the front window, and the lights that lined the roof. He pulled into the driveway and looked to Mara, who had gone somewhat pale. 

“Everything alright?” he asked. 

She took a deep breath and released it, slowly, “Yes. I’m just nervous.”

There was no need, his siblings were going to love her and very likely not let her leave. “Don’t be.”

She nodded, mouth a thin line as they got out of the car. 

Mia was already rushing from the house, Clara and Liam at her heels. He’d told Mia he was bringing someone, but he hadn’t provided more than vague details, knowing it would drive her crazy. 

And the look of shock and surprise on her face as Mara got out of the car was completely worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we're all in need of a bit of fluff right now, so I hope this fits the bill. I'm incredibly excited to write about these two and Cullen's family, and it's making me very excited for the holidays. Thanks so much for reading, you folks are wonderful. I'm excited to hear what you think!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginnings of Satinalia with the Rutherfords.

Mara tried not to fidget too much, but she couldn’t help but be nervous. A woman had come out of the house, two children in hot pursuit. She was blonde like Cullen, and they had the same eyes. She was definitely older, she could tell in the way she regarded her brother. She had to be Mia. 

“Uncle Cull!” a boy, no older than seven, called as he ran right to Cullen. 

An older girl, possibly ten or eleven, followed, but not at a run. No doubt trying to be as much of an adult as possible. Cullen hugged the little boy and Mia crossed her arms, clearly waiting for an introduction and scowling at Cullen. 

“Well hey Liam,” Cullen said to his nephew, ruffling his hair, “And Clara too.”

Clara gave him a hug as well. 

“Did you bring us presents?” Liam asked excitedly. 

Clara nudged him and hissed, “You don’t ask that.” 

“It’s Satinalia isn’t it?” Cullen grinned, finally looking at Mia. 

“You going to introduce us or what?” Mia glared, but it didn’t seem entirely serious.

Cullen looked to Mara, “Mia, this is my girlfriend, Mara.” His eyes met Mara’s in silent question, they hadn’t really talked about titles, but she smiled back. 

He looked relieved, “Mara, this is my incredibly overbearing and nosy sister.”

Mia narrowed her eyes at him, but turned to her cheerfully said, “It’s so nice to meet you, Mara. Cullen said he was bringing someone, but never specified who. Last time he did this, he brought Dorian.”

The kids were peppering Cullen with questions as he leveled a look at his sister, “Well, you were always hounding me to bring someone.”

“Yes, but you never said you had a  _ girlfriend _ ,” she emphasized the final word as if she’d never heard him say it before. Then she paused, a look of recognition on her face, “You’re the English teacher he hasn’t shut up about since August.”

Mara cursed the blush that crept to her cheeks, “Well hopefully, if he’s been talking nonstop about Varric we might need to have a chat.”

Mia laughed, linking her arm with Mara’s, “Let’s get you inside, it’s freezing out here.”

“Maybe I should help…” Mara turned towards Cullen.

Mia shook her head, “He can take your stuff in, he deserves to do it all himself after that stunt. Would you like some tea?” Cullen made a show of rolling his eyes, but he was grinning. 

He gave her a nod of encouragement and so she let Mia pull her towards the house, “That sounds lovely.”

Mia led her through a door that took her directly into a warm, bright kitchen. It wasn’t large, but Mara could tell it was well-loved. A counter stood on the far end of it, before it opened up into a dining area, cupboards hung above the space, covered with frosted glass doors. Instead of a backsplash, yellow wallpaper added brightness to the kitchen. It smelled delicious too, as if Mia had been cooking in preparation for days. Mia pointed her towards a barstool at the counter, and Mara settled herself into it, glancing at the artwork covered refrigerator. 

Mia put a bright blue tea kettle on the stove, “So how did my brother convince you to put off your Satinalia plans to join us?”

She smiled at the stove as Mara took a seat at a barstool, “It helped that I didn’t really have plans.”

“You didn’t?”

Mara shook her head, “Nope.” And then realizing that it would lead to Mia having ask further uncomfortable questions she added, “My parents died when I was in high school, so holidays are sort of...different.”

Mia’s eyes glowed with understanding, “Cullen’s told you ours passed too, so I get it. Any siblings?”

“Uh, no. It was just me. I have an aunt I’ll need to call at some point tomorrow. We make a point to at least call each other on the holidays, but it’s a little strained.” 

Mia smiled kindly, “Well, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been ‘nosy and overbearing’ only because he wouldn’t stop talking about you, but the moment I asked about you, it was like pulling teeth.”

“Sounds about right,” Mara said. 

“So, English. How long?” Mia asked. 

Clara and Liam opened the door and streaked inside holding a suitcase between them with Cullen trailing behind, holding a suitcase as well. Mia gave him an amused look, and he simply smiled and followed the kids. 

But not before calling over his shoulder, “Don’t let her interrogate you too much Mara.”

Mia scowled at his back. 

“It’s my fourth year teaching,” Mara interjected, and Mia turned her attention back to her. 

“But you’re new to Skyhold right?” Mia asked. 

Mara nodded, “Yeah, this is my third school. I sort of travel and help schools that are struggling in some way or another.”

Mia’s face darkened, “Is Skyhold in trouble?”

Mara clenched her jaw, worried that she’d said something that Cullen hadn’t told Mia, “Sort of the usual, low test scores, graduation rates not high enough. That sort of thing.”

Mia looked at her like she didn’t quite believe her, “And have you been really successful with the other schools you’ve worked with.”

Mara’s throat tightened. No, was the correct answer, but not the one she wanted to get into right now. So she plastered a smile on her face and sighed, “You know how it is, you can only lead the horse to water.”

Mia’s eyes flashed, and Mara had the distinct impression that Mia was seeing right through her. The tea kettle whistled and Mia pulled down two cheerful Satinalia mugs and poured the hot water over the tea bag. She passed one to Mara and then pulled at hers as it steeped. It was nice to have something to do with her hands. 

“And you and my brother started dating when exactly?” Mia asked. 

Mara stared into her mug, “I’m afraid if I don’t give you the right answer Cullen is going to be in big trouble.”

Mia laughed, “He’s already in trouble.”

Mara chuckled, “I don’t remember the exact day, but things had been tending that way for a while. Almost two months I think?”

Mia’s eyes were bright as she teased, “Not one to count each day and celebrate monthiversary’s then?”

Mara snorted, “No. Definitely not.”

“Good, don’t get me wrong I like the romance, and Matthew and I celebrate our anniversary each year, but we’re not really that type either,” Mia said. 

“Well then in that we’re on the same page. Can I ask, why South Reach? Cullen said you were all from Honnleath,” Mara said, sipping from her tea, purposely trying to steer the conversation away from her and Cullen’s relationship.  

Mia moved to sit down on the stool next to her, as if the topic was too heavy to stand for, “Well, after dad died and we sold the farm, staying was just too hard. Cullen said you were from Wycome, so I think you probably get that better than most. South Reach is everything we loved about Honnleath. The small town feel, but it’s not quite.”

Mara nodded, “I do understand. It’s beautiful here.”

Mia smiled, “It’s also closer to my knucklehead brother.”

“I assume you mean Cullen and not Branson,” Mara said. 

Mia nodded, “Yes, though they’re both knuckleheads. Just in different ways.”

“Is Branson joining us for the festivities? And Rosalie?” Mara asked, hoping she was keeping the names straight. 

“Oh yeah,” Mia nodded, “Rosalie is here, she just hasn’t deemed the world worthy of her presence yet. She got in around two a.m. last night though, so who can blame her? But how anyone can sleep that long in this house is beyond me. The kids have been up since dawn.”

Mara could see it, the tired lines of Mia’s face. And maybe she was tired, but she didn’t seem unhappy, “Will they be up early tomorrow too?” 

Mia sighed, “I’ve told them no earlier than seven, so the rest of us will be pleasant all day. I’ve got lots of coffee though. You are a coffee person right?”

“Oh yes,” Mara laughed. 

“Woman after my own heart,” Mia said. 

“So what about you, what do you do? Cullen said you lived here and the kids, but not much else,” Mara said. 

Mia nodded knowingly, “Sounds like him. I run a small business, just handmade jewelry and soap. Several of the small stores here in town stock my products. And that way I can be home when the kids are.”

“That’s really cool,” Mara replied. 

The screen door creaked a little on its hinges as it opened. Mara looked over just in time to see a small figure wrapped in a heavy coat rush inside, a tall blonde man that had to be Branson followed. 

“Auntie Mia! Auntie Mia” the little boy called, rushing to Mia. 

Mia laughed, “Oh Henry, did your dad think you were going to Antarctica?”

Branson shrugged, “It’s cold out.”

She was already unzipping the boy out of his many layers and Branson gave Mara a puzzling look, “Hi, I don’t know you.”

Before she could respond Mia answered for her, “This is Mara, Cullen’s girlfriend.”

Branson laughed out loud, throwing his head back, “You don’t say. Well, welcome. I’m Bran by the way.” 

He held out a hand to her, “Nice to meet you.” Mia was whispering to Henry that his uncle and cousins were elsewhere in the house and the little boy ran from the room, clearly not wanting to be left out of any potential fun.

Bran’s eyes were full of amusement as she took his hand, “And you. Cullen said he was going to ask you to come, but I wasn’t sure he was going to get the courage up.”

Mia shot him a look, “You knew?”

Bran shrugged, “Rosie did too.”

“Oh he is so dead,” she said with enough malice that both Mara and Bran laughed. 

Bran put a hand on his sister’s shoulder, “He just wanted to get your goat. And he did.”

Mia seemed content to grumble though, “Did everyone know?”   
“Not Matthew, he can’t be trusted not to tell you,” Bran winked towards Mara. 

“At least someone is on my side,” Mia glared at her brother. 

***

Cullen felt a little bit like a coward for abandoning Mara to Mia’s company while he let Clara and Liam pull him from room to room showing him new toys and what had changed since his last visit. Then a small weight rammed right into his legs, latching on and grinning up at him. 

“Uncle Cull!” Henry said, practically bouncing. 

Cullen bent down to pick him up, “Henry, is your dad here too?”

The little boy nodded, dark curls bouncing, “There’s another lady in the kitchen.”

“Oh?” Cullen smiled. 

Henry nodded. 

“That’s Mara,” Clara said matter-of-factly, “She came with Uncle Cullen.”

Liam’s brow furrowed, “Are you married?”

Cullen shifted Henry in his arms, “Uh...what?”

“They’re not married, Liam,” Clara rolled her eyes, but then glanced to Cullen, “Right?”

“Right,” Cullen said firmly. 

“Are you going to get married?” Liam asked, brow till furrowed. 

“Liam, didn’t you say that you had a cool new car to show me?” Cullen interrupted. Liam’s eyes lit up and he rushed to his bedside table to bring over the toy. 

“Nice save,” Branson drawled from the doorway. 

Henry squirmed in Cullen’s arms, so he set the boy down, where he rushed to Liam’s side, “Tried.”

Branson grinned, “So you brought her.”

Cullen couldn’t help but smile too, “Yeah, I mean she didn’t have any other plans really so it worked out.”

Branson laughed, “She’s got to really like you to come put up with this circus.”

Cullen rubbed his neck, “Yeah?”

Bran smiled, “She seems nice. Also, I may have let it slip that  we all knew that you were bringing her, so your sister probably is going to kill you before you go back home.”

Cullen leveled an exasperated glance at his brother, but a yawning figure emerged from the door down the hall, “Which sister?”

“Definitely not the one that hasn’t even said hello yet,” Bran crossed his arms. 

Rosie smiled sweetly at him before giving Cullen a side hug, “Hey there, favorite brother.”

“Oh don’t lie to the poor man,” Bran said, “Mia is already going to kill him for not telling her about bringing Mara.”

Rosie’s face lit up, “So you really did?”

“Mia is interrogating her in the kitchen now,” Cullen replied. 

Rosie pushed away from him and began rushing down the hall. Bran looked mortally offended as she rushed away and called, “Yeah don’t worry, just don’t even say hi before you leave.”

Rosie peeked her head around the corner and stuck her tongue out, “I saw you two weeks ago. Cullen brought his girlfriend, way more important.”

Cullen laughed as she disappeared, earning a shove from his brother. Cullen and Bran stayed with the kids, keeping them entertained. Cullen was stretched out on the ground with Henry pushing cars around a carpeted race track when Rosie came in. 

She grinned as she asked, “Who wants to go sledding?”

***

Half an hour later the kids were all properly attired and straining at the front door of the house to go. Cullen glanced to Mara, whose attention had been pretty well commanded by Rosie since Mia and Bran had kids to get ready. Cullen had even grabbed Mara’s coat, hat and gloves so that she didn’t have to leave the conversation at all. He wasn’t sure if she wanted a reprieve or not, but she seemed happy enough to chat with Rosie. 

Branson pulled his coat on before walking to the door, “Are we ready?”

All three kids rushed out, grabbing sleds that were tucked in by the garage. Henry trailed after his older cousins, trying to keep up. Bran was already helping Clara and Liam with their sleds so Cullen scooped up Henry and the sled he was much to small to carry on his own. 

“Come on, Henry,” Cullen whispered into his ear, “Let’s beat them to the hill.”

Henry giggled, “Okay Uncle Cull!”

It was lightly snowing, and perhaps it may have just been the breeze blowing flakes from the roof of the house, but as he rushed up the hill on the far side of the yard. The giant willow tree stood at the top of the hill, branches iced over and covered in snow. Branson pulled Clara and Liam’s sleds up the hill while Mara and Rosie followed slowly, their bright colored coats catching the snowflakes as they buried their gloved hands into their pockets. 

“Let’s get you set up,” Cullen said to Henry, helping the heavily bundled child on the sled. 

“Give me a big push, Uncle Cull,” Henry said, voice very serious as he held tightly to the worn rope. The sleds were just as Cullen remembered them. His father had carefully crafted each one of them one year for Satinalia. He wondered if he’d be happy to know his grandchildren were still using them. 

“Okay,” he pulled the sled back and forth dramatically as he counted down before pushing Henry down the hill. 

He giggled the entire way, the sled curved to the right before it wobbled and tipped, sending Henry into the snow. Branson laughed and shook his head, but Henry popped up, picking up the rope and pulling the sled up the hill. 

Clara and Liam were racing, using their legs for propulsion as Bran counted down for them and Henry trudged up the side of the hill. Mia emerged from the house, gloves in hand and came to join them. 

Rosie went to meet Henry, offering him a high-five for his first sled performance, and so Cullen took advantage of the moment to check in on Mara. He wrapped an arm around her waist as he approached her, “Everything okay?”

She nodded, a teasing smile on her lips, “Oh yes. I didn’t quite realize just how cute it would be to see you be Uncle Cull.”

He chuckled, “My sisters aren’t overwhelming you are they? They can be a little much.”

“They’re wonderful,” Mara said, “Really.”

He grinned as he kissed her briefly on the lips, “I’m so glad you came.” 

“Me too,” her cheeks were flushed from the cold as she replied, leaning a little more into his arms. 

Then something wet and cold exploded against his neck. 

“Ew, kissing spreads cooties!” Branson called before chucking another snowball. 

Cullen managed to dodge that one, pulling a giggling Mara along with him out of the way, but he wasn’t fast enough for the one that Rosie lobbed his way. Mara escaped his grasp, picking up a snowball of her own to send Branson’s way, or so he thought. 

The second he turned his back to her she leveled the snowball right at him, splattering right on the back of his neck so that snow ran down his back, freezing cold and terrible. He rounded on her, chasing her down. She squealed as she dodged him, rushing towards Rosie and Bran. But it was Mia that joined his side, tossing snowballs towards Rosie, Bran and Mara. 

He wasn’t sure he remembered the last time he’d laughed so hard. He tossed and dodged snowballs while chasing his siblings around the yard, until he finally managed to get a hold of Mara. He tackled her to the ground, laughing so hard his lungs ached from the cold air. She fought him the whole way down shoving handfuls of snow at him, but she was laughing too. 

Maker, he loved this woman. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this update being a little late. I explained why over on tumblr, but just suffice it to say that this week was a rather long one. I'm still not quite sure about our update for this week since Thursday is Thanksgiving, but I plan to update by Sunday for sure. Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear what you think!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satinalia celebrations continue with lots of Rutherford family traditions.

They were still playing in the snow when a truck pulled into the driveway and a man got out of the car, groceries in hand. Mara assumed it had to be Mia’s husband Matthew. He was tall, his dark brown hair cut short, and he was in a dark blue down coat. 

“Look at all of you, you’re soaked,” he called up the hill. 

Mia responded by chucking a snowball at him. 

It flew a little to the left, but Matthew laughed, setting the groceries down and running up the hill to towards his wife. Mia immediately started running, hiding behind her brothers as Matthew chased after her. He managed to tackle her down into the snow and the kids joined in, creating a flurry of snow. 

Mara watched Cullen as he looked on at his family, laughing with them. She’d never seen him quite like that, so carefree and happy there on the top of that hill. She couldn’t help but think that this was the way things were supposed to be for him. 

He must have noticed her watching him because he looked to her and raised an eyebrow in askance. She simply shrugged and smiled. Matthew and Mia were up then and Matthew was walking towards her. 

“Mia says you’re here with Cullen,” he smiled and offering his hand, “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Matthew.”

Mara pulled off her snow encrusted knit glove, “It’s nice to meet you too.”

She kept trying not to feel too awkwardly out of place with this family, but she wasn’t finding herself very successful. They were all so welcoming, but it was hard not to feel as if she was the only person there that wasn’t part of the family. 

Mia had gathered up the kids and was attempting to herd them inside. Matthew glanced behind him, “I think if those groceries ended up wet Mia is going to be very annoyed with me.”

Cullen grinned, “Oh probably. And we should get inside and get dry.”

Mara shivered in response, her wet clothes making her even colder, “Yeah, I wonder who I have to blame for that.”

Cullen smiled, “Maybe you shouldn’t fall in the snow so much.”

She gave him a shove that did basically nothing, but Matthew chuckled, “Really glad you’re spending the holiday with us, Mara.”

“Come on, I’ll show you where our room is,” Cullen took her hand and led her back inside. 

It was so much warmer as soon as they walked back into the house and Mara found herself sighing as she stomped the snow off of her boots. Cullen looked at her with mild concern, “I didn’t realize you were that cold.”

“I am not used to these Ferelden winters,” she admitted. She wasn’t, she’d spent the last few winters in the Marches, which had much more temperate winters. 

“We’ll get you in warm clothes and put you by the fire then,” Cullen said. 

Their room was downstairs, just off a hallway that led from the stairs behind the dining area. And when Cullen opened the door she couldn’t help but suppress a laugh. Against one wall was a twin bed, and along the other was a small air mattress on the floor. There was a small closet, and a sewing table with an ancient looking sewing machine atop it. This room was clearly used as something else entirely when Mia and Matthew didn’t have guests. 

Cullen rubbed his neck, “Um, Mia definitely expected me to bring Dorian or something again.”

She laughed, “Clearly.”

“Sorry, I thought you could take the bed,” Cullen said. 

“No apology necessary,” she replied as she walked over to the bed, “I don’t like you enough to share a bed anyway.”

Cullen wound his arms around her waist, “Oh yeah?”

“Yep.”

He kissed her neck, his warm breath against the cool skin made her shudder, “I don’t believe that for a second.” He’d somehow already managed to unbutton her wet coat and was pulling her out of it. 

She laughed breathlessly, “You’re a bad person.”

He kissed along the shell of her ear, “Am I?”

His hands dipped beneath her sweater and freezing fingers landed on bare skin, she jumped away, “Shit your hands are cold.” She moved out of the circle of his arms, shooing him away. 

He didn’t look even remotely apologetic as he replied, “Sorry?”

“You did that on purpose,” Mara narrowed her eyes. 

“I didn’t think they were that cold,” Cullen replied. 

She crossed her arms, “Right.”

“We should get changed,” he said. 

“I don’t know if I trust you,” she smiled as he retreated to where his suitcase sat beside the air mattress. 

It was a bit of a misery to pull her wet clothes from her body, at least her sweater had stayed dry under her coat. Cullen stood shirtless on the other side of the room, and she had a hard time not watching him as he pulled on a dry shirt. 

“If I remember correctly you were the one who threw the first snowball at me,” he smirked, noticing her gaze, but his was looking over her body appreciatively as well. 

She considered it for a moment as she stepped into some dry pants, “No I don’t think that was the case.”

“Here I was, thinking that you had my back against Bran and then you betrayed me,” he said, still smiling as he pulled a gray sweater over his head. 

“You sort of deserved it for not telling your sister you were bringing me,” she teased. 

Cullen crossed the space between them, his eyes soft, “I’m really glad you came.”

She closed the rest of the distance, “Even when I throw snowballs at you?”

He grinned before he kissed her, “Especially then.”

***

When they arrived upstairs the dining room looked just as Cullen knew that it would, covered in red and green, with food already set out. Mia had outdone herself, red plates on green chargers and small chocolate trees on each plate. Above the table a small ball of mistletoe hung from the chandelier. 

The entire room smelled like the Satinalias of his childhood, the recipes he knew were his mother’s. There was yellow wallpaper in Mia’s kitchen too, just like there had been at their home in Honnleath. He’d wanted to mention it once or twice, but had never quite found the words. 

Mara was already asking Mia how she could help, and he knew that if nothing else about Mara had won his sister over so far, that small act would. He followed after her, also offering his help. 

Mia jerked her chin to the oven, “I think there’s something in there for you.” She handed him two oven mitts which he put on before opening the oven and pulling a foil covered casserole dish out, setting it down on the waiting hot pads. 

Mia carefully pulled the foil off and one whiff told Cullen exactly what was in the dish, “You made me green bean casserole?”

Mia nodded, “Since you and Matthew are the only ones who will eat it, you better eat it all.”

Mara looked up from some rolls she was arranging on a plate, “What’s green bean casserole?”

“Something from our childhood that Cullen seems to love for unknown reasons,” Mia explained. 

“Our mom always made it for every holiday. It’s not Satinalia without green bean casserole,” Cullen said. 

“You are possibly the only person who feels that way, but it’s all yours, brother,” Mia shook her head. 

Mara placed the rolls on the table, near the jam, “Family traditions are always nice.”

Mia spoke from her place at the stove, “Do you have any Satinalia traditions, Mara?”   
Mara’s face remained neutral, but there was a sadness in her eyes that Cullen only saw when she talked about her parents. She tugged at her sweater sleeve, “Not really. It was alway the usual stuff, putting up the tree, going to see lights, a big meal.”

“Oh that’s something we haven’t done, gone and seen the lights. We could do that tomorrow for Satinalia,” Mia offered. 

“The one’s downtown?” Cullen asked. 

Mia nodded, “Yeah, we haven’t made it yet this year for some reason, they supposedly have this huge tree they’ve lit and everything.”

“That sounds lovely,” Mara replied. 

Mia smiled as she poured the pineapple sauce she’d made for the ham into a dish, “I think we’re all ready to go.”

Cullen’s family crowded around the dining table, it was loud and full of laughter as they ate. They told stories and jokes that had them all laughing, and Mia shooting them dirty looks for telling them in front of the kids. Mara was mostly quiet, but Rosie sat on her other side and effortlessly engaged her in conversation, and while he was sure she felt a little out of place among his family he hadn’t been lying when he said he was glad she was there. 

He’d wanted her to meet his family for a while, but it had never really felt right to ask. But she was there, talking to his sisters and joking around with Branson. It just felt right. 

Cullen’s stomach was uncomfortably full when Mia asked, “Dessert now or later?”   
“Later,” was the collective groan from the others at the table. 

“Really Mia, I think you made enough food to feed an army, we barely made a dent,” Branson said, gesturing towards the table. 

It was true, the table hardly looked as if they’d made much progress. Well, except for the green bean casserole, which he and Matthew had eaten most of, with Mara taking a polite spoonful to try. 

“Leftovers are a thing,” Mia laughed. 

“You did great,” Matthew smiled, “Thank you.”

Branson looked to Mara, “Mara, have you ever seen A Satinalia Story?”

Matthew grinned, “It’s the best Satinalia movie ever.”

Mara shook her head, “I can’t say that I have.”

Rosie groaned, “You are not going to make her watch that movie.”

“‘You’ll shoot your eye out’,” Branson quoted. 

Cullen rolled his eyes, “It is a terrible movie, just tell them no.”

Matthew looked offended, “It is a Satinalia tradition, Cullen.”

“I’m still not sure why we own it, since it’s on that one t.v. network on a twenty-four hour loop every Satinalia,” Rosie shook her head. 

“We will not enter upon the movie partway through,” Branson said. 

“It would be sacrilegious,” Matthew nodded. 

“They’re not going to give up unless you agree to watch it,” Mia explained. 

The kids looked excited and Liam cheered, “Let’s watch the movie!”

Rosie sighed, “You two are the worst.”

“You all go watch, I’ll get things cleaned up,” Mia said, and the kids rushed to the living room. 

“I’ll stay and help, I’ve seen that movie enough times in my life,” Cullen said. 

Rosie leaned to Mara, “I won’t abandon you.”

Branson grinned, “You secretly want to watch the movie.”

They bickered all the way out of the dining room, and he gave Mara an encouraging look as she followed Rosie to the living room.  

“You’re sure you don’t want to watch the movie?” Mia asked, stacking up plates and carrrying them over to the sink. 

Cullen shook his head, “I won’t leave you here to clean all this up alone.”

Mia smiled, “If you’d gone Matthew would have come back.”

“I know, but he loves that stupid movie,” Cullen replied. 

“He had it on this morning before I sent him grocery shopping,” Mia said, “I don’t know why he loves it so much.”

Cullen picked up the remaining dishes, scraping them into the trash before setting them beside the sink, “Tradition or something.”

“So, Mara said that she comes to help schools that are in trouble, but when I asked she was really vague about if Skyhold was in trouble,” Mia said as she began scrubbing dishes. She was bringing it up nonchalantly, but Cullen still felt cornered. He opened the dishwasher and stood ready to receive the dishes, rubbing the back of his neck. He hadn’t told his sister any of the problems Skyhold was facing, hadn’t wanted to. 

“I put her in a bad spot then,” Cullen admitted. It had been unfair, not to tell Mara that he hadn’t been exactly forthcoming with his sister, to put her in the middle of all of this. At least Mia hadn’t pressed her for information. 

Mia frowned, “So it is in trouble.”

Cullen nodded, “It is.”

She waited for him to explain, so he did. He told her about Corypheus and how the district wanted to sell them off. He told her about what Mara had done for the school and how they’d managed to get money, but that it never seemed like enough for the district and now Adamant was in trouble too. When he finished Mia turned the running water off and turned to face him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Cullen couldn’t meet his sister’s eyes, “I didn’t want you to worry. You always worry so much.” There was a time when Mia hadn’t gone more than a few days between phone calls with him. She’d driven to Denerim more often than strictly necessary, and what was the point of telling her anyway? She couldn’t do anything about the situation, he could hardly do anything about the situation.

“You’re my brother, it’s what I do,” Mia said. 

Cullen sighed, “You know what I mean, you’ve got enough with Rosie and Bran.”

“I’ve got plenty of worry for all three of my siblings,” she replied firmly, “What happens if the school doesn’t make it?”

Cullen shrugged, “We find new jobs.”

Mia put her hands on her hips, “But you love your job at Skyhold.”

“I do, but there are a lot of schools in Denerim. We’ll figure it out if it comes to that,” he didn’t want to talk about this now, and definitely not on the holiday. 

Mia could sense he was done talking about that subject, but crossed her arms, “That doesn’t explain you not telling me about Mara, and don’t tell me you didn’t tell anyone because both Bran and Rosie knew  _ something _ .”

Cullen gripped the counter, “I wasn’t actively trying to keep it from you. Bran and Rosie only knew bits and pieces, honestly. I should have told you, I just didn’t really tell anyone anything, unless it jinxed it somehow.”

“You really care about her don’t you?” Mia asked softly. 

Cullen finally met her gaze, “Yes.”

“I know we’ve had our differences over the years, but you and I have always had each other’s backs. I just hate when you keep things from me,” Mia said throwing the washcloth in the sink. 

“I’m sorry,” Cullen said, “I will do better.”

“Come on, let’s go join them for that really stupid movie,” Mia said with a fragile smile, nudging him in the side. 

“They better be past the tongue sticking to the pole part,” Cullen sighed as he followed his sister to the living room. 

***

The movie was hilariously awful, but Mara thought that was what sort of made it charming. Cullen and Mia appeared about half-way through the movie, both looking a little solemn and she decided she’d ask about that later.  

She was tucked under a red and black bear quilt that was definitely homemade. The Satinalia tree and fireplace were the sole sources of light in the large living room. The tree was tall, fitted with bright lights and wooden ornaments. A few brightly wrapped presents sat below it. The room was clean, but it felt well-loved, lived in. Clara and Liam had piled on the leather couch on the far side of the room, pulling Rosie with them. Rosie spent most of the movie playing with Clara’s long hair, wavy, but less curly than her mother’s and aunt’s. 

Branson was spread out on the ground, a pillow under his head, and Matthew sat in one of the large chairs that flanked the entrance to the living room. Henry had surprisingly plopped down next to her on the loveseat, bringing his own blanket with him, and had been dozing since about twenty minutes in. 

Cullen joined her on the loveseat, putting an arm around her and glancing down at the sleeping Henry curled up against her side. 

“How’s the movie?” he asked her softly. 

She shook her head, and whispered, “So bad.”

Despite most of the family’s protestations, they stayed through the entire movie. As the credits rolled Mia glanced around at the kids. Liam and Clara were mostly asleep on their end of the living room, and Branson was quietly snoring, much to Rosie’s delight. 

“Time for bed I think?” Mia turned to Matthew as she leaned on the arm of his chair. 

Matthew grinned up at her, “You don’t want to watch it again?”

Mia gave him a playful shove, “No. And now you get to put your kids to bed.”

“Fine, but you get to wake up Bran,” Matthew said as he stood. 

Mia walked over to her and Cullen, “I think I’m just going to leave Bran there. I’ll put Henry in bed though.”

She picked him up, and he stirred a little before resting his head on her shoulder and falling back to sleep. Matthew was leading Clara and Liam out of the room, and Rosie was on her phone as Cullen moved closer into the space Henry had left behind. 

“Well, what’d you think?” Cullen’s eyes were sparkling with mirth. 

She smiled, “It was terrible, hilarious and terrible.”

Rosie laughed, “I did try to warn you.”

Mara nodded, “You did. But now I’ve participated in the tradition, so maybe never again?”   
Cullen shrugged, “Maybe. They watch it every year.”

“Don’t tell her that, she won’t want to come back,” Rosie joked and then yawned. 

“Do we need to take care of anything out here before we go to bed?” Cullen asked, glancing at the dying fire and the still glowing tree. 

Rosie shook her head as she stood up, stretching, “No, Matt and Mia have presents to put out. And besides, this one,” she kicked her brother lightly, “will not last all night out here.”

Cullen turned towards Mara, “Bed?”

“Yes, please,” she said. 

Rosie called her goodnight as Cullen helped her fold up the quilt. He placed it in the basket next to the couch and then they went downstairs to their room. 

Cullen flicked the light on as the entered and Mara shut the door quietly behind them, “Do I need to sneak my Satinalia gift for you up under the tree?”

Cullen smiled, “Oh, I get a Satinalia gift?”

“Probably.”

He suddenly looked rather unsure of himself as he spoke, “I had thought perhaps we could just exchange our gifts privately.”

Mara tried to lighten the mood, “Oh you got me something dirty and not family appropriate.”

His cheeks flushed, “No! It’s not that...I just…”

“Just wanted it to be a just us thing?” she asked gently, wishing she hadn’t made the joke. 

He nodded, “Yes.”

“I’d very much like that,” she smiled. 

He seemed relieved as he rubbed his neck, “Um, the bathroom is the next door on the right.”

She walked to her suitcase and grabbed her things, “Alright, I’ll be right back.”

The bathroom was small, and the cream countertops may have been original to the house, but Mara hurried through her bedtime routine. It had been a long time since she had been excited about Satinalia, and maybe it was Cullen’s niece and nephews, but part of her was really excited to see what tomorrow would bring. 

Cullen was already changed and lounging on his air mattress when she walked back into the room. 

“Are you sure you’ll be comfortable on that thing?” she asked. 

Cullen nodded, “Not the first time I’ve slept on it.”

“Dorian refused?” she asked with a smile as she put her things back in her suitcase. 

“He called it akin to sleeping on the floor,” Cullen said as he stood up. 

She laughed, “Somehow I’m not surprised.”

Cullen kissed her forehead, “I’ll be right back.”

She slid into the cold bed laughing a little at the bright purple sheets. She wished her pajamas were warmer, or that she still had that quilt from upstairs. She was thinking warm thoughts and trying not to shiver when Cullen came back in and flicked off the light. 

“Cullen?”

He approached her bed, “I know it’s too small to sleep in comfortably, but do you want to cuddle for a while?”

She could hear the smile in his voice as he replied, “Of course.”

She scooted as close to the wall as she could as he climbed into the small bed next to her. His body was warm as she lay her head on his chest. 

“Maker, you’re cold. Did you just ask me to cuddle so I could warm up the bed for you?” he asked. 

She snuggled against him, “You discovered my evil plan.”

“Your toes touch me and I’m gone,” he threatened, but there was a playful lilt to his voice. 

“Deal,” she said around a yawn. 

She felt Cullen press a kiss to her hair, and then she drifted off to sleep, warm and content. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update, as promised! I'm very much hoping that I can get back to our usual Thursday post schedule this week. I already have a really clear vision for the next chapter so that helps. I'm really excited to hear what you folks thought! Thanks so much for reading!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Satinalia brings both good and difficult things for Mara.

Cullen awoke to the crunch of the air mattress under him as he shifted. He’d crept back to his bed after Mara had fallen asleep curled up against him. He’d contemplated attempting to stay on the tiny twin bed with her, but in the end comfort had won out and he had done his best not to wake her as he left. 

The small window above him let soft gray light in, and if he had to guess it was still pretty early. The kids hadn’t woken them up yet either, so that was also a good sign that they were still asleep. Mia had told them they were not allowed to wake the adults in the house before seven. That was nice for everyone else, but Cullen was too used to waking up early to ever truly sleep in. 

It seemed that Mara was awake too by the sounds of shifting coming from her side of the room. He rolled over and whispered, “Mara?”

“I didn’t wake you did I?” came the groaned response from her side. 

“No,” he glanced at his phone it was just past 6:30, “I blame my chosen vocation for that.”

“Seriously, teaching has broken me,” Mara sighed. 

He moved to the side of her bed and smiled, “Happy Satinalia.”

Mara, bed head and all grinned back, “Happy Satinalia.”

“You know, the kids aren’t allowed to be up yet. We probably have enough time to exchange our gifts,” he said sitting down on the edge of the bed. 

Mara’s eyes were bright, “I’m very excited for you to open yours.”

“Same, shall we?” he asked. 

Mara nodded and threw her blankets to the side as she went to dig through her suitcase. Cullen did the same, pulling out the blue wrapped present. It was a little clumsily wrapped, but all in all he thought he’d done alright. 

Mara’s gift was in a somewhat smashed bag, crinkled tissue paper sticking out in a red fan. She seemed to be trying to make it look less like it’d traveled in a suitcase, but he didn’t care. 

“Sorry, it wasn’t something that would really wrap well,” she said sheepishly. 

He shrugged, “As long as you don’t judge my wrapping job, I won’t judge yours.”

She smiled, “Deal.”

He joined her on the bed, facing her and passed the gift he held in his hands, “You first.”

She took the package from him and asked with a smile, “Why not you?”

“Because I’ve been excited about this since I found it, and I can’t wait another minute,” he replied. It was true, he’d almost given it to her the same day he found it in his excitement. Instead he’d hidden it in back of his closet and waited. 

Mara eyed him suspiciously, “What is it then?”

“Open it.”

She did, unwrapping the present while keeping most of the wrapping paper intact, and then slid it out of the brown paper that had protected it. The cover of the book was a watercolor of a bridge over a river, framed by two trees. 

Mara’s face moved from curiosity to shock very quickly, “This is a first edition of  _ A Moveable Feast _ .”

He nodded, “It is.”

She clutched the book to her chest, “How?”

He smiled, “There’s a little bookshop in downtown Denerim, apparently the owner has some connections back in Ketchum, and has access to some rare Hemingway books. I know it’s not your very favorite, but I couldn’t find a Gatsby.”

“That’s because they go for like over a hundred thousand dollars,” she pulled the book out, running her fingers over the pages. 

“Well that explains it,” he replied with a chuckle, “I’d need a more lucrative job for that.”

“This chronicles his time in Paris with his first wife, Hadley. It was published posthumously and edited by his fourth wife, but they released an edition much later that was more how his sons thought he would have wanted it. It’s….” then she seemed to realize that she was giving an English lecture and threw her arms around his neck, “Thank you, Cullen.”

He hugged her back, “I’m glad you like it.”

“You should have gone first,” she said. 

“Why?”

She pulled back and said dejectedly, “Because mine is going to be so lame in comparison.”

“I doubt that,” he said. 

She pushed his gift towards him, “Well, find out for yourself.”

He pulled at the tissue paper, and peered inside the bag. Inside was a large mesh bag and as he pulled it out he thought he recognized the complicated looking belts and straps inside it. 

“I thought that we should start accumulating some of your own climbing gear if we were going to make it a habit of going,” Mara said. 

The ease with which she said ‘we’, and was already making plans for the future was almost a better gift than the harness itself. 

“I love it,” he said, words thick in his throat.

Mara looked relieved, and concerned, “Really?”

“Definitely, and I think next we should find me some shoes so I don’t have to rent gross ones anymore,” he said. 

Mara laughed, “Done.”

He set the gift aside moved closer to her, resting a hand on her cheek before kissing her gently. He smiled against her lips, “This is the best Satinalia ever.”

She pulled back with a raised eyebrow, “Ever?”

“Well, maybe not ever, but you were never going to top the year dad made us sleds,” he joked, “but it’s a close second.”

She slid into his lap, straddling his waist, “The day is just beginning you know.”

He chuckled as she nipped along his jaw, “Perhaps I should reserve judgment?”

She rolled her hips against him, “Yes.”

He’d just captured her lips in time to hear a quiet knock on the door and a whispered, “Uncle Cull.”

Mara practically leapt from his arms and he gave her an apologetic look as walked to the door to find Clara, Liam, and Henry all waiting, looking like they’d been up for hours. 

“Are you and Mara awake?” Liam asked, nearly bouncing. 

Cullen nodded and leaned against the door frame, “We are. Why? Are you wanting to open presents or something?”

Henry was already rushing towards the stairs, “Presents!”

Mara was behind him at the door, finger combing through her hair, “You heard Henry, we better go.”

Clara and Liam were then clambering after him. Cullen pulled Mara against him and whispered in her ear, “Later.”

She smirked at him, “Yeah we’ll see.”

Then they went upstairs together. 

***

The second they crested the stairs Mia pressed mugs of coffee into their hands and gave them both an apology. Cullen didn’t really mind the early hour, but Rosie looked like she’d had to be raised from the dead. She was nursing her cup and staring at the Christmas tree without really looking at it. 

Branson looked nearly as excited as the kids, videoing them around the tree on his phone. Mia already had food in the oven, and Matthew was holding a camera and a trash bag, ready for the present opening to begin. 

And begin it did. 

The kids patiently took turns while they took turns opening presents, and the black trash bag for wrapping paper steadily grew fuller and fuller. There were some presents for the adults too. Mia received a beautiful watch from Matthew, while Branson received some sort of tool Cullen didn’t know what the use was, and Rosie received a new camera bag. And Cullen received some new sweaters that Mia had picked out.

After a cup and a half of coffee, Rosie was functioning and found a small present under the tree and handed it to Mara. Cullen had felt a little bad, opening his few gifts and her having nothing. Wondering if he should have given her his gift now instead of earlier. But he’d wanted that moment alone with her. 

“From all of us, except Cullen,” Rosie smiled and handed Mara the box. 

Mara looked a little surprised, but thanked her and carefully opened the gift. It was a colorful mug with writing on it, and Mara smiled widely as she looked at it. 

“They’re first lines of books. ‘ All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way ’. That’s  _ Anna Karenina _ . And ‘It was a pleasure to burn’,  _ Fahrenheit 451 _ . Wow, this is perfect,” Mara said look up to his siblings, “Thank you so much.”

“Well we knew you were an English teacher, so figured it would be a pretty safe bet,” Branson said from where he was sprawled out with Henry, playing with one of his presents. 

“Definitely right up my alley,” Mara said. 

Mara noticed him trying to read the lines and passed him the mug, “How many of those do you think you’ll know?”

“Oh I didn’t realize I was getting a pop quiz on Satinalia,” he replied turning the mug over in his hands. 

Rosie laughed, “Now I’m actually curious.”

Cullen rolled his eyes, “‘In my younger and more vulnerable years’, that’s Gatsby.”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t at least know that one,” Mara teased. 

“I’ve only heard the audiobook and you lecturing about it for the past month,” Cullen quipped. 

Mia saved him from possible humiliation as she glanced around at the kids, all preoccupied with their new toys, “Well, breakfast should be ready, who’s hungry?”

They each made their way around piles of gifts towards the dining room, when Mara’s phone rang. And Mara looked to him, “Sorry, it’s my aunt.”

“You should take it,” he said. He knew things were less than ideal with her aunt, and he definitely didn’t want her ignoring the call to add to that. 

“I’ll just go down to the room, it shouldn’t take long,” and he watched her disappear, face looking strained as she walked downstairs.   
***

“Aunt Deshanna,” she answered as she hurried down the stairs. 

Her aunt’s terse voice came over the line, “Hope I’m not calling too early.”

Mara ran a hand through her hair, “No, I’ve been up for almost an hour and a half. I’m staying with some friends in South Reach, and they have kids.”

“Oh,” Deshanna said, “that’s nice.”

Mara felt that familiar guilt that talking to her aunt so commonly evoked, “It was all sort of last minute, but it has been nice. How are you?”   
“The same as ever. Things are pretty quiet around here, you know that,” Deshanna said. Between the lines Mara knew that Deshanna was disappointed that she’d gone somewhere and that it hadn’t been Wycome. She’d never invited her, would have probably act put upon if Mara had visited. The whole thing felt too complicated for that morning.  

“Good quiet I hope,” Mara said.  

Deshanna ignored the remark, “I was hoping you were going to come up here in a few months. It’ll be ten years in Drakonis.” 

Ten whole years since her parents had died. What a cheery subject on Satinalia. “I’ll see what I can do, but you know with school it’s hard to get away if it’s not near a break,” Mara replied. 

Deshanna’s voice was tight, “It’s what you’re supposed to do you know, honor their memory, or have you forgotten everything they tried to teach you?”

Not even ten minutes into this conversation and she was already being reminded of what a heaping pile of disappointment she was. 

“I’ll do my best to be there,” she said. 

Deshanna must have been appeased because she asked, “So how is the new school?”

“It’s a school,” she replied. 

“In trouble like the last one?”

“They all sort of are, it’s sort of what I’m good at.” The only thing she was really good at, honestly. She changed the subject, “You’re not alone today are you?”  

“No, your cousin Greg and his family are coming over. It’s that sort of holiday,” Deshanna said. There it was, that passive aggressive dig at her. She supposed that she should have thought about making more of an effort, but at least Greg would be there.

Greg was her mother’s brother’s son; he’d stuck around Wycome gotten married and settled down in a Dalish community. He was exactly what Mara was supposed to have been. Instead she’d packed up and left at the first opportunity. 

“Oh good,” Mara said, unsure what else to say about it. She considered apologizing, but their relationship was a two way street. If Deshanna had wanted her there, she could have invited her at any point in the last few years. Mara wondered if their relationship would ever recover from the hell she’d put Deshanna through when she was younger. She’d at least apologized for that. Too many times to count.  

“I got the package you sent, the candles are lovely. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Mara shuffled from foot to foot.

“You’re not home, but there should be a package waiting for you,” Deshanna replied. 

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s Satinalia,” Deshanna said as if that was explanation enough. 

“Still, that was nice,” Mara said. 

Deshanna sighed, “You sound good.”

Mara took a deep breath, “I am good.”

“You’re seeing someone,” it wasn’t a question. 

“Actually, yeah. I’m at his sister’s house for the holiday,” Mara explained. 

Deshanna paused, “I’ll let you get back to those festivities. When we talk on First Day you can give me all the details.”

“Yeah, or I could call you before then, we’ll be home in a few days,” Mara said. 

“Whatever you want,” Deshanna said. 

Mara leaned against the wall, “It was good to talk to you.”

“Happy Satinalia.”

“Happy Satinalia, Aunt Deshanna,” she replied. 

“I’ll talk to you soon,” Deshanna said by way of goodbye. 

Mara nodded, though she couldn’t see, “I look forward to it.” 

Then her phone beeped that the call had ended. 

She took just a moment to be frustrated at the state of things, to wish that it was easier to talk to her aunt, to please her. And then she threw her phone on her bed and went back upstairs. 

***

Mara tracked back upstairs and tried to forget the phone call with her aunt. It had been pretty easy, she’d spent the day playing games with everyone and then working on a puzzle Rosalie had been gifted. None of them had showered or gotten ready until long after lunch. As the sun set Mia had suggested that they all pack into the cars and drive into downtown South Reach to see the Satinalia lights. She and Cullen had ridden with Branson and Henry, while Rosie rode with Matthew, Mia, and their kids.

It was lightly snowing as they pulled into the parking lot which was basically empty. The park was glowing though. The trees sparkled in reds, blues, greens, purples, and yellows. Each tree had to have thousands of lights strung along it, the entirety of each tree was lit. 

But in the middle of the park, as if ablaze with white fire, stood a lone willow tree. 

Mara got out of the car with the rest of the Rutherfords, helping Branson with letting Henry out of his car seat. Clara and Liam were already pulling Rosie along through the lights, pointing out their favorites. Mia and Matthew followed them, arm in arm, meandering slowly through the snow. 

Henry stared off at his cousin’s with longing, so Cullen picked him up and set him on his shoulders and followed the others with a grin. It left her and Branson to follow the rest of the group. 

“It’s not often I’m left kidless,” Branson said as he looked after his family, gesturing Mara to lead the way. 

“His mother isn’t involved?” she asked, hoping she wasn’t prying to much. Cullen hadn’t mentioned much about Branson or about Henry’s mother. 

Branson laughed darkly, “No. Not at all.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. She didn’t know what else to say. 

He shrugged, “Old news. She took off when Henry was two months old, she was just done. I get it, Henry wasn’t exactly planned, but I thought we’d make it work. She just didn’t want to.”

“Wow, that has to be hard,” Mara said, burying her hands in her pockets. 

“It is sometimes, but he’s my son. And when she took off Mia helped me make sure that I had sole custody, so that she couldn’t come back demanding to be in his life. I can make those choices for him until he’s old enough to decide for himself,” Branson said.

“That’s probably wise.”

“Cull said you were on the phone with your aunt earlier?” he asked. 

She kicked an errant snow chunk, “Yeah, I was.”

“Strained relationship?”

Mara stared off at a purple tree, “That’s one way to put it. She took me in when my parents died and I wasn’t very good to her my senior year of high school. When I moved out things got better, but it never seems like I can make her happy, you know?”

“I’m sorry, but what teenager doesn’t give their guardians a rough time in high school? I thought Mia and my dad were going to kill me before I graduated,” Bran joked. 

She nodded, “That’s true. Mia seems a little...overprotective.”   
Branson was quiet for a moment as if considering what to say, “She’s not without her reasons. Especially when it comes to Cullen.”

She looked at him, “What do you mean?”

He sighed, “When he first moved to Denerim and bought that house, that was a really scary time. It was before Henry was born so I went and stayed with Cullen and helped him fix the place up. It needed a ton of work, so I was there for a few weeks. Cul was barely eating, wasn’t sleeping. He just wasn’t himself. I was glad I was there, to keep an eye on him. I even told Mia what was up, and when she drove out to see the progress on the house, I knew she was really checking on him.”

He sidestepped some ice and continued, “When he began teaching it got better, he loves it, and that gave him a reason to sort of keep going. But Mara, you need to understand something, the Cullen I’ve seen over the course of this trip is one I haven’t seen since mom died.”

“What?” she stopped walking. 

Branson took a deep breath, “When Cullen came back from Kirkwall he was a ghost of himself, barely surviving. He’s gotten better, more himself of the past few years, but not quite like this. He’s happy. He’s laughing. I can’t tell you the last time it’s been this way. And I think we have you to thank for that.”

His words settled heavy over her, and she remembered that first trip to Cullen’s home when he had the migraine. How little food there had been in the house. She remembered how when they’d first met he’d seemed like he hated her, how smiles from him were so rare. Had he truly been that unhappy all this time?

Bran seemed to notice where her thoughts were going, “Hey, I’m not saying it’s all you. Don’t get a big head or anything.”

She chuckled, breath puffing out in front of her face, “Don’t worry.”

“I didn’t mean to bring all the heavy, I just wanted you to know,” Bran said as they continued walking, to catch up to the family. 

“It’s nice to know that things are better, he makes things better for me too,” Mara admitted. 

“Because he drags you out to South Reach to spend Satinalia with his crazy family?” Bran asked, grinning. 

“I like your family,” she said. 

“We sort of like you too.”

“Well, as long as it’s mutual,” she joked. 

Branson laughed, “That’s usually important.”

Henry had clambered down from Cullen’s shoulders, looking out at the blazing willow tree, “Dad, come on!”

Branson hurried to catch-up, picking Henry up and making their way to the tree with Clara, Liam, and Rosie. Cullen stood at the entrance of a small bridge over a creek, waiting for her. 

“Sorry to leave you with Bran,” he said quietly. 

She wrapped an arm around his middle and led them across the bridge, “It was nice, we had a good chat.”

Cullen wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Did he tell you embarrassing stories about me or something?”

She nodded, “Mmhmm.”

Cullen’s eye narrowed, “What did he tell you?”

“Oh no, not saying now. I’m going to whip out the most embarrassing stories when you least expect them, like in front of your students or something,” she said. 

“You’re the worst,” Cullen grumbled. 

She gave his side a squeeze that sent him squirming, “And don’t forget it.”

They were under the tree by then, it was so bright that it hurt to look at. The trunk was set off by a fence so that they weren’t able to get too close, but the sight was breathtaking. It illuminated the whole area around it, making every other tree in the park pale in comparison. 

“Wow,” she whispered, as if speaking loudly might not be okay in the presence of something so awe-inspiring.

Cullen smiled down at her, “They do this every year, weird local tradition.”

“That’s got to take forever,” she said, looking at him too. Looking directly at the tree itself for too long hurt. 

“And yet they keep doing it every year,” he said, “I thought you might like this.”

“I love it,” she said. 

Cullen kissed her hair, “Good.”

“Hey you two, look over here so I can get your picture,” Mia called, she’d taken off her gloves and her smartphone was held out in front of her. 

Mara could have sworn she heard Cullen groan, but turned anyway. Mara smiled, still with an arm around Cullen while Mia took several pictures, then satisfied turned her attention to Bran and Henry. 

“Sorry,” Cullen whispered in her ear. 

“I’m going to want her to send that to me,” she said. 

“If you insist,” Cullen said, but he was smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't really matter if it's canon or one of the AUs, Mara and Branson are always going to be besties. At least it's now December for the holiday fluff! I hope you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear from you!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satinalia winds down and Cullen and Mara prepare to return to Denerim.

There was Satinalia music playing in the car on the way back to Mia’s house. A quiet cello that seemed to capture the tone as the holiday wound down. Henry was asleep in his car seat, head twisted to one side. It didn’t look even sort of comfortable, and Cullen wondered how he managed to sleep like that at all. 

Mara and Branson were in the front seat, chatting quietly and joking around. Mara got along with everyone in his family, but there was something natural in the ease that she and Branson had together. He found himself a little jealous, it had never been that easy for he and Bran. 

The lights on the houses and in the yards glowed and sparkled amongst the untouched snow. Satinalia, already over. Cullen had a hard time believing that the year had flown by so quickly, that the school year was practically halfway done. Another year passing by. He often felt some degree of guilt at that realization, as if he hadn’t accomplished enough that year. But this year, there was none of that familiar shame. Instead, he felt absolutely content. 

Mia’s house came into view, cheerily glowing in the dark night from the top of the driveway. Cullen smiled at the view, at the feel of home he now associated with it. It hadn’t always been that way, but Mia had worked hard to create a central place for all of them to return to. And even though his home in Denerim would always truly be home, he felt at home here too. He got out of the car, meeting the falling snow, soft as a whisper, cascading around him.    
Mara stood next to him, “It’d be prettier if it wasn’t so damn cold.”

He chuckled, “But quite a bit more like rain than snow.”

She shrugged, “Yeah, but at least we’d be warmer.”

He wrapped an arm around her, “Have you had a good Satinalia?”

He followed Mara’s gaze as she watched Mia and Matthew lead Clara and Liam into the house and Rosie and Bran fussing over a stirring Henry. She buried her hands in her pockets as she looked on, and he wondered what it was she was seeing. 

Mara smiled softly before turning back to him, snowflakes catching in her eyelashes and hair, “The best.”

He was surprised, and it must have shown on his face because she leaned against him, “Yes, as cheesy as it is. It has been the best Satinalia with you and your family.”

He grinned too, “It has been pretty wonderful.”

“You know what would make it better?” she said. 

He glanced down to her, “What?”

She poked his side, “If we went inside where it was warm.”

“One more thing first,” he said, and then he kissed her, slow and deep. Kissed her for every moment he’d wanted to that day, but hadn’t in front of his siblings. For every time he’d wanted to thank her for coming with him, but hadn’t wanted to be a broken record. Kissed her because it was Satinalia, and for how wonderful his life had become with her in it. 

When he pulled away Mara seemed like she might protest. He grinned, “I thought that you were cold.”

Her cheeks were bright pink, “Not if you’re going to kiss me like that.”

“We should go in before they get they get suspicious,” he said, breath puffing out in a white fog. 

Mara’s lower lip trembled with cold, but she looked a bit disappointed, “Alright.”

“I think Mia was going to make hot cocoa,” he said, leading her towards the house. 

She perked up at that, arms wrapped around herself, “That sounds lovely.”

He was right, Mia was already making hot cocoa in the warm kitchen when they walked into the house. Mara sighed at the wall of warmth that greeted them when they opened the door. 

They shed their layers, and then Mia glanced to him, “How about a chess game once I’m done here?”

It had been a while since they’d last played, but Mia made it a point to always fit in a game whenever he came to visit. He nodded, “I’d like that.”

Rosie rolled her eyes, “Mara and I will do something actually fun.”

Mara sat on the bar stool next to her, “Perfect.”

Then Mia looked to him, “Why don’t you get some mugs down?”

***

After they’d all gotten warm in the kitchen, and drunk their fill of Mia’s hot cocoa, Cullen and Mia retreated to the dining room, a chessboard between them. It felt like it had been ages since he’d played. He and Dorian had often found time on their extra prep hour when they’d both had student teachers the last spring, but since then he hadn’t found time for it. Perhaps Mara might indulge him in a game once they got back to Denerim. 

“I hope Mara hasn’t felt too awkward with us for the holiday,” Mia said as she moved her pawn. 

“I think she’s enjoyed it. Honestly, I think it’s been a long time since she celebrated with family,” Cullen explained. 

“So I take it things with her aunt aren’t great?” Mia asked, propping her chin on her hand. 

Cullen moved his own pawn, “They’re strained I think, we haven’t really gotten into it.”

“Why?” Mia moved another pawn. 

Cullen sighed, “She was so closed off when we first started seeing each other, and it’s much better now, but I haven’t wanted to get into it. Maker knows I have things to talk about too.”

Mia sat up straighter, “Wait, she doesn’t know?”

She was referring to what happened in Kirkwall...and after. Cullen stared at the board rather than meet his sister’s gaze, “Not specifics.”

Even without looking at her he knew Mia was annoyed, “You’re both idiots.”

That got him to look at her. “Why?”

“Because you can’t build a relationship without communicating with each other,” Mia said, voice rising, “You can’t just not talk about your pasts and hope that it will all be fine.”   
Cullen pulled his glasses off to rub his eyes, “We’ve been together for only two months. We talk about a lot of things. And it’s not that I’m hiding it, I just….I’m not sure how to begin that conversation. I know it needs to happen, and it will, in it’s own time.”

“Are you afraid of her knowing?” Mia asked, chess game all but abandoned.

He shook his head, “No, no. Of course not. I told her about the lyrium addiction all of that pretty early on, and she knows I was in Kirkwall and in the army. She’s smart, she’s probably put together most of it.” 

Mia crossed her arms, “That’s not the same as telling her.”

“I know, Mia,” he said, wishing that she would just drop it. Knowing she wouldn’t. It wasn’t really in her nature. 

“Do you though? And she hasn’t told you much about her past either?” Mia raised an eyebrow. 

“I know her parents died when she was in high school, in a car accident, and I’m sure she’ll tell me more when she’s ready. You and I both know that it’s hard to talk about some things,” he said firmly. 

Mia relented then with a sigh, “I know. I also know that it doesn’t get easier the longer you wait.”

“When did you tell Matthew? Not just about mom being dead, but all of it?” Cullen asked. He knew that his sister had carried a lot of regret and resentment from that time. Once he wasn’t drowning in grief, he’d been able to see that for the sacrifice it was. She’d given up her scholarship at the university she’d been attending, and worked as a waitress to pay for her part time tuition at the community college in Honnleath. All in order to take care of her siblings. And he’d left rather than stayed to help her. All of his siblings had lost their mother, but he and Mia had lost so much more with her death. 

There was an understanding between them about it, despite the fact that Cullen had left rather than stayed. Though Mia had stopped holding that against him a long time ago. 

She toyed with one of the chess pieces, “All of it? Probably as soon as we were just seeing each other.”

“So?” Cullen asked, feeling as if he knew the answer. 

“It was a few months I guess,” Mia admitted, “But you two have been just with each other from the get go haven’t you?”

Cullen had thought he’d won for a moment, but Mia wasn’t backing down, “It’s different for everyone.”

Mia sensed his defeat, “Just tell her.” 

“I will,” he promised, “I just need to find the right time.”

Mia scowled, “Make the right time.”

He took her bishop in reply.

***

Despite being exhausted, Mara struggled for sleep that night. It was more than just being tired from the day, there was still an exhaustion deep in her bones from an unrelenting school year. On top of all the usual things that came with teaching, all the planning, grading, being completely socially on with the kids all day, there was all of that stuff with Corypheus to worry about too. She thought she would have been used to it by now, her entire teaching career had centered around doing all of those extra things too. She just felt so damn tired. 

Cullen hadn’t come down yet, was still playing chess with his sister. Rosie had told her that they were likely to play for a very long time, so when Rosie had gone to bed she had too. The not sleeping was giving her time to think, perhaps too much time. About her aunt, about school, about things with Cullen.

At least everything with Cullen wasn’t a mess. It had been a long time since she’d been with someone and felt that things were going well, going somewhere.Maybe she could ask him to go with her to Wycome in the spring. Because facing her aunt, and everything back there didn’t seem quite so bad when she considered that he’d be with her. 

The door creaked, as Cullen inched quietly into the room. He seemed to be trying very hard not to wake her. She rolled over to face him, “I’m not asleep.”

He froze, and then seemed to relax, “It’s almost one a.m.”

She sighed, “I know.” Which was sort of true, she knew it was late, just hadn’t realized she’d been lying there for almost two hours.

She knew Cullen was changing from the sounds coming from his side of the room. Then she heard him approaching her bed in the darkness, “Anything I can do?”

She made space for him on the small mattress, and he climbed under the covers with her. He pulled her close, burying his face in her hair. 

“What’s up?” he whispered as he held her. 

“I’m so tired,” she said finally, “not just wanting to sleep. Just so tired of Corypheus and all of this. I just want to work and live and not worry about saving anything. I feel like I need to sleep for at least three days straight just to be a normal person again.” She felt better for having said the words, felt better being able to share them with someone. 

His arms tightened around her as she spoke, “I understand.”

“Everything just feels like it’s too much,” she said. 

He kissed her forehead, “We go back to Denerim tomorrow, and then you can rest. I think we all needed this break.”

“Even you?” she asked. He seemed so solid, so sure. He never seemed like anything was at all taxing on him. 

“Even me,” he said softly. 

Mara felt a little better with that admission, “I know that we both brought grading home with us this break with really good intentions, but let’s not even touch it.”

“We’ll be hating ourselves after First Day,” he replied, but she was sure he was grinning. 

“Undoubtedly,” she said. 

“You know what I’m excited for?” Cullen said. 

“Hmmm?” 

“To be back in Denerim where I can actually share a bed with you,” he said and planted a chaste kiss on her lips. 

She laughed, “Indeed. And other things too I hope.”

He stuttered out a response, “Um...yes, not that it isn’t nice to just...Maker’s breath.” He buried his face in her hair. 

“And here I thought we’d gotten beyond the flustering,” she teased. 

“Clearly not,” he replied with a laugh, “Though I think I’m ready to not be interrupted by my niece and nephews at every turn, I feel like I’ve gotten very little time alone with you since we arrived.”

She knew how he felt, she felt it too. She shifted in the bed, propping herself up to see him,  “There are some things I need to talk to you about. Stuff with my aunt and things like that, but not until we get home, I think.”

His eyes drifted far away as he nodded, “I have some things to talk about with you as well.”

She expected as much, that she wasn’t the only who still had stories to tell. But those things would keep until they were home, and alone, and when it wasn’t in the early hours of the morning. 

“Happy Satinalia,” she whispered as she settled back down into the bed. 

He kissed her forehead, “Happy Satinalia.”

***

Mara packed her suitcase carefully, trying to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. She darted back into the bathroom for one last check, finding her facewash still on the counter. She shook her head as she walked back to the room, where Cullen had folded the bedding from his air mattress and was trying to drain all the air from it. 

Despite being ready to go back to Denerim, she was a little reluctant to leave Mia’s house. Cullen didn’t say, but she guessed he felt the same way. She sat down on her newly made bed, next to her now fully packed suitcase. 

“We can stay another day if you want,” she said. 

Cullen held the mattress against him as he tried to get out the leftover air, “We could, but I’d like to go home.”

“Alright,” she said, toying with the zipper on her suitcase 

Cullen looked up to her, “What if we just stayed at one of our places the rest of the break?”

“Oh?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Or we could split the time between them, I don’t care,” Cullen said, a hopeful smile on his lips. 

She grinned, “Wow Rutherford, you must really like me or something. Wanting to spend all the time with me.”

He stood then, walking over to where she sat and leaned down so that he was level with her, “I thought I’d made that very obvious. Maybe when we get home you need a bit of a reminder.”

He was smirking as he spoke and now it was her turn to blush. He kissed her before she could offer up a sarcastic remark. 

“Come on, let’s go say goodbye,” he said, golden eyes soft like honey. 

She stood, picking up her suitcase, “Lead the way, Rutherford.”

All of Cullen’s siblings were upstairs, and Mia eyes fell to the suitcases with a quiet resignation. There were a lot of things that Mara wanted to ask Mia or Bran or Rosie about. Like why things like Cullen’s leaving seemed to make everyone pause a bit. Maybe that was what Cullen wanted to tell her. 

Any sadness immediately disappeared from Mia’s face as she approached Mara, “We’re so glad you came.”

Mara smiled, “I’m glad I came too, thank you for letting me be part of your celebrations.”

“You’re welcome anytime,” Matthew said from the sink where he was washing some dishes. 

“Definitely,” Mia echoed. 

Rosie pulled her into a hug, “Next time I’m in Denerim I’ll call you up.”

Mara nodded, “Please do.”

“And Cullen isn’t invited back here unless he brings you too,” Branson grinned. 

Cullen shoved his brother, “I am right here.”

Branson shrugged, “I know.”

Mara couldn’t help but laugh and Mia looked to Cullen, “Don’t forget to say bye to the kids before you leave. I think they’re in Liam’s room.”

“Probably up to no good,” Branson said. 

Rosie crossed her arms, “Well Satinalia is over, what’s the point in being good now?”

Cullen set down his suitcase, “I’ll be right back.”

Mara stayed in the kitchen with his siblings, and as soon as Cullen was out of earshot Mia looked to her, “Mara, can I give you my number?”

Matthew turned off the sink, “Mia.”

Mia looked at her husband, “Don’t ‘Mia’ me.”

“Mia, it’s not necessary,” Bran said. 

Mara looked to him, “What isn’t necessary?”

“She wants you to call her, keep her updated on things with Cullen,” Branson explained, looking annoyed. 

“Updated how?” Mara narrowed her eyes. 

“He just doesn’t call as often as I’d like, but…” Mia trailed off, as if realizing what she was asking. 

“I’ll remind him to call more often,” Mara offered, feeling as if that was at least not a betrayal of some sort. 

Bran nodded, “Good plan.”

Yes, Mara definitely needed to ask Cullen about some things. Definitely beginning with why his sister wanted her to number to keep updated on his life. Cullen reappeared, carrying Henry, who was clutching his shirt so tightly Mara almost laughed. 

“Someone wants to come to Denerim with us,” Cullen said as he entered the kitchen. 

“Oh, there aren’t any toys at our houses though,” Mara said. 

Henry didn’t release Cullen as Bran spoke, “We’ll send you with all of ours.”

Rosie reached up to Henry, “But no David at Cullen’s house.”

That actually had Henry perking up, “Can’t David come?”

Branson shook his head, “Nope, David likes our house best.”

Mara looked between the siblings, “Who’s David?”

“Bran’s mabari,” Cullen explained. 

“They’re besties,” Rosie grinned, holding Henry. 

“We’ll come back and visit soon,” Cullen promised Henry. 

Henry nodded, “Bye Cullen. Bye Mara.”

Mia smiled, “Come on, we’ll walk you out.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness folks, it's been quite the month. I apologize that this update took me so long. There are a lot of reasons for the delay, but I'm finally feeling back to where I can word again and feel good about what I'm posting. I'm hoping to get another update for this story up before Christmas, but if I don't make that deadline it'll likely be up shortly after. Then normal updates should resume in January. I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season and that you know just how grateful I am to each and every one of you. <3


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Mara return to Denerim and talk among other things. NSFW

As Denerim came into view Cullen turned to Mara, “We never decided, your place or mine?”

Mara smiled at him, “Let’s split it. First yours, then mine. That way my house has food when school starts again.”

Cullen mocked offense, “And leave me to starve? I never should have given you the choice.”

“You really shouldn’t have,” she laughed. 

“So we’ll go to your house, get your things and then go to mine,” Cullen said. She seemed to give him a look like she was judging him for planning everything out, but he turned his eyes back to the road. 

Then she softly said, “Sounds perfect.”

Denerim was covered in a blanket of snow, the same storm that had dumped on South Reach had also ensured there was plenty of snow in Denerim as well. It made the entire city look new, fresh. Cullen liked winter, he preferred the cold and the snow was always welcome. The snow always made everything feel somehow magical, everything from the rolling hills and the mountains beyond looked soft and untouched. There was something melancholy in it too, especially now that Satinalia was over. That winding down of the seasons, when lights still glow on houses and Satinalia trees still stand, looking a little purposeless without presents under the tree. 

The return to school and real life loomed in the distance, an unignorable presence in every plan and wish for the new year. Cullen loved his job, but he wasn’t sure he’d had enough time to recover from the exhaustion of the first half of the year. He reminded himself there was still time, that he still had over a week before they’d have to go back. 

He turned his car into Mara’s small apartment complex. The parking lot was mostly empty, most everyone clearly still celebrating the holiday elsewhere. The snow had been sloppily plowed, trapping the vehicles that sat parked and piled up in front of sidewalk entrances. He carried Mara’s suitcase in, sidestepping patches of ice and snow as he walked, while she unlocked the door and led them into the apartment. 

“Shit, it’s freezing in here,” Mara said, shivering. She strode to the thermostat and flicked the heat on. “Figure we should at least be warm while I get my things.”

Cullen set the suitcase down as the furnace in the apartment roared to life. Her place was always clean, but it somehow always felt empty too. In the corner of the living room she’d decorated a small tree in green and blue and gold, and he felt a little bad she hadn’t even really gotten to use it for Satinalia. 

“You should probably leave the heat running a bit while you’re gone, so the pipes don’t freeze,” Cullen called, still looking at the small tree. It was only about three feet high, but she’d still decorated it as if it was a big tree. It had a huge bow for the topper, and the ornaments glittered in the light of the room, despite the tree not being plugged in.  

She came out of her room looking concerned, “Really? They can do that?”

Cullen nodded, “I’d leave it at least 65, and then leave the taps running on a drip. Especially since your neighbors aren’t around either.” He still remembered the one winter in Honnleath when the pipes in their house had frozen, despite their best efforts to keep the place warm. The temperatures had been so cold, everything they’d done hadn’t mattered much. 

“Ferelden is the worst.”

Cullen met her in the hallway with a grin, “Why is that?”

“Because it’s too damn cold. I’ve never once had to worry about freezing pipes anywhere else,” Mara frowned tucking her hair behind her ear. 

“But you likely weren’t spending days away from your apartment at someone else’s house,” Cullen moved closer, placing his hands on her waist. 

“It’s kind of a good problem to have, don’t you think?” he asked. 

Mara’s fingers buried themselves in his sweater, green eyes bright, “A very good problem.”

He kissed her then, it was meant to be sweet, short, but once his lips met hers he found he didn’t want to stop. Mara didn’t seem to want to either, her lips traced his in familiar patterns before their tongues met. He cradled her head in his hand, holding her tightly to him. 

The last few days they’d not been able to find any time to be alone together, much less be intimate. And Cullen found that he craved her, her touch, the feel of her skin, everything. His hands fell to her ass as Mara nipped at his jaw. He hoisted her up into his arms, her legs locking around his waist as he walked them the short distance from the hallway into her bedroom. 

He lay her down on the bed gently before allowing his hands to slide up under her sweater to cup her breasts. Mara was rocking her hips against his, her cold hands snaked under his shirt to pull it off of him. He pulled back just enough to help her cast the garment away, and then peeled her shirt away. He unhooked her bra as well, so that he could finally feel her skin against skin. 

Cullen kissed down her neck before dipping into the valley between her breasts. He’d missed the easy way of things between them, how little he had to think with her. His lips pressed against her beating heart in a quick kiss before he turned his attention to her breasts. He sucked gently on one peaked nipple before using his tongue to soothe the oversensitive flesh. Mara arched under him, deft fingers having already worked at his belt. 

“Impatient,” he chuckled as he rubbed his stubbled cheek against one of her breasts. 

Mara’s breath caught and then she scowled at him, “Three days at your sister’s with constant interruptions and your niece and nephews underfoot, you tell me you’re not a little impatient.”

His hands swept along the curve of her hip as he placed a kiss along her ribs, “A little.”

She’d managed to get a hand between them and stroked along his rapidly hardening length, “Just a little?”

He sucked in a breath, “Maker’s breath, when you do that…”

Cullen silenced her breathless laugh by capturing her lips with his own. Her lips were soft and pliant under his, and she held him tightly against her body. Kissing Mara was a quiet sort of perfection, it was an answer to every question he’d been afraid to ask. 

Her fingers were no longer quite as chilled as they mapped their way across the skin of his back. It was as if she was trying to memorize every bit of it. He swept his thumb against her cheek, but when she drug her nails down his shoulder blades, it was his undoing. 

Cullen broke away from her, impatience finally winning out. He made quick work of the rest of her clothing, tossing them away before bending back down to kiss her. But Mara gave him a small push and smirked as she slid out of the circle of his arms. 

“I’ll be right back,” she winked.

Cullen didn’t waste any time taking his own jeans off or placing his glasses on the nightstand as Mara walked to her dresser and came back with a familiar foil packet between her fingers. She pressed onto her tiptoes to kiss him, her entire body pressed up against his. She must know what she did to him, how absolutely greedy she made him. He raked his fingers against the smooth skin of her back as he kissed her, losing himself completely in every breathless touch. She took a step forward, pushing him back towards the bed and he complied, sitting on the edge. He reached to take the packet from her fingers, but she held it out of reach. 

She kissed along his jaw, “Let me.”

His hands spread out along her waist, “Okay.”

Mara stroked him before rolling the condom onto him, he may have groaned at the contact or at the anticipation, he wasn’t sure what. She held tightly to his shoulders as she moved into his lap, and sunk down onto him in one swift, perfect movement. He groaned as every thought flew out of his mind. 

He went to kiss her, only to find himself with a mouthful of hair. He pulled back and Mara seemed to realize why since she was brushing off her lips as well. He was working to remove the hair, but was so far unsuccessful he could still feel the faint tickling when he moved. 

“Sorry,” she chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ear, “Should have pulled it up or something.”

She found the offending strand, caught in his stubble, but he smirked, “It wasn’t like you’d planned this when we stopped here.”

She rolled her hips with a smile, “Did you?”

“No, can’t say I’m complaining about the present state of things though,” he replied, kissing her chin.  

Then she rocked again, and it was all he could do to hold onto her, move with her. She was exquisite, her fingers gentle but still demanding as they traced his jaw, slipped into his hair. He suckled her breasts as her head fell back, and then reached a hand between them, circling his thumb where they were joined until she fell apart, his name on her lips. Once she was limp and breathless in his arms he held her tightly around her waist and flipped them. 

Mischief was bright in her eyes as he gazed down at her, and so he thrust his hips into hers, quick and fast. Her eyes fell shut as she quietly sighed. He’d kept his arm around her waist, clutching her to him, chasing his own end. He heard his name again, and he kissed her as he came, riding out the last few thrusts of his hips against her. 

He rested his head against her sweat slicked shoulder, catching his breath against the thundering of their heartbeats. He reluctantly put some space between them, propping himself up on his forearm to look down at her. Her eyes were a little glazed, but she was smiling. 

“Well now, I need to go with you to your sister’s more often if that’s what happens when we come home,” she teased. 

He chuckled, “I didn’t realize pent up sexual tension was your thing.”

She laughed out loud, “Apparently it is. Especially when you take into account the night of the ball.”

He brushed his nose against hers, “We’ll think of other ways to create that without staying at my sister’s for three days or going to fancy parties.”

“Deal.”

He kissed her before pulling out and standing up, he coaxed her under the blankets on her now disheveled bed before going to clean up. When he returned she was curled up under the covers, looking as if she might fall asleep. He smiled and slid in behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist. He pressed a kiss to her hair, and she cuddled closer to him.  

***

Mara awoke slowly, and then realizing she’d been asleep groaned, “Oh no. How long did we sleep?”

Cullen stirred next to her, “Hmmm?”

She shoved him, “We slept.”

“So?” he asked, voice filled with borderline annoyance. 

“I don’t want to waste all of our Christmas break by sleeping!” 

His hand cupped her breast and pulled her more tightly against his body, “I am naked in bed with you, nothing about my break is being wasted.” He gave her breast a light squeeze as if to emphasize his point. 

She chuckled, a little taken aback at his brazenness. She sighed, “Alright then, but we at least have to talk today, to ensure it’s not a total waste.”

“I thought we were pretty good at the not talking bits today,” Cullen breathed against her ear, hand drifting tauntingly low. 

She gripped his hand, stopping its descent, “How about none of that until we talk about things.”

Cullen laced his fingers were hers a tinge of reluctance in his voice, “You’re sure?” 

“No?” she laughed, “We need something to motivate us.”

“So…” Cullen sat up quickly, blankets gathered at his waist and she fought the urge to laugh. He sat, earnestly looking to her. His eagerness to talk was clearly more of an eagerness to move on to other things as he raised his eyebrows at her in question. So she followed suit, pulling the throw from the end of the bed and wrapping it around herself the cooler air outside the blankets making her skin pucker into goosebumps. This was not quite how she had envisioned this conversation happening, but she supposed there was no time like the present. 

“My aunt wants me to come to Wycome in the spring. It’ll be ten years,” she said, holding his gaze. 

Cullen watched her for a moment, “You don’t want to go?”

She shook her head, “Not particularly, no. I never really understood the whole gravesite thing. It doesn’t matter where their bodies are buried, they’re gone.” They’d been gone since the car skidded off the road, she wasn’t sure why Deshanna didn’t see that. 

Cullen nodded, “I understand. Mia has the same idea, drags us all to Honnleath at least once a year.”

“But my aunt expects me to be there and things have been so hard I just...I don’t want to make things more difficult,” she explained. She really didn’t want to make things worse. Wanted to make her aunt happy for once, instead of being the colossal disappointment to her that she was. 

“So you should go,” Cullen said, fingers running idly up her exposed forearm. 

She watched the way his fingers touched her skin, so gently, reverently even, and made up her mind. “Will you come with me?”

He looked up at her with surprise, “You want me to come?”

“I think I could bear it all if you were with me,” she said. She meant it.  

“I’d look for a few ways to make it more than just bearable,” he smirked, leaning in to kiss her. 

She playfully pushed him away, “Nope, we agreed. Not until we were done talking.”

Cullen did his best to look offended, but it was mostly just funny. Mara found herself laughing at the whole thing, and Cullen joined her, voice a deep rumble in her small room. 

“Fine,” he said, “Are things just hard with your aunt because of what happened when you ran off with your boyfriend in high school?”

She sighed, “Yes and no. When my parents died, she took me in without question. It was good of her, but we had really different ideas of what my parents would have wanted and for a while it was fine until it became a source of contention. And then I started dating Jet, and he was literally everything she hated. We had a bad fight one night and Jet was always wanting to go to Kirkwall because he was convinced if he just moved there he and his band would get famous, so I went with him.”

“You dated a guy named Jet?” Cullen asked, smirking. 

She shoved him, “Here I am spilling my soul and you’re hung up on the guy’s name? And yes, he was every bit what you’re imagining him to be.”   
Cullen chuckled, “My apologies, continue.”

“We had a few hundred dollars between us, but nothing else. We crashed at his friend’s crappy apartment. For the first few days it was fine, fun even. It was an adventure. But then reality sunk in quickly. I think he imagined that if he moved to Kirkwall he’d be an overnight hit, but was finding that no one wanted to book the band. He was a dime a dozen in a crap city that didn’t care. When Deshanna showed up, I was already packed and ready to leave. I didn’t fight her on it at all, and then let her yell at me all the way back to Wycome.”

“And things were different after that?” Cullen asked. 

“Yes,” Mara nodded, “It got better when I moved out for college, but it’s still strained. We never quite got past my leaving in the first place. Our fights used to all center around living my life in a way that would make my parents proud, but it dissolved into not using the money etc. Oh...there’s money too. Not a ton of it, I used the bulk to pay for school but haven’t touched it since.”

“And Deshanna wants you to,” he guessed. 

“Says my parents would want me to, that refusing to do so is wrong. But it feels wrong to use it. I only used it for school because my parents would have helped with that anyway, but I still felt weird about it,” she said, eyes falling to the blanket. 

Cullen took her hand, “I understand, we all got an equal share when Mia sold the farm after dad died. It wasn’t a huge amount of money or anything, but I still haven’t touched it either.” Mara met his gaze, realizing that for the first time in her life she had someone who understood all those complicated and messy bits of her life, or would at least try. 

“She’s the only family I have left, or at least the closest. I just want things to be better,” she said quietly, “Things were so weird on the phone for Satinalia.”

“We’ll go to Wycome in the spring, and it’ll be easier to deal with this in person instead of on the phone,” Cullen said, eyes soft.

“Thank you,” she replied. She was so grateful for his support, for being willing to listen. 

“If you think I’m not going to tease you about dating a guy named Jet though, you’re wrong,” he smiled, eyes crinkling at the edges.  

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Okay, you said you had stuff to talk about too. Hopefully less complicated than mine.”

Cullen became suddenly serious, he rubbed his neck as he spoke, “What do you know of the issues in Kirkwall about five years ago?”

Mara thought back to what she’d seen, “I remember seeing stuff about it on the news. There was a lot of political unrest between the two political parties vying for power. There were riots in the streets, and then someone blew up a Chantry.” 

“Right,” Cullen said, voice tight, “I was stationed there.” She’d guessed as much, but waited for him to continue. 

It took him a few moments to begin again, “I was Knight-Captain under Knight-Commander Meredith. The riots weren’t that bad to begin with, they all started as peaceful protests, but people were unhappy and they wanted the government to know it. There were a lot of smaller problems before the attack on the Chantry, Varric’s friend Hawke actually did a lot to keep things from getting really bad before they did.”

Mara waited for him to continue. 

He swallowed, “Meredith was always unhappy with how the government was handling things and she made no secret of it, but we were the army, we had no power beyond what the government granted us. When the Chantry was attacked and all those people killed...it was the last straw for Meredith. She declared martial law, even though she had no authority to do so and decided to take control of the city. She was arresting anyone who resisted, and dealt with civilians who stood against her brutally.” 

Cullen’s eyes drifted back to a time only she could see, the ghosts of his past coming to life there in that room as he spoke. But he rallied, though his shoulders slumped, the guilt still very tangible, even if the ghosts were not, “I didn’t…I should have done something sooner. I didn’t do it soon enough. Her methods were getting people hurt, killed even…”

His voice caught, and he went quiet for a long time, “Then Meredith was killed and the government took back control. They put me in charge of the same forces she had splintered. I worked until I met Cassandra, she had been a Seeker, but she was done. Wanted a new life, and in our time working together I saw that I did too. After seeing me train some newer recruits she suggested teaching, and it made more sense than anything had in a long time.”

“And then you came here,” Mara said. 

Cullen looked at her then, eyes dark with the shadows of his past, “I did, but Kirkwall still follows me. More than just the lyrium. I still have nightmares sometimes, the entire city shaking from the explosions, the chaos in the streets.”

Her heart broke and she squeezed his hand in what she hoped was reassurance, “I’m so sorry.” This had not been easy for him to tell her, and she took that for the signal of trust that it was. 

“Figured you should know. They’re not as frequent as they used to be, just usually when I’m stressed, but I figure at some point you’ll be there when I have one,” Cullen wasn’t looking at her, but at their intertwined hands. 

“Mia wanted to have my number, so that she could call me to stay updated or something,” Mara explained, “why?”

Cullen kept staring at their hands, “Mia gets concerned when I don’t call as often as she thinks I should. And I should be better about it, she just can’t seem to see it’s been five years since Kirkwall, I’m not in the same place I was as when I came back to Ferelden.”

“Bran mentioned things were bad when you came back,” Mara pressed. 

Cullen nodded, “I was fighting the lyrium addiction and dealing with everything that had happened in Kirkwall, so it was bad. Sometimes I don’t think my siblings have forgiven me for who I was when I came back.”

“You’re not going to scare me off you know,” she said, she was attempting humor but she meant it. There wasn’t anything he would tell her that would make her think less of him, not after she’d seen so much good from him.  

Cullen brought his eyes to hers in a sort of relief mingled with a question, “No?”

“Nope. I quite like you, so you’d have to do something really bad to get me to leave. Like admit to dating someone named Jet or something,” she smiled. 

“It is definitely a deal breaker,” the corners of his mouth turned up slightly, the darkness disappearing from them. He bent his head to hers, “Am I allowed to kiss you now?” His breath was a caress against her lips, but they were not quite touching. 

So she closed the scant distance, kissing him for every word she wasn’t sure how to say, for every reassurance she wasn’t sure how to give. They both had pieces of their pasts that followed them, but the sharing was a step towards healing.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I didn't make the before Christmas deadline, but it's only three days after the fact and my brother is getting married in two days and that's taken up a good deal of time, so I'm pretty proud of getting this out there. Plus smut! Anyways, I hope all of you had a lovely holiday and that you've got some fun weekend plans to ring in the death of 2016. Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear from you!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School begins again after the break.

The road to Skyhold was dark and quiet. It was a foggy morning and all of the trees boasted a covering of ice crystals that made them look more like pipe cleaners than trees. Mara’s car was finally getting warm as Skyhold emerged from the fog. It was the first day back after the two week break, and Mara wasn’t really ready for it. She was already on her second cup of coffee and she still felt sluggish. 

She and Cullen had said goodnight in her doorway, both agreeing that they should spend the night at their respective houses. She tried not to sulk too much as he’d gone out into the cold night. She had agreed to it after all, but she still wished that the break could have lasted longer, that they could have stayed in that slice of perfection that was those two weeks. 

Truthfully, they hadn’t done much, they’d spent their time just being together. They’d gone to a couple of movies, she’d even gotten to read a couple of books curled up next to Cullen as he read too. It had been nothing short of perfect, but as she’d kissed him goodnight she couldn’t shake the feeling that with the break being over so was the simplicity they’d found. 

The faculty parking lot was mostly empty, a few cars sat pulled into snow covered stalls. At this point staying in the stalls was up to best guesses and hopes, the white paint blended too well with the dusting of snow. It looked like Dorian was already there, and she knew that Cullen was the car pulling in just ahead of her. The signs on the side of the school glowed blurrily in the fog, and the wind blew bitter and cold out of the canyon. 

Cullen waited for her as she parked, hands buried in the pockets of his blue down coat. 

“Morning,” he smiled, breath a white puff of air. 

She shut her car door and began moving quickly towards the school, “Don’t remind me.”

He chuckled as he followed, “It’s not that bad.”

She took another long drink from her coffee relishing in the warmth it lent against the cold morning, “Isn’t it?”

“It’s the first school day of the new year,” Cullen said, “It’s going to be a good day.”

“What has you all optimistic?” she asked as he held the door open for her. 

The school was blessedly warm compared to the chill outside, and she glanced to Cullen as he trailed her into the school. He shrugged, “I just think it’s going to be a good year, we’re starting a new unit today on the unification of Ferelden and it’s always fun.”

She frowned, “The kids are going to probably dislike me, I’m introducing their annotated bibliographies.”

Cullen laughed, “Oh yeah, welcome back from break, here is a big project.”

“And the term ends next week, how did that happen?” she asked him. 

Cullen shook his head, “No idea.”

They were outside their classrooms now, the colorful Satinalia posters that had lined the hallways were already gone, leaving them looking a little empty. 

“I’ve got stuff to prep, I’ll see you after school?” she asked as she unlocked her door. 

Cullen was also at his, “Of course, try not to ruin too many days today.”

She scowled at him, “Try not to drone on too long about Calenhad and the first Landsmeet.”

Cullen narrowed his eyes, “I do not drone.”

“You can, in fact, I think it’s a requirement for all history teachers. Cements their boringness,” she grinned. 

“Boringness is not a word.”

“Language is fluid, new words appear everyday!” she called as she entered her classroom. 

The room was cold and musty, having sat empty for two weeks. The familiar orange desks stood in straight lines, and snowflakes made by the students still hung from the ceiling . She’d left the final journal prompt on the board from before the break too, it asked them about their breaks in cheery red and green. She took a deep breath and turned on her computer and got started. 

The day passed swiftly enough, the kids were a little more whiny than usual but also more resigned. It seemed that the end of the break had hit everyone hard. Then it was her prep hour and she spent it listening to Cullen’s voice drift across the hall while she worked. He was talking about the unification of Ferelden. He didn’t drone, in fact he sounded far too excited to be droning at all. 

Leliana poked her head into Mara’s classroom, and Mara glanced up from the work she’d been attempting to grade. 

“Leliana,” she said, “I hope you had a good break.”

Leliana nodded and smiled, red hair bouncing, “I did. And you?”

“Wish it could have been another day or two longer, but otherwise lovely,” Mara replied. 

Leliana gave her a knowing smile, “Of course. Can you meet tomorrow after school?”

Mara nodded, “I believe so.”

“Good, I’ve got some new information that might be useful going forward,” Leliana said. 

“Alright,” Mara said, “I’ll be there.”

Leliana listened to Cullen’s voice as it came across the hallway, “He’s quite into this lecture isn’t he?”

Mara smiled, “He is.”

Leliana rolled her eyes, “Oh he’s talking about Calenhad, how very Fereldan of him.”

“Very Fereldan,” Mara laughed. 

Then Leliana gave her brief nod and left, and Mara returned to trying to make some headway in the backlog of grading. She worked long past the ringing of the bell, the crescendo of students outside her door rising and falling. She’d turned on some music once the bell rang. It was a welcome distraction as she read through assignments, checking for understanding and marking the scores in her grade book. 

“Hard at work I see,” Cullen said as he entered. He had his coat on and his bag was already slung over his shoulder. 

She glanced to the clock confused, it wasn’t even four yet, “You’re leaving?”

He patted his bag, “Remember my warning about how we’d hate ourselves if we left the grading until after First Day? Well I am hating myself now. I’m going to go home and turn on a movie and try to get through as much of this as possible. With the term ending in a week I feel incredibly far behind.”

She knew the feeling, “Alright, so I guess I’ll just see you tomorrow then?” She tried not to sound too disappointed, but she was sure it came out in her voice because of the way he looked at her. 

His eyes were soft as he approached her desk, “I know you’ve got a stack as thick as I do. Let’s both work tonight and that way we’ll get to see each other later this week.”

“I hate when you make sense,” she sighed. 

He bent down to kiss her, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good luck with the grading.”

He adjusted his glasses and nodded, “You too.”

She leaned back in her chair and stared at the pile of grading that didn’t seem to be shrinking at all. She ran a hand through her hair and turned her music up and got back to work. 

***

“But what do I need to get an A?” Darren asked, voice eager. 

_ A DeLorean probably _ , Mara thought. The student had waited two full weeks to turn his essay in, claiming it was in his backpack the entire time. It was only worth half credit, and even then it was half credit on a half assed essay. Not good odds for the kid who  _ needed _ an A. 

“I think an A might be out of reach this term,” she said calmly. He stood in front of her desk, shifting from foot to foot and looking as if this might actually be causing him physical pain. 

“Ms. Lavellan I will do anything,” Darren pled. 

Mara wasn’t swayed. The grade was his own fault, and likely would be a good lesson for him and his helicopter of a mother. Mara was also well aware that holding firm on his grade was likely going to earn her a phone call from his mother, but she found it incredibly hard to care. This was at least the third time this week he’d been in her classroom begging for a better grade. 

“Just get all the rest of your work for the term turned in on time, and we’ll see where it ends up, but a B- is really far from an A. If you’re really lucky we might end up at a B+,” she explained calmly. 

“Not even an A-?” he asked, pushing his cheeks out in frustration. 

“Probably not,” Mara replied. 

He sighed, “Okay, thank you.” And he walked from his room. 

Cullen was in the doorway and moved aside as Darren walked out.  _ Close the door,  _ she mouthed and Cullen slid the doorstop out and shut the door quietly. 

“AAAAHHHHHH!” she screamed as she banged her head against her desk in frustration. 

She could hear Cullen chuckling to her right. She looked up and glared at him, “Be careful, you might take Darren’s place on my hitlist.”

Cullen raised his hands in surrender, “Maker, a whole hitlist?”

“This week, yes,” Mara massaged her temples, “That is the third time that kid has come in to talk to me about his grade, and it’s only Tuesday!”

“And you’re the mean teacher who won’t give him an A?” Cullen asked around a poorly disguised smile. 

“Yes! And he doesn’t deserve an A. He claims he had the essay in his backpack the whole damn time so it should still be counted on time. Then he argued that I let them revise their work, and I had to remind him it’s only if it’s turned in on time, you take an extra two weeks on the thing no revisions,” she said, frustration rising as she spoke. 

“I don’t know if I can survive this week without murdering a student,” she said, feeling completely serious. 

“Ms. Lavellan I will do anything for an A,” Cullen said with a smirk, voice low and seductive. 

She nearly choked on the laugh he started out of her, “Anything, huh?”

“Maybe after our meeting I’ll show you just how hard I’m willing to work for a grade,” he replied. 

She couldn’t help but laugh again, “Creators Rutherford, I didn’t think that was your sort of thing.”

“I just needed to get murder off your mind,” he said moving closer to her as she stood up. He caught her around her waist before kissing her. 

Her heart thundered at the contact, goosebumps rising on her arms as he kissed her. They’d shared so many kisses and yet when he kissed her like this she was just as flustered as if it was the very first time. 

“Ready to go to the meeting?” he asked as he broke away, his golden eyes bright. She wanted to shove him because he knew just the effect he had on her. 

She made a show of considering it for a moment, pursing her lips together, “I don’t know, I’m still feeling pretty murderous, you might have to keep kissing me.”

His answering smile was something to be treasured, something she only saw when they were alone. Then he kissed her again, pushing her back into her desk. Not for the first time she thought about what it might be like for him to take her right there on her desk. And then she could hear students outside in the hallway and immediately remembered why it was a terrible idea. 

She pushed him back, breaking from his lips, “Leliana is going to be mad if we’re late, even more mad if she figures out why.”

Cullen nodded, “I don’t think either of us could take her.”

She started walking towards the door, “Oh definitely not.”

***

Cullen had a serious case of deja vu. He felt like he’d been seated in this exact same meeting before, with the exact same people, discussing the exact same things with no resolution in sight. Josephine had likely anticipated that the meeting would be a long one, she’d handed him a cup of coffee as he’d entered with Mara and he played with the empty cup as everyone else talked. 

Mara had been uncharacteristically quiet during most of the meeting. He remembered her whispered confession as he’d held her on the twin bed at Mia’s house. How tired she said she was of fighting Corypheus. A big part of him understood how she felt. Corypheus seemed to be blocking them at every turn. They’d managed to secure funds for Skyhold, and now Adamant was the problem. They’d been talking strategy most of the meeting, Vivienne filling them in on the goings on at the district office. 

It hadn’t escaped Dorian or Leliana that Mara hadn’t said much of anything. Dorian kept glancing to Mara, as if he was trying to understand what had her so quiet. 

Leliana took a different approach, “Mara, I’m curious what you think we ought to do with Clarel.”

Mara looked up quickly to Leliana, clearly having been drawn from her own thoughts. She was quiet for a moment before she responded. 

“I’m not sure that we can do much of anything, especially not if the school board backs her. The only reason we’re not already sold off is because we’re fighting it,” Mara replied. 

“We cannot do nothing,” Vivienne said. 

Mara nodded, “I’m not suggesting we do nothing. I’m just not sure any of these plans you’ve had are going to work. Let’s talk to Clarel, but also make plans in case Adamant goes.”

“Like?” Josephine asked. 

“Like think about expanding beyond 10th grade to keep our FTEs up. We’re all secondary, that means we’re licensed to teach grades 7-12. If we can stay open, let’s make Adamant feel that,” Mara replied. 

Leliana shook her head, “That’s insane, we’d have to rewrite the whole course catalog...and restructure enrollment. Not to mention get the teachers on board.”

“They’d have better chances of keeping their jobs, they can’t complain too much,” Cassandra said. 

“It’s true, I’d take on a few extra classes for a chance to keep my job,” Cullen said. 

Leliana raised her eyebrow, “This is going to be a tough sell.”

“Only if Mara is unsuccessful in chatting with Clarel, and as we saw at the party, she’s quite adept at that,” Dorian commented.

“I’m grateful for your vote of confidence, Dorian, but I don’t think this is going to be quite the same,” Mara said, voice sounding resigned. 

“Do not give up hope before we’ve even begun,” Cassandra said encouragingly. 

Mara looked for a moment like she might say something else, like there was a small crack in the put together exterior she was radiating. But she didn’t let herself crumble, she simply nodded. Vivienne began telling Mara about Clarel, offering some advice for talking to her when Leliana’s phone began to ring. It rang shrill and metallic in the crowded office, and Leliana sighed as she stood up. She glanced at the clock on the wall as she answered the phone. 

“This is Leliana,” she said. As principal, he knew Leliana got a lot of phone calls all day long. Sometimes they were parents, or the district office, or citizens of the area. He paid little mind to what was happening until her voice faltered. 

“I have have no comment on that.”

Cullen glanced up and saw that Leliana’s eyes were trained on him as she spoke. His stomach twisted, wondering what on earth was happening. The rest of the room had fallen silent around him. 

“No comment on that either. However, I will say that he is a competent educator, and that I have no doubt that these allegations will prove false,” her voice was solid, but her words were clipped, dismissive. 

“Of course.” Then she hung up the phone and Cullen waited, barely breathing. His mind ran through a thousand possibilities, but it kept landing on one, the one he dreaded most.

“It seems that someone has reported to the Journal that Cullen is a lyrium addict and is currently using, and they’re claiming he is unfit to be teaching students,” Leliana said, eyes never leaving his. 

And then Cullen felt like the floor had disappeared beneath his feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! It's Thursday! And there's an update! Here we are back to our regular updating schedule. That whole bit with the student is not really fiction, and my current hitlist for this term is at least six students long right now. But bring on the end of term next week and all of the grading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I sure had a good time writing it! I'd love to hear from you!


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara and Cullen deal with the fallout of Leliana's news.

It was as if time had stopped when Leliana spoke. Like the entire world had focused on that one moment. Mara wasn’t even sure she was breathing when Leliana spoke. Her heart sank and her stomach twisted. Cullen sat beside her unmoving, eyes still locked with Leliana’s, but his face had lost all color. He was inches away, but he might as well have been across the Waking Sea for how difficult it was to reach him. She wanted to, wanted to say something, do something, but she sat just as silent and stunned as everyone else. 

Josephine recovered first, taking a deep breath and scribbling on her clipboard as she spoke, “Well, I will be putting together a press release with our response, pending district approval of course.” She turned to Vivienne. 

Vivienne nodded, “A swift response would be best.”

“Why dignify it with a response? We all have pasts, it doesn’t matter,” Dorian replied, glancing to Cullen. 

Leliana’s mouth was a thin line, “It matters because they’re not just saying it’s in the past. So we’ll release a statement, clarifying. We don’t want parents concerned.”

“Cullen’s record here speaks for itself, no one will believe these ridiculous claims,” Cassandra said, voice confident and reassuring. 

Cullen hadn’t spoken, and neither had Mara. She was still reeling, still searching for something reassuring to say. He was still looking at Leliana, “What should I do?”

“Be here tomorrow, don’t talk to anyone outside this room about this. We’ll handle it,” Leliana replied.

“It’s Samson, he’s the one who told them this,” Cullen defeatedly said. 

“It doesn’t matter who is behind it, it’s how we handle it from here,” Josephine tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“You’ve done nothing wrong Cullen,” Vivienne said gently. Mara wondered if it was the kindest thing she’d ever said to him, as they rarely saw eye to eye on things.  

He nodded, but he didn’t look as if he believed her, “Are we done here?”

“Yes,” Leliana said. 

Cullen stood and walked out of the office without looking back to any of them. She wasn’t sure why that felt so much like a slight, but it did. 

“You going after him or should I?” Dorian whispered exasperatedly. She could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on her as she sat there, stunned and concerned. 

“I’m going,” she said, rising from her seat. She should have been out the door as soon as he’d left, but she hadn’t. She was worried she’d made a terrible mistake. 

“Oh and Mara?” Vivienne said as she was nearly to the door, “if you want me to come with you to Adamant let me know.”

Mara nodded, and then hurried from the office. Her mind felt scrambled, as though she was trying to hold water in her hands, but it kept slipping away from her. She was walking fast through the empty hallways, she was sure that Cullen was going to head home and she wanted to catch him before that. There was a chance if she didn’t hurry, she might miss him altogether. 

When she reached his classroom she knew she was right. He was packing his bag hurriedly throwing things from his desk into it. It was hard to tell from the distance, but she was sure his hands were shaking. 

She rushed into the room, “Cullen.”

He took a step further away from her, putting his bag down on the chair, “Don’t.”

She halted, still several feet short of his desk, “Don’t what?”

“Say whatever you’re going to say, about how it’s going to be fine or some other bullshit,” he said, not looking at her. His face was hard, and his hair looked a little disheveled, as if he’d run his hands through it many times. 

“I’m sorry,” she said simply, hands falling to her sides. 

His head fell, “Don’t....don’t do that either.”   
“I don’t know what you want me to say” she say, crossing her arms. 

Cullen finally looked at her, his eyes cold, “You should be questioning what I’ve done, you should be angry. I’ve endangered Skyhold, our reputation is shaky enough without the Journal writing some story about all the teachers being lyrium addicts.” 

His voice had risen as he spoke, but she refused to let her own, “I am not mad, this isn’t your fault. I’m sorry that this happened, but we’ll handle it.”

“Maker, you don’t get it. What parent is going to want me around their kids when they hear about this? I don’t even blame them. It does not matter that I’ve been in recovery for five years, I am a lyrium addict, I can not change the facts of my life,” Cullen walked past her and began pacing. 

“There isn’t a fix for this Mara, there is no strategy to make this go away,” his voice was more bitter and angry than she’d ever heard it, “All it took was one person, to go and ruin everything I’ve worked for.” He stopped at his desk, back to her, grasping the edge of it as he bent over it. 

“One void-taken person!” he slammed his fist against the desk, and Mara did her best not to flinch at the sudden impact.

His voice was softer when he spoke again, “I was a fool to think my past wouldn’t follow me here.”

Mara picked her words carefully, “We never leave our pasts behind. It’s just a part of who we are. We learn from it, we accept it, and move on.”

His response was immediate, “Oh, like you have?”

The words were a solid mass as they hit her, knocking her breath from her lungs, and there was something deeper their too, an ache somewhere deep in her chest. And somewhere the rational part of her brain argued, that it wasn’t personal. It wasn’t. He was angry, and aiming at someone, anyone else. She was the unlucky soul in the room, so it was her. 

“Fine,” she managed, hating the way the corners of her eyes burned as she turned to walk out of the room. 

His voice was so small when he spoke that she turned back around, “Maker’s breath, Mara. I didn’t...I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” There was a look of devastation on his face, and suddenly she thought she could see the shadow of the man who had returned from Kirkwall, who had terrified his family so thoroughly. 

“It’s alright,” she replied, unsure if she meant it. 

He shook his head, “It’s not. I am sorry, truly. You’re here trying to help and here I am, making an ass out of myself. This day just doesn’t get any better does it?”

She didn’t have a response for him, she simply stood there, feeling smaller and smaller the more time passed. 

“I should go,” he said, finally. 

“Wait,” the words stopped eluding her, “This is a really shitty situation, and I hate that this is happening to you, but this is exactly what they want. They want you to fall apart, they want this to hurt you.”

“I wanted to live a better life after Kirkwall, for so long everything revolved around duty, I wanted to find purpose outside of it. I did, here. And I finally felt as if I could see….” his let his words fade away. 

“Oh Cullen,” she said, closing the distance between them. She moved slowly, gave him the chance to move away, but he just stood there looking defeated. She wrapped her arms around him; it took a moment for him to reciprocate, but then he wound his arms around her too. 

“I’m going to kill Samson,” she said. She felt slightly better in his arms, felt that they could weather this. 

“I thought you had students to kill instead,” Cullen attempted humor, but it fell flat. Had that just been earlier that afternoon?  

She pulled back enough to look up at his face, “Samson is now top of my list. I hate that he did this.”

Cullen stared past her, “I know.”

She cupped his cheek and brought his gaze back her own, “You know that this changes nothing. I care about you, and nothing anyone says will change that.” She wished for the same sort of reassurance, that even if she never quite made peace with her own past, he’d still care about her too. 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and tucked her under his chin, “Thank you.” They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other in the quiet of his classroom. 

“I am going to go home, I think,” Cullen said, finally. 

She pulled away, “Want me to come with you?” 

He wouldn’t look at her, “Um, no. I think it’s for the best if I just go.”

Mara felt the tremulous hope that emerged in the last few minutes burst, but she nodded, “Call me if you need me.”

“I will,” Cullen said, picking up his bag.

“I’ll lock up for you,” she called as he walked away. 

He nodded and slipped out the door. She waited for it to shut behind him before she sunk down into his chair and let the tears begin to fall. She let the sobs wrack her body, allowing the pain and stress of the week finally win. 

***

Cullen managed to get to his car before he let himself fall apart. And then he drove home, eyes blurry from fighting the tears that threatened to fall. Mara had been too understanding, too kind, and he didn’t deserve it. He kept trying to tell himself that his leaving alone had everything to do with not wanting her to be subjected to him in that state, but he might as well call it for what it was, punishment. 

He was punishing himself, and he hated that he felt like he had to. He hated that he had walked out his classroom like that. He hated the entire situation. 

He slammed the steering wheel in his car out of frustration. Again and again. And then he finally put himself together enough to walk into his house. 

Cullen dropped his bag once he was inside the house, kicked off his shoes in the doorway and collapsed onto the couch. He didn’t even bother turning the lights on. The house was warm, he’d left heat up higher than usual due to the forecasted chilliness of the day, and distantly he could hear the rumble of the furnace as it warmed the house. 

He’d been honest with Josephine and Leliana from the get go. He’d told them about his past in the interview, he hadn’t wanted there to be any secrets. He had worried that it could cost him the job, and when it hadn’t he’d believed that things had worked out in his favor, for once. But he didn’t see how this ended any way other than him losing the job he loved. 

Underneath the dread and the anxiety, he was angry though. So angry at Samson for attacking him this way, as if he was any better. Samson had been just as leashed has he had been, and yet he was accusing him of being unfit to teach, to be around his students. No teacher was perfect, but his failings were not that he was unfit, or unwell. He resented the idea so much his chest ached from it. 

He sat up eventually, staring into his dark living room. The light was filtering in from a streetlamp outside, casting long shadows through the blinds. He flicked a lamp on and picked up his bag, he needed a distraction. He worked through his remaining grading, spending far more time on each assignment than necessary, reading each and every response. The dwindling of his pile did not fill him with any sense of accomplishment, but rather fear. What was he going to do when he ran out of work? But run out he did. His mind kept scrambling back to the events of the day every time he paused. He pulled out his planner, staring at his lesson plans with an idea that he’d improve them in some way, change them, but he found nothing. 

Samson. Lyrium. Addict. Worthless. Undeserving. 

His mind ran on a constant loop. Each thought cut into him like a jagged knife, making him feel shittier the longer it went on. It was late, nearly nine o’clock and yet he still shrugged his coat back on, grabbed his keys and got into his car. 

He wasn’t even sure where he was going until he found himself in the parking lot outside her apartment. The living room window glowed a warm orange, which meant she was still up. He knew exactly what she would be doing. She’d be sitting on her couch, in comfy sweats, the heat blasting to keep her warm. She wouldn’t be grading, she’d have something funny streaming on the tv. Having told herself she deserved it after the day she’d had. 

He sat there for a long time, trying to convince himself to just go knock on her door. He replayed the words she’d given him today, the promise. But a small part of him whispered that she had changed her mind, that what he had said today had changed everything. 

It was pure stubbornness that got him out of his car, and then it was the freezing bite of the cold that pushed him to her door. He rapped his knuckles against the door quickly, remembering just a few short months ago being in the same place, the same fears pounding through him. His knees wobbled with relief when the door opened. 

She looked a little surprised in her oversized hoodie, she’d pulled her hair up into a messy bun and her eyes were red. Had she been crying?  

“Cullen?” she asked, voice colored with concern. 

He realized how it must look, how he’d come to her house late for a school night, pounded on her door and stood there silently on her doorstep. 

“I...I do not want to be alone,” he managed. It was true, being with her would not banish what happened, but all of the painful thoughts that kept attacking him might at least be kept at bay. 

She nodded and stepped aside, opening the door wider, “Come on in.”

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and walked inside, to her warm, safe house. She shut the door behind him, but he turned back to her, wanting nothing more than to touch her, but unsure if he had lost that privilege. A few awkward moments passed between them, and there was such sadness in Mara’s eyes as they stood there. He wondered if she felt as conflicted as he did. 

“Have you eaten dinner? I got some food from that Thai place on Fifth...there’s some leftovers. It’s massaman curry,” she offered. Comfort food, Mara’s version of it anyway. Maker, he hadn’t even asked her how she was with all of this, and Adamant being left to her. 

“Um….” he paused, “sure.”

She nodded and slipped past him to the kitchen, he had thought about stopping her there, but he hadn’t. It seemed that he had exhausted all of his courage in getting to the door, and reaching for her was more than he had in him. 

He followed her silently, sitting down at the kitchen table and feeling lame as she microwaved food for him. “How was your evening?” he asked. 

She leaned against the counter, “Shitty, yours?’

“Shitty,” he echoed. 

“I at least had food, so I’m going to roll with mine was marginally less shitty,” Mara said over the beeping of the microwave. 

He nodded, “Probably.”

She brought the food to him, setting it in front of him and sitting across the table, “Are you going to say more than two words in a row at some point?”

He looked at her and sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m also very shitty company right now.”

She shrugged, “I don’t think so.”

“I don’t know what to do. My brain is full of all of these thoughts that I can’t seem to get rid of,” he explained. Mara nodded and then gestured to the food he’d forgotten. He began eating not really tasting any of it.

“I figured you’d gone home to self-deprecate further,” she said, “but you shouldn’t. I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon, and I don’t know what they thought they would gain from this. Everyone knows you’re the best history teacher we’ve got. The kids love you, your test scores are great, your past is your past.”

“Teachers have been let go for less,” he said woefully. 

“Maybe, but they’re not you,” Mara replied. 

Cullen sighed, “I don’t know that I see any way out of this that doesn’t end with me leaving Skyhold.”

“This is all going to look better in the morning. You’re going to eat, and then we’re going to watch something really stupid on t.v. until you want to leave or sleep or whatever, and then we’re going to go to school tomorrow and it’s going to be alright.”

“You sound so sure,” Cullen said. 

Mara pointed back to the food in front of him, “And we’re not going to talk about school or anything related to it.”

“At all?” Cullen asked. 

“Not tonight, later.”

“Are we alright? Even with what I said earlier? I...I need to know,” he asked finally. 

“You’ve been beating yourself up about that since this afternoon?” she asked. 

He didn’t answer, glancing away from her, foot bobbing restlessly against the kitchen floor. 

She took his hand, and he was so startled by the contact he looked back to her, “We’re fine, I don’t think that either of us has been at our best today.”

Maker knew he hadn’t been. 

“You’re sure?” he asked, staring into her kind, green eyes. 

“I’m sure,” she offered him a small smile. At that, the worry that had a strangle-hold around his heart eased a bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I feel like I finally got back into the groove of this story with this chapter. Things had been a little stilted in the writing department lately, but everything about this one just flowed. It's such a relief and I'm hoping that continues. Thanks so much for reading (and your patience with a bit of a cliffhanger). I'd love to hear from you! <3


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara and Cullen return to work after the news breaks.

Ultimately, Cullen wound up staying the night. After he’d finished eating Mara had dragged him to the couch, and he’d sprawled out while she’d turned on a dumb t.v. show that she wasn’t sure either of them were really watching. They’d sat mostly in silence, and normally that wouldn’t have bothered her, but it had felt like there were so many things building up unsaid between them. She wondered if her rule that they not discuss the events of that day had been a mistake. 

It was nearly eleven when Mara realized that Cullen had fallen asleep on the couch, so she’d turned the t.v. off and coaxed him to bed. He hadn’t fought her, tossing his clothes away as she grabbed the sleeping pants out of the drawer she’d cleared for him. Then he’d curled up in her bed and gone right back to sleep. 

Mara had taken her time going through her bedtime routine, she was exhausted, but she wasn’t sure she would be able to sleep. Her evening had taken a rather unexpected turn, and while she was glad he’d come she still felt as if she still had a lot to process. It was progress though, wasn’t it? That he’d come over, that despite everything that had happened he had reached out to her. Small steps forward. 

She stared at her reflection, she looked a little haggard. Her blonde hair hung limply, and it was getting much longer than she usually liked it. When was the last time she took time for herself? Just enough to get a haircut and feel normal again. Perhaps she wasn’t taking very good care of herself lately. Going to bed early was top of the list of things she needed to be better at. She flicked the light off and felt her way in the darkness to the bed. 

She slipped into bed beside Cullen, noticing immediately that he’d essentially warmed it. She wasn’t sure how long she lay there, replaying the events of the day, and trying to work around the hurt that still festered. Things would look better in the morning, she was sure of it. And eventually she dropped off to sleep. 

She awoke to screaming.

She wasn’t sure the last time she’d awoken to a sound in the middle of the night, but it had been a very, very long time. She shot upright in bed, looking around as her heart thundered. She looked around the room wildly, trying to identify the source as she also tried to shake the last tendrils of the Fade. She had flicked on the lamp on her dresser before she figured out what was happening.

It was Cullen. The realization was equal parts relieving and heartbreaking. He was next to her, breath coming in short gasps, thrashing around. The blankets were tangled up around his legs, and she wondered how long he’d been in the throes of nightmares before she woke.

She wasn’t sure what to do, if she should try to wake him, or just sit with him through it. Why hadn’t she thought to ask more questions about this? He’d told her this was a possibility, had explained to her how these sometimes happened and she’d asked nothing. How could she have been so stupid?

His beautiful face was twisted into something so pained that she couldn’t hold back any longer, she touched him gently, carefully. “Cullen?” she said. 

His eyes tightened at the sound of his name, so she said it again, “Cullen?”

She said his name a few more times before he came to, gasping, eyes wild. When he saw her he scrambled away, legs so tangled in the sheets that he fell right off of the bed with a loud thump. It might have been funny if she wasn’t so focused on the fear in his eyes when he’d seen her. 

She sprang from her side of the bed, “Are you alright?” 

She ran to where he lay in a crumpled heap, but stopped a few feet short. She hadn’t forgotten the way he’d looked at her earlier. 

“I’m fine,” he said breathlessly as he tried to extricate himself from the blankets. His eyes roamed over her, as if he was looking for something. “I didn’t harm you did I?”

“Of course not,” she said, confused. 

“I...good,” he replied head bowed, “I am sorry to wake you.”

She shrugged, glancing at the clock, “I didn’t really want to be sleeping at 2:37 in the morning anyway.”

Cullen sighed, “I ruined the bed.”

“Easy enough to fix,” she said, shifting slowly closer. She wasn’t sure if she should touch him, or how close he wanted her. 

He caught her hand as she reached for the comforter, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She looked into his golden eyes, earnest and tired, “I should be asking you that.”

He rubbed his eyes, “I told you this could happen, and I thought I was prepared for you to see me like this….but I’m not sure I am.”

“See you like what Cullen? I’m just kicking myself for not asking more questions before, I had no idea how to help you, if I should wake you or what to do,” Mara said, voice rising to the helplessness of it all. 

“Oh Mara, you did just fine, don’t...don’t worry about that,” he kissed the palm of her hand. 

“Let’s get these blankets back on the bed so we’re not here on the floor,” she said, pulling him up with her. 

He hissed as he moved, rubbing his ass, “Well, I think that’s going to bruise.”

She shook her head, “I’m sorry, lights on or off?”

He looked at her apologetically, “On for a bit, please. The lamp on the dresser is fine.”

She nodded as she pulled the blankets back over to her side, “Want to talk about it?”

He didn’t look at her as he ran a hand through sleep-disheveled curls, “No.”

“What can I do to help you?” she asked quietly. 

He looked at her then, “Go back to sleep. I think it might be a while for me.”

“I can stay up with you,” she replied, though if she was being honest there was nothing she wanted more than to close her eyes. 

Ever the strategist, he sense this and said, “I’ll lay down too.”

She didn’t miss the fact he didn’t promise to sleep, simply promised to lay down, but she nodded, “Alright.”

She slid between the covers, realizing Cullen was facing away from her. She cuddled up against his back, draping an arm over his stomach. “Is this okay?” she asked. 

His arm gripped hers, “More than okay.”

She pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades, the sharp jut of them clear beneath his thin undershirt. They lay like that for a long time, and she wasn’t sure when she dropped off to sleep, she just knew that when she woke up the lamp was off and Cullen wasn’t in the bed. 

***

Cullen hadn’t been able to get back to sleep, but Mara had, and rather than risk waking her he’d left. But she’d helped more than she knew, leaving the light on and holding him. The terrors that had shocked him from sleep felt further away now. It had been a while since he’d dreamt of Kirkwall, of the explosions that had rocked the entire city. It had been so long since he’d seen the faces of his men, dead on the rubbled covered asphalt along with the nameless, faceless civilians that constantly shifted through each iteration of the nightmare. Tonight they hadn’t been faceless, they’d been his friends, and most terrifying of all, Mara. It had been difficult to reconcile the image of her in her room alive and fine, with the image of her lifeless body that was seared into his mind. 

His breathing had become uneven again and so he forced his eyes open as he went through the grounding techniques he’d been taught. He ran his hand against the soft fabric of the couch,  _ I am in Denerim at Mara’s apartment. I’m in her living room, sitting on the couch. I am a teacher.  _

He sifted slowly through truths until the screams of Kirkwall felt far away, and then he realized he needed a distraction. One thing Mara’s house never lacked was books, and it wasn’t his chair in his living room, but the couch was comfortable enough to pass. He’d turned the lamp on and spent the rest of the night reading, not a bad way to spend it if one couldn’t sleep. He only left once, to start coffee brewing.  

He heard her first alarm sound, and knew she’d likely get up to it since he wasn’t in the bed. He heard her stumble down the hallway, and then appear in the living room, hair disheveled and sleep shirt hanging off her shoulder. 

She looked at him blearily, “You never got back to sleep.”

He shook his head, “No, but I picked up one of your books. It’s good so far.”

She glared at him, “How are you still a morning person even when you haven’t slept at all?”

“Lots of practice,” he replied, moving from the couch to get her a cup of coffee. 

She half-heartedly waved him away, but when he kept moving she sat down at the table. He knew better than to try to make any sort of conversation until she was at least halfway through her cup, so he continued reading at the kitchen table while he drank his own coffee. 

“Are you getting ready here or going back to your place?” she asked, finally. 

“I’ve got clothes here, so I don’t see any point in going to my place. Is that alright?” he asked, worried he had overstepped. 

“Of course. You want first shower?” she ran a hand through her hair. 

“Oh no, you go, I’ll jump through once you’re done,” he replied. He’d put a few things of his in the second bathroom in the hallway, so it would be easy enough. 

“Thank you for the coffee,” she said. 

“Anytime,” he smiled. 

“How are you feeling today?” Mara asked with a level gaze. 

Cullen shrugged, “I don’t know.” He’d spent the last few hours feeling less anxious than he had the day before, but he still wasn’t sure what to feel. The anger had faded. He still felt a good deal of dread about what the day might bring, but he’d resolved to show up and teach his students as if it were any other day. 

“You know I’ll do whatever I can to help, I’m just across the hall,” Mara said. He reached across the table, the same distance that last night felt so far away, and took her hand. 

“I know,” he squeezed her hand. 

She sighed, “You wouldn’t want to cuddle for five minutes before I showered, would you?”

He grinned, “Only if you promise not to fall asleep.”

She grumbled, “Fine.”

And then he followed her back to her room. 

It wasn’t until she left the bed to get in the shower that he finally picked up his phone, he’d been avoiding it since yesterday. He had several notifications, two missed calls from Dorian, and an email from Leliana. 

He sighed and opened the email from Leliana, any hopefulness he’d started the way with vanished. Apparently their press release was going to be shared at a press conference that day, conveniently on his prep. She also said that the article had appeared in that day’s edition of the Journal, and that she cautioned against reading it. He did anyway. 

It wasn’t as bad as he feared, but it was still bad. The article claimed their information came from a reliable source. It skimmed over his time in Kirkwall, talking only of the very worst bits he was involved in. They even insinuated that some of it was his fault, though that wasn’t the worst bit. The worst part was what they said about whether he was fit to be teaching students, concluding that he was more interested in where the next dose of lyrium was coming from than the success and wellbeing of his students. 

None of it was true. Well maybe the bits about Kirkwall, but he’d thought far worse about himself in the last few years for those to bother him. 

He set his phone down when he realized that his hands were shaking. He didn’t even hear the door to Mara’s bathroom open, or realize she was standing there watching him for a long, long while. 

Her hair was wet, and she was in a light blue towel, arms crossed, “You didn’t listen to Leliana.” It wasn’t a question. Leliana must have sent her an email as well. 

He set his phone down, “Would you?”

She sighed, “Probably not. But you’re smarter and more pragmatic than I am.”

“I’m going to shower,” he said, grabbing his clothes from the drawer and leaving her standing in the doorway, framed by the brightly lit bathroom behind her, looking both understanding and exasperated. 

***

Mara was tired, just absolutely, sluggishly tired. And she couldn’t understand it, she’d slept moderately okay last night, despite the late night and the waking up in the middle of it. She’d been off her game all day long. It didn’t seem to matter that she thought she had things organized. At least three students had to remind her that she hadn’t graded their late work, she found a small stack of essays on her counter that she didn’t remember placing there, and she barely had a lesson plan for third hour. 

While her students read at the beginning of class she quickly made a list on a sticky note of just how much she needed to accomplish before the next day. She tried not to, but she kept refreshing the news website, waiting anxiously for them to cover the release from the school district. She’d done her best to avoid the article they’d posted early that morning, she knew there weren’t any battles to win by reading what the internet trolls were saying. That didn’t stop her from wondering, and feeling heartsick about it the whole time. 

“Uh….Ms. Lavellan?” 

Mara startled a bit as she turned to look at the student standing to her right, “Yes?”

“Sorry, can I use the bathroom?” the girl asked, looking at her like she was assessing if she was okay. 

Mara smiled, “Of course, Emily go ahead.”

Emily nodded and left the room, and Mara glanced to the door to find Cullen standing there, hands in his pockets, waiting for her. She walked to the door, noting which of her students were actually reading and which were simply on their phones, but she felt a little too exhausted to even do much about it. 

Cullen was leaning against the lockers, his face was tight and he looked as tired as she felt. “I did my best to convince Leliana against the press conference, but failed.”

“Why? What good can from from giving this more pomp?” she said, a little more loudly than she meant to. 

Cullen sighed, “Apparently the Journal suggested it when Leliana called and Vivienne thought it would be best.”

Mara did her best to control the powerful roil of emotions she was feeling, “Alright, when?”

“Five minutes, I need to get up there,” he said, looking away. 

“Okay, it’s going to be fine,” she said, searching for a reassuring tone. She wasn’t sure that she actually managed it, and her words sounded more strained than anything else. 

Cullen gave her a small nod and began to walk away, but she reached out for him, grasping his hand. He stopped, looking back to her golden eyes expectant, “We’re going to make it through this.”

His face lost some of the hard edge he’d worked it into, as he whispered, “I know.”

For the second time in the last twenty-four hours she watched as Cullen walked away, and she could not follow. She ran a hand through her hair and straightened her gray sweater, summoning up her energy to teach another class hour. 

Its wasn’t so bad, the more she talked about how to counter-argue, the more she slipped into teaching mode and time passed quickly. But when the lunch bell finally rang, she still wanted to praise whatever gods might be listening. She gathered her lunch and let the last of the students filter out of her room. 

Cullen’s room was dark, which meant he was probably already in Dorians’ room. Probably. She’d thought about watching the press conference video on the local news site before going to find him, but she was more concerned about his wellbeing than how the conference had actually gone. She flicked the lights in her room off and let the heavy door click shut behind her as she walked to Dorian’s room. 

The walk felt unnaturally long down the empty hallway, and her mind conjured up far too many possibilities for what might have happened. She pulled Dorian’s door open, and was relieved to see Cullen sitting next to Bull at the long table nearest to Dorian’s desk. Bright winter light spilled in from the line of windows behind them, and the plants from the outdoor classroom beyond sagged under week old snow and ice. Bull was talking to Cullen, but also keeping his eye on the students using it for a short cut to the parking lot. 

Dorian looked up from where he stood at his demo table, his school binder open to his seating chart as he marked it, “Hello, Mara.” 

“Dorian,” she said as she entered. 

Varric and Cassandra were already there, Varric stood near the buzzing microwave as his food heated, “Finally you’re here, Curly wouldn’t give us the details on the press conference until you arrived.”

“I didn’t realize I was so slow,” she replied as she took the empty seat next to Cullen. He offered her a faint smile, and she worried over what might have transpired. 

“So?” Bull asked anxiously. 

Cullen glanced towards Dorian, who frowned, “I am quite capable of multitasking, thank you. Begin.”

So he did. Explained how the whole thing had gone just fine, Josephine had read a statement, he had also read one, and then Vivienne fielded questions. 

“I felt very superfluous,” he said as he picked at the crust of the sandwich he’d made at her house that morning. 

“Were the journalists respectful?” Cassandra asked, eyes narrowed. 

Cullen nodded, “Yes, all three of them were very nice.”

Dorian shook his head as he joined them at the table, “Three? What was the point of the press conference?”

Cullen shrugged, “Leliana said they’d requested it when she contacted them to give them the statement.”

“Ridiculous,” Dorian replied. 

“Agreed,” Cullen nodded. 

“Well, hopefully it means that the worst of this business is likely behind us,” Dorian said optimistically. 

“Oh sure. I just hope they don’t start pulling all the skeletons from our closets,” Varric said. 

“Aren’t there literally skeletons in Cassandra’s?” Bull joked. 

Cassandra didn’t react and simply replied in a quiet voice, “Just in my uncle’s.”

Bull roared and even Varric laughed at that. But then Bull’s eye looked out to the outdoor classroom, “Look.”

They all turned and looked outside of the windows. Dorian’s classroom was actually lower into the ground than the outdoor classroom, which meant that the windows only went down so far. It gave them a perfect view of everything occurring outside them, but it meant that anyone outside would have to crouch down to really see into the classroom. A pair of students had decided that the outdoor classroom was the perfect place to meet up for a little alone time. 

“Do they not realize that we, and all the classrooms upstairs can see them?” Mara asked, shaking her head. 

“Clearly they do not,” Cassandra made a disgusted noise once the students began kissing. 

“Someone should really do something about that,” Varric grinned and looked to Bull. 

Bull exchanged a mischievous glance with Varric and approached the windows. Dorian nearly spat out his food, “Kaffas, are you serious? I’ll just call Leliana or Josephine.”

Bull’s hand was already on the window latch, “But Kadan, this is so much more fun.”

Mara couldn’t help but laugh as Dorian gave him an exasperated look and went back to eating his food, “Fine.”

Bull opened the window, slowly and silently and then his voice boomed, “Hey kids! GET OFF MY LAWN.”

The two students broke apart with startled shrieks and then took off running. Their group erupted into laughter, and Mara noticed with a great deal of relief that Cullen had joined in too. She quietly hoped that the worst was now behind them. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the delay on this chapter. We're in the middle of looking for and hopefully buying a house. It's been more time intensive than I thought it would be. Because of this, I'm going to adjust my updating schedule to every other Thursday. This will help with my stress levels in regards to getting this fic out, because believe me I stress about getting it done and posted on time, every single week. I'll only be doing this until real life calms down a bit. I appreciate your patience and support for this fic. I'm convinced I've got the best readers on the planet.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The students respond to the revelation about Cullen.

Cullen thanked the Maker when the bell finally rang, signalling the end of the day. He was bones deep tired, and he had a faint headache that had been dogging him since before the press conference. He wished his students a good day as they filtered out of the room, turning off the projector and pulling on the handle to raise the projection screen. 

Things could have gone worse, he supposed. None of his students had mentioned the news story, but gossip spread like wildfire with students, so there was no doubt that they knew. His students had always been so quick to ask him invasive questions about his personal life, and he supposed this was no different. Their silence scared him far worse than the questions he thought they might ask.  

There had always been some worry in the back of his mind that his past would resurface for all to see. That his students and their parents would find out, that every piece of his past might be laid bare for them to pass judgement on. After a few successful years of teaching that worry had muted. It had become a far off possibility, something he would handle if it ever came to that. But it had come to that, and the repercussions terrified him. 

He still remembered the day of his interview, he’d driven down from South Reach in Branson’s old truck. He was freshly off lyrium and had only been in Ferelden for two days, and he’d had to pull over more than once on the drive due to the nausea. He’d been grateful he’d left so much earlier than he had to in order to get there on time. It had been the height of summer in Denerim, humid and hot when he’d pulled into the empty school parking lot. Skyhold had looked a lot like a brand new start and a bit like salvation. He supposed he still saw that way, loved the old building and all of its flaws. 

He’d been upfront with Leliana and Josephine from the beginning. Once they’d brought up Kirkwall, he’d told them everything. He knew full well it might cost him the job, but he wasn’t going to live in a lie. They’d grimly shaken his hand as he left and he’d met Cassandra for lunch afterwards, listened to her optimistic reassurances as he’d pushed the food around his plate. 

He’d gotten the call that evening that they were offering him the job. He’d found his house two days later. It had felt just like fate, he’d never made so many big decisions in his life so quickly, and it was a bit terrifying, but liberating as well. So much of his life had not been up to him, and then to suddenly take some control had been just what he needed. He’d built his life around Skyhold; had committed himself to the fresh start he’d found, promised never again to be the man he’d been in Kirkwall. Losing his job felt like losing so much more. 

Outside his door he noticed Dorian and Varric speaking to Mara just inside her room, their voices were low enough that he couldn’t hear, and Mara was simply nodding, face unreadable. He wondered what it was they might be talking about, worried for a moment it might have to do with him. He didn’t want to seem to be eavesdropping, so he began to walk the aisles of his classroom, straightening the desks and picking up rogue papers that littered the ground. 

“How much work do you have to get done today?” Mara’s voice came cheerily from the doorway. 

He glanced back to her, she was leaning casually against the doorframe, her gray sweater hung more loosely than most of her clothes, she’d probably wanted to be comfortable today. He hated how this had affected her too. 

“Strictly speaking not much, I should get the quizzes they took yesterday graded though,” he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke. 

Mara laced her fingers together, “I was thinking we needed something fun to do, no work tonight.”

He smiled faintly, “What did you have in mind?”

“How about rock climbing?” she asked. 

“That sounds like just the right sort of distraction,” he replied. It was an activity that would require most of his attention, nothing like the fear of heights to put other fears into perspective. 

“Alright, I’ll pack up and then see you in a minute,” she smiled.

And so he packed up too, the grading could wait for another day. He didn’t even pack his gradebook or paper folder, it left his bag feeling strangely light, but he wasn’t sure he cared. He picked up the gray blazer he’d discarded after the press conference from where he’d draped it on the back of his chair when Sera walked into his room. 

“Kiln day, wasn’t at lunch. You alright, with everyone knowing about….everything?” Sera asked. Her clothing was flecked with clay, her fingers a multitude of colors, ever the hands of an art teacher. 

“It’s fine,” he replied. 

Sera perched herself atop of a desk, leaning back precariously, “The whole thing’s shite. Bunch of tits to print that without even talking to real people. People who know you.”

He sighed, “Well they did.”

“I know that. I...don’t know words that fix things, but you have friends Cully-Wully. Dagna said she’d help me egg their offices,” she said. 

Cullen thought it might have been the most serious he’d ever seen her, “I can see the headline now, ‘teachers arrested vandalizing newspaper offices’.”

Sera snorted as she spoke, “It’d be pretty good, yeah? They wouldn’t mess with us anymore.”

He couldn’t help but grin, “No I don’t think they would.”

“Don’t let the nobs make you feel broken, that’s just what they want. Maybe we’re old now, but I’m tired people hurting people,” Sera said, crossing her legs. 

“Me too. We’ll make it right,” he replied, remembering how upset Mara had been after Corypheus had paid her a visit.  

Sera sighed loudly, “As long as I get to help.”

“Of course,” he said. 

“Good. I’m going to go see if Widdle is running math help or not,” Sera hopped down from the desk, “And don’t worry Cully, I won’t let them get rid of you.”

“Thank you, Sera,” he said, the words hitting home more than she knew. Sera didn’t let much bother her, so her concern over this made him even more worried.  

She shrugged, “Who else could I blame all my best pranks on?”

He shook his head. Sera had framed him for her fair share of pranks over the years, he wasn’t sure Solas had ever forgiven him for all of the lizards she’d set loose in his classroom and then said Cullen had done it. Oh she’d eventually owned up to it, but not until after Solas had shown up to his classroom, fuming. 

“Maybe there can be less of those in the future?” he asked hopefully. 

Sera scoffed as she grinned, “Not a chance.”

***

Mara had definitely overdone it the day before. She wasn’t sure if it was due to the climbing or afterwards, but she was feeling quite tired and had almost not done what Varric and Dorian had asked her to do. 

Her sole job that day was to try to keep Cullen out of the library, not an easy task since the copy room was in the library too. So far, she’d managed to do so, but Cullen had mentioned some copies he needed to make and she’d almost let him go. Her save hadn’t been very smooth at all. 

“Oh my aide needs to make some for me too, I’ll have him take care of yours,” she offered. 

Cullen shook his head, “It’s not a big deal. It’s just a few copies.”

“Yeah, but you’re already behind on grading, you really need all of your prep hour,” she’d said. 

He’d given her a suspicious look before handing her the original and instructions, “Alright. Everything okay?”

“Oh fine, just trying to help you out,” she’d smiled and walked away. Lying was not really her strong suit, especially not to him. But he hadn’t pressed her. Cullen had been withdrawn and quieter than usual. They’d talked over and around the situation, but there was nothing to be done but wait. She hated that, hated the overwhelming helplessness. She felt like she was back in her room, staring at him having a nightmare, unable to reach him no matter how she tried. They’d both done their best to make things as normal as possible, but Mara suspected she was not the only one with unspoken worry built up within her. 

Dorian and Varric hadn’t let her in on exactly what was happening in the library, but she knew it was something for Cullen and that was really the only reason she’d agreed to help in the first place. Whatever it was, they’d promised it’d be done by the end of the day and it was her job to take Cullen to the library. 

She shot a quick message to Dorian once the school day was done, just to make sure that they were finished. He responded immediately, letting her know she was in the clear. 

She picked up the copies from the counter that her aide had made for Cullen, and walked over to his room. School had only ended ten minutes earlier, but she was anxious. 

“Here are your copies,” she said as she walked in. 

Cullen looked up from his desk and his planner. His glasses were resting on the desk, and he slipped them back on. He ran a hand through his hair as he did, red shirt rolled up to the elbows. The smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I need you to come with me for a minute, and not ask any questions,” she said. 

He looked more tired than curious, “Why?”

“No questions,” she replied, holding out a hand. 

He took it, but still looked suspicious, “I don’t get any more than that?”

“Patience Rutherford, all will be revealed,” she said as she led him out the doorway. 

“Fine. How was your day? I assume I am allowed to ask that.”

She laughed, “Oh you know, it was pretty typical. Assign stuff, bang head against wall when students ask what they’re supposed to be doing ten minutes in. Repeat five times. Typical day.” That at least earned her a true smile. 

“I can’t relate to that at all,” he replied. 

“Oh sure. Are you forearms sore from yesterday? Mine are,” she rubbed the limbs in question. 

“Oh? Is that all that’s sore?” he asked quietly. 

She tried not to look to scandalized, there were still students in the hallways after all, but this was the most lively he’d been since Leliana’s office, “Maybe.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow, “Should I be offended if the answer is no?”

She shook her head, knowing she was blushing, “The answer isn’t no, and you know it.”

“Just checking,” he replied. The playfulness was fading as she opened the library doors and signalled him inside.  

Dorian and Varric were already there, talking to members of the student council, recognizable by their matching maroon sweaters, near the tables in the back corner of the library. The library was at the center of the school, which meant there were no windows. It was naturally a bit of a dark room, but Sera’s students had worked to make it more cheerful. They’d painted a huge mural on one side, and other art projects hung from the ceiling around the room, including a terrifyingly large paper mache dragon. 

“Mr. R!” several students chirped as they walked in. 

Cullen glanced back to her in question, and she simply shrugged. 

“What’s going on here?” he asked the students. 

“We have something for you,” a student smiled waving him over to where they stood. 

On one of the long tables in the back, a huge banner was draped across it. In big, blocky letters it read “We Love You Mr. R”. But the more important part was all of the small scribbles and writing on the banner. 

Cullen stood very quietly, staring at the banner, at the sheer amount of writing that decorated it. He didn’t say anything, just looked at it for a long time. Mara wondered, if underneath all of that seriousness was a man that wasn’t really sure of his worth, of just how much he was loved. 

One of the students kept talking, “We know what the news Mr. R., but it doesn’t change that you’re a great teacher. We wanted you to know that.”

“This was all their idea,” Dorian said gently, “Varric and I just helped them organize it.”

“Thank you,” Cullen managed, voice full of emotion. The group of student council members seemed to understand, and then they began showing him their favorite messages. 

Mara hung back, watching Cullen with the students, her heart filled to the brim. He couldn’t seem to look away from the banner, reading each inscription and quietly thanking the student council. He smiled as he read some of the messages, chuckling at a few. She loved seeing him happy.

She  _ loved _ him.  

The realization seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was too soon, maybe they hadn’t been in each other’s lives nearly long enough to justify the word. But as she watched him talk and smile and look at all that was done for him in disbelief, she realized she’d been slowly falling in love with him for a long while. There was a time when a realization like that might have scared her, but after the week they’d had? It was welcome. 

***

Mara had helped him reverently carry the banner down to his classroom, and then she insisted that they hang it up, much to his chagrin. Cullen wasn’t sure he needed to hang it up for all the students to see, most of them had signed it anyway. Mara had simply shrugged and said it wasn’t for them to see, it was for him. He hadn’t had an argument for that, so up the poster had gone. 

There was no use lying to himself that he’d glanced back at it as he’d turned the light off and followed Mara out of the school. He couldn’t believe that the students had sat down to do something so nice for him, of all of the teachers. And all of the messages had been so heartwarming, and some downright silly, but he was completely astounded by the response. 

Their kindness didn’t make the problems vanish, but knowing that he wouldn’t be facing his students judgement in addition to everything else helped soothe some of his worries. It was all ultimately out of his control, and so he’d continue to show up and do his job, and take care of his students the best he could. 

Mara had made the most difference though, and Maker bless her for that. She’d kept him from retreating too deeply into himself, and continued to reassure him that things would be okay. And sometimes, they really felt like they would be. She was working so hard to preserve some verisimilitude of normal in their lives, and for that he was grateful. That despite everything, they were still cooking dinner in his kitchen as if it was any other school night, and that he’d still have a job by the end of the week, and Skyhold would still be in their control at the end of the year. 

“This is just an insane situation, how can they just eliminate the testing for eleventh graders?” Mara asked as she stirred in chicken stock to the pot of soup she was making. She’d been ranting most of the day about the elimination of state testing for her students. 

“They can’t just remove it without replacing it with something,” Cullen replied, glancing up from the roasted red peppers he was slicing. 

“They’re going to use the ACT,” Mara explained.

Cullen frowned, “So they spent how much money and all these years creating this program that was around less than three years just to scrap it for something they were already doing?”

“Public education,” Mara rolled her eyes, “How does it feel to teach a subject that doesn’t deal with high stakes testing, Mr. Rutherford?”

He grinned as he slid the chopped peppers into the pot, “Pretty damn good.”

Mara scowled and so he kissed her forehead before placing the cutting board and knife in the sink, which mostly led to more scowling around a smile. She tucked a strand behind her pointed ear and he slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her back flush against him. 

“What are you doing?” she asked, laughing. 

“Holding you,” he replied. That it was as casual a thing as that was still a marvel to him. 

Mara relaxed back against him, “It’s nice.”

He kissed the side of her head, “It is.”

She pulled away, moving just far enough out of the circle of his arms to look at him and wrap her arms around his waist, “I love you.”

She said it like a promise, green eyes soft and earnest, and Cullen wasn’t sure he was breathing. He’d been pushing those words away for weeks now, they drifted into his mind as he kissed her goodnight, when she laughed, head thrown back and nose scrunched up. They’d been on his lips when she’d held him in her bed the other night. But it was too soon, too fast to feel such things, to say such things wasn’t it? He was content to have her in his life, would take whatever pieces that she offered him. And yet, there she was, saying them. He wanted to accept them for the gift he knew they were, that it could have not been easy for her to give them to him. The words had been terrifying to him, if only because he feared that their utterance would shatter the perfection he’d found with her. With them. But she had said them first, and by the Maker, he wanted to give them to her too. 

“I love you too,” he said the words carefully, hoping that she might feel the weight of each one as they fell from his lips. 

Her responding smile made him lightheaded. She loved him. She  _ loved _ him. His lips crashed against hers a little too recklessly. He felt her smile as he cupped her face, wanting to memorize everything in that moment. The softness of her skin as he swept his fingers over her cheeks, the silken feel of her hair, and the soaring of his heart as she matched his enthusiasm in each movement of their lips. 

She was still smiling as she pulled away reluctantly, “I need to stir the soup.”

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” he asked. 

She shoved him away with a disbelieving laugh, “Go be useful or something and get your mind out of the gutter.”

He smiled as he held up his hands in surrender, “As my lady commands.”

“You are the worst. ‘Stir the soup’, really?” she shook her head, sides of her mouth still upturned. 

“I hear stranger things from the kids these days,” he joked. 

Mara raised an eyebrow, “Do you now?”

“I love you.”

“You know you can’t just say that and expect to get out of every argument,” Mara grinned. 

Cullen met her gaze for a moment, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” And even though forces continued to move beyond his control, everything within his warm kitchen was calm perfection. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* Hey there! Thanks for all of your wonderful comments last update and well wishes for the house hunting. We've actually bought a lot and are building a house! It wasn't what we thought we were going to do, but it all worked out so perfectly. It should be done exactly the same time our contract is up at our apartment so it's good, but life still has not really slowed down over here, so I'm going to maintain the every other week update schedule for now if that changes, I'll let you folks know. In case you're not on tumblr, I commissioned a piece of art for the beginning of Chapter 21 when Mara and Cullen leave the Drakon Building, and it is AMAZING. @dothethingdothething on Tumblr did such an amazing job. [Here's a link!](http://slothquisitor.tumblr.com/post/156596609256/slothquisitor-dothethingdothething) Thanks so much for reading, I'm excited to hear from you! And as always, thanks for reading!


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara tackles Adamant, while Cullen has an unexpected visitor.

They were wrapped up together, feet tangled in sheets, skin still cooling from whispered promises and feverish touches. Mara thought perhaps she might love this time best, the slow wind down from bliss, holding to each other with kisses stolen between bits of conversation. The stolen quiet between the business of their lives was it’s own sort of balm, and for a while Mara could pretend that nothing else existed outside of that simple upstairs bedroom. 

“Maybe we should go away this summer,” Cullen said, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder. 

“Away?” she asked, heart skipping at the possibility. 

“On a vacation, just us,” he pulled back to meet her gaze, “We’ll deserve it after this school year, don’t you think?”

Mara grinned, “Most definitely. Where would you want to go?”

“Anywhere,” he replied, resting his chin on her shoulder. His hair was mussed, half curled from her fingers working it loose. Her mind immediately began flitting through possibilities of authorial landmarks and places in beloved novels they could visit. 

“Oh no,” Cullen said. “I know that look. You’re going to suggest something literary.”

Before she could protest his hands were on her sides, tickling her as she tried to form words around laughter. 

“Like you didn’t think of historical landmarks,” she wheezed, trying to squirm away from him. 

His hands stilled as he laughed, “I did not.”

“Liar!” she tried to shift out of his grasp. 

He caught her wrists, “There’s something historical everywhere, so no matter what I say you’ll accuse me of making it boring.”

“Probably,” she agreed. 

He pressed a kiss to her collarbone, “So, is that a yes?”

“Yes Mr. Rutherford, I think it is,” she replied. 

He groaned, shaking his head, “Do not call me Mr. Rutherford in bed.”

“Mr. Rutherford your lecture today was so enthralling,” she teased. 

He frowned, “A student would not say enthralling.”

She continued in a breathy sigh, “You’re my favorite teacher.”

Cullen responding by blowing a raspberry on her breast, leaving her in a fit of laughter. He released her wrists to pull her against him, “Are you about done?”

She smiled, “Maybe.”

“I love you,” he whispered against her shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to punctuate the words. 

They’d said the words half a dozen times since the first time in the kitchen that evening, and now that the initial admission was out of the way neither of them seemed to be able to stop. She didn’t think she’d ever get enough of saying them or hearing them, but Cullen’s face each time was her favorite. It was so full of awe and hope that it made her heart ache. 

“I love you too,” she said, stretching to kiss him. 

He was still smiling when she pulled away, eyes crinkling in the corners, “Do we have to go to work tomorrow?”

“Nope, it’s cancelled,” she chuckled. 

“If only. At least it’s Friday.”

Mara frowned, going over lesson plans in her head, “I can’t even remember what I’m doing in third hour tomorrow.”

He gave her a slightly judgemental look and she swatted him, “Hey! It’s written down.”

“On a post-it note?” he asked innocently, in reference to the slew of post-its always scattered across her desk. 

“I do have a calendar thank-you-very-much,” she replied. 

Cullen propped his chin up on his hands, “Have you at least figured out what to do about Adamant? Isn’t your appointment tomorrow?”

Mara sighed, and rolled to her back to stare at the ceiling, “I don’t know.” Of course real life couldn’t be completely ignored.

He moved closer, draping an arm across her torso, “Do you want me to come with you?”

She chuckled, “Do you want to come?”

“No,” he admitted, “but I will go with you.”

“I know,” she replied, catching his hand and giving it a quick squeeze. “And I appreciate it.”

“You know, if anyone can fix this mess it’s you,” he said, voice steady sure. 

“That is exactly what I am afraid of. What if I can’t? What if all of you have put your faith in the wrong person?” she kept her eyes on the ceiling, unable to meet his gaze. 

He propped himself up on one arm to hover over her, bringing on hand to her cheek and forcing her to look at him, “They didn’t.”

“How can you be so sure?” 

Cullen rested his forehead against hers, “Because you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. You are strong, and clever, and amazing.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, cursing the burning in the corners of her eyes. 

He kissed her forehead and lay back down beside her, “You are welcome, my love.”

Her heart skipped several beats at the endearment, given so easily and she snuggled into him, and pushed all worries far away, at least for the evening. 

***

“It looks like some sort of fortress,” Dorian frowned as they pulled into Adamant Junior High’s parking lot. The building was varying shades of beige and brown, with few windows across the sprawling expanse of the school. Round towers rose up from the rest of the building here and there, breaking the squareness of the building. What few windows that existed were such a dark tint that they looked oily black in the winter sunlight. 

“Or a prison,” Varric said. 

“Well it is a junior high,” Mara replied, parking the car. 

Varric let out a low whistle, “Maker bless those teachers who deal with junior high kids everyday.”

“Oh Maker, can you imagine?” Dorian shook his head.

Mara shook her head, “You know they likely think the same of us, right?”

She didn’t need to turn and look at Dorian and Varric to know that they were exchanging an incredulous look behind her back, but she didn’t care. She was nervous enough as is, and talking didn’t seem to make it much better.  

“Deep breaths,” Mara whispered under her breath as she began walking towards the main doors. She was sure she was sweating through her blue blouse, felt as though she could feel the stress sweat showing for all to see. She pulled the heavy double doors open, with Varric and Dorian close behind. 

A smell lingered in the hallways, reminiscent of men’s body spray and pre-teen angst. The dark tile floors were littered with trash, mostly leftovers from lunch and stray papers. A janitor with red hair walked down the hallway with a wide broom, bright blue headphones on, he bobbed as he walked, barely taking notice of their presence. 

The main office was on the left, glass windows were bisected with metal wiring inside. Mara noticed that everything at Adamant was the same shade of brown: the doors, the window sills, the tile floor. The office was empty save one dwarf who sat behind the large desk. He was clean shaven, dark hair cropped closely on both sides and had a huge stack of grade reports and envelopes in front of him.  

“Hello,” he said cheerfully, “Can I help you?”

“Um yes, we have an appointment with Clarel. I’m Mara Lavellan from Skyhold,” she said. 

The dwarf winced, “Uh, she is sort of in an emergency meeting with the faculty in the auditorium.”

“Oh?” Mara said, trying to figure out what to do. 

“If you’ll just point us in that direction, that’d be wonderful,” Dorian smiled, leaning on the counter.  

“Sure, down the hall take a right, can’t miss the double doors,” the dwarf said. 

Mara waited until the office door closed behind them before she spoke, “Well, this is going well.”

Varric shrugged, “If things started going according to plan now what on earth would we do with all our extra time?”

“My grading would be caught up,” Dorian sighed. 

“Just give them all A’s, Sparkler,” Varric replied. 

Dorian rolled his eyes, “Chemistry is not Creative Writing.”

Before Varric could fire back she stopped and turned to them, “You want to do this now?”

“Shots fired,” Varric pointed handguns in the air and made ‘pew pew’ sounds. 

“Please remind me why you’re here again?” she asked. 

Dorian smiled, “Oh because apart from Josephine, we’re the two most diplomatic friends you have. And you’ve been known to get testy lately.”

“I have not been getting testy,” Mara seethed. 

“Case and point,” Varric gestured to her. 

Mara rolled her eyes pulled open the auditorium doors, “I hate you both.”

The auditorium had clearly been updated more recently than most of the rest of the school. The chairs were plush and a deep navy blue, contrasting with the silver flags along the walls. The silhouette of a gryphon stood out against the banners, the mascot of the school. And the stage was lit, bright and welcoming. The faculty barely filled the front quarter of the auditorium, but Clarel stood on the stage and next to her was Livius Erimond. 

“Shit,” Mara said. 

Clarel was tall, hair shaved close to her head. She was ex-military, and had two scars she’d picked up from those days, one on her cheek and one near her hairline. She was known as a woman who didn’t take shit, and that was what made her siding with Corypheus all the more confusing, but the presence of Erimond explained a lot. 

“What?” Varric asked, voice colored with concern. 

“Livius Erimond is what,” Mara said pointing him out. He stood on the stage near Clarel. He wore a simple v-neck sweater and his long brown hair was tied back.

“Tell me he doesn’t work for Corypheus,” Dorian whispered. 

She looked to Dorian and wished she could give him any amount of reassurance, but she couldn’t. She shook her head, and then Dorian and Varric were swearing too. 

“Teachers! We have been betrayed by the very school district that we do our best to serve,” Clarel said, voice strong and commanding. 

“Oh, this can’t be good,” Varric said.

“Give it a minute, let’s find out what she’s talking about,” Dorian held up a hand, and turned his attention to Clarel. 

The three of them stood together in the back of the auditorium, where it was dark and empty. Mara worried for a moment that they shouldn’t be there, but so far she doubted anyone had noticed their presence. Clarel and Erimond were the only ones facing them, but the lights were bright enough that it was likely they couldn’t even see them. 

“Let us tender our resignation to the district, and carry on independently. Livius has secured us the means, and by so doing we can protect our students,” Clarel said.

The teachers in the audience were murmuring in agreement, a few even clapped. How could anyone think that was a good idea? But from the way the teachers watched Clarel, it was clear they respected her, and perhaps they’d follow her all the way to their own doom.  

“Yeah, that got better,” Varric muttered. 

“Fuck,” Mara whispered. 

Dorian looked to her, “She probably has no idea Corypheus is their backing.” Dorian had figured it out first, the missing piece in all of this. Clarel hadn’t sided with Corypheus, she’d sided with Erimond, having no idea it was the same thing. 

“Can they even do that? Break away from the school district?” she asked Dorian. 

He shrugged, “There’s a first time for everything I suppose.”

“Are you going to do something about this?” Varric hissed. 

“Like what?” Mara asked rounding on him, unsure what Varric wanted of her. 

“I don’t know, stop them before the do something really stupid?” Varric suggested, gesturing to the stage.  

Before she really knew what she was doing she was walking up the aisle toward the stage where Clarel stood, “Clarel! If you lead your teachers to resign you’re doing exactly what Erimond wants!”

Clarel squinted and held up a hand against the bright lights on her, and Mara realized that Clarel probably had no idea who she was. “Mara Lavellan, from Skyhold. We had an appointment.” Clarel seemed to nod in understanding, and Mara hoped for a moment that might call an end to the meeting, and they might be able to discuss this in private. 

“What?” Erimond moved forward menacingly, and any hope of resolving the whole thing privately vanished. “Acting in the best interest of students? In the best interest of her educators? Who wouldn’t want that?”

“We could make the sacrifice no one else will,” Clarel replied, looking down at her from the stage. 

“Erimond doesn’t have your school’s best interests at heart, I promise you that,” Mara said, heart pounding. She wished she was better at this, give her a room full of teenagers and she could teach and give speeches all day, but set her up in a room of other teachers and she floundered. 

“Livius is an independent education consultant, if we thrive he thrives,” Clarel said with finality. 

Mara shook her head walking a few steps closer to the stage, “Most independent consultants don’t work with Corypheus. Erimond was a ‘consultant’ at Green Hills High School too, right up until Corypheus took it over.”

“Corypheus….but…” Clarel looked positively shaken. 

Clarel spun on Erimond, “Is this true?”

Erimond glared at Mara, “I am an independent consultant.”

“One that’s on Corypheus’s payroll?” Varric called from behind her.  

“That is none of your business,” Erimond spat. 

“Fair enough, I’d say it’s Clarel’s though,” Mara crossed her arms, planting herself in the spot. 

“We’ve been making positive changes here Clarel, don’t let anything they’re saying change that,” Erimond hastily said, arms outstretched as if he could reel in a situation that was quickly spiraling out of his control. 

Clarel moved away from him, “Everything we’ve been doing I thought would help strengthen us, protect my teachers. What have you done?”

Erimond sneered, “What have  _ I _ done, I have not made you do anything, they were all your calls Clarel.”

“Get out,” Clarel spat. 

Erimond looked absolutely penitent, “Clarel…”

“Enough!” Clarel gave him a withering stare, daring him to speak to her again. 

The faculty of Adamant all sat stunned in their chairs through the deafening silence that followed, and Mara wondered for a moment if Clarel might change her mind. Then the doors on the side of the auditorium burst open, revealing a giant red dragon. 

***

Cullen’s phone was buzzing for the second time in five minutes. It was Mia, and he knew what she wanted to talk about, and he didn’t want to. Not yet anyway. Not that Mia was going to take that for an answer. He’d let the first call roll to voicemail, promising himself that he’d call her once he was finished getting his grades finalized for the weekend. 

And then it lit up again, the the vibration driving it slowly across the desktop. If she was calling twice she was worried. He finally threw down his grading pen and picked up his phone. 

“Hello?” he pulled his glasses off, rubbing the spot where they sat on his nose. 

“So you are alive,” Mia said, voice exasperated. 

“Hello to you too,” he sighed. 

“Well it’s good to know that your phone works and that you know how to use it,” Mia said. 

Cullen was surprised at how angry she was, “Maker, Mia, what’s wrong?”

“Imagine my concern, when I get sent a news story all about you and your lyrium addiction being published in your local newspaper, and you’ve said nothing!” Mia said, anger leaking from the careful control of her voice. 

“Mia, I wasn’t keeping it from you. I just, honestly, it’s been a pretty rough week dealing with it, and I didn’t want you to worry,” he explained. 

Mia huffed, “Yes, and me finding out elsewhere really eliminated that.”

“Look, I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. I know the questions you want to ask, am I going to lose my job or how will this affect Skyhold? I have no answers,” Cullen said. 

“How’s Mara dealing with it?” Mia asked. 

Now that was something he could answer, “She’s been amazing. Did you expect anything less?”

“No, I didn’t. I wish you would have called and told me though. I was blindsided by some bimbo on social media sending me the article with a ‘isn’t this your brother’ sort of message,” Mia replied. 

Cullen sighed, “I’m sorry, Mia.”

His sister was quiet for a moment, “It’s okay. I’m just glad you haven’t been dealing with it all alone.”

Cullen looked at the banner that hung along his back wall, “Nope, definitely not dealing with it alone. I promise when I know more I’ll call you first thing.”

“Okay,” Mia said. He knew he could leave the conversation at that. That if he said he needed to go that Mia wouldn’t press him, but guilt overrode the desire to get off of the phone. 

“How is everyone?” Cullen asked, still looking at the banner. He couldn’t read any of the messages from the distance without his glasses, but he’d memorized more than a few of them by now. He could have sworn he could hear Mia’s answering smile on the other end of the phone.  

“The kids had another snow day today and I’m ready to pull my hair out,” Mia explained, “Sixteen inches of snow in twelve hours the other night, and then temperatures dropped to -22.”

“I don’t feel like Honnleath ever got that cold,” Cullen said, both impressed and a little horrified. 

Mia sighed, “I don’t either. You’re lucky you live two hours warmer.”

He chuckled, “It’s been pretty cold here too, but nowhere near that.”

“Well if this keeps up and we’re not trapped in this valley by snow we’ll come out there for the weekend, remember what it is to be warm,” Mia grumbled. 

“I don’t know if 28 degrees counts as warm, but you’re always welcome, you know that,” Cullen said. 

“We’ll be sure to give you and Mara plenty of warning,” Mia said. 

Cullen felt a slight blush rise to his cheeks, “What are you insinuating?”

Mia laughed, “Oh nothing. Hey, I’ve got to go, but I’ll touch base later.”

Cullen made a mental note to pester her about that later, “Alright.”

“Hey Cul,” she said quickly, “It was good to talk.”

“I know,” he replied, his phone beeped that the call had ended and he set it down on the desk. 

“Your older sister I presume?” came a voice in the doorway. 

Cullen cursed himself for the way he jumped at the speaker, cursed even more when he saw it was Samson, leaning casually in his doorway. 

“What are you doing here?” Cullen asked, fighting to keep his voice even. He gripped the armrest of his chair with his left hand, needing some release for the tension built up in his body, the desire to cross his classroom and beat Samson to a pulp. 

Samson strode forward, hand in his suit pocket, “Is that the sort of greeting you give to old friends?”

Cullen fought the urge to laugh, “We are not friends.”

Samson smiled, sunken cheeks contorting as he did so, “So as I understand it, you get to keep your job. For now.”

“No thanks to you,” Cullen growled. 

“Oh come now, I’m wounded. You really think I’d air all your dirty laundry for all to see?” Samson placed a hand over his heart, doing his best to look innocent. 

Cullen ground his teeth together before speaking, “Yes, but they’d probably not have listened if they knew anything about their informant’s past.”

“Yes well, reporters tend not to ask a lot of question when you hand them a story on a golden platter,” Samson replied. “How is our dear Mara faring at Adamant today?”

Cullen didn’t respond, a little unsure how Samson even knew. 

Samson laughed, “Oh, you didn’t think we’d know. How sweet. Well she is in for quite the surprise when she gets there.”

“What?” he asked, rising from his seat. 

Samson looked at his back wall, “Cute poster.”

“Samson,” Cullen said, it was an entreaty, as close as he’d get to pleading with him to tell him what Mara would find at Adamant. 

Samson grinned, “Ah, look at the time. Cheers.” He gave Cullen a mock salute as he walked out of the classroom, and Cullen resisted every instinct to chase him down and beat the information from him. 

Instead he called Mara’s cell, hoping she’d pick up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* I have finally emerged out of the gigantic pile of essays I was buried in for a week and a half. I hope you enjoyed this update, sorry for the bit of a cliffhanger! I always love hearing from you; thank you for reading! <3


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adamant, continued.

Everyone in the auditorium jumped at the sudden slamming open of the doors on the far side of the room. A giant red dragon emerged, its head was made of light fabric and it barely fit through the doors. Mara was still a little confused at the turn of events, and judging by the way the rest of the room sat in stunned silence, she wasn’t the only one. Finally, a woman appeared from underneath the dragon, looking at them with exasperation. 

“I thought I booked the auditorium for Chinese Club today, we have to practice our Dragon Dance,” the woman said. Students poked their heads out from underneath the dragon, each of them holding poles that held the dragon up. 

Mara exchanged a quick look with Dorian and Varric, the latter shrugged like he had no idea what to do. It was Dorian who recovered most quickly. 

“We were just finishing up here, I think. So the auditorium is all yours.” Dorian looked up to Clarel with a smile, checking to if she was going to bother to stop him.

“Honestly, the only way this gets worse at this point is if we end up swallowed by a hole or something,” Varric said loud enough only Mara and Dorian could hear. 

She glared at him. “Don’t jinx us.”

To their credit, Clarel’s staff waited for her to give them a slight nod before hurrying out. Erimond was still on the stage looking between all of them as if he couldn’t believe what had actually happened. 

“Hey Erimond,” Varric called, “pretty sure Clarel told you to get out.”

Erimond leveled a death stare in Varric’s direction. “I do not take my orders from you.”

Varric might have continued to egg him on if not for Clarel approaching them. Clarel didn’t stop as she walked, simply made eye contact with Mara and said quietly, “Ms. Lavellan, why don’t you come to my office?”

Clarel stopped once on her way up the aisle, whispering to a man that Mara assumed was the assistant principal, “Make sure that Erimond actually leaves.”

Mara followed, throwing one last glance back at the Chinese Club which was working very hard to get their very long dragon through the doors without breaking any part of it. The junior high kids were a little bit like herding cats, and their adviser looked absolutely like she was losing her patience as they tried to hit each other with their poles rather than get through the door.

Erimond had gotten off the stage, but stood in front if it alone, watching the teachers file out and Clarel slip from his grasp. Mara tried not to take too much pride in how dejected he looked. 

Dorian and Varric trailed behind her as she followed Clarel, hoping that the worst of all of this was behind them. Clarel walked quickly from the auditorium to her office, and no one spoke the entire way. 

Mara’s phone began vibrating in her pocket, but she ignored it. Whatever it was she was sure it could wait, she didn’t even glance at the caller, just hit the button to silence it completely. 

“Come on in,” Clarel said, leading them to a small office. The office was sparsely decorated, just a few pictures of the school on the walls, and a blue and silver griffon hanging over the window. The office was so different from Leliana’s bright and inviting space, that Mara paused as she entered. Perhaps it was intentional, junior high kids were known for being their own particular brand of terrible. The chairs were comfortable, so that was at least something. 

Clarel sank down into her chair heavily, looking inexplicably tired. “I had no idea Erimond was working for Corypheus.”

“Yeah, we’d gathered that,” Varric said as he took a seat. 

Mara gave him a warning look. “I only knew because of what happened at Green Hills.”

Clarel shook her head, “I have led Adamant to ruin.” It wasn’t true, though Mara supposed it almost had been. If Clarel had been successful it would have meant Corypheus would own Adamant, and could make sure that the students who would go to Skyhold wouldn’t. It would have meant that Skyhold’s enrollment would be low enough that it might sway those members of the school board to Corypheus’s side, and they hand over Skyhold as well. But it hadn’t happened, they’d arrived on time, and Clarel seemed genuinely sick over what might have been. 

“I disagree, I doubt there’s anything you’ve done so far that is irreversible enough to lead to ruin,” Mara said, hoping that what she was saying was true. 

“I have perhaps destroyed my staff’s faith in me.” Clarel’s head hung. 

Dorian leaned forward. “If I may, one meeting is not going to be enough to destroy their faith. Especially since it was on Friday afternoon. They’re all heading home thinking about how to spend their weekend, and probably not too much about what just happened. If their faith can be shaken by something that small, you never had their respect to begin with.”

“You made a wrong call, you trusted someone you thought was here to help. We’ve all done it,” Varric added. 

Mara nodded. “So, let’s get moving forward. What did you implement with Erimond?”

Mara felt her phone vibrate again, she shifted it within her pocket, and ignored it. 

***

After the third try, Cullen set his phone down. Why wasn’t she answering? And what on earth had Samson been on about? He wondered for a moment if Samson hadn’t meant anything by his comment and things at Adamant were fine, but if that was the case he was sure Mara would answer. 

He debated calling Leliana, but decided to run it past Cassandra first. He was positive she’d still be at the school, despite it being Friday afternoon. Cassandra worked as long of hours as he did. Well as he used to. Since being with Mara he’d found himself at the school a lot less often, but his classes didn’t seem to be suffering for it. Maker preserve him, he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it. 

The hallway outside his room was empty. It was late enough in the afternoon that even the students that routinely dawdled, who had sports practice, or were in the play had long since left. Even the janitors had finished going through everyone’s rooms already. He could see the light from Cassandra’s classroom shining on the dark tile floor as he approached. The rolling sound of The Halla’s classic “Hotel Amaranthine” echoed from her classroom. 

She glanced up when he walked in, turning her music down until it was a faint whisper in the background. Her desks were perfectly straight, classroom impeccably clean. Bookshelves lined the far wall, filled with history books and religious texts, both those he’d heard of and many more that he hadn’t. She had a few teaching books too, a one on assessment and a teaching history book that he had on his own shelf. A maroon flag hung over her desk, depicting a sword and an eye, the Inquisition banner from all of the old tales. He wasn’t even a bit surprised she had a copy. 

“You’re here late,” she commented turning back to her computer. 

“I could say the same for you,” he said, leaning up against a desk. 

She shrugged, “Work isn’t done.”

Maker, he knew how that was. He still had quizzes to grade on his desk, and he’d have been in there grading them if he had thought for a moment he’d be worth a decent stroke of work. He debated for a moment, about saying something to Cassandra, that perhaps he might be overreacting. 

In the end his pragmatism won out, what was there to be lost by telling her? “I had a visitor just now.”

Cassandra looked up at him then, cocking an eyebrow. “Who?”

“Samson.”

She threw down the pen she had in her hand. “Maker take him. Again?”

“Yes.” He took off his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose. 

“Why?” Cassandra asked, eyes blazing. 

He slid his glasses back into place. “That’s the thing. I’m not sure. He kept going on about Adamant and Mara finding a surprise there. I’ve been calling her, but it’s like she’s fallen through the Fade or something. She’s not answering.”

Cassandra frowned. “I wouldn’t be worried. Varric and Dorian are with her, and really, what is the worst that could happen?”

“I don’t know, that’s my concern,” Cullen replied. 

“Mara can handle herself,” Cassandra said. 

Cullen rubbed his neck. “I don’t question that, but why would Samson come here if there wasn’t something terrible waiting? Should I call Leliana?”

“To tell her that Samson was in her school again? Yes. About Mara, no. Not until you hear from her directly. Samson was likely hoping for this sort of reaction,” Cassandra said. 

That bothered him too. How easy it was for him to play right into whatever Samson and Corypheus wanted. He shouldn’t make it that easy for them. But Maker, he missed when the biggest problems in his life were what to teach the next day and not the future of the school. Teachers shouldn’t have to be sneaking around buildings and challenging another school’s principal. And he felt absolutely sidelined in the whole thing, especially after the news story. 

Cassandra leaned back in her chair. “Out with it.”

Cullen sighed. “I hate how useless I feel. I told Mara I didn’t want to go, especially after this week, but I feel just as useless as I did at the Drakon Building.”

“You’re not. Need I remind you that you brought in the bulk of the donations at that party? You’ve had a trying week, Mara will be able to handle this,” Cassandra replied. 

Cullen didn’t respond, glanced to the clock on the wall and tried not to worry. Cassandra resumed working at her computer, he could tell by the way her fingers clicked across the keys, but then they paused again.

“Things are going well for the two of you, aren’t they? Even after everything this week?” Cassandra asked cautiously. 

Cullen looked back at her, seeing for the first time the worry on her face. “Yes, we’re fine. Mara has been….more than I deserve.”

“Good.”

He nodded and then Cassandra sighed, “If you’re going to stand there until she calls you back, you can at least make yourself useful and file papers.”

“Your aides not getting the job done?” he asked as he wandered over to her file folders. He wasn’t sure he wanted to file papers, but Cassandra’s company was far better than being alone with his thoughts. 

Cassandra made a disgusted noise. “You have no idea.”

***

It turned out that things were not as bad as Mara had imagined. Nothing that Clarel had implemented was irreversible, and the things they were scaling back were likely going to make the staff very happy. It felt a little strange helping to make decisions at a school that wasn’t hers, but it also felt like the most useful thing she’d done all week. Everything else had felt so far out of her hands. She’d done what she could to help Cullen, but there was little left she could do but wait. At least at Adamant there was actual work to be done.  

Clarel was open to their ideas, and after a few moments of wallowing, she jumped into fix-it mode. Adamant was going to be fine, Mara decided, and that was the optimism that they pushed through their meeting with. As they were wrapping things up, Mara glanced out the small window, to see a sleek black car pull up in front of the school. 

Mara noted that Dorian was watching it as well, then she noticed Livius Erimond approaching it. He must not have left the school as they thought. Someone exited the car, and Mara recognized the sandy blonde hair immediately. 

Calpernia. 

“Shit,” she said, eyes locked on the window. 

Clarel turned to see what had caught Mara’s attention. “Why hasn’t he left yet?”

“Likely because he was waiting for her,” Dorian replied, voice tight. 

“Who is she?” Clarel asked. 

“Calpernia, she works for Corypheus,” Mara explained. “Clarel, I think we should call this for today, we’re happy to help with anything in the future, but I’m going to go talk to Calpernia before she leaves.”

Clarel nodded. “Yes, of course. I appreciate everything you’ve done for us. I think we can handle things from here.”

Mara offered her a hand. “Good luck.”

Clarel shook each of their hands as they hurried out of the office. The front desk assistant had left, and the school felt eerily empty as they walked out the front doors. Calpernia’s hands were on her hips and she was yelling at Erimond with barely contained fury. Erimond’s shoulders were slumped, Calpernia’s disapproval clearly getting to him. Mara didn’t want to admit she felt a little bad for the guy. 

“Calpernia, how nice to see you,” Mara said as she walked towards the pair of them. She didn’t want to appear in a hurry, but she was very worried that Calpernia was going to walk away, and that she wouldn’t get the chance to talk to the woman. 

In all of her experience with Corypheus, Calpernia seemed like the most reasonable of the group. Calpernia had even taken teacher’s sides on occasion. Samson would likely never be persuaded to see things differently, but Calpernia? She seemed as if she really believed what they were doing was right, so she was their best shot. 

Calpernia frowned, crossing her arms over her gray sheath dress. “Ms. Lavellan, Livius said you were here.”

“Turns out, Clarel had no idea he worked for you folks,” Mara replied, trying not to sound too accusing. 

“I told you, I’m an independent consultant,” Livius hissed. 

“Who is getting verbally dressed down by Corypheus’s right hand woman?” Dorian asked pleasantly. 

Livius opened his mouth to say something back but Calpernia pointed to the car. “Get in, Livius.”

He followed her instructions like some petulant child and Calpernia glared at all three of them. “So I assume you’re here to gloat.”

Mara shook her head. “Actually, we just hoped we could talk.”

Calpernia’s eyes narrowed. “I did not think you so civilized.”

“You realize that once you’ve served your purpose with Corypheus he’ll toss you aside like everyone else he no longer has need for. Right now you are no better than a mindless tool, enslaved to his will,” Mara said, deciding to put it all out there. 

Calpernia’s careful mask cracked for a moment, “That...where I come from idle tales must be proven.”

“Fair enough. In the meantime I think you should be very critical of your employer,” Mara said. “He’s known for being ruthless and you’ve seen it, there’s no reason to believe he wouldn’t turn on you too.”

Calpernia shook her head. “You have no idea how out of your depth you are here.”

“That is exactly why I am talking to you. I know just how out of my depth I am.”

Calpernia regarded her for a moment, as if trying to figure out what her play was. Finally she straightened her dress and threw her shoulders back. “I know you’re doing what you think is best, and so I wish you luck, but know that we are doing what we think is best as well.”

“Best for whom, I wonder,” Dorian entreated. 

Calpernia began walking to the car. “The students, of course.”

She slid into the back seat and the car purred away. Mara turned to look at Varric and Dorian. “Well, it was worth a shot.”

Varric crossed his arms. “It was. Not sure it did much.”

Mara shrugged. “Maybe it’ll get her thinking, who knows?”

She reached into her pocket to pull out her phone, glancing at the time, but suddenly remembering the missed calls. There were three from Cullen. 

“Oh man,” she said, immediately calling him back. 

Dorian looked at her. “What?”

“Cullen called three times while we were in there,” she explained.

She put the phone up to her ear while Varric and Dorian exchanged a knowing look. 

***

Cullen had found solace in the menial work of filing papers. Cassandra had turned her music up loud enough that they’d both laughed and they worked in companionable silence until his phone began vibrating on the counter next to the filing basket. 

Cassandra could hear the vibration and immediately turned down her music. Cullen was relieved to see Mara’s picture appear on the screen before he brought the phone up to his ear. 

“Hello.”

“Hey, I got your calls. Is everything alright?” 

He cursed the worry in her voice, knowing he was the cause of it. But hearing her voice on the other line was like a burst of fresh air. But if her first concern was him, then it meant Adamant was at least okay. 

“Yes, are you alright?” he asked. 

She sounded relieved. “Oh yeah, just finishing up at Adamant, it was a bit of a mess but things are fine enough now.”

“Samson was here, mentioned you might find a surprise there,” he said. 

Mara paused, “What? Why was he at Skyhold? And if he means Livius Erimond, then yes, I definitely found him.”

“And a dragon!” Cullen heard Dorian call in the background. 

“Dragon?” Cullen asked, confused. 

He heard Mara sigh on the other end. “Yes, I’ll explain in person because these two are impatient.”

“CELEBRATORY DRINKS!” Varric’s voice unmistakably yelled. 

Mara was laughing. “You want to meet us at The Herald’s Rest?”

Cullen had far too many questions for the moment, but figured they were best answered in person. “Yeah, I’m bringing Cassandra too.”

Cassandra gave him a confused look. 

“That is a great idea,” Mara replied. “I will see you there!”

“On our way,” Cullen said by way of goodbye, hanging up the phone. 

Cassandra’s eyes narrowed. “Where are we going?”

“Herald’s Rest, to celebrate a victory at Adamant as I understand it,” Cullen said. 

Cassandra looked at the work on her desk, “I’m not done yet.”

“It’ll keep,” he said, trying to sound convincing. 

“Cullen Rutherford, I never thought you’d persuade me to put aside grading, and ahead of the end of the term too,” Cassandra joked. 

Cullen chuckled. “What can I say, I’m a bad influence.”

“You owe me a drink,” she said as she stood from her desk, shutting her computer down. 

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was thinking how I might translate Adamant into a modern setting, I kept thinking about the dragon. The only time I've seen a dragon during teaching was when Chinese Club did a dragon dance for us as part of Multicultural Week, and this seemed to fit well enough. No one actually fell through the Fade and confronted a nightmare demon, but I hope it was still fun. Thanks so much for reading!


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break arrives, and with it a trip to Wycome Mara has been dreading.

The gloomy months of winter sped by; Mara felt as if she’d blinked and it was suddenly spring. The month of Guardian, despite having no school breaks, slipped by faster than Mara believed possible. Suddenly, it was Drakonis.  

Mara kept wondering where the time had gone. One moment it was Wintermarch and they were dealing with the fallout from the news story and Adamant, the next it was Guardian and they were spending the day in the mountains with Cullen’s siblings. They’d met up at a ski resort about halfway between Denerim and South Reach. It had been fun to see Cullen with his siblings, and doing something he so clearly loved. He’d been more reserved since the news story, but that day his smiles were easy and his laughter frequent. 

She had been unsurprisingly dreadful at skiing, despite both Cullen’s and Rosalie’s repeated attempts to help her. After a morning struggling to remain upright, she choose to spend the afternoon with Matthew keeping an eye on Henry. Cullen had reluctantly left her to go with his siblings and do some actual ski runs. 

She and Matthew had spent the afternoon helping Henry up the short tow line and down the small hill over and over again. When Henry had run out of energy, they’d spend the rest of the afternoon in the warm lodge with hot cocoas and Henry sleeping on the bench beside them. Cullen had later apologized, but Mara had enjoyed getting to know Matthew. It had been nice to be reminded that she wasn’t the only one in the group not born a Rutherford. Matthew understood what it was to come into their family, the challenges that came with it. As she’d said goodbye to Cullen’s siblings she was genuinely sad to leave their company. 

That ski day had been the only break in the monotony that their weeks had become. It wasn’t unwelcome; it was nice for things to not feel like they were constantly falling apart, and in that time she and Cullen had fallen into a schedule. School during the week, dinner together most nights, and trading off weekends at each other’s houses. Her life had never been filled with more laughter, with more happiness. Which was why the realization that spring break was upon them had hit her like a splash of ice water. 

Most years she had counted down the days, even hours, to spring break. This year though, it seemed that even subconsciously she was avoiding what spring break meant. She’d been so busy, so caught up with life that she’d hardly had time to dread the promised trip to Wycome. 

The departure flight was late Friday afternoon, so that they didn’t miss any of the school day. While their return flight was Tuesday morning, so at least not all of spring break would be spent in Wycome. 

Like anything else she wasn’t excited for, the flight arrived much too soon for her liking. In a haze of security lines, rushing to their gate, and the stress that she always felt when it came to travel Mara couldn’t believe the time to go had already arrived. 

She was seated next to Cullen as the plane pulled away from the gate. She’d put her earphones in not long after sitting down; hoping that music would have a calming effect. Her nerves had been on a constant simmer since the reality of the trip had settled in as she was packing the night before. She wasn’t looking forward to going back to her hometown, and the fact they were flying there wasn’t exactly helping. 

The plane lurched forward as it sped down the runway. Mara felt her body press into the not comfortable enough seat, and Cullen’s hand found hers, gripping it firmly through the shaking and stomach dropping take off. 

The sun had set quickly once they were in the air, and Cullen’s hold on her hand had gone slack as he dozed in the darkening cabin. Mara had stared out the window, watching Ferelden and soon the Waking Sea pass below them in the last rays of light. 

Mara’s stomach churned and it had nothing to do with the fast food they’d quickly devoured at their gate prior to boarding. Despite arriving at the airport earlier than planned thanks to Dorian’s insane driving, security had been a nightmare, taking far longer to get through than either of them had anticipated. She’d been quietly stressing about missing their flight for a full forty-five minutes, and it had exhausted her. She tried closing her eyes, but she was unable to sleep unlike Cullen who had nodded off as soon as they reached cruising altitude. 

He’d protested when she’d insisted on buying his ticket, but eventually she’d been able to get him to give in. It was the least she could do, a pilgrimage to her parent’s gravesite wasn’t exactly a vacation. She was the one dragging him up to the Free Marches, she could at least pay for him to come along. She’d booked a hotel too, something she was sure she was going to catch hell for from Deshanna in person. Over the phone she’d been so hard to read, but seemed pleased that Mara was at least coming. 

Deshanna held always held tightly to Dalish ways, but most especially after Mara’s parents had died. Mara’s reluctance to make the annual trip to her parent’s gravesite had been a source of contention ever since the gravestones had been placed. The reluctance had nothing to do to with not loving or respecting her parents, but Deshanna had decided that anyway. 

Cullen awoke when the plane began its descent, he pulled his glasses off to rub his eyes and he hardly looked rested despite the sleep. 

“Everything okay?” he asked as she put his glasses back in place. 

“I don’t know,” Mara sighed. “I’m nervous.”

His eyes were soft, understanding. “I know.”

“And we don’t even see her until tomorrow.” Mara shook her head. “It’s just been a while.”

“A year?” he asked. 

She nodded, and looked back out the window at the lights of Wycome growing brighter and larger as the plane dropped lower. The last school she’d taught at had been near Wycome, a small town on the other side of where she’d grown up. Before that she’d bounced around the Free Marches at several schools. Wycome had been difficult to deal with since her parent’s deaths. This trip felt too much like a homecoming, and it would put her right in the heart of everything she’d worked so hard to avoid. 

Cullen’s fingers linked again with hers. “It’s going to be fine.”

She glanced back at him. “Thank you for coming.”

He brought her hand up to his mouth and pressed so soft kiss to the back of her hand. “Of course.” 

The plane descended more rapidly, and Mara sucked in deep breaths as the airport came into view and the plane touched down. She could almost sense the change in the air, feel the warmth and humidity that was just outside her window in the dark night. 

They’d arrived in Wycome.

***

Cullen followed Mara through the airport, it was a little past midnight but the airport was still abuzz with activity. People mostly sat at gates, waiting for their flights. Most of the restaurants were all closed up, lights darkened and metal gates dropped over the entrances. 

He could tell that Mara was tired, she didn’t have the same bounce in her step as she usually did. They still had a bag to wait for and a rental car to pick up before they’d be able to go to their hotel. 

“This place never seems to change,” Mara commented as they rode the escalator down to the baggage carousels. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, leaning against the rail. 

She shrugged. “Looks exactly the same way it always has, right down to the weird brown tile.”

The tile was a weird brown and beige, fanning out into circle designs. Cullen had to admit that the place did feel a little aged, despite the bright signs advertising exotic locations and five-star hotels. 

“You doing okay?” he asked. She’d been keyed up for most of the flight, but as they’d landed it had gotten markedly worse. 

They stepped off the escalator. “I’ll be better when I can go to sleep.”

He slipped his hand into hers. “Let’s pick up your bag and we can get out of here.”

She nodded in response and they walked towards the carousels. 

They’d only checked one bag, most of what he’d packed fit in a small carry-on, but he’d packed a few things in her bag so he wouldn’t have to worry about the size of his toothpaste or putting everything in tiny containers. Their flight number flashed over the far carousel and they stood their watching for the ordinary black bag as the carousel turned round and round. Cullen recognized the faces gathered around the area as those from their flight; all of them stood waiting for their bags. Every time a black one rose up on the conveyor belt he got excited, but it was never theirs. Beside him, Mara was slowly getting more and more distressed. Bags had stopped coming up, and every bag on the carousel was claimed. 

“Oh no,” Mara said. 

The carousel hadn’t stopped moving yet. “Give it a few minutes, I’m sure it’s coming.”

They stood there watching the empty carousel spin and finally stop. Then Mara turned to Cullen. “What now?”

He picked up his small bag. “It looks like there’s someone in the airline’s office. Let’s go talk to them.”

Mara rubbed her eyes, too exhausted to even be upset. She sighed. “Okay.”

Cullen silently wondered what her reaction would be if they hadn’t just gotten off a long flight and if she hadn’t been corralling rowdy teenagers all day. He opened the door to the airline office, it was a closet-sized space with only a counter and a single person behind it. A dusty fake plant stood in the far corner, probably in some misguided attempt to bring a little brightness in, but Cullen just felt crowded. 

The woman behind the desk met them with a bored voice. “How can I help you?”

“Our bag didn’t come off the carousel,” Mara explained. Cullen could hear the strain in her voice, as she attempted to be patient. 

“Flight number?”

Mara gave it, and Cullen stood there feeling utterly useless. 

“Name?”

“Mara Lavellan.”

The woman looked at them through caked on mascara, “One moment.” The woman’s keyboard clicked as she worked, and he and Mara stood their in tense silence waiting for good news. 

The woman frowned, “I’m sorry, your flight was part of a connection that continued on to Rivain. Your bag was loaded on a flight to Rivain.”

“Shit,” Mara replied, leaning on the counter. “So when can you get it back here?”

The woman looked at her computer for a moment, “Tomorrow night at the latest, if you give me an address I’ll have it sent over, no charge.” 

Mara was stressed and worried enough already, and he wanted nothing more than to make it better. “Is there no way to get it sooner?”

“Afraid not, we don’t have any flights coming in from Rivain until tomorrow,” the woman replied. 

He was sure that Mara wanted to snap, but instead she gave the woman a smile and said, “Thank you.” 

After providing the address they left the cramped office. Mara was walking quickly, backpack slung over her shoulder. “Come on, rental car is this way.”

Cullen rushed to catch up with her. “Sorry about all that.”

Mara didn’t stop walking, and shook her head. “Let’s just deal with it tomorrow. I’m so done at this point.”

Cullen nodded. “Alright?”

Mara took a deep breath, eyes quickly scanning the signs. “This way.”

At least picking up the rental car went smoothly. And less than thirty minutes later they were driving along the dark highway away from the airport. Mara had been annoyed with him for grabbing the keys and insisting on driving. Even he had admitted that her argument that she knew where they were going made sense, but she was exhausted so he’d asked for her to be navigator instead. She hadn’t put up much of a fight when they reached the car, and that told him everything he needed to know about how she was feeling. 

Cullen thought the room Mara had booked them in was nice, perhaps a little nicer than necessary. It was large, with a king bed and a small living room area connected to a small kitchen. They’d be comfortable there for a few days. Mara had immediately disappeared into the bathroom and so he began digging through his bag to find something she could wear to sleep in, they would handle everything else in the morning. 

“Ugh, my toothbrush was in my bag too,” Mara complained as she walked out of the bathroom. 

Cullen glanced to his bag, contemplating offering her his. 

Mara glared at him. “Don’t even think about it, Rutherford. We are not that kind of couple. We’ll run to a store tomorrow and pick me up a few things.”

He rubbed his neck and chuckled. “I found a shirt you can borrow for tonight, is that acceptable?”

Mara shrugged, “You’re the best, sorry this trip is already shit.”

He tossed her the shirt, “Hey, the trip is just beginning.”

“That is exactly what what I’m worried about.”

***

The morning was so far not feeling much better than the night before. Both she and Cullen had awoken earlier than they had wanted to, both making some comment about how their careers had ruined them for sleeping in. They had made their way to the lobby for a subpar free breakfast, and then they’d gone out to pick up a few things to tide her over until her bag arrived. 

Mara didn’t consider herself very high maintenance, but the loss of her bag was incredibly annoying to her. She could easily make do without a few things, but things like deodorant were too much of a necessity to ignore. The local super store was much busier than she expected it to be as early as it was. Mara tried not to throw her items in her basket with too much annoyance. Cullen was on the other side of the store picking up some snacks and the like to stock the room. They’d decided to divide and conquer, hoping that it would be faster. 

“Creators! Mara Lavellan?” Mara looked up from the two types of mascara she’d been contemplating to see Christy, a woman she knew from high school, at the end of the aisle. 

“Christy!” Mara feigned enthusiasm. 

“What are you doing here?” Christy asked with a smile, striding to her and pulling her into an awkward hug. 

“Just visiting Deshanna, and my bag got lost on the way,” Mara explained, holding up the mascara. 

Christy nodded in understanding. “Well, you look the same as ever!”

Mara wasn’t sure if it was a slight or a compliment, but she smiled all the same. “You too!”

Christy had changed though, her long hair had been cropped short and her face had grown a little longer. 

“Well, I wish I’d known you were coming into town. How long are you here for? The gang is all getting together tonight, you should join us!” Christy said. 

Mara shifted from foot to foot. “I don’t know. We’re here to spend the anniversary with Deshanna, you know.”

Christy looked confused. “What anniversary?”

Mara wished she hadn’t mentioned it. “It’s ten years this year.”

Christy’s eyes went wide. “Creators, has it been that long? Wow.”

Mara nodded, hoping that the whole encounter wouldn’t last much longer. 

“Deshanna still goes to bed like clockwork I assume, as soon as the news is over. She probably hasn’t changed since we were in high school trying to sneak out. So head on over to Jack’s after that or whenever you can break away.”

“I don’t know…” Mara wanted to just refuse, but she didn’t want to be rude. 

“Come on! You’ve got to come, everyone will flip that you’re in town!” Christy smiled. 

Cullen entered the aisle, stopping a few paces away so as not to interrupt. Mara gestured him over.  

Christy grinned. “You didn’t say you’d brought someone.”

Mara tried at a smile worried it was more of a grimace. “Must have slipped my mind. Christy, this is Cullen. Cullen this is Christy, we went to high school together.”

Cullen offered her a smile and his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

Christy looked positively thrilled at Cullen’s presence. “I’m just trying to convince Mara to come meet up with the gang tonight.”

Cullen glanced to her, clearly understanding the reluctance, “I know we’ve got a lot to pack in over the next few days.”

Christy nodded, “Alright, well I’ll message you the details and we’ll hopefully see you there!”

Mara gave her a wave goodbye and threw one of the mascara options in her basket without another glance at it. “Welcome to Wycome.”

Cullen chuckled, “She seemed nice.”

Mara sighed. “That’s Christy. She’s always nice. I just don’t know if I want to deal with everyone  _ and _ Deshanna this trip.”

“Might not be so bad,” he offered, adjusting his hold on his basket. 

“So far this trip has been just as bad as I thought it might be,” she admitted. 

“Let’s get out of here then. But I’ll go if you want to,” Cullen replied. 

Mara wasn’t sure what she wanted, but she gave him a nod. She needed to deal with Deshanna first, and then maybe she could worry about everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just really proud to be putting out this chapter a little earlier than usual on this lovely Thursday. I managed to get this ready to go despite the end of term hell I've been in. So there's that. Thanks so much to all of you folks who read this and leave such wonderful comments, and even those that don't. I'm just so grateful to have an audience to share this with :)


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara introduces Cullen to her aunt and some Wycome friends.

By midafternoon it was raining in Wycome. The warmth and humidity was nearly oppressive after coming from the still chilly weather of Denerim. It reminded him of Kirkwall, and that certainly wasn’t a good thing. As if things couldn’t get worse, Cullen’s hair refused to cooperate being far more curly than he preferred. He wasn’t feeling exactly ready to make a great first impression with Mara’s aunt. 

Mara drove their small, gutless rental car through Wycome and deep into the suburbs. The houses flew by out the window in a haze of blurry rain. Cullen wanted to ask questions about the area, about what memories Mara had there, but from the way she was gripping the steering wheel, he decided it was better not to. She would tell him things when she was ready to do so, and not before. 

“So, what do I need to know to make a good first impression?” Cullen asked, hoping that the topic might help calm her. 

She didn’t take her eyes off the road. “Your name isn’t Mara, so you’ve already got that going for you.”

It obviously hadn’t worked. “Hey, she’s going to be excited to see you. She was the one who wanted you to come up.”

“Right.” But Mara didn’t sound convinced. 

Mara slowed as they entered a small neighborhood and stopped in front of small white house. It was obscured by two massive pine trees in the front yard. It was an older home, and even from the driveway it was charming. 

“It was my grandparent’s house,” Mara explained as she got out of the car. 

It was just sprinkling then as Cullen exited the car, looking around the quiet neighborhood. Mara led them up the sidewalk, and he noticed that there were names carved in the cement. “Who was Milando?”

Mara stopped, and looked down at the names without really seeing them. “My grandfather.”

“Did he build the house?” Cullen asked. 

“Yeah, Deshanna moved in when he died, took care of my grandmother until she died.”

“Oh.”

Mara shrugged. “I was only five when she died. I don’t remember much of her.”

“I’m sorry,” Cullen replied. 

They walked up the crumbling cement steps, the screen door screeched as Mara opened it up to knock on the light green door beyond. It only took a few moments before the door opened, revealing a woman a few inches taller than Mara. Her brown hair hung just above her shoulders, her blue striped blouse made her gray-green eyes even more striking. And though she smiled, Cullen didn’t get the feeling she was truly happy to see them. 

“Mara,” she said, pulling Mara into a stiff hug. “So glad you’re here.”

“Good to see you Aunt Deshanna,” Mara said. 

“And you must be Cullen,” Deshanna said, releasing her niece and giving him an assessing look. 

Cullen outstretched his hand; she took it tentatively. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“And you, I’ve heard about you from Mara. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Deshanna smiled. “Why don’t you come in out of the rain?” 

Cullen glanced over ot Mara, who gave him an encouraging smile and so he followed Deshanna into the house. 

***

Deshanna had signalled Cullen to walk into the house before she locked elbows with Mara, “So that’s why you stayed at a hotel instead of here.”

Mara tried not to stiffen at the remark, “Yes, I didn’t want you to have to worry about entertaining the whole time I was here.”

“It would have been fine,” Deshanna insisted, but to Mara it felt less than genuine. 

“This is fine too,” Mara replied. It seemed to her that no matter what decision she made, Deshanna was always unhappy with some facet of it. She really thought Deshanna wouldn’t have been happy to lodge both of them, that staying at a hotel would be easiest for everyone. 

Deshanna shot her look that told her that she didn’t agree at all. Then she floated into the living room. Deshanna’s house hadn’t changed a bit since Mara had last been there. She still had the same red couches that had been there when Mara had been in high school. They were more for looks than they were comfortable, and Mara always had to take the pillows off to be any semblance of comfortable on them. 

The place was impeccably clean, almost oppressively so. It made Mara nervous to touch things, as if some irreparable damage would be done. The gallery wall of photos was still there too, and Mara knew the photos that hung hadn’t changed without even looking at them. 

Cullen was nervous, his hand had flown to his neck twice since entering the house. When he wasn’t rubbing his neck, his fingers were clenching and unclenching. She wished she had some sort of encouragement to give him, but truthfully she didn’t know what to tell herself. 

“So, how is Denerim?” Deshanna asked, sitting on the chair opposite the couch that Mara and Cullen had sunk into. They were seated as far as possible on the couch, and Mara knew that Deshanna’s comment had gotten to Cullen as well. 

“It’s good, I really like the school I’m working at,” Mara answered. 

Deshanna nodded, “Oh good. You both work at the same school, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Cullen replied. 

Deshanna clasped her hands in her lap. “Doesn’t that get difficult, to separate work and your relationship? And maintaining professionalism too?”

Mara did her best to try not to take any of it as a slight. “Well, as teachers we’re mostly in our own classrooms teaching more than anything else, so not very hard.”

“How long have you been a teacher Cullen?” Deshanna asked, turning her attention away from Mara. 

Cullen straightened. “This is my fifth year.”

“And have you always been a teacher?”

“Um...no. I was in the army for several years as well,” Cullen explained. 

Mara knew Deshanna well enough to know that she wasn’t terribly impressed with Cullen, and that she had no interest in his past, but it was an easy enough subject, so she kept asking questions. 

“Oh, where did you serve?” Deshanna asked. 

It went like that for a while, the polite small talk that never did more than skim the surface. At least Deshanna hadn’t turned her laser focus on her, yet. 

Once Deshanna seemed to have run out of questions for Cullen, she turned back to Mara. “So you fly back on Tuesday?”

Mara nodded, and it was almost as if she could feel Cullen relax. “Yeah, that’s right.”

Deshanna frowned, “You’re not here for very long.”

Mara did her best not to be annoyed by the comment. “I know, have things to do back in Denerim over the break too.”

“Alright, so are you planning on sticking it out at this school or moving on to another right away again?” 

Mara was sure that Cullen had stiffened beside her. “I have no plans to change schools.”

“Things can always change, you didn’t seem to have plans to leave any of the others until suddenly you were moving,” Deshanna smiled. 

Mara reminded herself that her aunt had a point. “That’s true, but for now no plans.”

“Alright then. I made reservations at that Italian place you love for tonight,” she said. 

Mara was touched that Deshanna even remembered the small obscure restaurant that was one of the few things she missed about her hometown. “That’s great, I was hoping I’d get to take Cullen there while we were here.”

“Good, tomorrow night I’m making dinner after we go to the cemetery. I think your cousin Greg and his family are going to join us,” Deshanna said. 

Greg certainly wasn’t her favorite person on the planet, but he was family. “Sounds great.”

“Anything else you want to do while you’re here?” 

“Nope, we haven’t made any plans.” 

Deshanna’s brow furrowed, “None? There’s no one else you wanted to see while you were here?”

Cullen glanced over to her, asking silent permission to mention their run in that morning. Mara could tell he was trying to help, so she gave him a small nod. 

“Well, we ran into a friend of Mara’s at the store this morning, and they invited us out tonight,” Cullen explained. 

“Who?”

“Christy,” Mara answered. 

“Well, you should definitely go,” Deshanna said. Deshanna had always liked Christy, so at least there was no disapproval in her voice over the plan. 

Mara nodded, “I didn’t know what plans with you were so I didn’t give them a definite answer.”

Deshanna glanced at the clock, “I made the reservation for six, so we’ve still got a while, but we’ll keep it short so you can go out.”

The conversation stalled a bit for a time, Deshanna filled the silence talking about Greg and his family, and her work. Mara knew that once Deshanna began talking that it didn’t take much prompting to keep her going. Cullen seemed to figure it out too, asking questions to keep her talking, to keep her focus off of them. 

Mara hated that they could sit and talk for a few hours and yet she never felt like they  _ really  _ talked. It was all so superficial; she didn’t know her aunt, and her aunt didn’t really know her. The worst part was that Mara knew she was partially to blame, but if she ever asked a question of any real substance it always seemed to get shut down, traded out in favor of something less difficult. Things were always perfect, or at least it was important to Deshanna to pretend that they were. After far too long of the useless chatter, Mara excused herself to go to the bathroom. She hoped that a few minutes away might help her figure out a way to make it through the rest of the evening. 

***

Mara left the room, and Cullen could tell by the way she held herself that she was internalizing all of the tension in the room. Deshanna excused herself to get her coat, leaving Cullen alone in the living room. He stood, walking over to the gallery wall of photographs that hung on the far wall. 

Cullen realized as he looked at the photos that he had no idea what Mara’s parents had even looked like, or their names, anything about them. Mara didn’t talk about them, and he knew enough of what that was like not to ask. But perhaps he should have. 

There was one photograph that caught his attention, a young Mara grinning between two people that had to be her parents. Her mother had the same blond hair and willowy build, but she had the same green eyes as her father. They were standing on a bridge in front of a waterfall, and Mara was so young. Her green eyes were clear, smile weightless. 

“My brother, Alan’din, and his wife Norah. That was taken about five months before the accident,” Deshanna explained. 

“I’ve never seen a photo of them before,” Cullen said, looking away from the photograph to Deshanna. 

“Mara has boxes of them...I don’t know that she’s ever opened them,” she replied. And Cullen remembered how when they’d walked into the living room Mara had purposely avoided looking at this wall. 

“Mara is just like Alan. Stubborn, headstrong, but she looks like Norah,” Deshanna said, and her voice sounded almost wistful. 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Cullen said, understanding the sadness. He knew what it was like to carry the weight of it. 

Deshanna didn’t look away from the photograph. “I lost all three of them in the accident.”

Cullen wasn’t sure what to say, only that he understood. That some part of him had died along with his mother too, that loss was a funny thing. That people expected you to be over it at a certain point, for it not to have somehow become an absolute part of you. 

Deshanna turned away from the photographs, as if they were to painful to bear looking at any longer. She ran a hand through her brown hair and smoothed out invisible wrinkles in her blouse. 

Mara reappeared, face tight when she noticed where Cullen was standing, what he had inevitably been looking at. “If we don’t get moving we’ll miss our reservation.”

Deshanna grabbed her keys from a small blue bowl on the counter, “I’ll drive.”

He followed Mara through the kitchen where Deshanna opened a door to the garage. He slipped his hand into hers, making her pause for a moment. “Are you okay?”

Mara shook her head. “No, but we can’t talk now.”

Then she pulled her hand away and disappeared into the garage. 

***

Mara supposed that things with Deshanna hadn’t gone as terribly as she imagined that they might, but dinner had still been uncomfortable at best. They’d left Deshanna’s only a few minutes ago. Cullen had taken the driver’s seat and Mara was directing him through the familiar streets to Jack’s. 

“Your aunt seemed nice,” Cullen said. She was surprised, she’d expected that her aunt’s interrogation would have lost her points with him.  

Mara watched the lights of Wycome pass by, “You think so?”

“Yes,” Cullen replied. 

“That’s good.” Deshanna had been pleasant, Mara supposed. She’d been friendly enough to Cullen, and for that Mara was grateful. She quietly worried that she was severely over analyzing the whole thing. 

“What’s wrong?” Cullen asked. 

“I don’t know, she’s just so hard to talk to and I never know what she’s thinking,” Mara explained. Things hadn’t felt to Mara like they were going well, despite Deshanna being talkative and friendly. Mara just always felt as if she was putting her foot in her mouth when it came to Deshanna. There were a few times over the course of the evening when a comment Mara had made had earned her a disapproving frown from her aunt, though it had disappeared so quickly Mara thought she might have imagined it. 

Cullen focused on the road. “I thought things went well at dinner, you two seemed to get along.”

“Did we?” Mara asked, running a hand through her hair. “I’m never sure with her.”

“I think she’s just as unsure with you,” Cullen said. 

“What makes you say that?”

“Something she said while you were gone, about losing you along with your parents in the car accident. I don’t think Deshanna knows how to connect with you, and I don’t think you make it any easier by analyzing every single thing she says and does to death.”

Mara sidestepped the comment, filing it away for later. “It’s a good thing we’re going to Jack’s, I need a drink.”

“Who all should I expect to see there?” Cullen asked, letting the topic drop. Mara knew it was just for now though. 

“All of my exes, that’s for sure.”

Cullen glanced at her, looking a little alarmed. 

“I’m kidding. Turn here.”

Cullen chuckled. “I’m not sure I’m ready to face the family and all of the exes in the same day.”

Mara sighed. “Me either.”

When Cullen had parked he looked over at her, he seemed to notice how she was staring at the outside of Jack’s trying to build up the courage to go in. “We don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.”

Mara nodded. “I know, but Deshanna is going to ask about it. And if we don’t she’ll just think that we blew her off.”

“Okay.”

Mara had only been to Jack’s a handful of times. The last time had been well over a year ago, she’d gone at a friend’s insistence and then had felt invisible the entire time. Mara wasn’t sure what it was about her group from high school, but they insisted that she come, and then seemed to hold it against her that she’d left in the first place. Well, almost everyone anyway. 

Last fall, she’d decided she’d had enough. She wasn’t going to fight for a seat at the table. She had other friends, better friends that hadn’t been forged in chemistry sophomore year out of necessity. She’d told herself that they’d grown apart, as people do, and there was nothing to be sorry for about that. But seeing Christy that morning had made her feel somewhat guilty for that, for cutting them out like they didn’t matter. Because they had mattered at some point, and perhaps she wasn’t making enough of an effort when it came to them. Liking each other’s pictures on social media wasn’t exactly a relationship. 

Jack’s was a lively place, country music was always blaring in the background when they didn’t have a live band to play. The drinks weren’t top quality, but they were cheap and the service was good. Couldn’t ask for a whole lot more from a small town place. 

“Mara!” 

Mara turned to see the group waving her and Cullen over. Jeff and Trevor were crowded around a table with Christy, Jocelyn, and Cecily. Two other people that Mara didn’t know were there as well, and she braced herself as she walked over to their table. 

She greeted most of them with hugs, finding out that the woman was Jeff’s girlfriend, Shera. Trevor proudly introduced her to his boyfriend, Kade. Shera seemed nice enough and Kade made an awkward joke about accounting, which had been sweet enough that Mara had decided to just go ahead and like him. 

“And who is this?” Trevor asked, nudging at Mara who had totally forgotten to introduce Cullen amongst the commotion of greeting everyone. 

“Oh, sorry. This is my boyfriend, Cullen Rutherford. He teaches at Skyhold with me,” Mara explained. 

“What do you teach at Skyhold?” Jeff asked. 

“History and government,” Cullen said. 

Trevor smiled, “Well well, a boring history teacher.”

Mara rolled her eyes, “Trevor teaches history up here.” He was the only of of her friends she really felt like she had anything in common with anymore. She was good at keeping in touch with him at least, though she hadn’t heard anything about Kade before tonight. 

“I bet the two of you need a drink,” Kade said as an aside to Cullen. 

Cullen smiled, “Yeah, I think so.”

Jeff grinned, “Come on, we’ll come with you.”

So Cullen went with Jeff, Trevor, Kade, and Shera over to the bar, leaving Mara with Christy, Jocelyn and Cecily. She appreciated that Jeff and Trevor were sort of taking Cullen under their wing for the evening, though she wished she could also be with their group rather than with Christy. 

She was trying, she really was to act interested in Christy describing her brand new house at length. Jocelyn and Cecily nodded along, supplying all of the encouragement Christy needed to keep going. Cullen seemed to be doing alright with Jeff and Trevor though, so at least one of them wasn’t having a terrible time. 

“You should see the kitchen, I ordered this granite all the way from Antiva. It’s gorgeous, and the farmhouse sink in the island is exactly what I always wanted,” Christy explained. 

Cecily nodded, “I can’t wait to see it!”

Christy nodded. “Definitely, not ready yet. We’re still waiting on like three furniture deliveries. It’s such a mess.”

“Always takes so much longer than you think,” Jocelyn nodded. 

Christy turned to Mara for the first time all evening, “What kind of house do you live in?” 

“Just an apartment for now,” Mara replied. 

Christy shook her head, “You know, you’re not building any equity that way.”

Mara shrugged, “I didn’t know how long I’d be in the area, so didn’t make sense to do anything else. I’ll reevaluate when my lease is up in the summer.”

“It’s gotta be hard though, not much you can afford on a teacher salary, but I guess that’s what you get when you only work nine months out of the year,” Christy said with an understanding smile. 

Mara rolled her shoulders, sifting through what insults she could hurl at Christy, but Cullen chose that moment to appear with a drink in hand for her. 

“Everything alright?” he asked casually. 

Cecily nodded. “We were just talking about Mara being a teacher.”

Christy continued to smile. “And you know what they say, those you can’t do...teach.”

At least Cecily and Jocelyn had enough sense to look uncomfortable, though they didn’t say a word against Christy. They were just as spineless as they’d always been. Just as Mara was ready to push up her sleeves and let her have it, Cullen interjected with such calm quiet even Mara stopped. 

“Well you know what they say, those who can’t learn, spout ignorant cliches. Meanwhile  _ we _ work to enlighten students so that they don’t turn into ignorant has-beens like yourself,” Cullen words were smooth, he didn’t even seem angry. Once he had finished he took a sip from his drink and didn’t look away from Christy. Meanwhile, Christy stood dumbfounded. 

Mara turned to look at Cullen, “Well, I think I have gotten my fill of bad beer and even worse conversation. You ladies take care.”

Mara walked over to Trevor and Jeff, Shera and Kade were engaged in some sort of heated debate. “Hey, we’re taking off. I’ll call you.”

Trevor glanced behind her to Christy. “Let me guess, the queen got on your nerves?”

“Yep.”

Trevor offered her another hug, “We’ll talk later. You’re in town until Tuesday?”

“Yes, we’ll do lunch or something so I can grill you about Kade.”

Trevor smiled. “Oh the same, but about Cullen.”

“Good to see you, Jeff.” 

He gave her a wave and Cullen took her hand and they walked out of the bar without a glance back. 

“Rutherford, I am quite impressed by you,” Mara said as soon as they were in the parking lot. 

Cullen gave her a proud grin. “Well, we couldn’t have you pummeling the woman to death with her designer handbag.”

“But where did that even come from? It was so perfect!” Mara grinned. 

Cullen shrugged. “I may or may not have thought up more than a few responses to the usual things people have to say about how much money I make or my profession.”

Mara found herself laughing for the first time since arriving in Wycome. “I love you, Cullen Rutherford.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, the most frustrating thing to me is when people tell me I only work nine months out of the year. I cram like twelve months worth of work into nine, and then still work over the summer. Anyway, there you go Christy is THE WORST. And like Mara and Cullen I'm on spring break next week, so I'm hoping to get lots of writing done, including hopefully a lot done here. We'll see :) Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear what you think!


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cemetery visit goes about as well as everything else in Wycome.

Memorial Hills Cemetery was hidden in the foothills of Wycome. The winding road weaved through suburbs and past a high school before it narrowed and curved up above Wycome. Mara could count on one hand the number of times she’d been to the cemetery, and yet she still knew every curve of the road, every dip and bend. 

Cullen was driving. They were following Greg, who drove Deshanna in his car. They sat in comfortable silence, and Mara was grateful that they were not people who felt the need to fill silences. She was too wrapped up in her own thoughts anyway. 

Her suitcase had arrived sometime late the night before, she’d been grateful to have her things back, and to have something appropriate for the cemetery. She wore a simple black dress, something she had thought Deshanna would approve of. She hadn’t been wrong to dress up, Deshanna was wearing a yellow sweater and blue skirt. She hadn’t seemed particularly pleased with Mara’s dark clothing choice, though she’d told Cullen he looked nice. 

Mara couldn’t help but agree. He wore a fitted black suit with a tie the same maroon of Skyhold High. She’d teased him about it as they’d dressed that morning, and he’d simply shrugged it off, but it was clear he’d bought it because it reminded him of Skyhold. Mara didn’t have much room to talk, she’d accumulated shirts and sweaters in all strange colors over the years working at different schools. 

She and Cullen had stopped at a small flower shop on their way. She’d bought some pretty red and pink anemones; they were her favorite. She’d have bought her mother’s favorite if she knew what it was, but it was yet another piece of information forever lost to her. She’d moved to go up to the counter to pay, but Cullen had taken the small bouquet from her with a smile, buying his own bouquet of yellow snapdragons. 

They’d continued on their way to Deshanna’s, and Mara wished those few moments in front of Deshanna’s house would quit replaying in her head. 

_ “Mara and Cullen are here,” Deshanna smiled. Mara’s cousin Greg stood next to Deshanna in the driveway. It was a clear spring day, warm though it wasn’t too far into the afternoon. Greg was broader than Mara remembered him being at his wedding a few years back, and his eyes were tired. Mara was confused until she remembered that he and his wife had just recently had a baby.  _

_ Greg grinned and pulled Mara into a hug as he greeted her. “My favorite cousin has returned at long last.” _

_ She hugged him back. “It’s barely been a year. Where’s Sara?” _

_ Greg rolled his shoulders. “Home with Lilith who has a fever. Lilith was up all night, just when we’d gotten her to sleep through the night too.” _

_ “She’s only eight months old,” Deshanna tutted.  _

_ Greg nodded. “Eight months of my life I haven’t slept through the night. Anyway, Deshanna said you brought someone around. Finally.” _

_ Mara rolled her eyes as Greg held out a hand to Cullen. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Greg, my mom and Mara’s father were siblings.” _

_ Cullen smiled. “I’m Cullen, it’s nice to meet you too.” _

_ “Greg works in software developing, and he and Sara just bought a house not too far from here. And I wish Lilith wasn’t sick. She’s just the cutest little thing,” Deshanna said proudly.  _

_ Mara had never felt that same sort of pride emanate from Deshanna when she spoke about her, and it was silly, childish even to be bothered by it. It was just that Deshanna always spoke so highly of Greg, and whenever they spoke it was his accomplishments they spent the most time on.  _

_ “When they’re that young they’re kind of all the same, eat, sleep, poop,” Mara replied jokingly.  _

_ Deshanna’s eyes flashed with what Mara could only see as annoyance, but Greg laughed. “If that’s not the truth. I’ll be excited when she actually starts talking.” _

_ “Kids are a little more fun when they hit that stage,” Cullen agreed. “Though there hasn’t been a stage I’ve disliked with any of my nephews and niece.” _

_ Greg grinned. “Does seem to be the prevailing opinion.” _

_ “We should go,” Deshanna interjected, “they’ll be more time for catching up later.” _

_ “Of course,” Mara nodded.  _

_ “I’ve already got some things in the back of Greg’s car, you don’t mind following do you? It’s only a few minutes away.” Deshanna glanced between them.  _

_ “Not at all,” Cullen answered.  _

_ “There’d be more room, but car seat,” Greg shrugged.  _

_ “You look very nice, Cullen,” Deshanna commented before walking around to the passenger side of Greg’s car.  _

Mara kept replaying those few broken minutes at Deshanna’s house in her head over and over again. She shouldn’t have made the comment about kids being all the same. That had bothered Deshanna for some reason, but it wasn’t like it was a slight against her. She’d mostly meant it to be funny and lighten the mood of the dark morning threatening to swallow them all whole. 

They followed as Greg’s car ahead of them disappeared beyond the last sharp turn before the cemetery yawned out before them, a dark green stretch of hills only broken by the polished gray of tombstones. There were bits of color everywhere, flowers placed near graves, rainbows of whirligigs that spun in the wind. Mara knew that her parent’s graves weren’t far, that they stood on a small knoll on the left side of the larger hill. 

Greg’s car stopped, and Cullen slowed to a stop behind him. Cullen grasped her hand. “Are you ready for this?”

She didn’t look at him, didn’t want to see the concern in his gaze. “Don’t have much of a choice do I?”

She picked up her flowers and got out of the car. Everything felt just as it had ten long years ago. The cemetery was just as quiet as it had always been, Mara felt as utterly alone as she had when they’d buried them. It had been a beautiful day, a mockery to the stormy one that had ended their lives. The polished wood coffins had laid side by side on the risers, the mounded dirt that would eventually bury them had been covered with green artificial grass. Sixteen years old and orphaned. 

She still felt sixteen as she walked the long walk from the cars to the gravestone. She’d picked it out with Deshanna’s help, it was a pretty dark granite. Something to weather all the years they’d spend in the ground instead of with her. An oak tree was carved into the face of it, as was customary. Elves no longer planted trees over their dead, but the imagery remained like the cedar branches Deshanna carried with her armful of flowers. 

Cullen stayed close to Mara, a reassuring hand on the small of her back. She wondered how obvious her reluctance was. 

Their small group stopped in front of the gravestone. It looked as clean and polished as it did the day it was placed. Mara realized with a pang that Deshanna was likely responsible for that. There was a wind rustling the trees that stood ahead of them, but Mara could hardly hear it, feel it over the rushing in her ears. Cullen’s eyes were on her, she could feel the weight of his gaze, the worry in it. She didn’t dare look at him. Instead her eyes were fixed on the gravestone in front of her. The one she’d done her best to try to forget, and failed. 

Deshanna bent down to place her flowers and cedar branches her other hand grasping the top of the gravestone, as if she could reach through the years, the space that separated her from Mara’s parents. Mara slipped her hand into Cullen’s, looking for the strength to handle the next few moments. His grip was sure and steady, grounding as he twined his fingers with hers. 

Deshanna stepped back, taking a wreath from Greg’s arms as well. Pastel ribbons streamed off the wreath in the breeze, and Mara found herself glancing away. Why place all these things the dead would never see? 

Greg stood silent and solemn, he locked eyes with Mara, answering her silent question. This was not the first time he had been here with Deshanna. The ritual was too practiced to have been the first time. He looked apologetic, but Mara looked away blinking back the burning in her eyes. She had promised herself no tears this trip. 

“There, all set for spring,” Deshanna said, stepping back to stand with them. “It’s been ten years, and it doesn’t quite feel like that much time has passed. I miss the both of you every day. Miss the laughter, the long conversations. All of it.”

Deshanna wiped a tear from her eye. “There are so many things you’ve missed. There are so many times when I wish for just one more chance to pick up the phone and hear your voices.”

Mara clenched her jaw as Deshanna spoke, working hard to keep her own tears and emotions in. She didn’t want anything to do with this, the reminiscing, the pain. She wanted to leave, but she couldn’t. So she stood rooted there in the ground as Deshanna gave a Greg a watery smile and nod. 

“Uncle Alan, my own dad was never around but you always made sure I felt like I had a paternal figure in my life. You were always there for me, and never made me feel like anything but part of your family. Aunt Nora, you were always so kind, so very generous with me. Even when I tracked dirt all through your living room that one time. We all miss you so much,” Greg said, words reverent. 

Mara hadn’t realized how Greg had seen her parents, had known his own parents left a lot to be desired. Greg had been around a lot while they were younger, he was one of the only cousins Mara really felt like she knew. She hadn’t thought anything of the fact that he’d gone on adventures with her and her parents when they were younger. It had fallen off as the years went on, as they’d gotten older. Until she felt like her cousin was basically a stranger standing next to her. 

Deshanna turned then, her gray-green eyes expectant. Mara’s breath caught, she didn’t want to speak. Didn’t have a single thing to say. She gave her aunt a shake of her head, trying to let her know the torrent of emotion within her couldn’t be put into words. And what was the point of voicing any of this anyway?

Deshanna frowned. “Come on Mara, you need to say something.”

Cullen’s hold on her hand tightened, a reminder that he was there, beside her. “Deshanna...I can’t.”

Her aunt’s eyes flashed, and Mara knew that she was trying to hold herself back. “Mara, really? It’s been ten years. Say something.”

Mara felt her will to stand there at that gravesite crumbling. “No,” was all she could manage. 

“Deshanna, it’s okay. It’s a hard day, Mara doesn’t have to say anything,” Greg interjected. 

Deshanna gave him a look that silenced his protestations. “We’re here, honoring your parents. You don’t want to tell them anything? Don’t you think they deserve to hear from their only daughter?”

At that something within Mara snapped. “They’re not here! That’s the whole point of all this, isn’t it? They’re not here. They cannot hear us. They don’t care if we put flowers on their graves, or if we talk about how much we miss them. They’re not here!”

Her aunt’s face twisted into deep hurt, but she shook her head. “You don’t know that.”

Rather than say anything more destructive Mara pulled her hand away from Cullen and handed him her flowers. “I need a minute.” 

Then she started walking down the gravel road, the gravel crunched under her wedges as she hurried away. 

***

Cullen held the flowers that Mara had shoved into his hands as she walked away. Her aunt and cousin stared at her retreating form, clearly shocked. Tears were freely flowing down Deshanna’s cheeks. 

“I can’t believe this,” she said quietly. 

Cullen began following. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Perhaps you can talk some sense into her,” Deshanna said bitterly. 

Cullen glanced back at Mara’s aunt, at the formidable woman who he had been terrified to meet just the day before. “Has it occurred to you that Mara feels just as deeply, cares just as much, but doesn’t know how to say it? Or doesn’t want to? Don’t take her refusal as a lack of feeling, I know it’s evidence of how much she does.”

He held the flowers in his hand out to Greg who took them with a reassuring nod. Cullen hurried down the road, trying to catch up with Mara who had already crested the next hill. 

She’d asked for time, so when Cullen saw her sitting on a bench underneath a tall ash tree he slowed. Approached so that she could turn him away if she wanted, she didn’t. Mara sat silently, staring out over the gravestones that rolled out below them to the end of the hills. Then the valley of Wycome opened up below, houses and roads and stores all spread out before them. Cullen stood beside her for a moment, until she looked up and moved to one side. A clear sign to let him sit beside her. 

“You and Deshanna have to talk,” he said. Hoping that she understood. 

Mara swallowed as she stared out at the view. “I don’t know what to even say.”

Cullen nodded. “I don’t think she does either, but unless you tell her what’s going on she’ll never have the chance to understand.”

“I just can’t do what she wants, it’s too damn hard. I’ve never felt them here. I don’t know why she can’t see that.” Mara wiped at her eyes. 

He moved closer, wrapping a hand around her shoulders. “My mother loved snapdragons. There were always yellow ones in the porch planters. Mia asked her about it once, asked why she cared so much about the little flowers when they didn’t do anything, like provide food. And I’ll never forget what my mother said, ‘Beauty is a purpose in and of itself’.”

Mara looked up at him; he hoped she understood what he was sharing, why he was sharing it. So he continued, “She had an entire garden full of flowers, and she always tended to it. When she died, Mia tended to them instead. She never said anything about it, just took care of them like mom always had. And now Mia has a planter on her porch, and every spring there are yellow snapdragons in them. For a long time it was hard to look at them.”

“Because they remind you of your mother?” Mara asked. 

Cullen nodded. “Yes, but Mia needs them. She needs the reminder. It took me a long time to understand that she processed mom’s death differently than I did, that we all processed it a little differently. And then processed dad’s death differently too.”

Mara ran her hands across the hem of her skirt. “You’re saying Deshanna processed it differently?”

“Yes, and I think she thinks that if you don’t value the same things she does you somehow don’t care. Which I know isn’t true.”

“I miss them. There are so many things I don’t know about them, will never get to learn. If I think too much on how they’re not here, it’s still crippling. Everybody says that it’s supposed to get easier, but I don’t think it has. I’ve just gotten better at distancing myself from it.” Mara wept, holding tightly to him. 

He kissed her hair, noticing how the sun had warmed it. “Maybe the distance isn’t the answer. Maybe refusing to talk about them, to think about them, that’s the problem.”

“It’s just too hard.”

“I know, but I don’t think this is working, love.” Cullen tilted her face up so he could look at her, wiped the tears from her cheek with his hand. 

Mara wiped at them with her hand as well. “Shit, I promised myself no tears this trip.” She attempted to laugh, the deflection that Cullen recognized too well. 

“Mara-” 

She held up her hand. “I know. I’m going to try. I just need to pull myself together first.”

“I love you,” he offered. He didn’t know what else to say. He understood how she felt, the enormity of the grief she had never really allowed herself to feel. He’d faced the same thing when he had come home from Kirkwall. 

She looked at him incredulously. “Even after all of this?”

He kissed her then, whispering between breaths. “Always.”

***

Mara somehow managed to get up and walk of her own volition back where Deshanna and Greg still stood at her parent’s gravesite. They stood there like they hadn’t moved the entire time, conversing quietly with one another. 

Deshanna glanced between her and Cullen as they returned. “Is everyone about ready to leave and go have some dinner?” 

Mara stared at her aunt, trying not to gape. Was she really just going to pretend that the last ten minutes hadn’t happened? Greg handed the bouquets of flowers back to Cullen. 

“I think dinner sounds great,” Greg said. 

Deshanna smiled. “Perfect, we’ll meet you back at the house in a bit then?”

Mara nodded. “Yeah, we’ll be right behind you.” Mara wanted to say something, anything to come of her earlier outburst. But nothing happened. No one mentioned it, and Deshanna didn’t even seem mad. Though Mara wondered if she was just waiting for them to be alone to let her have it. 

Mara listened to the car doors shut and the sound of the car pulling away along the gravel road. She glanced over her shoulder, watching the car disappear around a curve in the road, out of sight. Then she knelt down in the grass; Cullen joined her wordlessly, placing her flowers gently in her lap. 

“I don’t even know what their favorite flowers were. I’m not sure I could even tell you mom’s favorite color,” she whispered as she set the flowers down before the gravestone. 

“With mom there was warning, enough that I think we all slowly started cataloguing things. Her favorite color, the things she loved, the traditions she loved in our final holidays together. I don’t know that it made it easier, but I can’t imagine what it would be to lose both so suddenly,” Cullen replied. 

“If I could go back I’d spend more time with them, caring about them. I was sixteen and they seemed like the enemy so much of the time.”

“You can’t hold that against yourself. You didn’t know,” Cullen said gently. 

She didn’t feel any closer to her parents there in that cemetery than she did back in Denerim, and perhaps it was time, to let some of that old pain go. She just wasn’t sure exactly how to do that. 

“I know,” she replied. “We should go.”

Cullen shrugged. “We can stay as long as you want.”

Mara looked around the cemetery, at that beautiful place that she couldn’t bring herself to like. There was too much death, too many buried dreams in that place. It didn’t feel peaceful to her, it felt rife with heartbreak. 

“I don’t know that I can stand it here another minute.”

Cullen stood and offered her a hand up. “I understand.”

“She didn’t even act like it had happened, how am I going to talk to her about this?” Mara asked as she took his hand. 

“I have faith that you’ll figure it out,” he replied. 

Mara just wished she felt the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sort of on the angst train here, but next chapter is our last one in Wycome before we get back to Denerim. I hope you enjoyed this update, and I so appreciate you reading. I'd love to hear what you think :)


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara and Deshanna find some common ground and Mara receives a surprising message.

Mara and Cullen spent the vast majority of the car ride back to Deshanna’s house in silence. Mara put on the playlist she had made for the trip, and she was relieved when Cullen had taken that has a hint she didn’t want to talk any more about what had happened. She had offered up the occasional direction, but Cullen seemed to be getting the hang of driving around Wycome. 

When the car stopped in front of Deshanna’s house, Cullen left the car running for a moment. “Tell me what I can do.” The words came out, broken and earnest. 

She turned to look at him, at the man who had come all that way to be with her while she dealt with too many problems of her own making. She kept waiting for him to say that it was all too much, that this wasn’t what he had signed up for. She’d never had any reason to doubt him before, but she wasn’t sure she could blame him if any of this had changed his mind. His golden eyes held nothing but kindness and understanding and a quiet sort of concern. 

“I love you.” She worried she didn’t say it enough, didn’t show it to him in all the ways he deserved. 

Some of the tightness around Cullen’s eyes eased. “I love you too. That didn’t answer my question.”

“Would you maybe just keep Greg busy for a few minutes, so that I can talk to Deshanna alone?” she asked. 

“Of course.” He turned the key in the ignition, and the car fell silent. 

Cullen laced his fingers with hers in the short walk up the driveway to the house. It was an act of solidarity and comfort she didn’t realize how desperately she needed until he offered it. The scent of apricot blossoms was in the air from the trees that stood in the neighbor’s yard. She pulled the screen door open and took a deep breath before venturing inside. 

Deshanna and Greg were in the kitchen chatting about some story that had been on the news the other night or something. The house smelled warm and honeyed, the same spices and smells that had been present in her childhood. 

If she closed her eyes, she was sure she could have imagined that the movement and sound from the kitchen was her father instead of her aunt. Her heart ached painfully at the swell of memory, and she swallowed at a lump that had formed in her throat. There was no sense in wishing or dreaming that things were different, it didn’t change the way they were. 

She and Cullen entered the kitchen, and Deshanna looked up from her work. “Welcome back. I hope you don’t mind soup, Cullen. It’s an old family recipe.”

“It smells delicious,” Cullen replied. 

Deshanna returned his comment with a smile, and turned to Greg. “Oh Greg, do you want to set the table, the placemats are on top of the fridge.”

Greg nodded. “Sure.”

Cullen moved by Greg. “I’ll help you.”

Greg glanced to Mara with a nod of understanding. Mara gave him an attempt at a smile as they gathered up the bowls and cutlery and disappeared into the dining room. She wasn’t sure why Deshanna had always insisted on having a proper dining room away from the kitchen, but even when it had just been the two of them after her parents died, dinner was always eaten in the dining room. 

“Can I help with something?” Mara asked once they were alone. 

“The spinach and red peppers need cutting,” Deshanna said as she turned to the stove, stirring the soup in the large stockpot. 

Mara moved to the other side of the kitchen island, pulling a knife and a cutting board from the cupboard. They moved around each other in silence for a while; Mara thought of several things to say, dismissing each one before she could utter them. Distantly she could hear Cullen and Greg talking in the other room. 

She knew that her aunt would be content to ignore what had happened, never to speak of it again. Ignoring these things had gotten them to this point though, and Mara knew if anyone were to speak up it had to be her. It was the only way to change things. 

Finally, she settled on an apology. “I’m sorry for my outburst today.”

Deshanna didn’t look up from the stove. “I know. It’s fine.”

It was tempting to leave it at that, to change the subject, to not speak of it again. Mara knew that it was a small bandage for a gaping wound. She needed to say more, even if neither for them wanted her to. 

Mara looked at her aunt, and tried for a moment to see past everything that stood between them all these years. She worked to see the woman who had taken her in without question, who had been willing to move into her parents house with her. She’d said she was fine moving in with Deshanna because the alternative meant living in the house where she could still feel her parents, kept imagining they were the ones moving up and down the stairs. She’d always been able to tell the difference between her parent’s footfalls on the stairs. It was a funny thing to delineate, but in those first few days each time someone went up the stairs her ear tried to figure out which parent it was. Then the pain of their death would smash into her all over again, like a sledgehammer. 

In the end, she’d asked Deshanna if they could live at her house. Deshanna hadn’t asked many questions, clearing out a bedroom in a matter of days and moving Mara in with her. It had been easier then, in a place less weighed down with memories. Reminders had been everywhere at Deshanna’s though, and Mara had learned a long time ago it was easier not to look at them. 

Mara looked past her aunt, out to the wall of pictures in the living room. She knew each one of them by heart, knew their placement, their content. But she looked for the first time in what felt like ten years, and she braced herself for the avalanche of pain. 

It didn’t come. 

There was an ache in her chest, one that would likely never fade entirely, but the suffocating weight she’d been expecting didn’t come. She wanted to weep out of relief, and for all of the years she’d spent walling up her heart to combat a pain that didn’t have the same hold on her that it used to. 

“I miss them too.” It was an admission she hadn’t made in a very long time. It had been long enough, her routines and life changing enough that she rarely thought about it. She kept busy enough with work that it had been a very long time since she’d even admitted it to herself. 

More words bubbled out of her. “I wonder what they’d think. Of my life, my job. Cullen.” 

Deshanna finally met her gaze, her face unreadable. “I think they’d be proud of you. Of everything.”

Mara gripped the counter tightly. “There are so many things I wish I knew.”

Deshanna moved closer, but still a few steps away. For the first time Mara saw uncertainty within her aunt. That maybe she was just as unsure how to navigate this as she was. Deshanna hadn’t inherited all the answers when she’d taken her in, and she was just as lost, just as in pain as Mara. 

“I know. Cullen reminded me of something today, something I’d forgotten.”

“He did?” Mara asked, unsure what he had said. 

Deshanna nodded. “He reminded me that we all feel differently, and perhaps we’ve been punishing each other for that for too long.”

Mara felt as if all of the weight that had settled down over her during their stay in Wycome had lessened just a bit. “Sounds like him.” 

“I like him,” Deshanna said simply. “It’s clear he cares about you.”

“I care about him too,” Mara replied. 

“It’s lucky that you work together, and get along so well.”

Mara fished red peppers out of the jar to slice and laughed. “Oh it wasn’t always that way.”

Deshanna raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“At first I thought he hated me,” Mara said around a smile. She told her aunt the rest of the story while they cooked, and it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t fixed, but it was something. 

***

For Cullen, airports had always signified change. He’d never been on a plane until he’d flown to training when he joined the army at eighteen. There were a few plane rides after that, but it was always steeped in change of some sort. Transferring to Kirkwall, moving back to Ferelden; even the short trip home for Satinalia his last year in Kirkwall had felt like a shift. This trip to Wycome hadn’t held that same sense for him, but he wondered if it had for Mara. 

She’d been understandably apprehensive about returning to Wycome, but as badly as the trip had begun, it hadn’t ended terribly. They’d had a pleasant lunch the day before with Trevor and Kade. Cullen had learned a whole slew of embarrassing things from Trevor that would put him on a more even playing field next time Mara teased him about the things she heard from his siblings. It had been the first time their whole trip that Mara had seemed totally relaxed. Mara and Deshanna had seemed to have reached an unsteady understanding, and things had seemed much better when they’d said goodbye that morning. According to Mara, they hadn’t spoken again about what had happened at the cemetery. That sort of drove him crazy, but ultimately it seemed as if most of the tension had eased between them, so he hadn’t pushed it. Things couldn’t all be mended in one trip. 

Even so, there was a change with Mara. She’d been sharing stories since the cemetery. Quiet things whispered in the darkness before they fell into sleep, but he took each one of them as the gift it was. He hoped she felt lighter for the sharing. 

They had arrived at the airport early, laughably so. Neither of them had wanted a repeat of their flight out, but now they found themselves with well over an hour to kill before boarding was even scheduled to begin. They’d spent some time planning out the remainder of their spring break talking about rock climbing and movies to go see. It was a decidedly different tone than the one they’d flown into Wycome with. 

Mara sat next to him at the gate, scrolling through something on her tablet. He’d pulled out his book. It was a new release on the Fourth Blight by one of his favorite historians. Mara had made some teasing remark about history teachers, but it was nice to read a book simply because he wanted to. 

“Holy shit,” Mara swore under her breath. 

Cullen looked up from his reading. “What?” 

Mara handed him her tablet. “Calpernia contacted. She wants to meet.”

Cullen scanned over the email. There wasn’t much to the message, just the request asking when Mara could meet. “Wow.”

He handed the tablet back to her, and Mara shook her head. “I can’t believe she listened to me. That has to be why she wants to meet.”

Cullen was surprised too, but not much. Mara was always doing the impossible. “I can.”

Mara just kept shaking her head. “I need to get a hold of Leliana and Josie.”

Mara pulled out her phone and began sifting through her contacts, and Cullen wondered if just maybe Skyhold’s luck might be turning around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter than usual, but it was the most natural break before the next bit. We're nearing the end of this fic, and I've been outlining and writing the next few chapters like crazy this week and I'm so excited. I was just so wonderfully overwhelmed by the response to the last chapter. So many people reached out and shared their own experiences with grief, and I'm just so so honored with all of that. Thank you so much. I've got the best readers ever.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara meets with Calpernia and the final stretch of the school year begins.

Calpernia’s suggested meeting spot was the Arbor Wilds. Mara had never heard of it, but after some internet searching had learned it was a vast nursery with a gigantic greenhouse. It doubled as a wedding venue on the weekends, for those who wanted the feel of a summer wedding during the bleak winters in Denerim. 

Cullen had offered to come with her, even just to stay in the car, but Calpernia had requested that she come alone. Mara was still surprised enough that Calpernia had asked for the meeting, so she didn’t dare push her by arriving with anyone else. 

Mara entered the main greenhouse area, giving the sales clerk a smile as she entered. The place was mostly empty, green trees rose up and were silhouetted in the sun that shone through the windows. String lights hung above the walkways in the dense overhead canopy. The greenhouse was hot and humid, and for a moment it gave Mara flashbacks to being in Wycome just a few days earlier. 

The scent of flowers mixed in the air with the smell of water and dirt. Somewhere above her she could hear the hiss of water spreading through the greenhouse, and were it not for the perfectly straight concrete pathways, Mara might have been able to imagine she was somewhere deep in the jungle. 

She wandered slowly, looking for the area that Calpernia had indicated. After walking a bit deeper into the greenhouse she saw it, a sign hung over a hallway that led to another part of the building “Mythal’s Temple”. Mara rolled her eyes, it was no doubt the area they’d set aside for Dalish plants, herbs, and flowers. It was a little ridiculous, and it became even more so when she came into the main room to find that they had a statue of the Dread Wolf sitting right there. She almost laughed, since whoever had set up this section clearly hadn’t done their Dalish history enough to know  _ anything.  _

Calpernia was on the far side of the room, sitting on a bench next to a small, bubbling waterfall. Mara made her way to her, and tried to swallow down her nerves. She wasn’t nervous exactly, but she was definitely worried about scaring Calpernia off. Her heart was thundering in her chest. 

Calpernia gave her a tight smile when she saw her. Mara thought that she looked almost exactly the same as she had at Adamant, hair pulled back tightly, wearing a gray shift dress. 

“Thank you for meeting me.” Calpernia glanced behind her as if expecting more people to arrive. “And coming alone.”

“Your email made it sound like things were pretty urgent.” Mara shifted on her feet. 

Calpernia moved smooth the hair back into her bun. There was no need, not a hair was out of place. Mara wondered if it was a nervous tick. “It is.”

“Okay?” 

Calpernia sighed and stood. “I did some digging after our conversation. Seems that I couldn’t leave it alone. And I found some...troubling things.”

Mara crossed her arms, and tried not to appear too eager. “Like what?”

Calpernia’s gray eyes burned into hers. “How do I know that if I tell you, you won’t pin this on me too?”

Mara laughed and shook her head. “You were the one who called this meeting. And I’m here. I came. You either trust me or you don’t.”

Calpernia scowled, but Mara was too annoyed to care. Calpernia had been the one to contact, if she had reservations she should have brought them up long before they glared each other down in the greenhouse. 

“I want your word that you’ll take him down,” Calpernia said, voice deathly quiet. 

“With or without your help, that’s my plan,” Mara crossed her arms. 

Calpernia took a deep breath and then glanced around as if to check that they were alone. “He cuts the arts programs at all the schools. He says it’s to save money, and then he promises to provide the services through another company he owns. The company gets the money, but the programs don’t exist. The company gets paid for not doing a damn thing, and because he owns the company he gets all that money.”

“Stealing money from kids, why am I not surprised?” Mara replied. Truthfully, she wished she was, but she’d never had this sort of proof. There had never been someone on the inside looking at the company accounts. 

Calpernia blinked, clearly she’d been expecting another reaction. “You expected something like this?”

“Why do you think I’ve been opposing him all these years? Just for the fun of it?”

Calpernia’s rolled her eyes. “You have been a pretty big pain in the ass.” 

Mara resisted the urge to laugh. “Good.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment, and Mara worried that she might have ruined the whole thing. But then Calpernia laughed too, and shook her head as if she was totally taken aback at finding something to laugh about in all of this. 

Calpernia became serious again. “He sacked my high school mentor, Erasthenes. He bought their school, and he told me that he’d make sure it was better. Corypheus sacked him, and he didn’t tell me about it. I found out only because I talked to a friend from Minrathous, and he told me.”

So it had suddenly become personal for Calpernia, that explained the change of heart. “What do you want me to do about it?”   
Calpernia shrugged. “I’d really hoped you had a plan.”

Mara hoped she did too; she had spent too much of the last several months turning everything over in her head. She’d thought about every possibility, everything they could and couldn’t do. Calpernia’s information might just be the missing piece. 

Mara tilted her head thoughtfully. “Let’s say I do. You have proof of what you’re talking about, and are you willing to put your name to this if it comes down to that?” 

Calpernia’s eyes narrowed. “I want to nail him to the fucking wall.” 

Mara did her the favor of not looking surprised. “Fair enough.”

Calpernia pulled a flashdrive off her keychain. “This has all the information, all the proof that you’ll need.”

Mara accepted it gratefully. “Thank you.”

“I was blind, thank you for allowing me this chance to rectify my mistakes,” Calpernia replied. 

Mara held tightly to the flash drive. “This might do more than rectify them.”

There were voices, the sound of people approaching somewhere beyond where they spoke. Calpernia’s gaze skittered towards the green covered hallway that led to the main part of the greenhouse. 

“This meeting never happened,” Calpernia said, voice sharp like a steel blade. “We never met, we never talked, and I never gave you anything.”

“And if I need to get in touch?” Mara asked. 

Calpernia handed her a card with a number written in square, steady strokes. “It goes to my personal cell. Only contact if absolutely necessary.”

“This only works if Corypheus doesn’t catch wind any of this.” 

Calpernia gave her a withering look. “I’m aware. One last thing: you’ve got a leak. Someone is passing info to him.”

Mara’s heart stopped. “You’re sure?”

“I’m positive. Be careful who you trust.” Calpernia walked towards the exit, turning back over her shoulder. “Don’t follow me out.”

Mara had no plans to do so. She sat down on the bench Calpernia had been waiting on, fingers shaking as she gripped the paper and flash drive. Calpernia had turned, she was going to help them. Probably. Unless this whole thing was some huge ploy to catch them off guard. She really wanted to believe Calpernia though. 

But then there was the matter of a leak. No one at Skyhold would be doing that, right?

***

“We cannot possibly have a leak,” Leliana smacked her hands down on the top of her desk as she stood. Cullen jumped a little at the sudden outburst, and Leliana began pacing. He could tell that she was going over every bit of information she had hoarded up over the years and looking at each staff member in her head. Leliana was the most observant person he had ever met. She was good at watching people, good at knowing people. She saw too damn much, and he always wondered just how much of him she saw, how much she saw of everyone. It had bothered him at first, feeling so laid bare in front of his boss, but as Leliana had also become his friend, it had bothered him less. 

If anyone could figure out who the leak was, it was Leliana. As much as she knew about him, she had to know at least that much about everyone else. He knew she didn’t wield the power of her information lightly; he could only think of one or two situations when he knew she had. It had always been in defense of Skyhold. 

Culle sipped at his coffee; his second of the morning. The Monday morning after a break was always a mess of getting things back into order. No matter how well he planned, there was inevitably something he hadn’t had copied, or some bit of his lesson he hadn’t prepared enough for. Sitting in Leliana’s office at seven in the morning definitely didn’t make it any better. 

Mara seemed completely unbothered. “I’m just relaying what Calpernia said.”

Leliana scowled. “But can she be trusted?”

“I don’t know,” Mara admitted. “She seemed pretty genuine when we met, but I don’t know.”

“You don’t think she wanted us to be suspicious? To be looking around for a leak while they work their plan?” Leliana asked. 

Mara placed a small black flash drive on Leliana’s desk. “She gave me this. Proof of everything she said. Without her testimony it’s all circumstantial at best, but it’s something.”

Cullen agreed with Mara. “You’ve suspected a leak for a while, they do know our inner workings too well it seems.”

“But who?” Leliana asked, red hair glinting like fire as the sun rose out her wall length windows. 

“Maybe someone -” Mara began. 

“No, I refuse to look into this. To give this more thought. I don’t want to look at my staff, at the people I call friends with this sort of suspicion. We keep all of this to ourselves. That’s all,” Leliana said with finality. Cullen understood the feeling; he’d had the same reaction when Mara told him. He didn’t want to think of anyone he worked with undermining them like this. 

Mara nodded. “I’m good with that.” 

“So what next?” Leliana asked, looking as unsure as Cullen had ever seen her. 

“I have a plan,” Mara said simply. 

Leliana frowned. “One you’re not sharing?”

Mara hadn’t even told him, though he had a guess. He hadn’t pressed her on it, but he could tell that Leliana didn’t like it one bit. She certainly didn’t appreciate being kept in the dark, but he could see the gears turning in Leliana’s head, and based on everything Mara had told her she had to be figuring out what she might have planned. 

“When it gets closer I’ll let you know what needs to be done. We need to show progress at the board meeting, worry about that. You’ve got enough other things on your plate,” Mara replied. 

Leliana looked as if she might disagree, but simply nodded. “Maker knows there’s a lot of work to do before the end of the year.” 

The school year was racing towards its close. He felt the weight of it every time he looked at his lesson planner, seeing just how few weeks were left before summer. Just how few weeks they had left to convince the school board they were worth keeping. All year Cullen hadn’t allowed himself to be afraid, to dwell on the what ifs. But suddenly it hit him. 

What if Skyhold fell into Corypheus’s clutches? What would he do? Teaching was his calling. It was the only time in his life that he’d truly been happy with his work. It was too late in the year to be looking for another teaching position, and somehow that felt too much like admitting they weren’t going to be there next year. 

He didn’t want to think about what a year without his students and his classroom would do to him. Maker, this job was his life. Everything he was, everything he’d become centered around it. Teaching had made him a better person, someone he actually liked being. What would he do if that was taken away? What would become of him then?

Mara’s cold fingers on his pulled him out of his thoughts, and he realized that they had been dismissed from Leliana’s office. They made a stop in the teacher’s lounge to check their boxes for mail, more out of habit than any real need. They both turned out to be empty. 

“Does it bother you, that I haven’t told you my plan?” Mara asked quietly. 

Cullen met her gaze, there was worry in her eyes but determination too. “No. I know you trust me. You’ll tell me whatever you need me to know when I need to know it.”

She smiled. “You’re far more generous with me than I would be with you.”

He laughed. “Well you did drag me all the way to Wycome, and I’ve only made you go as far as South Reach for me.”

“But South Reach is in Ferelden so…” Mara teased. 

He gave her a playful shove as they walked. “Don’t forget you live in Ferelden.”

“How could I ever forget,” she replied. 

“Forget what?” Dorian joined them in the hallway, arms full of copies. Cullen was glad he wasn’t the only one who needed to make copies that morning, but he could at least make it to his prep hour.”

“That we live in Ferelden,” Mara explained. She took a stack of half sheets from Dorian that looked perilously close to toppling to the ground. 

Dorian snorted. “Like anyone could ever forget that, the smell alone.”

Cullen had endured much worse over the years, but he sighed anyway. “If all you two are going to do is insult my homeland, I’m leaving.” Mara stuck her tongue out at him, and Cullen was positive he heard Dorian mutter something under his breath. 

“Oh Mara, you remember we have graduation speech auditions on Friday?” Dorian asked, changing gears. 

Mara nodded, and then she looked at Dorian. “Are you in charge of literally everything?”

Dorian shrugged. “If you want it done right.”

“He volunteers for these things, but he will complain about them to no end,” Cullen said. 

“Only because some folks I could name don’t show up for their void taken assignments,” Dorian huffed. 

“And there it is.” Cullen grinned as Dorian glared. 

***

Mara wanted to scream. They were only halfway through their graduation speech auditions, and it had been the most painful and cliche filled afternoon of her life. She rubbed her eyes while Dorian set down his timer, and the student walked out the auditorium door. 

“Well that was terrible,” Varric said as soon as the door shut. 

“It was four minutes and thirty nine seconds long,” Dorian said, marking it with his pen. 

Mara groaned. “It was four minutes and thirty nine seconds too long.”

“Well, I mean, it’s clear she’s quite proud of her accomplishments,” Josie searched for something nice to say. 

“I’m graduating as a junior, blah blah blah, I’m so great, look at me.” Varric rolled his eyes. 

Mara glanced back through the written copy of the speech. “Did he at any point even mention the theme?” 

Dorian shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“So I’m going with this one as a hard no?” Josie asked. They all nodded in agreement. 

Varric looked at his notes. “So far we have six nos and a maybe.” 

“We’re only halfway,” Dorian said, his voice searching for an optimistic tone.

“That is precisely what I am afraid of,” Mara said. 

Dorian stood. “I’m going to let in our next one.”

As he walked to the doors Varric leaned over to Mara. “I feel like we need to lower our expectations, by a lot.”

“My expectations need resuscitation,” Mara replied. 

Varric laughed. “Don’t tell Dorian that, he’ll do it.”

The next few speeches were marginally less painful, but still painful. The students quoted song lyrics, the same old poems that had been quoted at every graduation before, and one even spent most of her speech talking about all the ways the school had failed that year. 

Dorian had tossed that particular speech behind him as soon as she’d walked out. “Yes, let’s have a graduation speech insulting the school. Lovely.”

Even Josie hadn’t been able to find a way to spin that one positively. Mara was pretty sure that she was trying to think of something, but then she tossed her copy behind her as well. 

Josie let out a sigh. “Tell me the last few students are going to actually be viable options.”

Varric looked over his list. “Possibly.”

The last three were indeed options, and it didn’t take long before the four speakers were decided on. And surprisingly unanimously. They didn’t disagree or argue on a single one. 

Dorian looked relieved. “So we’re decided?”

Josie nodded, opening her laptop. “Let me just check on the one student, I’m not sure he’s on track to graduate.”

Mara was immediately worried. “By how much?”

Josie frowned. “Can’t be much. Best to check all of them while I’m here.”

Varric rubbed his eyes, looking exceptionally tired. They waited silently, and Josie didn’t say anything for a long, long time. 

When she spoke, her voice was very very quiet. “None of them are on track for graduation.”

“KAFFAS.” Dorian stood, tossing all his copies of the speeches away. 

Mara just leaned back in her uncomfortable auditorium chair. “How much trouble would we get in if we just cancelled graduation?”

The strangled noises from Dorian and Josie told her that they were against the idea completely, but were worried about just how attractive the idea sounded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to devote the entire month of May to finishing up Class Act, which means I'm suspending the regular updates and updating as soon as chapters are ready to go. This whole bit at the end with graduation speeches, totally happened to me a few weeks ago. I hope you enjoyed the update, I'd love to hear from you!


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End of the school year shenanigans.

The days of Cloudreach whispered past, filled with sunny days reminiscent of the warmth of summer, only to turn to rain and snow the next week. The beginning of Bloomingtide took everyone by surprise it seemed, the realization that there were only a few weeks left of the school year did too. It was complicated. One the one hand, everyone looked forward to summer, but the unspoken gloom that this might just be the last year never dissipated. 

Leliana had called a faculty meeting early one morning, one of the last of the year. Cullen tried not to think it might be one of the last ever, but the thought struck him anyway. Mara had noticed his scowling, and likely followed his thoughts because her hand had slipped into his. They sat on the long tables in the Sun Room, the smell of coffee and tea strong as everyone had gotten there a half hour earlier than usual. Most of them no doubt would complain that the meeting could have been an email, no matter how much they liked Leliana. 

Mara was sipping her coffee as Leliana talked about the end of the year schedule. She’d stayed over at his house last night. It was something they’d initially tried to avoid on school nights, but it was happening with more regularity. Mara’s lease on her apartment was up this summer, and he’d decided he was just going to ask her to move in with him. He just hadn’t found the right time to talk about it, or figured out how to ask. 

Mara wasn’t saying it, but she was stressed out about state testing. Compound that with the stress she was already feeling about Corypheus and that final board meeting, and she was fraying. She only let it show when they were alone, and so Cullen had decided to wait. They’d talk about the future when it was settled; there was no rush. 

He gave her hand a slight squeeze, could tell that even now she was only half listening to Leliana. Her mind probably whirring through reviews and what more she could do to prepare her students. She returned the gesture as the staff pushed their chairs out and got on their feet. 

Leliana smiled at Bull. “Would you like to lead us in the song?”

Bull grinned and walked to the front, beginning to clap as he did. Then the staff sang the school song. They ended every meeting that way. Mara still only half knew the words, but cheered loud enough at the end to make up for it. 

“GO SHS!” The staff finished the song. 

At that the Sun Room slowly cleared. Dagna hurried up to Mara. “Mara, I have that cart for you in my room.”

“Oh right, do you want me to come get it?” Mara asked. 

Dagna shrugged. “Or I can send it down with a student.”

Mara shook her head. “No need, I’ll come get it.”

Cullen moved to follow. It was silly; he hadn’t been parted from her since yesterday and yet he still didn’t want to be. “I’ll come too.”

“Great, you can push it.” Mara grinned. 

Dagna’s classroom was in the math hall, it was actually a part of the building that had been added later. It would have made more sense for Sera’s classroom to be near the other arts classes, but her classroom was in the math hall as well. They hadn’t even reached the shortcut through the gym and Cullen could hear the music blaring from Sera’s room. 

“Does she have kids already in?” Cullen asked Dagna. 

Dagna laughed. “Oh yeah, it’s like this at the end of the year. The kids are all trying to get their projects done before the end of the year.”

“That’s nice of her to open up the studio,” Mara said. 

Dagna shrugged. “She’s here in the evenings too. Though the other night I walked in and they’d built some sort of archery contraption. Put a hole in the back wall. Blackwall is going to fix it up today, don’t tell Leliana.”

Cullen could totally see Sera getting into those sorts of shenanigans with the kids. On more than one occasion Leliana had rushed from her office to the art studio to put a stop to things, but he supposed things got silly in every classroom this time of year. Just the day before Mara’s classroom had dissolved into her students making owl noises as they learned how to use who and whom properly. He didn’t even want to think about the sloth’s he’d drawn on his board last week. 

Mara grinned. “No worries, but I’d be surprised if she didn’t already know.”

Dagna laughed. “Sera thinks she’s being sneaky.”

As they walked past Sera’s room they could hear AC/DC blaring, and then Sera’s voice. “Okay, you have the fire extinguisher ready? Just in case?”

Dagna didn’t even seem the slightest bit alarmed. Cullen ran a hand through his hair. “The less we know the better.”

Mara nodded. “Yeah, probably.”

Behind them Leliana was rushing to Sera’s room, a worried looking student trailing behind her. Bull’s voice was coming through the radio in her hand as she hurried past them. “Big gym didn’t get cleaned last night. Can we get someone down here, Jim?”

Dagna shot them a mirthful look as they entered her classroom. “I would not want to be Jim when Leliana is done with Sera.”

“Me either,” Mara agreed.    
“Here’s the cart, thanks so much. It’s so nice to get all those old math textbooks cleared out of here. I have shelf space!” Dagna looked positively thrilled. 

Dagna’s room was cozy. She had a couch on one wall with calculators hanging in a cloth organizer beside it. There were knickknacks everywhere, things she’d made or found on her adventures with Sera. Her windows were covered with rainbow paper, making the room seem much darker than it was. 

“No problem, I’m glad it was helpful.” 

Dagna smiled. “The kids also may have had too much fun giving each other rides on it.”

“Well, what other way is there to travel?” Mara laughed. 

Cullen grabbed the cart and looked to Mara. “Well?”

Mara shook her head. “You’re not serious.”

“Oh I really am.”

Dagna giggled from her desk, but then Mara seemed to decide she’d call him on his bluff. She perched herself atop it, and looked at him expectantly. 

Cullen handed her his coffee, then rested his chin on her shoulder. “Where to milady?” 

Mara shook with laughter. “To the elevator,” Mara gave her best attempt at a commanding voice. 

Cullen began pushing her down the empty hallways, having a bit too much fun speeding up and swerving. By the time they reached the elevator they were both out of breath from laughing. 

“What in Maker’s name are you two up to?” Cassandra asked, looking at the pair of them. 

Mara answered for them both, giving Cassandra a royal wave. “I’m the queen!” 

The elevator opened, and Cullen pushed Mara inside without another word. He was pretty sure Cassandra was laughing, but the doors slid shut behind them before he could confirm. 

He moved around to the side of the cart, and took Mara’s still laughing face in his hands and kissed her soundly. The elevator was both old and slow enough that they had plenty of time before the doors opened. Cullen didn’t care if the doors opened to a crowd full of students, not as his lips moved against hers and her fingers burrowed into his shirt and pulled him closer. When the elevator stopped he pulled back reluctantly, pressing a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. Then he pushed her back to her classroom, both of them smiling the whole way. 

***

Mara wasn’t sure if it was possible to die of boredom, but she was pretty sure that she and Varric were going to find out before state testing was finished. It was four long days of nothing but students working silently in the computer lab. She’d finished all her grading on day one, and since then she’d been looking to ways to pass the time. 

Varric had brought crosswords. Mara had never really been one for crosswords, but he’d brought in a stack of them and they’d been steadily working through them for the last three days. He didn’t seem the least bit out of sorts over testing. Unless the crosswords were a weird coping mechanism. Mara wanted to lay her head down on the desk. There were still two class periods of this torture to go. 

“Any ideas on sixteen down?” Varric whispered. 

Mara reread the clue about the rebound from a gun. “Try ‘kick’.” 

“Why didn’t I think of that?” Varric scribbled the letters in. 

Mara sighed. Half the kids were finished, most of them reading or working on other work. She’d only had to confiscate three phones the whole week, so that was at least good. She’d ceased being stressed out about the testing, and she was just ready to be done and back in her classroom. 

Also the lab was fucking cold. 

Varric put down his pencil. “That was a loaded sigh. What’s up?”

Mara leaned back in her chair and toyed with the sleeve of her sweater. “Do you ever worry that we’ll put in all this work, do everything we’ve done, and it still won’t be enough? That we’ll still lose Skyhold?”

“I thought it might be something like that.” Varric ran a hand down his face. “Sometimes I do, but it’s sort of like anything in teaching. You do the best you can, teach the kids the things you think they need to know, and maybe you make a difference, maybe you don’t. It’s a crapshoot. But it doesn’t make the work any less worth doing.”

“You think?” Mara asked. 

Varric nodded. “Yes, and I also think you’re putting too much of this on yourself. If we fail it’s not your fault. We’re all a team here. We win as a team, lose as a team. And I get it, you want to take responsibility for it all, but don’t.”

“But -” 

Varric held up a hand. “I’m serious. Whatever will be, will be.” 

Mara shook her head. “I wish I could have that attitude.”

“You’re worse than Dorian. When is the board meeting?”

Mara’s stomach twisted into knots. “Next week.”

Varric let out a low whistle. “I’ll pray for Cullen.”

“What? Why?” Mara asked a little too loudly. Several student’s heads peered around their computers. Mara glanced their direction and they immediately got back to work. 

“Because he has to put up with you until then.” Varric grinned. 

Mara shoved his chair in response, but she did feel a bit better after Varric’s pep talk. And then she nearly fell out of her chair as the fire alarm sounded. 

She quickly thought through her most recent emails, she hadn’t received anything about a drill. A quick glance to Varric told her the he didn’t know about any drill either, and so that meant it was probably real. 

“You escort our classes, I’ll stop in our rooms and get the buckets,” Varric said, handing Mara his laptop and rolls. 

She gave him a quick nod before he hurried out of the lab. “Okay folks, we’re going to be going out to the faculty parking lot. Take all your stuff with you.”

Mara paused the test from the computer at the front of the room, effectively logging each student out and then ushering them out the door. As soon as the lab was clear she turned the lights off and made sure the door was locked. 

The hallway was a slow moving sea of students, there wasn’t a great deal of urgency since most of the kids assumed it was just a drill. If it was a drill Mara decided she was going to kill Josie or Leliana for having it happen during testing. As short as she was, Mara got tossed around a lot as she moved through the crowd. All the while the shrieking noise of the alarm sounding at intervals made her ears hurt. 

Josie was at the top of the steps directing students down the stairwells, radio in hand and looking stressed enough that Mara didn’t dare bug her about whether everything was a drill or not. Mara did her best to hurry the students ahead of her along, but it didn’t seem to be doing much. She kept checking for smoke or something behind her, but there was no sign of anything. If she had her radio from her emergency bucket she’d know more, but without it she had no idea. 

When she finally arrived outside, she saw Varric walking to the far side of the parking lot, a group of students following not far behind. The gray clouds in the sky hung low, but thankfully there was no rain. She hurried to Varric’s side, relieving him of carrying her heavy bucket. She reached inside and took out her emergency rolls and a pen, and then she stood on top of her bucket so her students could find her. She turned her emergency radio on, paying little attention to the chatter, and hoping that someone might say something about what the hell was going on. 

“What’s going on Ms. L?” several students asked as she marked off their names. Varric was fielding the same questions from his students nearby. 

“Not sure, but as soon as I’ve got everyone accounted for I’m going to turn in the count and then find out,” Mara promised as a large group of her kids came over to her. 

She continued to mark off names as the sound of a fire engine’s siren wailed in the distance. It raced up the road by the school and then turned on the road by the main entrance. Mara tried not to be too concerned, it might just be a precaution. There wasn’t smoke rising from the school or anything. Wouldn’t it be fitting though, for them to fight so hard and have the school burn down anyway? She shook the thoughts away after accounting for all of her students. 

Cullen’s voice came over the radio. “Still awaiting counts from teachers on the west side.”

Mara looked over to Varric who was also standing on his bucket, but it did less good than it did her. “Hey, you want me to turn your count in?” she asked. 

Varric nodded. “All accounted for.”

All of the students’s attention was on another fire engine roaring up the road, and an ambulance not far behind. Most of them had their phones out, no doubt posting videos and pictures on social media. “I’ll be right back,” she said as she jumped down off her bucket. 

She walked across the parking lot to where Cullen and Josie stood. They were on the sidewalk leading to the school, going over lists and Josie was speaking into her radio. Her voice crackled over the channel. “We’ve got a second engine inbound.”

Bull’s voice came over next. “Gyms are clear.”

“All teachers on the north side have reported in, all accounted for,” Leliana replied, and Mara turned down her radio as she approached. 

“I’ve got mine and Varric’s counts,” Mara said. 

Cullen glanced up at her with a slight smile. “Good. You’re the last ones we’re waiting on.”

She rolled her eyes. “We were in the lab testing.”

Josie frowned. “Great.” 

Cullen looked at her expectantly. “All accounted for?”

She nodded. “Yeah. What’s going on?”

Josie stepped away to report in to Leliana, and Cullen crossed off her and Varric’s names. “Still a little unsure. Sounds like something happened in the weight room.”

Mara glanced at the darkening clouds. “Any idea how long we’re out here?”

Cullen adjusted his glasses. “I hope to the Maker it’s not long, but the fire department has to clear us so it just depends.” 

Mara nodded. “Okay, I’m going to head back to my kids.”

“If I hear anything I’ll let you know.” Cullen held up his radio. 

She turned her radio back up as she walked across the parking lot and through the mess of students standing around waiting. 

And then it began to rain. 

***

It hadn’t just rained, it had poured for the entire hour and a half it had taken the fire department to clear them to re-enter the school. Cullen ran a hand through his still damp hair, and tried not to be too frustrated. As it turned out, a student in the weightlifting class had thrown a medicine ball at the wall. It had hit a sprinkler and triggered the alarm, and it had taken the fire department and Leliana all that time to get the system reset.

The emergency buckets had some plastic tarps inside them, but those hadn’t been anywhere near large enough for most classes. The teachers and unlucky students had stood nobly in the freezing downpour for a solid thirty minutes until Cullen and Josie could get clearance from Leliana to let the kids go sit in their cars if they had them. That still left huge groups of students, most of whom did not have coats or jackets, in the rain. 

When they’d finally been giving the all clear, Cullen had held the doors open as sopping wet kids had filed their way back in the school and into their third hour classes. Dorian, Mara, and Varric had been some of the last back into the school. 

Dorian had glared at him as he entered, hair and mustache hanging limply. “If you say a word about my appearance I will kill you.” 

Varric grinned. “Come on, Sparkler, everyone looks awful.”

Mara rolled her eyes, switching arms on her bucket. Cullen held his hand out to take it from her, and she passed it to him gratefully. “I don’t know why I bothered to get ready at all this morning, seeing as I just feel like I stepped out of the shower.” 

Cullen looked at her apologetically, she was soaked through. He was only marginally less so because Josie had an umbrella. He’d started out with one, but had given it to a group of students who didn’t have jackets. Then he’d gone to grab the blanket he kept in the back of his car and gave it to another set of students. 

“Sorry,” he simply said. 

Mara sighed. “I’m just glad to be back in the warm building.”

“I’ll get some coffee going in the faculty room and send it down with some aides,” Josie offered. 

“Okay, but what about the kids?” Mara asked. 

Varric laughed. “You mean the ones that stuck around and didn’t just go home?”

Mara nodded. 

Josie shrugged. “We’ll set the dialer to call home, some parents can bring some dry clothes for them, but most of them are better off than you.”

Dorian rubbed his eyes. “Most of mine were under cover most of the time.”

“Good, thank you. Sorry about the testing interruption,” Josie said before going up the stairs. 

“It’s my prep, I’m going to grab us lunch from somewhere, any requests?” Varric asked. 

“Something warm,” Mara suggested. The rest of them murmured agreement as they made their way back to their classrooms. 

“No emergency bucket for you?” Mara asked him. 

Cullen shook his head. “No, I’m the area leader and it was my prep hour.” 

“Lucky,” Mara replied. 

He chuckled. “That it was on my prep hour. It’s always a nightmare trying to coordinate my class and everything on the west side.”

Their classes were waiting in the hallway outside their classrooms. A good portion of the kids looked to be dry, and while they seemed a bit tired, most of them didn’t seem worse for wear. In fact, many of them seemed to think the fact that they’d missed almost two class periods was pretty damn exciting. 

Cullen glanced at his watch. There was only twenty five minutes left of the class hour, he was going to have to really adjust his lesson. 

Mara laughed from beside him. He turned. “What?”

“I know that look, Rutherford. You’re trying to figure out how to salvage your lesson plan.” Mara opened her classroom door, letting the kids into her room. 

Cullen set her bucket down beside her and then opened his own door. “As any responsible teacher would.”

“Your subject isn’t even tested! It’s too unimportant.” 

“Or maybe they just know what an amazing teacher I am and don’t have to test me,” he replied, grinning as Mara stuck her tongue out at him as she disappeared into her classroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, if you're not being pushed around like a queen on a cart you're doing the end of the school year wrong. If you look to last May on my tumblr there is photographic evidence of me doing this. Also, almost two hour long school evacuation in the pouring rain? That also happened. Isn't the end of the school year fun? I hope you enjoyed the update, thanks so much for reading! <3


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The school board meeting to decide Skyhold's fate arrives.

It was almost one in the morning, and Cullen wasn’t under any pretense that either of them was sleeping. Mara might have slept at one point a few hours ago, but she was restless enough that he was pretty sure she hadn’t slept in a long time. They were both too nervous with the school board meeting the next day. 

After abandoning all hope of sleep, Cullen curled himself around Mara, draping an arm over her waist. “What can I do?”

She rubbed her eyes, her voice a near sob. “I just want to sleep.”

He kissed her hair. “I know. I’ve got some chamomile tea downstairs. Would you like some?”

She gave him a pitiful nod and so he slipped from bed, pulling a shirt on as he walked down the stairs in his quiet house. The third one down still creaked, something he and Branson had never been able to fix. He flicked lights on as he went, trying to banish all of the shadows in his mind. The trek down from his bedroom in the pitch black night was still too familiar, and while no nightmares had chased him from his bed that night, they didn’t feel far away. 

He filled the tea kettle up with water and placed it on the stove. He pulled two mugs down, dropping the tea bags into them before leaning against the counter and rubbing his eyes. Maker, he just wanted the day over with and it was hardly an hour into it. 

He heard the creak of the stair, and he realized Mara had decided to come down. She appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, hair disheveled with bruises beneath her eyes. 

“I would have brought it up to you,” he said, words dropping softly into the quiet of the night.

She nodded. “I know, but I thought maybe getting out of bed might help.”

Cullen held out his arms and Mara crossed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him. He held her tightly and rested his cheek on her head; he wished there was more he could do. 

They stood there in silence for a long time, holding each other until the tea kettle began to let out a watery whistle. He let her go while he poured the hot water into the mugs, and then pressed one into Mara’s waiting hands. 

“Stay here or go back upstairs?” he asked. 

Mara blew softly into her mug to cool her tea. “Here for a bit.”

He pulled her into the living room, the only room he hadn’t turned a light on in. Light from the hall and kitchen seeped through though, casting strange shadows against the bookshelves and couch. He pulled the soft brown throw from the chair and waited for Mara to curl up against one arm of the couch before he draped it around her. 

She took a tentative sip from her mug. “Thank you.”

He settled down beside her. “You’re welcome. Do you want to talk about it?” 

She threaded their fingers together. “Do you?”

“No,” he admitted. “I need to empty my brain of all of that.”

She waggled her eyebrows, but it clearly took effort. “You need a distraction?”

If she hadn’t looked so dead tired, he might have taken her up on it. He laughed. “You in any condition to provide one?”

Mara gave him a tired smile. “No.”

He took her feet into his lap as he sat down beside her, and they sat in companionable silence in the half darkness. Cullen stared out the far window, watching a solitary car drive up the road, headlights throwing light into the living room as it passed. The warmth of the tea seemed to seep into his bones, making them tired, though his mind wasn’t yet. 

And then Mara’s hushed whisper fell into the darkness. “What if they sell Skyhold?”

He turned to look at her, quick enough to see the ghosts shift in her eyes, to see the weight that she carried. She hadn’t spoken of it much, and he hadn’t pushed. This wasn’t some secret she was keeping. No, they’d laid all of those bare in Wycome. Letting that fear and dread in just didn’t serve anything, and they’d both known it. But in the middle of the night, bodies aching for sleep, she spoke the words that had been haunting her. 

“What if we all lose our jobs? What if  _ you _ lose your job? What if I let everyone down?” 

For a moment he could see it all with terrifying clarity, just as he had in Leliana’s office just a few short weeks ago. Perhaps being with Mara had made him foolish, but he believed that with her by his side there was little he could not weather. There would be other schools, other jobs. He loved his job, even as tired, as ready for the year end as he was. He would love it no matter where he went because it was his calling, it had become part of who he was. 

“No matter what happens, it will not be on you. Any of it.” He gave her foot a slight squeeze. 

Mara’s eyes searched his, looking a bit lost. So he continued, “There is so much outside of our control, but you have been incredible. You have given so much. Whatever happens, we will endure it.”

“Whatever will be will be,” she whispered as she drank her tea, green eyes faraway. 

“I love you.”

Her eyes refocused on him, and they softened. “I love you too.”

Her mug was empty, so he took it from her, setting it on the coffee table. “Would you like to try to sleep now?”

She nodded and stood, and he held out his hand to her. Her cold fingers slipped into his, and despite what the day meant, what it might hold, everything felt right.

***

The rest of the day slipped by both slowly and too quickly. One moment Mara was administering an English final, the next she was walking into the district office. Well, the technology building at the district office anyway. The district office was technically an ancient building that had been added onto at least twice in the last fifty years, but beside it they had built a brand new technology center. In it, they had also built the new school board room. 

The chamber was large, rows and rows of chairs had been set up in lieu of the usual tables. They had planned for a crowd, and as people filtered in Mara knew they would get one. Leliana had suspected they wanted this particular meeting to happen quietly, without fanfare or witnesses. So she had made sure it was announced, that flyers had been passed out, and that everyone with any stake in Skyhold knew it was happening. 

The front of the room was raised, the superintendent’s seat higher than anyone else’s save the school board president. The other member’s seats flanked them, standing empty and ominous, the faces of previous members smiling down from the wall behind them. 

Mara felt nauseous. She stood at the small table before the council risers with Vivienne, Josephine, and Leliana. Somewhere behind her the faculty and staff of Skyhold had taken seats. They were there to support, but Mara wasn’t sure how she would face them if they didn’t walk out victorious. 

“My dear, you’re shaking so badly I’m wondering what month it is,” Vivienne said, taking the folder from Mara’s hands. 

“Sorry.” 

Vivienne set the folder down and turned her full force on Mara. “Don’t let them see the nerves. We are here, we have made it this far. Make them think twice about facing you.”

Mara schooled her expression and squared her shoulders. Vivienne gave her an approving nod. “Deep breaths. I’m beside you, darling. What could go wrong?”

“Thank you,” Mara said quietly. Vivienne seemed to understand it wasn’t just for calming her down. 

Josie was reorganizing her notes for the third time, and Mara glanced to the clock on the wall. The walls were decorated with art done by students within the district. There was a large piece of colorful art supplies hung near the clock, while a mural of the first Landsmeet covered the wall beside it. It was nearly time. 

The council chamber was filling rapidly, and so Mara hazarded a glance towards Cullen. She’d been avoiding his gaze all day, like a coward. She didn’t want to let him or any of the others down. But especially him, especially after everything they’d gone through this year. 

He was standing in the back, beside Bull. They’d clearly given up their seats, which made sense since they were rapidly becoming a rare commodity. Folks were giving up on seats altogether and finding places to stand along the walls. She recognized many of their faces from one Skyhold event or another. There were others there too though. Celene and Briala had just entered, and Clarel stood with a small group of her teachers that spoke quietly amongst themselves. 

Cullen’s golden eyes met hers and he offered her a reassuring smile. She gave him a tentative one in return. 

Bull noticed the exchange and grinned before booming, “Horns up!” 

She nearly laughed, but then the chamber became very, very quiet. Mara turned to see why. Corypheus entered from the far door, tall and menacing. His dark suit gleamed in the light, but it was the blood red color of his tie that made her pause. Samson’s matched, though his suit was was pinstriped. Calpernia already looked a step apart from them in a asymmetrically cut navy dress, or perhaps it was because Mara was banking on her to be what made everything come together. 

She didn’t shift or balk when Corypheus flashed her a predatory smile, instead she held his gaze doing her best to appear determined and confident despite the fact her heart raced out of control. She turned away when a side door opened behind the risers and the school board entered, the superintendent entering last. 

Mara knew little about the superintendent, Vernon Norton. She was aware that he’d received his doctorate from Denerim University, and that he hadn’t been a teacher long before going into administration. It wasn’t uncommon for that to be the case. The only other thing she knew was that Vivienne didn’t particularly care for him. 

The noise level in the room had risen again at their entrance, but promptly died down as they took their seats. At the end of the risers sat the district secretary, his laptop open and already typing. The school board president Kathy Hansen called the meeting to order from her seat beside Norton. 

Kathy looked to the secretary. “Nolan are we ready?” 

Nolan gave a nod, and then proceeded. “I hereby call the board of education meeting for Denerim School District to order on this the 22 of Bloomingtide 9:42 Dragon. The members of the board in attendance are…”

He went through roll call, each one of the members verbally confirming their presence. After all members were confirmed, one of them stood and read the board mission statement. Mara could tell the crowd behind her was slowly losing interest in the procedural portions of the meeting. Nolan quickly recounted the tabled agenda items of the previous meeting, and then the President moved to table them for another, later meeting. 

There were a few other items discussed and then finally Nolan spoke. “Action Item Four: Superintendent Norton is requesting a motion to sell Skyhold High School to Corypheus Incorporated.” 

It was a struggle to control her breathing. The time had arrived, and Mara wasn’t sure she was ready. Norton stood. “If I may?” 

The school board president nodded her approval. “Skyhold High School has been consistently underperforming in both the academic and financial spheres. Corypheus has put in an offer to purchase the school thus removing the Skyhold from our purview. The benefits to the district would be immense, and the money received could go to much needed renovations on other schools within the district.” 

Leliana’s eyes flashed, and for a moment Mara thought that she might just be imagining slow, painful ways to kill Norton. Her voice rang out, bright and clear. “While Skyhold has in fact struggled, the last three years there have been marked improvements. Especially in math, English, and science. Our numbers this year speak for themselves.”

Mara had seen those numbers for the first time the day before. Had seen the English numbers with a mix of knee-wobbling relief and awe. They’d done remarkably well, and with the percentage of students tested they’d receive a high grade from the state. 

The board looked over the numbers they’d been handed by Nolan. After a few moments of murmuring the president spoke. “The academic improvement is noted. What about financial?”

Josie stood. “We have received a good number of donations this year, for both academics and extracurricular activities and promises for those to continue.”

“From whom?” one of the members asked. 

Somewhere behind Mara there was movement. “From me.” Celene had stood, giving a slight nod in Mara’s direction. Mara turned to look back at the board, but not before noticing the way Corypheus was sneering. 

Some of the school board members looked surprised, others bored. Celene continued, “And they will have my financial support for as long as I’m able. They’re doing good work at Skyhold.”

“As have many local businesses,” Josephine added. 

Norton looked unimpressed. “This is all very well, but their showing that they’ve overcome a few hurdles doesn’t prove that they will be an asset to the district. We have to consider that despite all this, it is in the best interest of the district to transfer the ownership to someone else.”

“High schools are only getting more expensive to run,” Corypheus cut in. “My company provides opportunity, eases that burden.”

A few of the members at least looked skeptical. “You’ve built your fortune in the business world, why the shift to education?”

Corypheus was the perfect portrait of ease. “Because education is so important, and I just want to give back.”

Mara debated how much it would hurt their cause if she administered a well-placed throat punch. Instead she stood, she wasn’t likely to get a better opening than that. “I’ve heard that you take rather than give back.”

Corypheus turned towards her, eyes narrowed. “Have you now?” 

She fought the quaver in her voice. “Yes. I’ve heard that you’re quite adept at padding your pockets with money taken from the very schools you claim to be helping.”

If Corypheus was surprised at her accusation, he didn’t show it. In fact, it seemed almost as if he was expecting it. Her heart thundered, what if she had just dug their own graves? She didn’t have a plan B if this went to shit. 

The president of the board looked to her. “Ms. Lavellan, those are some very serious allegations. Have you any proof?”

“Yes.” She walked a folder of the financial reports Calpernia had provided to her up to the risers, allowing a few moments for the members to pass copies around. As she returned to their table, Corypheus’s face was unreadable. 

Cullen caught her eye as she walked back, he offered her a tight smile, but there was worry in his amber eyes. She glanced away quickly, praying to any gods that might be listening for this to all work out. All of the people had fallen terribly quiet. 

“As you can see,” Mara began, “there is a private company that is being paid to run most of the arts programs. The services aren’t being provided. I have proof, pictures of empty classrooms, and testimony from building principals. The company is getting paid to do nothing, and that company is owned by Corypheus.”

Finally a school board member spoke. “While this is quite troubling, I don’t see anything here that says anything about who owns this private company. Do you have any proof of ownership?” 

Here it was, the wild card to be played at last. Everything was hinging on Calpernia, and no matter how Mara had thought and tried to get around it the last few weeks, none of this mattered unless they had her to testify. Eventually Corypheus would be stopped, a full audit would prove the crimes, but it wouldn’t be soon enough for Skyhold. 

Mara turned to where Calpernia stood, next to Corypheus and Samson. She wasn’t looking Mara’s way at all; gaze focused dead ahead. Corypheus’s mouth was upturned slightly, and Mara wondered for several terrifying beats of her heart if she had just walked right into a trap. 

The president’s voice tore her from her paralyzing fear. “Well, Ms. Lavellan?”

But Calpernia hadn’t moved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hoped you enjoyed this update! According to my outline there are only two more chapters and then the epilogue! You folks are all so wonderful, and your comments and support really keep me going. I feel like I'm always saying the same thing at the end of every chapter, but really thanks. You make writing this thing such a joy.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The school board meeting continues, and Mara gets an interesting offer.

Cullen stood near the back of the crowded room. He’d arrived early enough to get a seat, but had given his up to a student’s parent he knew in passing. The room had been loud, the crowd nearly unruly. Until it had fallen into a tense silence. 

The school board president was staring down at Mara while another member asked, “Do you have any such proof Ms. Lavellan?”

Just as Cullen had suspected, she turned to look at Calpernia. He had known her plan centered on Calpernia and her information, but he hadn’t realized that it was what it all had hinged on. Maker’s breath, it was a gamble. 

He could tell by the way Mara’s shoulders were set that she knew it. Cullen wanted to believe that Calpernia was willing to turn, that she was going to back every bit of Mara’s claims up. The crowd waited with bated breath to see what would happen, but nothing was. Calpernia wasn’t moving, wasn’t saying a damn thing. 

The school board president sighed. “Well, Ms. Lavellan?”

Mara’s blonde head turned once more to Calpernia, and even from the back of the room Cullen could see the desperation in her gaze. The crowd was holding its breath as much as he was, hoping beyond hope there was something else. Mara turned her attention back to the president. “No, ma’am.”

“Well Norton, do you have anything else to add?” the president asked. 

His eyes were cold as he looked to Mara. “Just that we should take a good hard look at any employees who throw around such unsubstantiated claims as Ms. Lavellan has. That any educator would behave that way is unacceptable.”

Mara had already taken a seat, still sitting tall beside Vivienne, Leliana, and Josephine. In that moment, Cullen knew. He knew that they had lost. The school board was already so set against them going in, and they had failed to turn the tide. 

“Well shit,” Varric said, loud enough that the rest of the faculty sitting in their area had heard. 

Dorian was rubbing his temples, and Bull’s arms were crossed while he wore the same face he did when he was coaching and the team was losing. Solas was the only member of the faculty still watching the front of the room with rapt attention. 

If they lost, Cullen wasn’t sure what it would do to Mara. He hadn’t wanted to consider the possibility. If she was silently imploding she was giving no such indicators in her posture. Every instinct made him want to leave his place in the back of that crowded room and go to her. He knew it would be better to wait, and that they would weather whatever this meant for them. 

“Fuck it.” 

The whole room started at the cursing, but then fell silent again as Calpernia stood. “The Securities and Exchange Commission has already been called, but I have the company’s registration and financial records right here. And you can see that it’s his company.”

“That is illegal,” Corypheus said, voice unnervingly even as Calpernia handed the school board copies of the registration. Corypheus was right. The company was a private one, which meant that releasing the names on the registration was absolutely illegal. Cullen hadn’t thought of that at all, all Calpernia was risking by sharing it.

Calpernia gathered her things and stalked over to the table where Mara sat while the crowd rippled and murmured as she walked to the other side. Leliana offered her a smile and managed to get another chair for her. 

Calpernia’s head was held high when she finally responded to Corypheus. “I am well aware. They can arrest me too when they come to get you.”

The whole room was buzzing, the new information having shifted everything in the room. On the other side of the room someone stood and yelled. “And you’d sell off a high school to someone who’s going to steal money from it!”

The room erupted in further yelling and cheers for what was said. Most people were standing then, yelling and screaming. The members of the school board recoiled at the outbursts. The school board president was on her feet trying to re-establish order with no success. 

Beside him, Bull whistled so loudly that everyone stopped. “Everyone sit down, and shut up.”

The order was so clear, so commanding, that they all did just that. The school board president gave Bull a clear nod of appreciation. 

“Let’s put it to a vote. All in favor of keeping Skyhold High School in district, say ‘I’.” Cullen held his breath as he watched as the board unanimously voted, hands raised to keep the school. His eyes burned as the weight of the year lifted off of them. Skyhold was safe. Skyhold was staying. 

Among the cheers of the crowd Cullen heard a member submit a motion to adjourn the meeting, and it was approved. Just like that, the meeting was over. It was done. 

At the front of the room Mara was embracing Vivienne, Leliana, Josephine, and finally an awkward looking Calpernia. At the side door three federal marshals appeared, the gold police stars bright against the dark material of their coats. They didn’t seem pleased to be moving through the busy crowd, but the crowd parted for them as they walked toward the front of the building.

Cullen was following behind them, trying to get to Mara. He reached their table in just enough to time see Corypheus and Samson being arrested. Calpernia had left the group to speak with the marshals and likely to own up to sharing the registration of a private company. How she’d managed to get the registration, he didn’t want to know. 

Cullen decided it didn’t matter as the force of Mara hugging him nearly knocked him down. Mara had done it, had saved Skyhold. Every bit of hard work, every late night, it had all been worth it for that moment. He wrapped her in his arms, as his visions of the future stretched out bright and open ahead of him.

***

Mara’s face hurt from smiling so much. The image of Corypheus and Samson being dragged away by federal marshals had sealed the deal for her though. Hopefully everything that had been done was enough to ensure their company couldn’t hurt any more schools, but she’d worry about that later. Skyhold was safe. That was the victory. 

Every thought eddied out of her head because Cullen was there grinning and looking so proud she thought she might burst. Mara practically lept into his arms. He caught her with strong arms and his laughter ringing in her ears. Creators, she had missed that sound. Hadn’t realized how the stress of it all had weighed them down until it had lifted.  

“You did it!” Cullen said as he pulled back. 

She couldn’t stop smiling. “Something like that.”

She didn’t have any more time to respond to Cullen because Bull had pulled her into a crushing hug, and behind him there was Dorian wiping his eyes. 

He noticed her glance his way and he simply scowled. “Tell anyone about this and I will kill you.”

“Sure thing,” she promised. 

Bull set her down and gave Mara a wink before striding over to a box of tissues on a table near the door. He was clearly getting them for Dorian, and there was a sweetness in the gesture that made her heart even fuller. 

“I’m sure glad that I didn’t bother updating my resume,” Varric said. 

From beside him Cassandra scoffed. “Like anyone else would hire you.”

Sera was balanced precariously on the back of a chair finger guns waving in the air. “Shots fired!”

Sera’s comment led to another round of bickering between Varric and Cassandra, and Mara shook her head as she looked to where Blackwall and Josephine were quietly speaking, smiles on their faces. 

This was what she’d been fighting for, to keep this family together. Beneath the teasing and bickering there was a real love, a deep loyalty. They’d all come to Skyhold with from different places, and yet they all loved it just as deeply were just as relieved to see it safe. 

“Well, Vivienne thinks she can do her best to steer them clear of us for while,” Leliana said. She and Vivienne had followed the council from the room, to ensure that everything was clarified. The superintendent was likely to think twice before targeting Skyhold again. 

“That’s good,” Mara said. 

Leliana smiled. “I feel like I’ve been worried about the school for so long that I’m going to wake up tomorrow and this will have been a dream.”

Mara nodded. “There’s still plenty to worry about, but it’s safe.”

“I’m going to keep it that way,” Leliana vowed. 

Mara moved beside Leliana and glanced around at her colleagues. Cullen, Dagna, and Sera were engaged in a lively conversation while Dorian and Bull stood quietly taking bets on Cassandra and Varric’s argument. 

“And you’ve got help,” Mara said, inclining her head towards the group. 

“The best,” Leliana agreed. 

Varric and Cassandra’s argument had abruptly ended, Cassandra looked a little bit flustered. “To the Herald’s Rest!” Varric called, turning on his heel to lead the group out. 

Mara couldn’t help but laugh at the whole scene. Then her phone began vibrating in her pocket. It wasn’t a number she recognized, but she decided to answer it anyway, taking a step away from the group. 

“Just one minute.” 

She took a few more steps from the group. “Hello?”

“Hi. I’m looking for a Mara Lavellan.” A man’s voice said. 

“This is her.” 

She could hear the relief on the other end. “I’m Mike Williams. I’m the principal at Suncrest High School in Jader. I’m contacting you about a job.” 

“Oh?” Mara glanced back to her friends, the group was patiently waiting for her. She had moved far enough away she was mostly out of earshot, but she wasn’t sure why she cared so much. 

“You see, our school has run into some trouble in the last little while. Green Hills’s former principal gave me your name, told me you were the one to call.” 

She swallowed. “Of course. What sort of trouble?”

Mike sighed. “The usual. Mostly academics. The position would be teaching English, but you’d also have an extra prep hour to be our collaboration coordinator. We need someone to bring our school together and make some good changes. I want you to be that person.”

“Your school is in Jader?” she asked. It was at least a twelve hour drive from Denerim. At least. 

“Yes, and we know that’s quite the move. We’d be willing to provide a relocation stipend.” 

Mara glanced to Cullen, he wasn’t looking her way but something in her cracked a little. Skyhold was safe though; her job was done. This was what she did; what she was good at. She moved from school to school, and didn’t spend too much time looking back. She’d come to Denerim after a phone call similar to this one, and she couldn’t turn Leliana down then, didn’t want to turn Mike down now. “Do you have other positions you’re looking to fill? If I had another colleague who would be beneficial?”

Mike laughed. “I’d find an opening for whomever you wanted to bring with you.” 

“Wow. Okay. Um, I obviously need to think about things. When do you need to hear by?” she asked. 

“If you could get to me by the end of the week that would be best. I know the end of the school year is crazy, but I need to keep searching if your answer is no.”

“I understand, and I’ll get back to you soon. Thank you.”

“No, thank you. Just call me back at this number.”

“Will do.” She put the phone down, hands a little shaky. Her night had taken a rather unexpected turn, and she still wasn’t sure exactly how she felt about it. She did know that it wasn’t the time to worry about it as she walked back to her friends. 

“Ready to go?” Cullen asked, slipping his hand into hers. 

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready.” It had been a long time since she’d felt that all too familiar restlessness, but she wanted that job. Didn’t she? 

***

Things had been so busy Cullen felt as if he’d hardly had any time alone with Mara since the school board meeting. They’d gone to the Herald’s Rest to eat and try not to get too drunk with everyone in celebration. The next day they had grades to finalize, and Mara and Dorian had been gone at graduation practice for hours. He and Mara had hastily made plans as she stopped by his room to finish up grades for dinner at her apartment. By the Maker, he was looking forward to it.

He knocked on her door before letting himself in. They’d exchanged keys after Wycome, more out of practicality than any sort of romantic gesture. It had felt natural, but it often still felt odd walking into her place. The warm smell of cumin and cinnamon wafted through the small apartment and some indie folk song was echoing in the kitchen. Mara was singing along with the music while she cooked, but she looked up at him with a smile when he walked in. 

“Hey there.”

He closed the distance between them. “Hey.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. He’d intended it to be short, but it had been too long since her lips had been against his. 

She was the first to pull away, turning the stove off with a smile. “If you want dinner at some point, you’ll have to stop doing that.”

“Well-” 

“I have spent too much time on this,” she cut him off with an exasperated laugh. 

He chuckled. “Thank you for cooking, you didn’t have to.”

She shifted on her feet a bit. “I’ve got something to talk to you about.”

Cullen did too. Had been hoping that there would be some moment where it felt right to ask her to move in with him. He still wasn’t sure how to ask, but they’d never been the type for big romantic gestures anyway. 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Okay.”

She put a step of space between them that he didn’t want, and immediately he began to worry. She seemed to take a deep breath before forcing a smile. “I got a job offer in Jader.”

His response had slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. “What?”   
Mara looked away from him. “This high school in Jader called last night. They’re in trouble and they need my help.”

“Oh.” It was all he could manage. He felt like he’d had the air knocked out of him, the ground had somehow shifted beneath his feet. She wasn’t seriously considering this was she? 

“They’ve got a social studies position too, or any position really. The principal seemed pretty inclined to give me whatever I wanted.” She said, words quick, running together.

He understood the question without her asking it. For a moment he could see it, going with her. Starting at a new school with her. Jader. It would be an adventure. He could see it all stretched out before him, but he wanted it only because it was where she would be. 

Guilt at even considering it washed over him. His family. He had made a promise to himself a long time ago that Denerim would be as far away as he went from his family. He had been absent for too many years, had dealt too many wounds with distance. He had vowed not to deal anymore. And then there was Skyhold, as much his home as anything. He couldn’t. And realized by the way her face fell that he had spoken those words aloud. 

“Okay.” She seemed disappointed, but not surprised by his response. 

His heart was thundering. “Are you accepting?” He was terrified of her answer. 

Her eyes didn’t meet his, and he knew what she was going to say before the words left her mouth. “Well…yes. This is sort of my job.”

He stepped away from her, pacing before he realized he was doing it. “What? How can you -” the words all caught in his throat. How could she leave them? Leave  _ him _ ?

“They need me,” Mara said, but it almost sounded like she didn’t believe it. 

Cullen stopped his nervous circuit of her kitchen. How could this be happening? “What about Skyhold? What about…us?” He hated how broken the words sounded, how he seemed to choke as he said them.

Mara bit her lip. “Skyhold is safe. And we...well there’s long distance. We’ll figure it out. The holidays would all be the same, and we’ll fly out and see each other on weekends and breaks.” 

Cullen had never understood the term heartbreak. How it could possibly feel like your heart was breaking, but in that moment he did. Something in him was fissuring, and he wondered how in the void he would survive it. “No.”

Mara’s green eyes were deep and melancholy. “What?”

“How long, Mara? One year? Two? Do you expect me to wait here while you save every school in Thedas?” 

“It would just be a year. And then-”

“Onto the next?” Cullen wasn’t sure how his voice was still even, how he was even still standing. 

Her lack of response was response enough. He leaned back against the counter, letting it take some of his weight. “I still haven’t heard you say that this job is what you want. Is it what you want?”

If it was, he would do his best to accept it and support her. Part of him looked at her, at the fact she’d gone from one school to the next as a pattern. It was a way of making sure she didn’t put down roots she had told him once. He just thought they’d gotten past it. 

She’d wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t know.”

He nodded. “Why don’t you call me when you figure that out?” He was already on his way out of her kitchen before he finished speaking. He needed to leave before either of them said something irreparable.  

“Cullen,” she reached for his arm. 

He let her stop him. Felt the cool chill of her hands on his arm. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t the last time she’d touch him, but there was ice cold dread slithering through his veins. 

Mara sighed. “I -” He wondered if it was an apology that had died on her tongue. 

“Stay,” he whispered brokenly. 

And when she didn’t respond he walked out without another word. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really appreciate if no one threw fruit at me. All your comments after the last chapter KILLED ME, but also because I knew that THIS was coming. I'm already halfway done with the next chapter, and I'll be working through the last week of school insanity to try and get it to you in a reasonable amount of time. Thanks again for reading.


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation and a few things are settled. NSFW.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Dorian hissed from beside her, as he took his seat. 

Mara turned to look at him, trying not to seem to pissed off. “What?”

Dorian somehow managed to make graduation robes look fashionable, while they made everyone else in the faculty looked like they were drowning in a black tent. Though it might be because his robes were marked clearly with black velvet to indicate his doctoral status, and a gold hood over his shoulders. The students were in robes of maroon and gold, shifting in excitement as Leliana introduced one of the graduation speakers. 

“You know what I’m talking about.” Dorian settled into his chair, adjusted his robes and didn’t even look at her. 

Cullen. The job offer. All of it. Mara looked out towards the rows of students where Cullen sat at the end of a row. He would direct them to the front when the time came for passing out diplomas. He was watching the graduation speaker, and as far as she could tell hadn’t glanced to where she sat on the side of the event center at all. She worked to shove out the memories of that morning’s stilted conversation as they’d walked into the school together. 

“Yeah, okay.” She’d had too long of a day for this. Mara had basically run the entire senior send off assembly that morning, and then yearbook distribution after that. She’d been on her feet all day, running home for just a few minutes to change before arriving at the event center for graduation. In a way she’d been thankful for how busy she was. It meant she couldn’t dwell on everything else. 

“Why? Why go?” Dorian asked, voice in a hushed whisper. He wasn’t even bothering to hide his annoyance with her.

Mara didn’t face him, looked instead at her students, her friends. She looked at Josie and Leliana who sat behind the podium, and to where Sera was entertaining several students by making faces. “They need me.”

Dorian shook his head. “Every school in Thedas needs a teacher like you. That’s not a real answer and you know it.”

“Are we really doing this? Here?” she hissed, trying to make sure they didn’t draw too much attention to themselves. 

Dorian’s mustache twitched. “Yes, we are. Solas disappeared into the night, why not you too?”

“Okay, that’s a little low, don’t you think?” 

Solas’s classroom standing empty the day of graduation was the answer to who had been the leak. It saved Leliana from worrying about who it had been, but she had been visibly upset at the prospect of trying to find another drama teacher at the beginning of the summer. Mara wasn’t looking forward to breaking the news to her about finding an English teacher too.  

“Well I had to pester Cullen about why you two were acting so weird. I thought we were friends,” Dorian said. 

She tried not to sigh. “We are.”

“So when were you going to tell me?”

“I haven’t even made a final decision yet!” Mara said more loudly than she meant to. The family sitting just behind them up in the arena seating shushed her. She offered them a quick apology before glaring at Dorian. 

He glared right back. “No, but you’re thinking about it.”

“It’s not really any of your business what I do with my career.” She looked away from him, turning her attention back to the speaker, trying to be a good example for the graduating class.

“Except this isn’t a career move, is it? If it was no one would be standing in your way. This is you running. Again.” Dorian replied.

“Their school is in trouble, just like Skyhold was! How can I say no?” One glance at Dorian told her he wasn’t buying any of it. He was shaking his head and looking like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. 

“So what? You’ll just keep running to every single school that’s in trouble forever? Because there will always be a school in trouble! You are not the only person in Thedas who can help them!” Suncrest needed her. It wasn’t running. It wasn’t. This was what she did; this was her job. There wasn’t a lot else that mattered beyond that. Her personal life had never gotten in the way of a job before, why let it now? They’d asked for help, so she would help them.  

“Leave it, Dorian.” She tried to make sure that there was a note of finality in her tone. 

“What happens if you stay?” he asked. 

She wasn’t sure how to respond. She hadn’t stuck around long enough anywhere to find out, but Dorian knew that. He seemed to understand the silence, and shook his head muttering something that sounded far from complimentary under his breath. 

The first student speaker sat down, and the second one stood. The speech was almost unrecognizable from when she’d heard it during speech auditions, but Mara was only mostly making a show of paying attention while her mind raced. 

“There are many people to thank for helping us reach this milestone. Parents, guardians, aunts and uncles, grandparents, but also our teachers. From weird art techniques that were likely very dangerous with Sera, to meticulously planned chemistry experiments with Mr. Pavus. To falling in love with literary figures with Ms. Lavellan, and examining all sides of history with Mr. Rutherford,” the student speaker spoke, words clear and confident.

The student continued. “I’ve learned a lot of things from my teachers, but mostly that you’ve got to love what you do. You are the only person who lives your life, and you have got to be happy with the way you decide to live it. Take the chances the scare you, do the things you are afraid to do. You’ve only got one life. Ms. Lavellan taught us about Henry David Thoreau, and something really resonated with me. He wrote, ‘ I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.’ Live your life deliberately because living with regrets is no way to live.”

She didn’t mean to, but she glanced to where Cullen sat. He was looking at her, and when their eyes met she wished she could change everything about how things had happened the night before. He offered her a sad smile, and then glanced away. It felt so much like a farewell that when she dropped her eyes to hands in her lap she had to fight back tears. 

Live deliberately. She’d always discussed what that meant with her students. Giving them the definition of deliberate. It meant on purpose, or with purpose. She’d always made sure to point out that deliberate contains the latin root, liber, which means freedom. The freedom to live a life on purpose. So what did that look like for her?

He’d asked her what she wanted. What did she want? She’d spent so long going from place to place without a thought for where she wanted to be. All day she’d offered half-hearted smiles to kids who cheerily told her they’d see her next year, and she’d wanted so badly for it to be true. It was out of some sense of duty that she was going to leave. But that wasn’t any way to live. 

She didn’t want that job in Jader. She didn’t want to leave Skyhold, or her friends, her kids. Cullen. She’d come so close to losing it all, and in the board meeting when Calpernia wasn’t moving, she realized that it was all so essential. That was why she had to leave because if she left first, it couldn’t be taken from her. 

It was flawed logic. She was afraid. Dorian’s question echoed,  _ What happens if you stay? _ She let it play over and over again as she sat through the ceremony, through the cheers and the long, long line of students receiving their diploma. 

She needed to talk to Cullen, and when the school band played pomp and circumstance as the graduates filtered out towards happiness and celebrations and parties, she realized he was nowhere to be found. 

She checked around the arena. Even heading up the tunnels to see if he was there among the other members of the faculty. Finally, she returned to where Dorian was coordinating the pickup of the giant gold “S” the students had paused at as their names were called to receive their diploma. 

“Have you seen Cullen?” she asked. 

Dorian gave her a severe look, and then he sighed. “No. He always leaves right at the end to miss the crowds. Go.”

So she did, practically running from the event center. She hurried past the groups taking photos, and the laughter that rang out into the warm night. Her heels clacked amongst calls from students for her to have a good summer, and she waved as she rushed away. The sun was setting, and the parking lot was already a mess of people trying to get out. 

Mara ripped her graduation robe off as she scrambled into her car, and then she did her best to maintain patience as she tried to get out of the parking lot. Her car wasn’t moving fast enough as she raced through the streets to Cullen’s house. She could have called she supposed, but somehow this didn’t feel like that sort of conversation. 

She turned down his sleepy street, the living room light was on, garage closed. He was home. She parked her car and hurried up to his front door. Her hand hesitated before she knocked against the light blue door. She was somehow right back to where she had been so many months ago. She had stood on that same porch in the blurry light of a fall morning rather than a spring evening. She had owed him an apology then too, and realized with a sinking feeling that her chances of being forgiven were far smaller this time. 

She took a deep breath and knocked. 

***

Cullen was staring at his mostly empty fridge, and hoping that something for dinner might materialize if he stood there long enough. He was doing his best to pretend that his life was not collapsing around him. 

But it was. 

Mara was going to leave, and why wouldn’t she? What did he have to offer her that she couldn’t find somewhere else? Maker, he loved her, but he would not fight to make her stay no matter how much it killed him. At least the school year was done, and they wouldn’t see each other every day. They’d arrived at the school at the same time that morning. He’d left a few minutes early to try to avoid it, but it seemed that she had made the same decision. It had been an awkward walk into the building to say the least. 

He shut the fridge and leaned back against the counter. He ran a hand through his hair, and tried not to dwell on how much he wanted things to be different. He wasn’t sure how long he was standing there when he was startled by the sound of a knock at the door. He glanced at the clock over the stove. It was far too early for it to be Dorian, he’d still be at the event center coordinating everything. His heart rose up in his throat, and he was afraid to hope too loudly. 

He walked slowly to the front door, loosening his tie as he went and unbuttoning the top button of his shirt so he could breathe. He opened the door, and there she was. Her blonde hair had just enough of a curl to it that it looked wavy, and she wore a purple and gray floral dress that he knew too well. Her green eyes were stormy, mouth a near frown. 

“One of these days I’m not going to come to your house and stand on your porch asking forgiveness,” she said, looking relieved at the sight of him. 

He didn’t care that they’d managed to take five steps backwards. Mara was standing there, a few feet from him. She wouldn’t be here if she was leaving, he knew that. He needed her in his arms now, moments ago. “Mara -” he took a step towards her. 

She held up her hands and took a step back. He hated the distance, and she seemed to know it. “Just let me...I need to apologize.”

He paused. “Okay.”

“I am a fucking idiot as Dorian put it. Cullen, I am so sorry. That job, that wasn’t how it should have happened. It should have been something we talked about and considered together. I shouldn’t have made up my mind, and then tried to bring you into my plans. I’m sorry.” 

She took a deep breath. “Did you know you’re my best friend? In the whole world. No one else knows me like you do, and I am terrified of what that means. What if I stay, and what if I lose you? Some foolish part of me believed that if I left first that I couldn’t get hurt.” 

There were tears in her eyes and she wiped at them angrily. “You are my best friend, and I love you. You asked me what I wanted and I don’t have a lot else figured out, but I want you. As long as you’ll have me.”

He stood there dumbly. This couldn’t be his life. Less than twenty minutes ago he’d been preparing himself for what felt like the inevitable end. He moved toward her slowly, in case she stopped him again, but she didn’t. “Is forever alright with you?”

Her eyes were still wet, but she laughed. “You’re such a cheeseball, Rutherford.”

Rather than respond he took her face in his hands and crashed his lips into hers. He needed to feel her, to know that this wasn’t some dream, to know that this was real. Her hands were on his back, pulling him closer as if she was feeling the same way. His tongue twined with hers, endearments tangled between them as he pressed closer, wanting nothing more than her. 

Mara broke away first, breathing uneven. “Look, we better go inside before your neighbors get quite the show.”

He didn’t try to stifle the laugh that broke free. “Fair enough.” 

Cullen moved aside to let her inside, closing the door behind them. “You’re not mad at me?” Mara asked, watching him. 

He sighed. “No?”

“I really screwed up.”

“You did.”

Her head hung a little. He caught her chin, lifted her face to look at his. “It’s what people do. They mess up. I will, and you will. Me likely more than you. It happens. You apologized, you’re here. I forgive you.” 

Mara’s eyes were a little incredulous. “Just like that?”

He considered all they had weathered, all that they would in the future. Being afraid of the future, of staying, was not something he could fault her for. “Just like that.” 

“I love you,” she said, and those might be the most beautiful words he had ever heard. 

“I love you too.” 

He sealed those words with a searing kiss, holding her as close as he could. She had pressed onto the tips of her toes, arms wrapped around his neck. No part of this ever felt old with her, each mingled breath and quest of fingertips always felt new, spun bright and fresh. 

He unzipped her dress, taking his time to feel the expanse of skin that was revealed inch by inch. She kicked off her shoes as he backed her farther into the living room and towards the couch. Mara’s fingers had deftly worked the buttons on his blue shirt, and she pushed it off his shoulders at the same time he managed get her dress completely open. They both fell into a heap on the ground before she straddled him on the couch. 

There was a moment as she settled down over him, hips meeting just shy of perfection, that he gazed up to her face. Her blonde hair had been tangled by his hands, but her eyes, it was her eyes that made him stop. Green depths full of adoration and so much more love than he had ever believed he deserved. 

His hands rested reverently on her waist, thumbs sweeping over her bare torso. The bra and panties she wore were plain and practical, but it was a view he would never tire of. He nipped at her jaw before whispering, “Move in with me.”

Her cool fingers on his neck tilted his head back, so that they were once again looking at each other. “Really?”

He grinned up at her. “Yes.”

“It’s not because…” her words trailed off and he understood what she meant. He was not looking for further confirmation she was staying, nor was he attempting to find a way to keep her there. 

“No. I’ve had it on my mind for weeks, but it just never seemed like the right time. Your lease is up soon, and I’m so tired of saying goodnight and having to come home or watch you leave,” he admitted hand rubbing his neck as his nerves bubbled up.  

“Weeks?” Mara gaped covering her face with her hands, and rested her forehead against his shoulder. “I  _ really _ was a fucking idiot.” Her words were muffled by her hands, but he could still hear the remorse in them. 

“Hey,” he said. “Will you look at me?”

She was still hiding from him when she sighed. “You are too damn perfect, Rutherford.”

He laughed. “We both know that’s not true. Come on.” Cullen pulled at one of her hands, and she sat up a little. Enough that he could see she was crying. 

“I’m really sick of crying today.”

He cupped her cheek and wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumb. “So, how about it?”

She gave him a watery smile. “I’d really like that.”

He didn’t have a chance to respond before her lips were once again against his, she tasted like tears and blue skies, and something so perfectly  _ her. _ He needed more of her, needed to feel more of her skin under his hands. He tried to remind himself that they had time, that there was time, so much of it. But his hands grasped at her as if he could reclaim every tremulous moment of the last twenty-four hours, erase it with her touch. 

She seemed to sense it too, the desperation, the relief. Her fingers were sure as promises as they pressed up against his heated skin, resting over his thundering heart. He fought for gentleness as he clutched her, blindly mapping the freckles on her back as he unclasped her bra. 

She breathlessly murmured his name as he sealed his lips over her breast. Her hands were in his hair, as if she might hold him there. He was only too willing to comply, shifting only to offer the same attention to the other breast. Mara’s hips moved against his, slow and taunting, he broke away from her only long enough to flip them, laying her down on the couch with more gentleness than he felt. 

“Maker, I want you.” 

***

His voice was deep, guttural and his amber eyes were dark as he moved over her, divesting himself of his pants as he did. 

She reached for him with greedy hands. “I want you, too.” As if that fact wasn’t obvious. He was moving too damn slow with her, but how could she blame him? She had very nearly taken this away from the both of them, and the way he’d looked at her when he’d asked her to move in with him had nearly broken her. The love he offered her could surely be bigger than any of her fears, and she wanted it so badly. 

He kissed her softly, until she forgot how to breathe. His gentleness was contrast to the tension she could feel in the muscles of his back, as if he was holding himself back. He seemed content to kiss her forever, except for the hard press his cock straining through the fabric between them and the slow, deliberate movement of his hips. 

She slid her hand between them, was met with his sharp intake of breath as she wrapped her hand around him. “Impatient?” he asked roughly. 

She kissed him as her hands moved, thumb swiping the bead of precome over the head. His hips stuttered forward. “You are taking your time.” The words fell from her lips, more accusing than she’d meant. 

He chuckled against her neck. “Do you mind?” 

She sighed. “We have the time.”

His nose skimmed along her jaw. “We do, and this is hardly the first time I have taken you on this couch.” 

She laughed. “No, but it might be the first time without there being a movie on.”

His laughter was relaxed and bright. “Fair point. I love you.”

She kissed him around a grin, teeth clacking together in her earnestness. “I love you too.” 

He reached over her head, digging around the drawer of an end table where they had stashed a few condoms after the second or third time they’d gotten sick of sending someone all the way upstairs. 

Cullen slipped her panties off before taking care of practicalities. He moved back over her, eyes warm and hands no longer quite so desperate. Mara wrapped a leg around his waist, arms around his neck. She had nearly forgotten the quiet joy she always felt with him, how everything else simply melted away. 

He hadn’t ceased smiling since she’d come into the house, the upturned slant of his lips pulling at the scar on his lip. She pressed a kiss to the scar, tried to stop the overflowing of her heart. It felt full to bursting, and the way he held her certainly wasn’t helping that. 

He thrust into her in one perfect slide, trapping her moan between their lips. They moved together, slowly at first, rocking together. Her fingers were buried in his hair, his curls breaking free. She could feel him smiling as Cullen guided her hands over her head, fingers clasped together while his free hand palmed her breast. Her stomach coiled and tightened as he moved, and her body burned beneath his ministrations. He rolled her nipple between his fingers just as he thrusted deeply.  

Her orgasm hit her, there was a rushing in her ears. His name, or at least syllables similar to his name, had broken on her tongue. His forehead had rested against hers as he released her hands to wind his arms around her, holding her close to him as his hips sped up. 

He nipped down the column of her throat, and she shivered as his teeth brushed her skin. His hips  lost all rhythm, and her hands fumbled clumsily along the muscles of his back as another wave of pleasure washed over her. She wasn’t sure how he was able to move, to think. She barely did more than hold on, but his hands and lips pressed and skimmed over her skin. Each pass worshipful and slow as she became lost in the wonder of them. It wasn’t long until Cullen followed her over that glimmering edge. 

They lay there for a long languid time, limbs tangled together and both of them slowly recapturing their breaths around whispered promises. Mara didn’t want to move, and it seemed Cullen didn’t either. His fingers traced patterns along her waist, and he pressed the occasional kiss to her shoulder. 

“We’re going to need to redecorate,” he said finally. 

She laughed. “We just had sex and you’re thinking about redecorating your house?”

“ _ Our _ house,” he corrected, it was so automatic, so certain she couldn’t help but smile. 

“I want everything pink,” she said as seriously as she could. 

That surprised a laugh out of him. “Oh really?” 

“Even the toilets.” She feigned seriousness. 

“I might draw the line at the toilets.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

She laid a hand over his heart. “I might be alright with that, but you’ll have to make some room on your bookshelves for me.”

“How many books do you have?” he asked, glancing to the bookshelves around the room. 

“Oh Rutherford, you have no idea.” Mara laughed, but just like that she was making plans for the future. When he held her she felt brave enough to stay. They would figure it out. Together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the last chapter. I'll have the epilogue up this weekend. I really hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you. All of the flailing and yelling made me feel like I've done some things right as a writer. That you'd be invested enough to yell really made me feel so good (and so BAD because I wanted to tell you it would be okay)! Anyway, I can't wait to share the epilogue with you.  
> Also, all the love the @thesecondsealwrites for beta-ing this for me.


	45. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About two years later...

Seven o’clock was still a ways off, but the blue light outside was already turning gold as Cullen drank his coffee and read the news on his tablet. He hadn’t slept well the night before, but that was to be expected ahead of the first day of school. It didn’t matter that this was his seventh first day of school as a teacher, he was always just as excited, just as nervous as if it was his first.

Argos, their overgrown puppy of a mabari, was sulking. He seemed to have figured out that summer had ended and that meant that Cullen and Mara wouldn’t be home during the days. Argos’s head was currently in Cullen’s lap, and Cullen was rubbing his head. They’d gotten Argos the previous summer, so it certainly wasn’t the first school year he’d been through, but the mabari was doing a good job of making Cullen feel guilty about it. 

“Maybe if you didn’t jump on Leliana every time we see her, she’d let us bring you to school,” Cullen said, glancing down at the mabari. Argos responded with a pitiful whine.

He heard Mara’s tread on the stairs as she made her way down to the kitchen. He heard her pause in the hallway, just slightly. They’d hung pictures there a few weeks ago, a large gallery wall of memories. It was their last summer project. There were photos from their small backyard wedding just two months ago. They’d added several photos with his family, ski trips and summer nights on Mia’s porch. Beside them all were several old photos of Mara and her parents too. He noticed that she looked at them every time she walked by, a quick glance now that the newness had begun to wear off. They’d spent hours with her boxes of photos, picking out their favorites and she’d told him stories. He’d listened with an odd sort of awe that this was his wife, and that there was always more to learn about her, more to discover. 

“Morning,” she smiled, picking up the mug he’d already prepared for her. She was all dressed up in long, belted trousers and a floral blouse. Always put together, always beautiful. Argos padded over to her, nub of a tail wagging as he went. She knelt down to greet him, giving the mabari a kiss on his head. 

“Oh, are we doing actual words now?” he asked. She’d been unable to manage them when the alarm went off a little less than an hour before. 

“Being married to a morning person hasn’t had any effect on my feelings towards them,” she said as she sipped her coffee. 

He set his tablet down and adjusted his glasses. “Have you decided what to do about that? What you want the kids to call you?”

Mara had been debating it for a few weeks now, knew that the floral band on her left hand wouldn’t go unnoticed by her students. 

She laughed. “I think we ought to give those poor sophomores at least a chance, don’t you? Two Rutherfords right across the hall might just kill them.”

“Does that mean I’m the only person who gets to call you Mrs. Rutherford?” he asked, trying to hide a grin. 

She made a show of rolling her eyes. “Yeah I guess so.” 

“Good.”

She glanced at her phone. “Are you ready to go?”

He laughed. “Little eager?”

“We have beat Dorian there the last two years, our streak as most anal couple must continue,” she said. 

He tried to remain serious. “I think Dorian and Bull probably have us beat in the anal department.”

Mara responded by throwing the towel on the stove at him, but she was laughing too. “That is not an image I needed in my head!”

“You brought it up!”

“My word choice skills don’t kick in until 10 a.m.!” She was still laughing. 

Argos stood between them, misreading the towel throwing as some sort of game. He was looking at him, clearly waiting for the towel to be thrown again. 

He grinned. “You realize Sera and Dagna probably just showed up at 6 a.m. to spite us, right?”

Mara stopped laughing. “You don’t think so?

“Only one way to find out.”

Mara nodded, suddenly serious. “I need to pack up.”

He laughed again as he held out his hand to her, she took it and he pulled her onto his lap. “Have I told you that you look beautiful today?”

She toyed with a button on his shirt blue button down shirt. “You look pretty good yourself.”

“Are you ready for another school year?” he asked. 

Her answering smile was radiant. “With you? Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the very end of this journey. This story has been such a labor of love. It started with an idea for take your fandom to work day, and I went, what if they were all teachers? And then there was an anon prompt that got it all going and here we are nearly 150k later. I’ve borrowed quite a bit from real life, as one does when they’re writing about their job, but it’s been so much more than that. I’ve been so humbled and thrilled with the response this fic has gotten, and so thank you for sharing this with me.  
> To my husband, Mark, you are the best beta a girl could ask for. I always appreciate your honesty, and your understanding of what I’m trying to do. Thank you for all the nights when you shooed me from the dinner table to go write while you did dishes. Thank you for the constant encouragement, for being the handholder, the cheerleader, the shoulder to cry on, and all of the laughter along the way. I love you.  
> TheSecondSealWrites - You’ve been cheerleading this story from the start. I mean you came up with the title! You’re the best, and I cannot even begin to put into words how much our friendship means to me. Thank you for all of the help along the way (especially with the smut), and always making me feel better when I was second guessing myself.  
> Derpy-Giraffe - You’ve been around from the very beginning of this fic. Thank you for your excitement and love, and also for wanting that kiss at a dance :)  
> Mysdrym - You’ve been here since the beginning too, thank you so much for all of the encouragement here and over on Tumblr. LOVE YOU.  
> SarcasmFish, Ranndylin, and Pervymonk - Fellow teachers unite!  
> Lechatrouge - Your comments as you read through every single chapter gave me life. You are the sweetest.  
> To my regular commenters: BattyTheBat, SaibraRutherford, Ma-Sulevin, MissLavellan, EllenEmbee, Sloth-Race, JuniperNapalm, TheRutherfordWife, Gangsterbee, Syrinnx, Mrsblonde, Kagetsukai, BrilliantPurple, DreamsinDigital, Thunderscape7, Dragonwriter, Girsdoomette, Beccas8864, HQuinn, TokuTenshi, bnschuccio08, Conteur_reveur, Candleinthenight, Kaybug17, and anyone else who has ever left me a comment, you guys have made me feel so loved and like a kickass writer.  
> Thank you, dear reader. Every hit, kudos, and comment has made my day. Even if you’ve never even said hello, I appreciate you too. Thanks for being here. I know I’ve inevitably forgotten someone, and I’m going to apologize for that. This fic had received so much love, and putting this all together was just a further testament to the overwhelming amount.  
> Love, Sloth  
> P.S. I'll be hosting a follower celebration over on Tumblr this week and I'll be taking prompts, feel free to pop over and send one if you want :)


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